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[习作点评] 【09年2月-3月GRE作文突击小组】hjjsherriff2月6日作文issue56 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-2-8 19:41:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
【09年2月-3月GRE作文突击小组】hjjsherriff2月6日作文issue56       Personally, I concede that the government should balance the concentration between the immediate problems and the anticipated ones of the future. The existing problems we are facing today are threat to the global security and the anticipated problems are indeed other kind of

time-bomb which we should never ignore. Both the presenting problems and the potential ones are well measured is the responsibility of the defenders of the society.


In the first place, a responsible government functions to focus much of its time on dealing with the urgent social questions which are closely linked to people's daily life. Rights that were given by citizens are used to manage the daily activities of the society, then officers should be responsible for settling the problems of human suffering. One the officers of the government fail to solve the problems and even make them worse, then it may inevitably lead to the instability of the society. For instance, the modern government focus much on developing the function of the social welfare system, which can help citizens live a better life, nevertheless, while the Bush government invested much tax-dollars on the Iraqi War and therefore reduce the investment on the development of the social welfare system, therefore, much more people complained about the government and even sometimes lead to the remonstration. Either, we should not aware the danger of the problems until they get worse, or else we may suffer much more for it.


In the second place, a great government should consider or predict some of the anticipated problems that would lead to the great loss of our society, and thus would try to annihilate the anticipated problems before situation get harder for us to rescue, so that we may reduce much more of our cost. Take the impact of global-warming issue for example, which is considered to be the largest threat to not only our society, but also the whole world. Experts announced that if we can not decrease our releasing of CO2 to half of the amount of 1990s in 10 years, then hundreds or thousands times of money would pay for the loss of the chance. The environment pollution should also be considered seriously and is the other big challenge of the world.


What we emphasize is that the government which is high-efficient would put forward the measurement with ample consideration on dealing with the social problem and at the same time having the ability to fully take the anticipated social problems into consideration as well. The research and the production of the communicate satellite of China is an outstanding case, in order to get rid of the relying on the American technology, Chinese experts spend much time on specializing in the technology of communicate satellite and correlative technological problems, though the American government should little awareness that it is benefit to the American people if stop providing the satellites for the China in business or other factors, but they did not risk this possibility and took action in advance.


In sum, neither the existing problems nor the potential ones should never be ignored and I should recommend that we should focus more on finding some effect way in appropriate balanced the attention of them rather than spending time debating about which one should taken more seriously.
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发表于 2009-2-9 00:14:50 |只看该作者
092-3GRE作文突击小组】hjjsherriff26日作文issue56       Personally, I concede that the government should balance the concentration between the immediate problems and the anticipated ones of the future. The existing problems we are facing today are threatening to the global security and the anticipated problems are indeed other kind of time-bomb which we should never ignore.(这句话是什么意思呢?)
Both the presenting(present) problems and the potential ones are well measured is(?) the responsibility of the defenders of the society.

开头有点太强硬了~缓一缓,再说中心论点。

In the first place, a responsible
government functions(a responsible government’s function is to focus) to focus much of its time on dealing with the urgent social questions which are closely linked to people's daily life. Rights that were given by citizens are used to manage the daily activities of the society, then officers should be responsible for settling the problems of human suffering. One(once) the officers of the government fail to solve the problems and even make them worse, then it may inevitably lead to the instability of the society. For instance, the modern government focus much on developing the function of the social welfare system, which can help citizens live a better life, nevertheless, while the Bush government invested much tax-dollars on the Iraqi War and therefore reduce the investment on the development of the social welfare system, therefore, much more people complained about the government and even sometimes lead to the remonstrations. Either, we should not aware(aware一般和介词连用,做短语较多) the danger of the problems until they get worse, or else we may suffer much more for it.
观点中带入例子,而且例子恰当,没有生涩的感觉。

In the second place, a great government should consider or predict some of the anticipated problems that would lead to the great loss of our society, and thus would try to annihilate the anticipated problems before situation get harder for us to rescue, so that we may reduce much more of our cost.
(这句话有点冗长哦,别急~Taketaking the impact of global-warming issue for example, which is considered to be the largest threat to not only our society, but also the whole world. Experts announced that if we can not decrease our releasing of CO2 to half of the amount of 1990s in 10 years, then hundreds or thousands times of money would pay for the loss of the chance. The environment pollution should also be considered seriously and is the other big challenge of the world.(这句话有点多余)

What we emphasize is that the government which is high-efficient would
put forward the measurement
(pur the measurement forward)with ample consideration on dealing with the social problem and at the same time having the ability to fully take the anticipated social problems into consideration as well. The research and the production of the communicate satellite of China is an outstanding case, in order to get rid of the relying on the American technology, Chinese experts spend much time on specializing in the technology of communicate satellite and correlative technological problems, though the American government should little awareness that it is benefit to the American people if stop providing the satellites for the China in business or other factors, but they did not risk this possibility and took action in advance.

这段中的例子有点奇怪,你的意图是什么呢?你可以给我留言哦!

In sum, neither the existing problems nor the potential ones should never be ignored and I should recommend that we should focus more on finding some effect way in appropriate balanced the attention of them rather than spending time debating about which one should taken more seriously.


2009/02/09

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RE: 【09年2月-3月GRE作文突击小组】hjjsherriff2月6日作文issue56 [修改]

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