【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组ghr0111的 第8次作业】

ghr0111UID: 2605646

Obviously, the land on the earth is limited. As human being, we must share these limited land with the other life. And some endangered animals like panda which can not live by themselves, must need people to build a special area to product them. So we face tradeoff on who is the important one to use the land, ourselves or endangered animals?

The land which used by man can create great value. With the land, we can build skyscraper and broad street. The great dream for me is to live in a comfortable house, to drive on a broad road, to work at the independent office. With the land, we can plant more rice and corn. According to a survey, there is still 240 billion people’s life under the poverty line. The important thing for them is to have enough food, or say the survive of themselves rather than the survive of endangered animals. As we see people can use the land for themselves to advance the standard of living, and get a much happier life. But if the land is used to product endangered animals. Not only no value will be build, but also a lot of money will be cost. We must plant plenty of bamboo for panda, build grassland for Tibetan antelope.

The animal lives in the area where people build may lost their wildness. Once in Beijing zoo, one lion even didn't dare to eat a cow because it always ate the meat given by zoo's staff. But if there is no such special land for animal live, this will aggressive the mechanism of optimizing, and perhaps be a favorable factor for biological evolution.

In conclusion, we ourselves is more important than anything else. We love animals, but there's no need for us to deliberately save land for them.

因为没拿资料，没参照其他例文，完全是自己写的。第一次写文章没限制时间，大家坚持看下去~看完狂拍啊，不胜感激！！！

mintshUID: 2460474

1# ghr0111

   Obviously, the land on the earth is limited. As human being, we must share these limited land with the other life. And some endangered animals like panda which can not live by themselves, must need people to build a special area to product这里应该是笔误吧，是protect them. So we face tradeoff on who is the 加个more可能更好important one to use the land, ourselves改为we human beings or endangered animals?

   The land which加个is used by man can create great value. With the land, we can build skyscrapers and broad streets. The great dream for me is to live in a comfortable house, to drive on a broad road, to work at the independent office. With the land, we can plant more rice and corn. According to a survey, there is still 240 billion people’s life under the poverty line.个人觉得这个句子不是太顺，改为there are still 240 billion people whose life standard is under the poverty line. The important thing for them is to have enough food, or say the survivesurvival of themselves rather than the survive同上 of endangered animals. As we see people can use the land for themselves to advance the standard of living, and get a much happier life. But if the land is used to productprotect endangered animals. Notnot only no value will be buildbuilt, but also a lot of money will be cost.这里改为but also it will cost a large amount of money. We must plant plenty of bamboo for panda, build grassland for Tibetan antelope.

The animal livesliving in the area where that people build may lostlosetheir wildness. Once in Beijing zoo, one lion even didn't dare to eat a cow because it always ate the meat given by zoo's staff. But if there is no such special land for animal to live, this will aggressive stimulatethe mechanism of optimizing, and perhaps be a favorable factor for biological evolution.

In conclusion, we ourselves is more important than anything else. We love animals, but there's no need for us to deliberately save land for them.

   感觉LZ的语法错误有点多哦 不过第一篇文章能够写成这样也已经不错了。论证结构较为清晰，字数有点不够。用词还要把握得更准确些。

    期待LZ 去改我的作文啊。共同促进~~~

天泽UID: 2340391

Obviously, the land on the earth is limited. (As human being)Human beings as we are, we must share these limited land with (the other life)other living creatures. (And some endangered animals like panda which can not live by themselves, must need people to build a special area to product them.)这个例子有问题，应该是人们减少人为需求以空出自然的空地给濒危动物出，而不是建设空地。 So we face (tradeoff on)? (who is the important one to use the land, ourselves or endangered animals?)最好表明观点

The land which used by man can create great value. With the land, we can build skyscraper and broad street. (The great dream for
me is to live in a comfortable house, to drive on a broad road, to work (at the)in an independent office, all of which requirs much land to build on. With the land, we can plant more rice and corn. According to a survey, (there is still 240 billion people’s life under the poverty line) Around 240 billion people live below the poverty line. The important thing for them is to have enough food, (or say the survive of themselves rather than the survive of endangered animals)?. As we see people can use the land for themselves to (advance)improve the standard of living, and get a much happier life. (But if)while the land is used to (product)protect endangered animals, not only no value will be built, but also a lot of money will be cost. We must plant plenty of bamboo for panda, build grassland for Tibetan antelope.

The animal lives in the area where people build may lost their wildness. Once in Beijing zoo, one lion even didn't dare to eat a cow because it always ate the meat given by zoo's staff. (But if there is no such special land for animal live, this will aggressive the mechanism of optimizing, and perhaps be a favorable factor for biological evolution.)? 本段例证偏题

In conclusion, we ourselves is more important than anything else. We love animals, but there's no need for us to deliberately save land for them.

文章对题目理解有所偏颇，如对第一段例子解释的那样，题目要求写人类用地和动物用地哪个更重要，而动物用地并非是简单地将它们圈养起来，而是回归自然。从文章观点出发，重点是描述人类对土地的需求，这一点第二段已有论述，也可以写保护濒危动物意义不大，这是人类发展过程中的必经过程，动物灭绝并未影响人类生活，相反，人类使用土地发展经济使得生活水平上升，也可写经济发展上去后人类有更多精力和财力去保护濒危动物，比单纯空出土地效果明显得多等。托福作文虽然内容不如语言本身重要，但需言之切题成理，逻辑通顺，例证充分，这几方面作者均需改进。

第二个问题则是语言本身上的，也是作文考察的重点。好的作文应该多变换句式，简单句并列句及从句结合，不过这个也不是一朝一夕的功夫呵，建议多看范文，可以先模仿，积累好词好句，同时也可以从范文中积累好的例子。过一段时间后一定会有提高的。Lz加油！

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