【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】02.23号作业 by lsr91

lsr91UID: 2540702

In the lecture, the writer show up the fact that the United States charitable giving has declined substantially in recent years, and it seems to keep going down in the future. First of all, in the passage, it is obviously that cause the United States government provide some kind of permanent welfare like health care, taking care of the victims of natural disasters. These welfare can help to diminish need for private charitable giving. But the opinion of the lecture is that for the growing of the number of elderly and retired people in our society, elderly citizens can not afford health care often rely on government programs to pay for it, so there must be someone selfless to cover the health assistance, so we need charitable giving rise accordingly.

Another point that the writer disclosed is the manager of some prominent national charities were receiving huge salary and other benefits as large corrupt money. They used the money for their better lives like travel, fancy offices. And the percentage of donated money that went to charitable purpose is reducing. On the other hand, the lecture says that people should regain their confidence that the money they donate will support the causes they care about.

At last, the passage shows the fact that due to the abuse before the content in the previous, the potential donors are starting to give less and give less frequently, because of the incidence of charity fraud seems to be increasing. People become more concerned that they are being taken advantage of. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates, because donors will ask for documental proof before donation in order to make sure it’s worthwhile. Therefore, the charitable giving will increase in the future.

年后回归 好久没写 望狠拍 谢谢

roinyouUID: 2447501

有一些观点和逻辑上面的错误，这个很关键的
分析当中建议变化一些对比句子的结构和表述，似乎多数都是说writer... in the lecture ...

In the lecture, the writer shows up the fact that the United States charitable giving has declined substantially in recent years, and it seems to keep going down in the future（lecture的观点错误了，这个错误大了，但是后面证明却是对的。。）. First of all, in the passage, it is obviously that cause the United States government provide some kind of permanent welfare like health care, taking care of the victims of natural disasters. These welfare can help to diminish need for private charitable giving. But the opinion of the lecture is that for the growing of the number of elderly and retired people in our society, elderly citizens can not afford health care often rely on government programs to pay for it, so there must be someone selfless to cover the health assistance, so we need charitable giving rise accordingly(有两个so，句子结构在改改吧).
Another point that the writer disclosed(为什么突然过去时) is the manager of some prominent national charities were receiving huge salary and other benefits as large corrupt money. They used the money for their better lives like travel, fancy offices. And the percentage of donated money that went to charitable purpose is reducing. On the other hand, the lecture says that people should regain their confidence that the money they donate will support the causes they care about.
At last, the passage shows the fact that due to the abuse before the content in the previous, the potential donors are starting to give less and give less frequently, because of the incidence of charity fraud seems to be increasing. (应该指出lecure是什么观点)People become more concerned that they are being taken advantage of. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates, because donors will ask for documental proof before donation in order to make sure it’s worthwhile.（这一段再读读看，似乎不太对劲） Therefore, the charitable giving will increase in the future.

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

In the lecture, the writer show up the fact that the United States charitable giving has declined substantially in recent years, and it seems to keep going down in the future. （要列出passage里的对应观点啊）

First of all, in the passage, it is obviously that cause the United States government provide some kind of permanent welfare like health care, taking care of the victims of natural disasters. These welfare can help to diminish need for private charitable giving. But the opinion of the lecture is that for the growing of the number of elderly and retired people in our society, elderly citizens can not afford health care often rely on government programs to pay for it, so there must be someone selfless to cover the health assistance, so we need charitable giving rise accordingly.

Another point that the writer disclosed is the manager of some prominent national charities were receiving huge salary and other benefits as large corrupt money. They used the money for their better lives like travel, fancy offices. And the percentage of donated money that went to charitable purpose is reducing. On the other hand, the lecture says that people should regain their confidence that the money they donate will support the causes they care about. （这段时态问题）

At last, the passage shows the fact that due to the abuse before the content in the previous, the potential donors are starting to give less and give less frequently, because of the incidence of charity fraud seems to be increasing. People become more concerned that they are being taken advantage of. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates, because donors will ask for documental proof before donation in order to make sure it’s worthwhile. Therefore, the charitable giving will increase in the future.

红的是语法和逻辑问题~

lz加油加油~