4-6月TOEFL dark-tournament 第7次作业 liurui8802

liurui8802UID: 2595045

We obviously have much more types of entertainments than do our ancestors.During the weekends, we can go to cinema to have a good laugh;after a day's hard work we may sit in a comfortable restaurant and have a quiet chat with friends;when vacations come,we can throw away our anxieties or concerns and enjoy a wonderful trip.Many people feel that we modern people spend too much time on entertaining ourselves instead of on necessary things,especially chances to improve our performances in our work.However, I do not think there is any fault in our generosity in relaxing ourselves.

Undoubtedly we are in a society which calls for efficiency and competence.In order to achieve this goal, many industrious people attend training programs.They are anxious about new technology,new theories in their fields, and keep on reading new books or attending lectures.Hardly do they have time to enjoy their leisure moments.They are afraid that if they spend some time on entertainment,they will never catch up with this world where knowledge is accumulated by multiplying.

However,while they consider improvement crucial, they do not realize that relaxation and enjoyment is also indispensable.It is the pressure coming from all aspects from life that contributes to our appetite for relaxation.Tired from boring job, we need to refresh ourselves by a happy chat or a humourous film;oppressed by the hard demands of boss, we definitely want to entertain to relieve ourselves from those heavy burdens.This little happiness, a  realm of our own,fulfills our empty heart and equips us for another busy day.  

Another point those industrious people fail to notice is that those famous and successful figures, workaholics as some people think, even find time for themselves although how much they enjoy their careers.Chichill said people can be divided into to groups: those whose work is work and whose pleasure is pleasure, and those fortune-favoured ones whose work is lucky their pleasure.However, the latter ones may need to change for another task such as a trip abroad or a chat with friends more than the former ones,since only in this way can they widen their horizon and come out with new solutions to their problems.A little sparkle can ignite a dark room unexpectedly.

In conclusion, It is good that we spend some time on entertainment rather than sitting behind desks doing those "necessary things".After all, we work to live, not live to work.

419

liurui8802UID: 2595045

没什么思路

angeloolUID: 166036

zi shu hao duo a:)

liurui8802UID: 2595045

限时写完后又改了的 要是考试能写这么多就谢天谢地了 3# angelool

y61_smileUID: 2595244

前面都这么多楼啦 占个 我改你的~~~

4-6月TOEFL dark-tournament 第7次作业 liurui8802

We obviously have much more types of entertainments [url=]than do our ancestors.[/url][s1] During the weekends, we can go to cinema to have a good laugh; after a day's hard work we may sit in a comfortable restaurant and have a quiet chat with friends; when vacations come, we can throw away our anxieties or concerns and enjoy a wonderful trip. Many people feel that we modern people spend too much time on entertaining ourselves[url=] instead of[/url][s2] on necessary things, especially chances to improve our performances in our work. However, I do not think there is any fault in our generosity in relaxing ourselves[url=].[/url][s3]
Undoubtedly we are in a society which calls for efficiency and competence. In order to achieve this goal, many industrious people attend training programs. They are anxious about new technology, new theories in their fields, and keep on reading new books or attending lectures. Hardly do they have time to enjoy their leisure moments. They are afraid that if they spend some time on entertainment, they will never catch up with this world where knowledge is accumulated by multiplying.
However, while they consider improvement crucial, they do not realize that relaxation and enjoyment is also indispensable. It is the pressure coming from all aspects from life that contributes to our appetite for relaxation. Tired from boring job, we need to refresh ourselves by a happy chat or a [url=]humorous[/url][s4] film; oppressed by the hard demands of boss, we definitely want to entertain to relieve ourselves from those heavy burdens. This little happiness, a realm of our own, fulfills our empty heart and equips us for another busy day.
[url=]Another point those industrious people fail to notice is that [/url][s5] those famous and successful figures, workaholics as some people think, even find time for themselves although how much they enjoy their careers. [url=]Chichill[/url][s6] said people can be divided into [url=]to[/url][s7] groups: those whose work is work and whose pleasure is pleasure, and those fortune-[url=]favoured[/url][s8] ones whose work is lucky their pleasure. However, the latter ones may need to change for another task such as a trip abroad or a chat with friends more than the former ones, since only in this way can they widen their horizon and come out with new solutions to their problems. A little sparkle can ignite a dark room unexpectedly.
In conclusion, it is good that we spend some time on entertainment rather than sitting behind desks doing those "necessary things". After all, we work to live, not live to work.)
格式方面，标点符号后面要空一格。这个都改过来了。
文章立意方面，题目写人们娱乐方面时间是否过多。你认为放松没什么不好。先写的是现代人生存压力大加班什么的，这个对比没有过渡。另外理由不算分条论述吧？下一段是讲工作狂也休息。整篇显得有点走题。
我表达水平不高凑合看一下批注哈 有问题我们讨论哈，一起加油！~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦

[s1]than our ancestors do.是想说现代人比古代娱乐方式多吗
？祖先这词是不是太大了？换我会这样表达：Compared to the ancient times, there are much more types of entertainment in the modern society. 大家探讨哈



[s2]改成rather than好一些？



[s3]本段列举了一系列娱乐方式，如果主语是we，是不是尽量避免后面的活动出现单数呢？



[s4]我的office 改成美式拼法了



[s5]这个前面first point的连接词要加上，好对应



[s6]丘吉尔Churchill？



[s7]误拼，应为two



[s8]这个也改成美式拼法了


误拍请指教！

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

膜拜下，高手啊，我改你的，先占楼

With the economy of China on fast track, the living standard in China has been greatly raised. More and more people want to widen their horizon to see what the other side of the world looks like, thus they take a flight to Caribbean to enjoy the shining sun, they go a long way to Rome to appreciate the beauty of architecture, and they can even endure a rather uncomfortable trip to the top（roof） of the world. 这里需要一句连接句我觉得，比如(under this circumstance, )Some people would like to have a guide help them when they arrive at new places, but for me, I would fancy a flexible, exotic and comfortable trip by myself or with friends.

Travelling by yourself without a guide gives you a more flexible schedule. Nobody will truly enjoy himself by rushing from one resort to another. However, that is what you have to endure when with a guide.In those short days, you are led to famous places one by one. You get on the bus, note down some information told by the guide, and get off the bus, take photos（精彩的排比）. In a few minutes, you are assembled and sit on the bus again, heading to another place. Hardly do you have the time to sit under an old tree or carefully observe those buildings.Whereas, travelling without a guide, you can take your time.If you do like that place, have more time there;if you do not, you can change your route for an interesting one.3 ?; r; J  J*

Moreover, only by living in one place for a while can you have a glimpse into a different culture .You can live in a neighbourhood, talk to locals about their food,clothes or famous writers.Not only can you fully immerse yourself into those classic masterpieces in the museum, but you can also have a sip in a nearby cafe having a splendid view of the scenery. Gradually, you get to know something that you have not read in any books, you learn more about their traditions and festivals. The more you see, you hear, you experience, the more likely you are surprised by the varieties of cultures.(好句) You do what you like and live up to the essence of holidays: enjoy yourself and relax yourself.

Some people may argue that a new place is so unfamiliar to them that with a guide you can easily handle problems like finding a hotel or restaurant, or finding ways to famous resorts. However, as we all know, the hotels guides recommend to us is not that satisfactory: noisy neighbourhoods, bad service. The restaurant does not serve specialties we want to taste. The bus is crowded.

In conclusion, travelling without guides gives you more flexibility, more chances to get near a different culture, and more comfort. If you do have that time and want to really have a exotic while comfortable trip, I strongly recommend travelling without guides.

1.        文章的行文和结构都狠不错，狠有文采，而且还有狠多详实的例子，狠有说服力，全篇没有什么语病和错词，这个狠难啊（对我来说），不过我觉得有一点需要提高，因为你是用第二人称写的，感觉有点咄咄逼人的感觉，如果用第一或者第三人称我觉得就不会有这种问题。还有一点我觉得也狠重要，就是你这里写的是自由旅行的好处，但是文章问你组队旅行是不是最好的方式，我认为不应该从第一段就直接进入自由旅行好处的阐述，因为这样不是狠切题，可以在首段列举团队旅行的不足，然后逐段的批判，并进一步阐述如果我们自己去会怎么样，我觉得这样跑题的机会就更小，一点愚见，还请海涵，呵呵

qiangweiciUID: 2478469

赞！！！

liurui8802UID: 2595045

大家多帮我看看思路怎么写更好 文科生毕竟思路逻辑容易出问题啊 谢谢大家了 大家还是别表扬我了 我经不起表扬的:loveliness: