TOEFL 4—6月Dark_Tournament写作小组 holding 第八次作业

holdingUID: 2285054

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

Nowadays, the development of society is greatly dependent on natural resources, which include oil, water, coal and land. To satisfy people's requirement of land, animals have to shrink their living room once and again. As a result, many endangered animals have no room to lead a normal life and some of them have to breed between close relative because of their departed living area, which cause the number of endangered animals groups reducing rapidly. In my respective, people should not take living land of endangered animals for any reasons.

Firstly, land where endangered animals are living always is the last green in or around a city, which is very important to the local weather of both the city and the whole world. As the land belonging to endangered animals being replaced by skyscrapers, carbon dioxides try it best to make the globe become a large “green house”. In some extent, to save land to endangered animals is to save future to ourselves.

What is more, living land is vital to endangered animals. In recent years, the number of animal sort is reducing much more rapidly than ever before. One of the most important reasons is that people's activity has large influence on animals' living. One of the influences could reflect on habitat. Land is not only a home to animals but also a source of food which can survive them. Lack of land means lack of food in some extent, and this will disserve their living condition.

After industrial revolution, people never stop invading land of animals, which not only reflect at land shrinking but also influence their breeding. As people interrupt into the living land of animals, their group will be departed into two or more parts, which will cut off their communication. As a result, they can only breeding the next generation between close relative, which will lead their children weaker and weaker and even can not survive in the nature.

We know that every factor in the whole environment could influence the others. Therefore, as the most advanced living in the whole world, the finally victim could not be anyone but ourselves. If we do nothing to stop occupying land from endangered animals, we will pay more and more for what we did in a future not so far.

幻风炎UID: 2524862

Nowadays, the development of society is greatly dependent on natural resources, which include oil, water, coal and land. To satisfy people's requirement of land, animals have to shrink their living room once and again. (个人认为用animals face the rapid shrink of their habitat once and gain比较合适)As a result, many endangered animals have no room to lead a normal life and some of them have to breed between close relative because of their departed living area, which cause the number of endangered animals groups reducing rapidly.( Normal lives have been disrupted in this process which leads to serious decrease of
the animal groups)In my respective, people should not take living land of endangered animals for any reasons.

Firstly(First), land where endangered animals are living always is the last green in or around a city, which is very important to the local weather of both the city and the whole world. As the land belonging to endangered animals being replaced by skyscrapers, carbon dioxides try it best to make the globe become a large “green house”. In some extent, to save land to endangered animals is to save future to ourselves.( Keeping land for endangered animals is not only for compassion of them but to save our own future)

What is more, living land is vital to endangered animals. In recent years, the number of animal sort is reducing much more rapidly than ever before. One of the most important reasons (the most import reason) is that people's activity has large influence on animals' living. One of the influences(可以删掉) could be reflected on habitat. Land is not only a home(不要老用home，很多可以用的，residence, settlement, den, habitat)to animals but also a source of food which can survive them(a food source which feed on them). Lack of land means
lack (is likely to lead the shortage) of food in some extent(去掉), and this will disserve their living conditions.

After industrial revolution, people never stop invading land of animals, which not only reflect at land shrinking but also influence their breeding. As people interrupt into the living land of animals, their group will be departed into two or more parts, which will cut off their communication. (去掉)As a result, they can only breeding the next (their) generations within close relatives, which will lead their children weaker and weaker and even can not survive in the nature.

We know that every factor in the whole environment could influence the others. Therefore, as the most advanced living(lives)in the whole world, the finally victim could not be anyone but ourselves(we, human beings, should keep in mind that excessive damage of the environment will finally affect us). If we do nothing to stop occupying (harrying) land from endangered animals, we will pay more and more for what we did in a future not so far.(we will pay this dealing sooner or later)

总结：结构和reason都不错，继续努力

建议：希望能在词汇的替换上多下功夫。

grace.TTUID: 2534695

1# holding

Nowadays, the development of society is greatly dependent on natural resources, which include oil, water, coal and land. To satisfy people's requirement of land, animals have to shrink their living room once and again. As a result, many endangered animals have no(scare) room to lead a normal life and some of them have to breed between close relative because of their departed living area(area可数), which cause the number of（a number of） endangered animals groups reducing rapidly. （是人类对环境的控制造成了动物不得不退缩的行为，但你写的给我感觉是动物也有思想似的～）In my respective, people should not take living land of endangered animals for any （any用于疑问句和否定句）reasons.

Firstly, land where endangered animals are living always is the last green in or around a city, which is very important to the local weather of both the city and the whole world. As the land belonging to endangered animals being replaced by skyscrapers, carbon dioxides try it best to make the globe become a large “green house”.（换一种说法会更好,感觉有点别扭）In some extent（to some extent）, to save land to endangered animals is to save future to ourselves.

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What is more, living land is vital to endangered animals. In recent years, the number of animal sort（the number of the species） is reducing much more rapidly than ever before. One of the most important reasons is that people's activity has large influence on animals' living. One of the influences (删除)could be reflected on habitat. Land is not only a home to animals but also a source of food which can survive them. (这个用法有点老和生硬，不如换成Not only...but..as well这种形式的倒装)Lack of land means lack of food(这个用法有点别扭，中文思维了。lack of land is incline to/is apt to deficiency of food) in（to)some extent, and this will disserve their living condition.

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After industrial revolution, people never stop invading land of animals, which not only reflect at land shrinking but also influence their breeding.（注意词汇替换） As people interrupt into the living land of animals, their group will be departed into two or more parts, which will cut off their communication. （这句话写得有些罗嗦，再斟酌一下）As a result, they can only breeding the next generation between close relative（这个首段已用过，我认为首段应该一笔带过，重点在这段写才对）, which will lead their children weaker and weaker and even can not survive in the nature（in nature）.

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We know that every factor in the whole environment could influence the others. Therefore, as the most（more）advanced living in the whole world, the finally victim could not be anyone but ourselves. If we do nothing to stop occupying land from endangered animals, we will pay more and more for what we did in a future not so far.

整篇文章框架很好，例证充分，但要注意客观事实，meanwhile，还要多巩固一下句法，多积累地道的用法表达。