【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组mintsh第7次作业】

mintshUID: 2460474

      As far as I am concerned, I disagree on the statement that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment instead of things they are obliged to do.
The level of personal income has undergone a dramatic improvement since the economy runs well in the recent years. Thanks to these delightful changes, the living condition gets better and better. The substantial rewards seem to be affluent via daily job. Therefore after work, people can save more money than they did in the past and the situation that the basic requirement cannot be satisfied is gone. With spare money, one is able to set a series of goals that he/she dreams to realize, name a tour around the world or further education abroad. These objectives are positive and will surly benefit themselves in the future life. Living a life under his/her own control results in sense of accomplishment. Life is precious and short compared with the nature, so it really makes difference if we have ever endeavored to leave our own trace in the world. The time is not wasted and in contrast it is made fully use of.
Someone challenges the opinion above mainly because they put the personal enjoyment on the opposite side of the things people should do. However, it is not the truth. Attending to bounden duty does not contradict with enjoyment afterwards. Concentrating on the duty in the limited time and then relaxing ourselves in different ways turns out to be a more efficient way both for our work and for our daily life. Apparently, the schedules or plans you have written down serves as a marvelous incentive to your obligation. That is to say, whether you can achieve your goals set before depends on the performance at work to a large extent. Thus, personal affairs and public duty are tightly combined.
      A safe conclusion could be drawn that, once the duty required has been treated carefully and well done, the spare time is permitted to be allocated freely.

grace.TTUID: 2534695

1# mintsh

As far as I am concerned, I disagree on the statement that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment instead of things they are obliged to do. # L9 }( x+ ^& B+ a
The level of personal income has undergone a dramatic improvement since the economy runs well in the recent years. Thanks to these delightful changes, the living condition gets better and better. The substantial rewards seem to be affluent via daily job. Therefore after work, people can save more money than they did in the past and the situation that the basic requirement cannot be satisfied is gone. With spare money, one is able to set a series of goals that he/she dreams to realize（这个词应为及物动词）, name（该词在这里如何解释，我不太清楚，specify?告诉我） a tour around the world or further education abroad. These objectives are positive and will surly benefit themselves in the future life. Living a life under his/her own control results in sense of accomplishment. Life is precious and short compared with the nature, so it really makes difference if we have ever endeavored to leave our own trace in the world. (好句)The time is not wasted and in contrast it is made fully use of. 8 F" F. Y' K: ]
Someone challenges the opinion above mainly because they put the personal enjoyment on the opposite side of the things people should do. However, it is not the truth. Attending to bounden duty does not contradict with enjoyment afterwards（好句）. Concentrating on the duty in the limited time and then relaxing ourselves in different ways turns out to be a more efficient way both for our work and for our daily life. Apparently, the schedules or plans you have written down serves as a marvelous incentive to your obligation. That is to say, whether you can achieve your goals set before depends on the performance at work to a large extent. Thus, personal affairs and public duty are tightly combined.
A safe conclusion could be drawn that, once the duty required has been treated carefully and well done, the spare time is permitted to be allocated freely.

lz的语言功底不错，文中几乎没有句法错误。逻辑分析也很清晰。开头，结尾段都简明扼要地点中论点。尤其是第三段，作者从反对的人那一方面考虑问题，思维严密。
唯一不足，in my view,在第2段，我很支持lz的观点--从宏观角度，国家经济进步，人民消费水平提高，落实在个人身上，挣得钱多了，可以实现更多想做的事。这些无可厚非，虽然我支持lz的观点，但挑剔、客观地考虑--并不是人人都认为money多了enjoyment（题眼）就多了，而这一段给我感觉都是在围绕money在说，最好阐述一两句enjoyable对你而言的定义是...将两者联系起来，达到一个契合点，这样就更完美了！
如有不同意见，盼与lz进一步讨论。

天泽UID: 2340391

As far as I am concerned, I disagree on the statement that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment instead of things they are obliged to do.

The level of personal income has undergone a dramatic improvement since the economy runs well in the recent years. Thanks to these delightful changes, the living condition gets better and better. The substantial rewards seem to be affluent via daily job. Therefore after work, people can save more money than they did in the past and the situation that the basic requirement cannot be satisfied is gone. With spare money, one is able to set a series of goals that he/she dreams to realize, name a tour around the world or further education abroad. These objectives are positive and will surly benefit themselves in the future life. Living a life under his/her own control results in sense of accomplishment. Life is precious and short compared with the nature, so it really makes difference if we have ever endeavored to leave our own trace in the world. The time is not wasted and in contrast it is made fully use of.

Someone challenges the opinion above mainly because they put the personal enjoyment on the opposite side of the things people should do. However, it is not the truth. (Attending to bounden duty)One’s bounden duty不知道lz这么用对不对，不过大多说One‘s... does not contradict with enjoyment afterwards. Concentrating on the duty in the limited time and then relaxing ourselves in different ways turns out to be a more efficient way both for our work and for our daily life. Apparently, the schedules or plans you have written down serves as a marvelous incentive to your obligation. That is to say, whether you can achieve your goals set before depends on the performance at work to a large extent. Thus, personal affairs and public duty are tightly combined.

      
A safe conclusion could be drawn that, once the duty required has been treated carefully and well done, the spare time is permitted to be allocated freely.

感觉写的挺好的，学到不少，具体ls都说了就不重复了，呵呵~
不过回ls个人觉得观点不是问题，今天看的托福作文书说即使观点是最老套最普通无奇的也不错，主要考察的是语言功底了，所以观点有不同哪怕和阅卷官相左也无所谓说。

mintshUID: 2460474

2# grace.TT

恩~~我也发现自己那段。铜臭气太重。TT评的很有道理。应该挖掘得再有深度一点。
NAME 在这里是 列举 的意思，但并不知道有没有用错。。我查了字典回复
我还有一点没懂。TT 标出 REALIZE 是及物的。。我好像也是按及物的方法用的。。还是。。TT 另有所指。。期待你的回复~~嘿嘿

mintshUID: 2460474

3# 天泽

bounden duty 是我从金山词霸上搜索到的。不知道用得准不准确。。不知道把那个改成 Attending to或者Completing one's bounden duty 会不会好一点。谢谢小天~~~