issue208 【09GRE作文冲刺组】sreapstep 2月23日作文

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208."The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

As we all know, one can get a overall comprihension about a newly met person at the first glance, which involves the way he or she dressed, behaved, talked and so on. The speaker of this issue, who might have been interfered by such statement, hold the point that this apparant understanding can show the attitudes and interests of these people, on the other hand, the apparent looking of these people can reveal the ideas and values of the society composed by them. I partly agree with the author. However, the issue would be more persuasive if the author had considered some factors which I'll discuss below.

There is no doubt that the apparent behavior is a crucial way of showing a person's intersts and positions. For example, a man interested in newly coming things will most probably dress in a latest designed clothes, has his or her hair cut in a popular way, make the ipod or other fancy devices running all the time. While some one who do not care about these vogues may just act ordinarily, casual clothes and items can also make up their world. These apparent outlookings function as a window, which can reveal the ideas one hold.


However, various factors may change the way a person dresses and acts. Initially, the occupation is a main reason contribute to one' behavior. Take businessmen as a example, one may dislike the formal suits and those table manners when having a upper crust dinner, it is the situation that makes him no choice, and only in this way can he obtain the precise contract he want. Further more, some commercial advertisement requires a person to act in a certain way they wished for endorsement, and there is no evidence to show that this person prefers this behavior, at least the actor is told to do so, not his or her own will. All these circumstances make people to seal the true idea in their deep mind.

Made up by single person, the society also has a composed ideas and values, which means one can get a brief and total understanding about a foreign society by examining its people's behavior. For instance, realising that Chinese people always avoid using number 4 in their daily lifes, one can basicly know that the use of number 4 is a taboo in their society, and further research will show the reason that this forbiden "4" has a similar sound as "death" in mandarin. Observation of people can often serve as a useful way of getting familiar with an unfamiliar culture.

However, as the point hold by people will alter generation by generation, the society, ensemble of every single unit including the past, may still cantain something thought to be out of date by its people, which may be highly valued either. Besides, the traditions and concepts also showed by other aspects of a society, buildings and ruins, letters and characters, scriptures and parchments, poems and songs, all these things play an important role in inheriting the ideas and values the ancestors hold. Yet the behaviors of its contemporary people, useful as thay are, is only a small part of the whole value system. Thus, one should study all-sided ideas rather than a single facet of a society in order to get a more precise comprehension of it.

In sum, the apparent behavior can serve as a brief introduction of some one or a society, the further and broader study of it, on the other hand, is the key to fully understand this person and society.


这题目个人感觉不好说，写的挺烂的，您多提提意见，我一定认真回拍～

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As we all know, one can get a overall comprihension about a newly met person at the first glance, which involves the way he or she dressed, behaved, talked and so on. The speaker of this issue, who might have been interfered by such statement, hold the point that this apparant understanding can show the attitudes and interests of these people, （这里最好断句，这样层次比较清楚）on the other hand, the apparent looking of these people can reveal the ideas and values of the society composed by them. I partly agree with the author. However, the issue would be more persuasive if the author had considered some factors which I'll discuss below.

There is no doubt that the apparent behavior is a crucial way of showing a person's intersts and positions. For example, a man interested in newly coming things will most probably dress in a latest designed clothes, has his or her hair cut in a popular way, make the ipod or other fancy devices running all the time. While some one who does not care about these vogues may just act ordinarily, casual clothes and items can also make up their world. These apparent outlookings function as a window, which can reveal the ideas one hold.
However, various factors may change the way a person dresses and acts. Initially, the occupation is a main reason contribute to one' behavior. Take businessmen as a example, one may dislike the formal suits and those table manners when having a upper crust dinner, it is the situation that makes him no choice, and only in this way can he obtain the precise contract he want. Further more, some commercial advertisement requires a person to act in a certain way they wished for endorsement, and there is no evidence to show that this person prefers this behavior, at least the actor is told to do so, not his or her own will. All these circumstances make people to seal the true idea in their deep mind.
Made up by single person, the society also has a composed ideas and values, which means one can get a brief and total understanding about a foreign society by examining its people's behavior. For instance, realising that Chinese people always avoid using number 4 in their daily lifes, one can basicly know that the use of number 4 is a taboo in their society, and further research will show the reason that this forbiden "4" has a similar sound as "death" in mandarin. Observation of people can often serve as a useful way of getting familiar with an unfamiliar culture.
However, as the point hold by people will alter generation by generation, the society, ensemble of every single unit including the past, may still cantain something thought to be out of date by its people, which may be highly valued either. Besides, the traditions and concepts also showed by other aspects of a society, buildings and ruins, letters and characters, scriptures and parchments, poems and songs, all these things play an important role in inheriting the ideas and values the ancestors hold. Yet the behaviors of its contemporary people, useful as thay are, is only a small part of the whole value system. Thus, one should study all-sided ideas rather than a single facet of a society in order to get a more precise comprehension of it.
In sum, the apparent behavior can serve as a brief introduction of some one or a society, （断句）the further and broader study of it, on the other hand, is the key to fully understand this person and society.


我感觉你在写这篇文章之前心里还没有形成一个框架，所以导致文章逻辑上有点不清晰。

比如说，你的主要观点是观察人们的外表可以帮助我们认识他们和他们所处的社会，但仅仅通过人民的着装举止是不够了解一个社会全貌的。
(绿色是我画出的每段中心句）

第二段讲的是让步，通过服装可以认识一个人；
第三段又转折，人们的服装是会因为其他因素而改变的。（这一段的主题我觉得问题最大，和文章主题有点脱离）
第四段说社会是由人组成的，通过人们的衣着可以简单了解这个社会。
第五段又转折，表示仅仅通过……是不够的。

回头看你的主题：
观察人们的外表可以帮助我们认识他们（第二段论述）和他们所处的社会（第四段论述），
但仅仅通过人民的着装举止是不够了解一个社会全貌的（第五段论述）。
可见第三段有点多余。

其次，通过你的主题看，我觉得你这篇文章的重点应该是转折之后，也就是你现在的第五段。也就是2、4段的主题可以合并，第五段展开写。

以上只是我自己的观点，你参考一下吧~