零散版友作文互改大贴

LizzytblUID: 2600929

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 570          TIME: 1:10:07          DATE: 2009-3-30 11:18:44
The speaker asserted that the society benefit from something of lasting value from the artist other than the critic where "something" obviously mean great works of art. In my points of view, I largely agree with the speaker that the artist play a more important role than the critic on the lasting value of the master pieces of art.
To begin with, the lasting value the such works to sociey is the public's perception of them and mental achievements from them over a long period of histroy. Just like the saying "art stems from life and finally serves life", art is the comprehension of the artists to the world around them which aims to pass such comprehension to the public giving them pleasant feelings meanwhile to enable them think about the world themselves. Art is expressed in such a special way that it can arouse people's unlimited imagination about the work of art itself and the life consideration of the reader themselves. Such as a novel, which condenses the life experience and perception of the author, will deliver the readers a mood, which can arouse special retrospection of their own can encourage them to live with a better attitude; or a film, which may show some imagination of the disaster as a result of the aggravating environment and awaken people's sense of environment protection.
Then we may be courios about the part the artist or the critic play in the process of the works' passing something to the public. Actually, the process is mainly determined by the artist because they not only define the content of the works but also design a way to deliver such essence of life to the public. We can see in the great works of art a common phenomenon that they are all created with certain beauty which can be accepted by the public easily and can then penetrate their soul into the public. If we see the statue of Venus, we are attracted by her inborn beauty at the first glance but not the intention the artist meant to pass; and if we listen to Beethovan's symphony, we are also intoxinated in its grandeur first and then gradually find the amazing sense of life in it. We can call the artists of such works genius because they designed their works in such a way that people can be lead step by step to the advanced level of appreciation and finally attain the essence of the life embodied in the works.
But when discussing about the critic, we can finally find they are actually aiding the artist to furthur expressing their ideas to sociey without whom the public can still be aware of such great works and the ideas innitiated by the artist but may not to the extent expected by the artist. We can not claim that people can not understand a work of art without a critic's interpretion for anyone of us have the basic aesthetic knowledge which can help us at least feel the beauty of it. Therefore, our society can still benefit from great works without critics.
To summarize, it is the artist who provide the society certain spiritual food and they also endow their works an accessible nature that they can be understood by the public to whatever a extent than nothing, meanwhile the critic just act like the assistant who plays a far less importanct role than the artist.

hunter101020UID: 2591908

151# Lizzytbl
改得很好 我仔细看看！
你感觉偏题不？
ps 括号是因为不知道举例是否得当 还有孙子兵法英文我不会写 手头也没字典 所以。。。。。。
忘了说明。。。。

hunter101020UID: 2591908

152# Lizzytbl
The speaker asserted（asserts） that the society benefit(s) from something of lasting value from the artist other than the critic where "something" obviously mean great works of art. In my points of view, I largely agree with the speaker that the artist play a more important role than the critic on（不是 in么。。。） the lasting value (of the master pieces of art) 作为文章主题句 要对应题目 前面没有提到master pieces 这里出现就有些偷换概念的嫌疑 毕竟原题目是说艺术作品本身的lasting value.

To begin with, the lasting value （theàof?） such works to sociey is the public's perception of them and mental achievements from them over a long period of histroy.(这句话不是很清晰 首先题目说的不是such work 其次 这句话意思好象是 永恒的价值= 公众对他的认知 和 艺术品在精神层面的成就 这个往后不好说吧。。。应该是他能起到什么效果。。。)
Just like the saying "art stems from life and finally serves life", art is the comprehension of the artists to the world around them which aims to pass such comprehension to the public giving them pleasant feelings meanwhile to enable them think about the world themselves.（句子当断则断 不要怕短句 这句话有两个重点意思 但逻辑上要有层次 先从艺术的本质：对于周围世界的理解 再到把他们传递给公众 论述上要有层次） Art is expressed in such a special way that it can arouse people's unlimited imagination about the work of art itself and the life consideration of the reader themselves. （从艺术的传递给大众再到艺术表达的独特方式 是不是有点跳 其实是表述上的问题 重点在 express这个词不好 要选一个与大众有关联的词 比如传递 灌输 提供平台）Such as a novel, which condenses the life experience and perception of the author, will deliver the readers a mood, which can arouse special retrospection of their own can encourage them to live with a better attitude; or a film, which may show some imagination of the disaster as a result of the aggravating environment and awaken people's sense of environment protection.（这个还是举具体事例比较好 又说服力 之前的简爱就可以 但是不要加上那么多限定 比如你喜欢啊 什么的 不要加主观因素 不要用语气词 ）

Then we may be courios（议论文的论述要客观 好奇之类的感觉少用） about the part the artist or the critic play in the process of the works' passing something to the public.（这个太别扭了 直接论述与上文承接上） Actually, the process is mainly determined by the artist because they not only define the content of the works but also design（设计？） a way to deliver such（前面无对应） essence of life to the public.（ We can see in the great works of art a common phenomenon 有语病） that they are all created with certain beauty which can be accepted by the public easily and can then penetrate their soul into the public. If we see the statue of Venus, we are attracted by her inborn beauty at the first glance（ but not the intention the artist meant to pass）这是什么意思。。。前面没提到; and if we listen to Beethovan's symphony, we are also intoxinated in its grandeur first and then gradually find the amazing sense of life in it. 其实论述例子时关注的并非例子本身 而是以前面所述的观点与例子的关系 这样不仅好写 而且有说服力 也应该这么写We can call the artists of such works genius because they designed their works in such a way that people can be lead step by step to the advanced level of appreciation and finally attain the essence of the life embodied in the works.（总结的意思我看出来了 也是在强调artist的重要性 但这么说与前面不对应 有新的意思 比如进一步的理解 最终到达生活的本质 直接总结本段论述）

But when discussing about the critic, we can finally find they are actually aiding the artist to furthur expressing their ideas to sociey without whom the public can still be aware of such great works and the ideas innitiated by the artist but may not to the extent expected by the artist. （太长了 从without whom就断掉 是两个意思 有层次地说）We can not claim that people can not understand a work of art without a critic's interpretion for anyone of us have the basic aesthetic knowledge which can help us at least feel the beauty of it. Therefore, our society can still benefit from great works without critics.我给想这段逻辑：批评的确对社会有作用----他们帮助人们理解艺术作品------但是并非所有的艺术作品对于观众都需要别人的解释和鉴赏 ----甚至往往有些作品朦胧 似懂非懂反而留给了观众无限的想象空间--- 举例 --so critics并非非有不可------他们的作用于艺术家难以比拟

To summarize, it is the artist who provide the society certain spiritual food and they also endow their works an accessible nature that they can be understood by the public to whatever a extent than nothing, meanwhile the critic just act like the assistant who plays a far less importanct role than the artist.
有很大改观 换篇文章写写 进步快些

hunter101020UID: 2591908

为啥我改得没颜色。。。。。

hunter101020UID: 2591908

147# ningning86
41.Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.

Do nonmainstream areas of inqury play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs? Although I agree that the nonmainstream areas such as astrology has some positive effect to the development of science and society, the statement fails to account for the significant negative impact that these nonmainstream areas had on the modern world.

I agree with the statement insofar as some nonmainstream things do help the improvement of the science.(论述下 非主流科学有时提供给科学进步一些启迪 与例子相结合) In acient time, people has so little knowledge to explain the nature, they has created the alchemy to make some medicine that can keep an individual live forever. Although it is just an imagination and good wishes of ancient people, alchemy do give birth to the modern Chemistry. Such is the case that astrology is the origenation of Astronomy. These nonmainstream theories are mainly original explanations of the nature, which exhibitate the skeptisicim spirits of human being , and give birth to the mordern science. From this perspective, the nonmainstream areas has some benefit effects on science and human society.

However, if we still believe in the nonmainstream pseudoscience now,  it will has palpable and profound harmful results for both individuals and our society.（如果是强调现在还相信是错误的 那上端主题就应该是以前的确有好处） At the personal level, it destories people`s hope and positive attitutes towards live. 缺乏原因 为什么非主流科学会有这些坏处？然后才到例子Take the fortune-telling for an example, it make one can not think about his situation objectively and cause they make fause decisions. When fortune-teller says you will be success when you are old, then young people believed in fortune-teller may waste time and make no efforts（这个例子太绝对 其实没有必然性）. At the social level, the belivel of myths drawoff people from chasing truth.还是缺乏论述 为什么 If the government are not mastered by church, maybe Galile, the one who first say the earch is not the center and the earth is a ball, would not have been killed by sanbenito and we would have known that the trueth earlier.

These nonmainstream areas has no ways to test whether their theories are true or false and never has any attempts to do experiments to demonstrate their assumption, so why people still believe in them? That is because there are still dramatical questions we can not explianed by modern sciense, so people try to guess the reasons from their experience or imagination, and sometimes they get the right assumptions. In fact, guess or imagination are the origination of science, but any theory can only be accepted as science after it is researched by experiments and supported by facts. So we should find the right thougth inside the nonmainstream areas and study it by mordern scientific methods, to make these naive guess for the nature become more logical and objective, to find the truth behind the phenomenon. （看到这里感觉有些偏题 这段理论上讲是中心段 但论述的却是为什么人们会相信非主流 而文章主题 是否非主流解决了科学所不能及的问题被放到了最后两句话 应该好好斟酌一下）

In sum, although the nonmainstream areas, such as astronomy, indeed has some benefit influences on mordern science and society, believe in it is harmful for both the individual and the society. What we should do is try to find the truth behind these original thoughts.
全文大体来讲有些偏题 观点与例子之间要有论证 不然就是用个体隐射全体 除非有些情况 比如分领域 或是你的ts是commonsense 一般一定要有论述过程这样才有说服力

starain62UID: 2621240

154# hunter101020
改完了没再发自己的文章？？没法接了呀……

hunter101020UID: 2591908

203 The way people dress and act reveals their attitude and interest .You can tell much about a society’s idea and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people

Whether the way people dress and act show their own thoughts and interests?According to this issue it seems to be reasonable ,and from a broaden perspective though this ,we can even learn about the ideas and value of a whole society .In my view ,I cannot agree with this assertion comprehensively .
1 first and foremost  people’s wearing and act can manifest the attitude and values to some extant . It is not hard to understand that one person’s dress are often chosen by himself  and sometimes it becomes a way to show .The punk style which was popular in 1960 draw enormous popularity .One of its characteristic was unique dressing and act to show their dissatisfaction of  social trends which increasingly purchasing material things :some act artists are often doing something weird to show their own theory and attitudes. To the common people ,professors are always  dressing …. Young people who engaged in sports actively are often dressing …….
2 but we still have to notice that people ‘s dressing and behavior can not always manifest what people’s thought and believes exactly.For one thing ,there are some people who do not take care of clothed .It is highly possible  a fully rich tycoon who always dresses austerity mislead other people feel him as a common worker.For another , Some people may belongs to some certain group which hold serious require of their dressing and they cannot show their personal aspect from cloth. Moreover, the same kinds of clothes or behaviors can also prove tell you they have the same interest and attitude , Such as what we mentioned above ,fans of punk often dress closely the same to their stars and what the stars act are also followed by fans .Apparently, there are a lot difference between them.: the musical artists are trying to show their own thoughts and attitude but the goal of those fan are derived from the worship of idols.
3In the same way ,individual’s behaviors and appearance  can not always work out in judge social values .In one way, few individuals choice and behaviors are indeed affected by their surroundings ,but it can not extend to the social level .some individuals who is hostile to others does not mean the country’s mainstream attitude are hostile too. In another,  It is indeed that case in some religious countries people share a lot of characters in clothes and thoughts  such as Islamic people and Arabian people. But when it comes to the social values and ideas it contain lots of aspects which are not only confined within religious. Especially in an increasingly globalized society ,one country’s value and idea often proved to be variety ,breath and inclusiveness . US is an typical inclusive country which are open to different idea from countries and receptive to different cultures .We can tell any of them are the mainstream ideas of this country.  
Additionally  Social idea and value are determined  by many factors such as The history the  politics the  economy of a whole country ,when we comes to social idea and value we should consider these factor comprehensively.
In sum ,the way people act and dress only show their thoughts to some extent .There are still many blind points which the appearance can not tell us .And in the social level ,idea and values are determined by many other factors which we can not only learn through the way of observing people’s appearance but to detect from profound aspects.

stillwaveUID: 2104055

占改位： 改Lizzy的 issue 144 贴上有生以来第一篇issue, 等待高手帮忙改正！ TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." *a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc. WORDS: 570          TIME: 1:10:07          DATE: 2009-3-30 11:18:44 The speaker asserted that the society benefit(s) from something of lasting value from the artist other(rather) than the critic where "something" obviously mean great works of art. In my points of view, I largely agree with the speaker that the artist play a more important role than the critic on the lasting value of the master pieces of art. To begin with, the lasting value the such works to sociey is the public's perception of them and mental achievements from them over a long period of histroy. Just like the saying "art stems from life and finally serves life", art is the comprehension of the artists to the world around them which aims to pass such comprehension to the public giving them pleasant feelings meanwhile to enable them think about the world themselves. (as well as give them pleasant feelings, meanwhile, enable them to think about the world themselves.) Art is expressed in such a special way that it can arouse people's unlimited imagination about the work of art itself and the life consideration (consideration about life) of the reader themselves. Such as a novel, which condenses the life experience and perception of the author, will deliver the readers a mood, which can arouse special retrospection of their own (and) can encourage them to live with a better attitude; or a film, which may show some imagination of the disaster as a result of the aggravating environment and awaken people's sense of environment protection. Then we may be courios(curious) about the part(role) the artist or the critic play in the process of the works'(of) passing something to the public. Actually, the process is mainly determined by the artist because they not only define the content of the works but also design a way to deliver such essence of life to the public. We can see in the great works of art a common phenomenon (a common phenomenon in the great works of art调下顺序感觉通顺些) that they are all created with certain beauty which can be accepted by the public easily and can then penetrate their soul into the public. If we see the statue of Venus, we are attracted by her inborn beauty at the first glance but not the intention the artist meant to pass; and if we listen to(Beethoven) Beethovan's symphony(shmphonies), we are also intoxinated in its grandeur first and then gradually find the amazing sense of life in it. We can call the artists of such works genius because they designed their works in such a way that people can be lead step by step to the advanced level of appreciation and finally attain the essence of the life embodied in the works. But when discussing about the critic,we can finally find they are actually aiding the artist(s) to furthur expressing their ideas to sociey without whom the public can still be aware of such great works and the ideas innitiated by the artist but may not to the extent expected by the artist. We can not claim that people can not understand a work of art without a critic's interpretion for anyone of us have the basic aesthetic knowledge which can help us at least feel the beauty of it. Therefore, our society can still benefit from great works without critics. To summarize, it is the artist who provide the society certain spiritual food and they also endow their works an accessible nature that they can be understood by the public to whatever a extent than nothing, meanwhile the critic just act like the assistant who plays a far less importanct role than the artist. 框架清晰，思路连贯，例子非常切题，我是当作范文来读的，句法和用字也恰当。critics的作用和例子再深入些就更好了。楼主是怎么练就这么深厚的功力的，读完你的大作我更没信心上考场了。 帮忙改改我的吧！ TOPIC: ISSUE175 - "It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual." WORDS: 474          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 9:51:40 In this age of  increasing social and technology changing and development, we human being are enjoying the tremendous innovation everyday. From mass traffic system such as airplanes or automobiles to mass media including Internet and television. However, we rarely think about who did the main contribution to the social and technological innovations. Admittedly, to some extent, it might be reasonable to cliam that it is  individuals in their own fields who did great impetus for the innovation of relative arena. especially for those talents who prefer to think alone in their free world without any restriction. For instance, Albert Einstain, a silent guy who proposed the general and special theory of relativity. The thoery revolutionized the modern thoght on the nature of time and space which greatly influnce the theory of physics. But Einstain always studies by himself and he advoted that any great innovations is based on the thinking in freedom. In the busness world, more often then not, it is the decisions or plans from a few big figure, who might be the funder of the company or cheif executive improve the quality of their products or bring the significant change within their market, consequetly, heping their companies enjoy the great profits. Ventter and Page, two Standford   graduates, utilizing their wisdom creat the Internet legend-- Google, has become the idol of many youngsters who want dream about becoming successful overnight. However, the main topic of our society now is co-exitance and competition. In most of case, it is impossible for an individual to make signficant innovation in their familiar feilds. High complicated technology and mutidisplines require corperation among different subjects even in deferent contries. Such as the Database of Gene was completed by many biological expert in different contries. Even some innovation appears to be made by individuals, when looking through, it actually based on the condense of numrous endeavor of others. The double helix model of DNA advanced by Watson and click is the case in point. Before this achievement, experts have already done a great number research on it which lay the theorical road for their discovery. Facing with the trend of globalization, any innovation must based on coperation and interaction among different groups. Especially to adress the pressing evironment and social problems, such as air pollution and gobal warming. In the gobal maket environment, it is even hardly to find a automobile to be totally made by one company, or even with one coutry. In sum, in the complicated web of information and technologies. it is hardly to find a generalist like Aristotle who can competent with all kinds of affairs. Therefore, it is unreasonable to assert that the individual could be the impetus for innovation. Human being have to coperate together to work with the spirit of team work, can our society continuely benefits more achievement of inovation.

qianyierUID: 2561886

请高手指教！不知道能打个几分呢？


221、The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history. 研究历史主要的好处就是消除了人们这样的错觉：一个时代的人与以前任何一个时代的人有显著的不同。
We study history to explore our predecessors or ancestors’ lives and to guide our new lives. Whether people in one time differ from those at any other time in history is a controversial question. I deem that it is not the human nature that has changed but the circumstances that people face have altered in different times. And the merits of studying history do not limit to break down the illusion that people in different eras differ apparently.  

Admittedly, with the development of history, situations change enormously. Human society has evolved from slash-and-burn cultivation to an era of computers. The surviving conditions have been more and more complex, together with the changes, the way of life become totally different. About 30 years ago, telephone was not prevalent in China and people usually kept writing letters to get in touch with each other. Nowadays, letters are rare even in remote regions. It seems that relative sentiment or friendships with people in a long distance have been weakened. Consequently, the illusion that people in one time are obviously different from people who lived in any other time come out.  

Nevertheless, human nature lasts similar whatever the period of time is. Thousands of years have passed since the origin of human beings, but the desires for essential living security do not change, for instance, sufficient food, safe shelter and warm clothes. Besides, people, whenever they are living in, all have the eager for love and sex, and need to interact with others. Therefore, as having referred in the former paragraph, the decrease in letters cannot indicate that the contact between friends or relatives is weakened too. Maybe people keep in touch more frequently and immediately through telephones and internet, which can strengthen the sentiment. Although many new countries sprang out, the pursuit for peace and stability did not change among people on the earth.

The problems people have to face become more complex now so that people today may be more anxious than those in any other time in history in psychological aspect. In the agricultural era, people had to overcome the extreme climate, that maybe draught in planting season or too drown in harvest season, or to fight against the invasion of wild animals. In a new technological era when we have created various machines to help us to produce abundant products, however, we cannot avoid the atmosphere contamination or water pollution that may endanger our lives. What is even worse, the invention of nuclear weapon threats the safety of many nations. Even we are proud of convenience brought by automobiles when traveling, we have to concede that we are relying more and more on power resources or maybe the import of oil as energy. Can we still be so comfort when the resources are exhausted/depleted one day?

Although the circumstances have changed a lot, the study of history cannot stop for it is of great value to modern society. History tells modern people a lot more than just how to differ the differences. History is a mirror of today and we can learn experience in dissimilar realms. Take politics as an example. When researching Chinese history, we can learn that once the basic living standard could not be guaranteed, people must revolt to the authority and dynasty changed. Although we are stepping into democratic society today, the social welfare is of the same importance as in history. According to history, the leader in power ought to put the people’s interest at first when making policy. Another example is that in ancient time, we learn that human and nature should keep in harmony so we must keep our nature harmonious and lead the sustainable way of developing.

In sum, whenever the period of time is, human nature is similar, while the surviving environments have transformed and many new questions come into mind. Anyway, the study of history benefits people to adjust to new circumstances and provide implications to solve new problems rather than merely tells us that people in history are similar with people in one time.


TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 435          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 16:45:41

Whether loyalty is a virtue may be a controversial question. The speaker claims that loyalty is almost a destructive but not a positive force. However, I think loyalty is essential for one to survive in society even though sometimes extreme loyalty may cause passive consequences.

To begin with, loyalty, which means being faithful to someone or organization, is a virtue that we can never abandon. For individuals, we like to make friends with persons who are loyal and honest.  No one, no matter how genteel or tolerant they are, can bear a friend who is friendly and telling the truth in front of him or her but does something badly when he or she leaves. When the company employers are interviewing the applicants, they usually pay much attention to the morality, which includes loyalty. Because commercial information in a company is required to be confidential, unmoral staff may undermine the base of a company. Loyalty is the basic condition for a corporation to develop stably and healthily. Even if there is one staff who are not loyal to the company and sell the secret documents to the competitors, the closing for this company is not far away. As a result, immorality may not only lead some people can not gain real friendship, but also make him or her unemployed. Without such virtue, liars are here and there in society. We can not trust anyone except ourselves. How terrible it is to imagine that!

Second, loyalty is so important in moral system that it can also bring about belongingness for someone.  As for myself, being loyal to my hometown, which means that I will recommend the people or scenery wherever I am, makes me feel like I am a part of some place. When I confront depression in my life, I often feel much better when I recall my hometown. Another example is that many people are loyal to the former school, which can also be called the sentiment for mother school.

Nevertheless, extremely loyal to some people or places may conduce severe results. There is no more appropriate example than Hitler and his followers.  The Nazi, who followed the cruel policy of Hitler, were quite radical in ethnical issue. They were committed to Hitler and kill many Jews. It is not deniable that they had committed huge crimes in history. Hitler and the followers were finally defeated by justice.  Another instance can be drawn from the experience of China. Although Chairman Mao, with many other Communist Party members and Democratic people, led Chinese people to liberation, he made wrong decisions in the construction of new China in the 1950s to 1970s. At that time, loyalty to such leaders may jeopardize the development of a nation.

To sum up, loyalty is crucial virtual for people to acquire social resources, such as making friends and finding jobs. Meanwhile, we feel we belong to some place when we are faithful to it. Loyalty strengthens our sentimental emotions. Sometimes, as we can see from our history, being loyal to autarchic leaders or autarchy system can ruin a person's value and force him or her to do stupid things. Above all, we need loyalty with wise choices rather than blindly follow others.

TOPIC: ARGUMENT163 - The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.
"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."
WORDS: 442          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 16:45:41

The arguer asserts that the old town hall should be replaced by a new larger and more energy-efficient building and puts forward several reasons. It seems reasonable that the old building can not be utilized any longer. However, I found many fallacies in this argument. Careful scrutiny is needed before making conclusions.

First, the arguer made a hasty assertion on the condition that some citizens proposed to tear down the old building. We do not know how many citizens proposed and what about their ratio to the total population in this town. It is quite possible that the opposed ones are majority. Even if the proposed ones take up a large proportion, we still can not ignore the opinion of the rest residents.

Second, the old hall was built almost a century ago, which indicates that it can be a historical place. Maybe many residents want to preserve this building to memorize history of this town. And we all know that the local authority can not tear down or even repair the historical place without the permission of the upper government.

Third, the arguer said that the old town hall is too small to accommodate people who are working in town. However, we do not have the recommendations from people working there everyday. Maybe it is a small town, and few people working in the hall, who do not feel uncomfortable at all.  It is also possible that the hall is just crowded on certain day in a week.

Third, given that the citizens in this town consented to remove the old hall and they were allowed to do so, the cost of building a new hall can not be anticipated now. The arguer points out that it is expensive to heat the hall in winter and cool it in summer and new energy-efficient building will resolve such problems. However, it can not guarantee that the constructing price of new building will be lower than the cost to heat or cool. Maybe the raw material price for constructing is very high and the financial support can not cover it. Another problem is that renting out some of the space of new building may be an unwise choice. Because we do not know what are the main economic elements in this town. If commerce is not so developed and the economical underpinning is mainly on agriculture, it would be hard to rent out. On the contrary, the town government has to provide extra money for sustaining the facilities of the new hall.

In sum, it is not convincing to build a new hall in the town now unless the arguer can do more investigations and put forward more evidence.

qianyierUID: 2561886

真是不好意思，有点晚了，请不要介意。加油啊！！！:)

TOPIC: ISSUE175 - "It is always an individual who is the impetus for innovation; the details may be worked out by a team, but true innovation results from the enterprise and unique perception of an individual."
WORDS: 474          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 9:51:40

In this age of  increasing social and technology changing and development, we human beings are enjoying the tremendous innovations everyday, from mass traffic systems such as airplanes or automobiles to mass media including Internet and television. However, we rarely think about who did the main contribution to the social and technological innovations. (第一段写得很好，注意一下单复数，from...应该做状语吧，前面，号即可。)

Admittedly, to some extent, it might be reasonable to cliam that it is  individuals in their own fields who did great impetus for the innovation of relative arena. Especially for those talents who prefer to contemplate freely without any restriction. For instance, Albert Einstain, a silent guy who proposed the general and special theory of relativity. The thoery revolutionized the modern thought on the nature of time and space which greatly influence the theory of physics. But Einstain always studied by himself and he advoted that any great innovations is based on the pondering in freedom. In the busness world, more often then not, it is the decisions or plans from a few big figure, who might be the founder of the company or cheif executive, improve the quality of their products or bring the significant change within their market.Consequetly, the decisions made by main leader help their companies enjoy the great profits. Ventter and Page, two Standford   graduates, utilizing their wisdom to creat the Internet legend-- Google, have become the idol of many youngsters who want(去掉) dream about becoming successful overnight. （从正面论述，例子到位）

However, the main topic of our society now is co-exitance and competition. In most of the case, it is impossible for an individual to make signficant innovation in their familiar feilds. High complicated technology and mutidisplines require corperation among different subjects even in deferent contries. Such as the Database of Gene was completed by many biological experts in different contries. Even some innovation appears to be made by individuals, when we look through it, we will discover it actually based on the condense of numrous endeavor of others. The double helix model of DNA advanced by Watson and click is the case in point. Before this achievement, experts have already done a great number research on it which lay the theorical road for their discovery. (从社会的层面来说，需要合作)

Facing with the trend of globalization, any innovation must based on coperation and interaction among different groups，especially to adress the pressing evironment and social problems, such as air pollution and gobal warming. In the gobal maket environment, it is even hardly to find a automobile to be totally made by one company, or even with one coutry. (通过国际问题，讲合作)

In sum, in the complicated web of information and technologies. it is hardly to find a generalist like Aristotle who can be competent with all kinds of affairs. Therefore, it is unreasonable to assert that the individual could be the impetus for innovation. Human beings have to coperate together to work with the spirit of team work, in that way,  our society continuely benefits more achievement of inovation.

呵呵，有些小错误，尤其是状语语法这里，出现了2次，记得副词引导的状语，如果没有主谓宾，那就是前面句子的一部分。
打字有漏字母的，不过可能是因为你紧张了。
观点方面：看了第一段，感觉你要说个人了，可是你的观点还是讲合作的，要不把顺序调整一下吧

hunter101020UID: 2591908

怎么没人改我的。。。。。 :mad:
占位160楼

hunter101020UID: 2591908

再发一篇
Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests ,however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem.

Which one is more important to researchers ,contribution or their own interests? According to this issue, it seems to be reasonable to pursue their own interests .However closely scrutiny of this assertion I partly disagree the author’s opinion while in some cases we should be circumspect .

First and foremost, individual interests has indeed played a vital role in the process of research which provide researchers constant impetus. As taking the deep state and abstract projects, many researchers have to work alone and cannot well communicate with other people in their professions. Such as pure mathematics or philosophy those subjects are totally confined within the state of professor’s mind. In this case, interests can push scholars going on working willing and overcome the feeling of loneliness The famous chemist ---Nobel who contributes his whole life to the research of safe explosion is an vivid example .Moreover, interest can often provide scientists with imagination and inspiration to help them break through bottleneck and difficulties and get larger achievements. (The famous architect Ghodi who draw enormous popularity of Spainists was also very interested  with ancient myths and 传说 。The great idea and details of his famous building Sent jiazu church and Mila apartment are original from the characters such as dragons , weird fish and so on, those ancient myths provide lots of typical materials to godi  )例子不知是否合适 Thus , holding interests in the process of research is very crucial.

2 However we should also realize that research are not an individual affairs which only relevant to scientists themselves, it also influence social development and stable even our safety which should be taken seriously consideration and scrutiny .Only  by the standard of individual interests to determining the destiny of research is very presumptuous and fatuous. In some extreme cases some scholars with bad moral standards and ill worth values may even lead their research to be disaster to our society .In order to prove this we need look no further than the invention of colon techniques which aims to recreate new organs for curing people .While with an insane scientist announcing his insane resolution to adopt this techniques into human’s body ,this research brought tremendous shock and threaten to the whole world for his badly challenge to our traditional moral standards.

3Finally research works are the exploration of unknown world which contains many ideas and factors beyond the common people’s imagination .Some ideas may be unusual and idiosyncratic but contains potential benefit ,in that case scientists should  trace their own way to purchase the destination; but if the research work may bring potential damage or disaster to the society ,it should be forbidden just as what we mentioned above.Moreover some idea prove to be beneficial but requiring huge amount of costs.In that case the researcher should also well consider economical condition. If it will cost a lot and may influence the broad development of research progress ,scholars should turn to those projects which bring benefits in short term and wait for an proper time for the latter one.

In sum, research work is an critical juncture in social development which should concern many factors. It is indeed proper and necessary to take individual interests into consideration, but what kinds of effect and how these effect will be brought to the larger society is also very crucial. Every researchers should purchase their work not only from individual perspective but also from social one.

stillwaveUID: 2104055

占改位！ 160楼的最后一篇和163楼的。

stillwaveUID: 2104055

235 by qianyier

TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 435          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 16:45:41

Whether loyalty is a virtue may be a controversial question(个人觉得issue好一点儿). The speaker claims that loyalty is almost a destructive but not a positive force. However, I think loyalty is essential for one to survive in society even though sometimes extreme loyalty may cause passive(negative) consequences.

To begin with, loyalty, which means being faithful to someone or organization, is a virtue that we can never abandon. For individuals, we like to make friends with persons（those） who are loyal and honest.  No one, no matter how genteel or tolerant they are, can bear a friend who is friendly and telling the truth in front of him or her but does something badly when he or she leaves. When the company employers are interviewing the applicants, they usually pay much attention to the (cadidates') morality, which includes loyalty. Because commercial information in a company is required to be confidential, unmoral staff may undermine the base (reputation)of a company. Loyalty is the basic condition for a corporation to develop stably and healthily. Even if there is (only) one staff who are(was) not loyal to the company and sell(sold) the secret documents to the(their) competitors, the closing for this company is not far away. As a result, immorality may not only lead some people can not gain real friendship, but also make him or her unemployed. Without such virtue, liars are here and there in society. We can not trust anyone except ourselves. How terrible it is to imagine that!
论点明确，例子恰当，可以延伸些Loyalty of army 对国家安全的作用。
Second, loyalty is so important in moral system that it can also bring about belongingness for someone.  As for myself, being loyal to my hometown, which means that I will recommend the people or scenery wherever I am, makes me feel like I am a part of some place. When I confront depression in my life, I often feel much better when I recall my hometown. Another example is that many people are loyal to the former school, which can also be called the sentiment for mother school.
这段个人感觉不太切题，可以发掘一下loyalty 的深层含义，如不忠诚会被隔离，信任感一旦破坏，很难修复等。

Nevertheless, extremely loyal to some people or places may conduce severe results. There is no more appropriate example than Hitler and his followers.  The Nazi, who followed the cruel policy of Hitler, were quite radical in ethnical issue. They were committed to Hitler and kill many Jews. It is not deniable that they had committed huge crimes in history. Hitler and the followers were finally defeated by justice.  Another instance can be drawn from the experience of China. Although Chairman Mao, with many other Communist Party members and Democratic people, led Chinese people to liberation,but he made wrong decisions in the construction of new China in the 1950s to 1970s. At that time, loyalty to such leaders may jeopardize the development of a nation.
从反面说过犹不及，不要盲目忠诚，很好。
To sum up, loyalty is crucial virtual(virtue) for people to acquire social resources, such as making friends and finding jobs. Meanwhile, we feel we belong to some place when we are faithful to it. Loyalty strengthens our sentimental emotions. Sometimes, as we can see from our history, being loyal to autarchic leaders or autarchy system can ruin a person's value and force him or her to do stupid things. Above all, we need loyalty with wise choices rather than blindly following others.
概括到位，表明自己的观点。
结构和观点都很清晰，如果行文和句式在流畅些就更好了。

stillwaveUID: 2104055

贴上我的第二篇练习，我16号考，打算四月份一天练一篇，大家觉得能有提高吗？？
TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 485          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-2 10:01:03
Looking through the history of human being development, every step of our technological advancements and social changes are record by historians as guidance to off-springs.From the invetion of wheel to the discovery of electricity. From the innovation in digital world to the propose of the structure of DNA. When we looked back such significant events which brought benefits to every corner of our daily life. In most of case, people only could remeber some famous scientists or political leader. While the mass groups of populaces were rarely mentioned.

It is universually aknowledged that studying history can provide us numrous lessons about the businesses we deal with every day. To great extent, history serve as a motivating force for individual development. Analyzing the history of one's nation may utimately risen the patriotism and the passion to devote contribution to his or her country. Remebering the nagetive effect of wars in the past could help us avaid repetting the same mistake.

On the superfacial view, it really seems that the individuals such as the inventors, founders, or leaders who scratch the road map of human developments. When we mentioned the American civil war, Abramham Lincoln could be easily remebered for his contribution to lead the union break the unfair laws ,won the independant war and emancipated the black people.  In the realm of scientific reserch, the Nobel prize ownners will be forever recorded in the human history because their famous theories or discoveries which exerted vital influence in technology progress. The name of Albert Einstein, Tomas Adison, Wotson and click are widespread to all of the world.

Every nation might have its own hero, who once played a significant role to change the histories of its country. The example to this point involved American George Washington, South African Mandela and Chinese Chinaman Mao, those who receive great reverence from their populace. In the business world, Bill Gates, the founder of Mircosoft corperation was considered as the role model on the morden concept of success, because he epedite the development of PC industry and push people into the wonderful information age. All the hot figures did do tremedous work to impetus the progress of our society. However, we definitely cannot ingore the power of great pubilc people.

Without the support of populace, the famous few could hardly succeeded in their feilds. Needlss to say exerting influence on the history. many of world maricles,like Great wall, Pymides were constructed by groups of people. The American civil war would never succeeded if the black people did not help the union. Without the endeavor of numerous ancenstor to explore the aknowledge and experience, the breakthough in scientific research will never come ture.

In sum, even if the famous few help the paly a vital role in helping our society improved in every aspects. But the support of groups of people is the main force to change histories and exert forever influence.

TOPIC: ARGUMENT19 - The following appeared in a letter from the manager of a rock band named Double Rice.
"One year ago, tickets for Double Rice's concerts in stadiums around the country took, on average, at least 24 hours to sell out, if they sold out at all. But the band has been enjoying a surge in nationwide popularity among 14 to 25 year olds, and the 30,000 tickets for a recent concert in Megalopolis sold out in 12 minutes. Clearly the ticket sales in Megalopolis are a result both of the band's increased popularity and of the advertising campaign run in Megalopolis by the Ad Lib advertising agency. Thus, in order to ensure that the band's success in Megalopolis is repeated across the country, the band should hire Ad Lib to duplicate the Megalopolis ad campaign on a nationwide scale."
WORDS: 361          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-4-2 10:01:03
The author claimed that the band should hire Ad Lib to duplicate the megalopolis ad campaign all over the country to ensure the band's success in Megalopolis. The reason the support this claim is that recently the band was quite popular among 14 to 25 years olds and the tickets were immediately sold out compared before. The argument appears to be sound, however, careful examination of the supporting evidences reveals several facets which may be overlooked.

The precondition of the conclusion is advertising campaign did help the band to succeed. But there is no specific information to show it.  The author fail to discribe any plans about their advertisment, how did they procede it? by which mean they attract audiences? and what the response from the public. It is entirely possible that the success in Megalopolis was only due to the popularity of band. Perhaps there are more youngster who are among 14 to 25 year olds in this place,  or perhaps the local people ocassionally are  more fond of this band.
Similarily, the author also failed to consider the total number of the tickets in Megalopolis. If the total number of tickets this time was far less than one year ago, it is naturly sold out faster. Beside,  the another important thing is wether the band are really enjoying the nationwide popularity. without any stastic data to confirm it, I simple can not take the prediction seriously.
Further more, it is difficult to just copy the success in one area to the other or to the all nation. If the public like the Couble Rice band depend on many factors, such as the population age, their vocation, the percentage of youngster. Without any analysis on the nationwide market, only repying on the  advertising campaign could hardly ensure the success on nationwide scale.
In sum, the author is too hasty to draw the conclusion only based on one phenomena in one area. To make a reasonable suggestion, he should futher reserch the national polularity of this band, the attitude from public towards the advertising campaign and how to arrange the whole process of the concert differently according to the specific conditons.