argument6

nortromUID: 2591367

argument 6
The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.”

The applicant claims that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendouly profitable enterprise. To support his recommandation, he cites various evidence that residents in Monroe are interesed in jazz and the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. However, this argument is logically flawed in several critical respects discussed as below.

First of all, the applicant unfairly judge that jazz is popular among residents in Monroe due to the fact that over 100000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer. Perhaps, most of the attended audience are from other towns or cities and only a few of them are local residents. Even if most of the audience are local people, it is not reasonable to claim they like jazz since we are not clear about the content of this festival, maybe they are just interested in some items or activities in this festival which have nothing to do with jazz.

Secondly, the author cites that the most popular radio program in Monroe is “jazz nightly” to support his recommendation. It is not persuasive at all either. Since we do not know how much radio programs are accessible in Monroe exactly, it is entirely possible that it is the only program people can receive. People has no other choice so that it is the highest-rated program. Even assuming that the residents love this program, there’s no evidence that they will also love to join a jazz club, just because they are more willing to stay at home and enjoy music alone. Similarly, the author fails to give alternative explanations for the fact that several well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe. Perhaps Monroe is an attractive place for living, and they are working in somewhere else. So that they will not consider working in C-Note. Moreover, the nationwide study is not persuasive unless the author can give extra evidence that jazz fans in Monore can be representative of jazz fans all over the country.

Finally, even if residents in Monore are really crazy about jazz and are willing to pay for it. It is not sufficient to make sure that C-Note will be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Maybe it is hard to cater to people’s taste in music thus causing the situation that there are no jazz clubs in Monore. Additionally, poeple may prefer to join the jazz club which is 65 miles away due to its special taste.

In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide clear evidence that residents are really interested in jazz and are willing to join a jazz club if they have chance. To better assess the recommendation I would also need to know the reasons why there are no jazz clubs in Monroe and more details about the jazz club which is 65 miles away.

lafelaUID: 2538110

argument 6
The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.”

The applicant claims that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendouly profitable enterprise. To support his recommandation, he cites various evidence that residents in Monroe are interesed in jazz and the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. However, this argument is logically flawed in several critical respects discussed as below.

First of all, the applicant unfairly judge that jazz is popular among residents in Monroe due to the fact that over 100000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer. Perhaps, most of the attended audience are from other towns or cities and only a few of them are local residents. Even if most of the audience are local people, it is not reasonable to claim they like jazz since we are not clear about the content of this festival, maybe they are just interested in some items or activities in this festival which have nothing to do with jazz.
对于可能的原因，还有可想象空间。
Secondly, the author cites that the most popular radio program in Monroe is “jazz nightly” to support his recommendation. It is not persuasive at all either. Since we do not know how much radio programs are accessible in Monroe exactly, it is entirely possible that it is the only program people can receive. People has no other choice so that it is the highest-rated program. Even assuming that the residents love this program, there’s no evidence that they will also love to join a jazz club, just because they are more willing to stay at home and enjoy music alone. Similarly, the author fails to give alternative explanations for the fact that several well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe. Perhaps Monroe is an attractive place for living, and they are working in somewhere else. So that they will not consider working in C-Note. Moreover, the nationwide study is not persuasive unless the author can give extra evidence that jazz fans in Monore can be representative of jazz fans all over the country.
蓝字写得好。
Finally, even if residents in Monore are really crazy about jazz and are willing to pay for it. It is not sufficient to make sure that C-Note will be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Maybe it is hard to cater to people’s taste in music thus causing the situation that there are no jazz clubs in Monore. Additionally, poeple may prefer to join the jazz club which is 65 miles away due to its special taste.
ok
In sum, the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation the author must provide clear evidence that residents are really interested in jazz and are willing to join a jazz club if they have chance. To better assess the recommendation I would also need to know the reasons why there are no jazz clubs in Monroe and more details about the jazz club which is 65 miles away.

思路很开阔。语句和结构都很好。