Issue212

jhr_hitUID: 2540810

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 676
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-2-14 10:55:51

The speaker asserts that any means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable, at the first glance, I tend to agree with speaker's contention, since the speaker emphasizes the word "worthy", however, after deep thinking I strongly disagree with the speaker's assertion for the reason that if attaining a goal at the expense of the interest of others or the welfare of the whole society is absolute justifiable, even if it seems worthy.

To begin with, a definite goal is quite important for every individual for the reason that a goal can let them full of passion and enthusiasm, with a goal they will take every efforts to attain it without concerning what kind of problems they should solve and what kind of difficulties they will meet, to the contrary, living without a goal is like sailing without a compass, causing them get lost in the broad sea. Looking back to the river of history, numerous achievements are caused by worthy goals. With a goal to light the whole world, Thomas Edison suffered from a thousand of failures and ultimately find the proper material for the bulb; with a goal to free the nation, Chairman Mao struggled for many years devoting all his life to the war for freedom and finally get the freedom for China; with a goal to solve problems in economy Join Nash raise the "Game Theory" and eventually won him the Noble Prize; also with a goal to help the poorest of the poor in India, Mother Teresa dedicate all her life to it and finally be respected by the whole Indian and also people around the world. Yes, it is a definite and worthy goal that makes these people’s accomplishment; however, does it means if the goal is worthy, we can take any means to attain it? In my observation, the answer is no.

Free Iraq from Saddam's autocracy is a worthy goal, but does it mean we can bring a war that may let the innocent people become homeless or even dead to attain it? Trying to eliminate some kind of virus is a worthy goal, but does it mean we should kill all the patients suffering from the illness in order to attain it? Solving the environmental problems is a worthy goal, but does it mean we can close all the factories related to pollution to attain it? Of course the answer is no, even these goals may seem worthy, yet use a extreme means to attain them is not beneficial for the stability and the security of our society which may cause some very serious demolishment.

However, these phenomena have already in all walks of our every day life. In the political fields, some politicians try to get a goal to be elected which they thought worthy by perceiving the public, and after they try their best to attain the goal to maximize the interest for their parties in stead of the populace. In the field of business, where the competition is very severe, and everyone is trying his or her best to maximize the profits and minimize the expenses or costs. Confronting by so many enticement, many businessmen take some illegal or unmoral means to attain the goal and claim that they are not wrong because they are just do what they think worthy. Also in the academic field, which is always thought to be a pure place, also suffers from this disaster, some professors finishing a treatise by plagiarism, cheating or fabrication to achieve the goal. All of these means to achieve the worthy goals are not proper behaviors and will harm the harmony and stability of our society which is also quite unjustifiable.

In sum, in stead of attaining goals by some extreme means, it is time for us to introspect ourselves and to learn to achieve a worthy goal by proper means that will not disobey the legal system, morality or the ethics. Only in this way can we make our goals really worthy and can we make great contributions to the prosperity and stability of the whole nation.

jhr_hitUID: 2540810

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 432          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-2-4 12:06:41

In this argument, the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries recommends the company's president to install software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers in order to prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic and improve the overall profits. To support the recommendation, the vice president points out that the employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished by using the electronic monitor. I find this recommendation logically unconvincing in several respects.

To begin with, the vice president assumes that use electronic to monitor the internet use of their employee will prevent from wasting time, however, the vice president does not provide any evidence to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps, with the monitoring the employees indeed cannot shopping or play games on line, but they may go shopping at working hours or just playing games on mobile phone. Or perhaps they may just be in a daze on their position. Without ruling out these possibilities the vice president cannot convince that the measure will result in a good effect.

In addition, the vice president's recommendation also lies on an unfair assumption that monitoring of employees' Internet use will make them foster a better ethic at Climpson. Common sense informs me that not one want to be monitor when they working. Maybe they have already work very hard and shopping and playing games on line is just a means for them to alleviate their working pressure which will make them work more efficient. However, the monitoring, on the contrary will make them feel upset and can not focus on their working. If this is the case, the vice president's recommendation may be bad for the company.

Moreover, the vice president's recommendation also unfairly assumes that the measure will improve the overall profits of the company, however, this is also a hasty conclusion. Profitability is a function of cost and revenue, yet the vice president does not provide any data about the expense of the electronic monitor or whether the software will slow the computer of the company. It is entirely possible that the monitor is very expensive or the software will make the computer ineffective.

In sum, there is no evidence showing that the working efficiency and the attitudes of the employees have affected the operation of the company. So I can not see the necessity for the electronic monitoring which may be counterproductive to the management of the company. To better support the recommendation the vice president should provide further a further survey to about the employees’ attitude towards the recommendation.

liuhantony2UID: 2597441

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 676
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009-2-14 10:55:51

The speaker asserts that any means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable, at the first glance, I tend to agree with speaker's contention, since the speaker emphasizes the word "worthy", however, after deep thinking I strongly disagree with the speaker's assertion for the reason that (if删) attaining a goal at the expense of the interest of others or the welfare of the whole society is absolute (un)justifiable(这里原来是不是说反了？), even if it seems worthy.

To begin with, a definite goal is quite important for every individual for the reason that a goal can let(make) them full of passion and enthusiasm. With a goal they will take every efforts to attain it without concerning what kind of problems they should solve and what kind of difficulties they will meet; to(on) the contrary, living without a goal is like sailing without a compass, causing them get lost in the broad sea. Looking back to the river of history, numerous achievements are caused by worthy goals. With a goal to light the whole world, Thomas Edison suffered from a thousand of failures and ultimately find the proper material for the bulb; with a goal to free the nation, Chairman Mao struggled for many years devoting all his life to the war for freedom and finally get the freedom for China; with a goal to solve problems in economy Join Nash raise the "Game Theory" and eventually won him the Noble Prize; also with a goal to help the poorest of the poor in India, Mother Teresa dedicate all her life to it and finally be(is) respected by the whole Indian and also people around the world. Yes,(语体不正确，应该写成Academic writing的风格呵，论文里没见过Yes！XXX) it is a definite and worthy goal that makes these people’s accomplishment; however, does it means if the goal is worthy, we can take any means to attain it? In my observation, the answer is no.（我觉得这一段写得目的不明确，没有针对题目展开讨论，题目应该讨论我们是否应当用一切手段达到目的，这段一直在论证人有目的是必要的，似乎和题目没有直接关系，再者倘若是作为前提展开，似乎也篇幅过大了，莫不是凑字数？而且个人不喜欢那么多例子的堆砌，三个就够了，而且举多个例子最好指明不同邻域或者联系，否则对论证深度没有任何帮助）

Free Iraq from Saddam's autocracy is a worthy goal, but does it mean we can bring a war that may let the innocent people become homeless or even dead to attain it? Trying to eliminate some kind of virus is a worthy goal, but does it mean we should kill all the patients suffering from the illness in order to attain it? Solving the environmental problems is a worthy goal, but does it mean we can close all the factories related to pollution to attain it? Of course the answer is no, even these goals may seem worthy, yet use a extreme means to attain them is not beneficial for the stability and the security of our society which may cause some very serious demolishment. (这里尤其应当具体阐述，具体说明如何不能，论证地也太不深入了呀。至少把具体后果，收益和成本拿出来比一比阿，光说破坏严重没说服力，前面的疑问都算举例，论证地也太少了阿)

However, these phenomena have already in all walks of our every day life. In the political fields, some politicians try to get a goal to be elected which they thought worthy by perceiving the public, and after they try their best to attain the goal to maximize the interest for their parties in stead of the populace. In the field of business, where the competition is very severe, and everyone is trying his or her best to maximize the profits and minimize the expenses or costs. Confronting by so many enticement, many businessmen take some illegal or unmoral means to attain the goal and claim that they are not wrong because they are just do what they think worthy. Also in the academic field, which is always thought to be a pure place, also suffers from this disaster, some professors finishing a treatise by plagiarism, cheating or fabrication to achieve the goal. All of these means to achieve the worthy goals are not proper behaviors and will harm the harmony and stability of our society which is also quite unjustifiable. （除了最后一句话，全段都在说明不择手段的情况非常普遍，ok，那又怎么样呢？应当在这个基础上进一步说，商人这样使很多诚实的人失去财产，造成严重后果，学术剽窃使得学者们不能安心研究，阻碍了科学发展，后果严重，总之，不择手段在各个领域都无比害人...更重要的是，你应当继续说明，看，正是因为这样的害人后果，所以我们不能不择手段。注意该论证地是我们不能不择手段）

In sum, in stead of attaining goals by some extreme means, it is time for us to introspect ourselves and to learn to achieve a worthy goal by proper means that will not disobey the legal system, morality or the ethics. Only in this way can we make our goals really worthy and can we make great contributions to the prosperity and stability of the whole nation.

Comment:
First, sorry to sound so critical.
不过我觉得这篇文章需要改进的地方很多，首先，没有对主体思想深入的展开
我们都明白不择手段达到目的是绝对不好的，文章的论证中心就是这个，但似乎你只有最后一句话和这个有关，前面都是例子，例子是辅助论证的，更重要的是分析，堆砌一大堆例子不好，并且有的例子也没有矛头直指中心论点
你的论证：
开头：不能不择手段
正文1段：目标很重要，好的目标很重要
2 段：不择手段有害（只说了最后一句，非常不深入，且主题句居然没有？）
3段：不择手段的现象非常普遍，也有害（只说了最后一句，且TS是现象普遍？试问该现象是否普遍和我们该不该做有何关系？要有的话更可能是该做阿...）

你的第一段是想让步吧，起初没看出来，呵呵。不过我觉得让步观点更合适的是：用很多方法达到目的，多管齐下是很重要的。
后面的问题主要在于几乎除了堆例子外没有深入下去，例子是重要的，但更重要的是说明这个例子怎么就说明你的观点了。而且，每段开头的TS一看就没在论点上。
原因我觉得是对这个问题把握的不够，提纲写的不好，其实开头你已经提出了两个原因阿，为什么不继续写呢？我们不该不择手段，因为极端手段会：1强烈损害自己的利益 2 强烈损害他人利益，并且两种情况下利益小于成本。

liuhantony2UID: 2597441

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 432          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-2-4 12:06:41

In this argument, the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries recommends the company's president to install software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers in order to prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic and improve the overall profits. To support the recommendation, the vice president points out that the employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished by using the electronic monitor. I find this recommendation logically unconvincing in several respects.

To begin with, the vice president assumes that use electronic to monitor the internet use of their employee will prevent from wasting time, however, the vice president does not provide any evidence to substantiate this assumption. Perhaps, with the monitoring the employees indeed cannot shopping or play games on line, but they may go shopping at working hours or just playing games on mobile phone. Or perhaps they may just be in a daze on their position. Without ruling out these possibilities the vice president cannot convince that the measure will result in a good effect.

In addition, the vice president's recommendation also lies on an unfair assumption that monitoring of employees' Internet use will make them foster a better ethic at Climpson. Common sense informs me that not one want to be monitor when they working. Maybe they have already work very hard and shopping and playing games on line is just a means for them to alleviate their working pressure which will make them work more efficient. However, the monitoring, on the contrary will make them feel upset and can not focus on their working. If this is the case, the vice president's recommendation may be bad for the company.

Moreover, the vice president's recommendation also unfairly assumes that the measure will improve the overall profits of the company, however, this is also a hasty conclusion. Profitability is a function of cost and revenue, yet the vice president does not provide any data about the expense of the electronic monitor or whether the software will slow the computer of the company. It is entirely possible that the monitor is very expensive or the software will make the computer ineffective.

In sum, there is no evidence showing that the working efficiency and the attitudes of the employees have affected the operation of the company. So I can not see the necessity for the electronic monitoring which may be counterproductive to the management of the company. To better support the recommendation the vice president should provide further a further survey to about the employees’ attitude towards the recommendation.


Comment：
语法错误我就不管了~
总体来说还行，错误找的很准，说明也比较合理
如果说改进的地方，其一是段内逻辑，段内也最好有层次感
其二是说明的深度，其实就是把可能性说的在详细一点就好了
Good luck!~