Argument190【0906G背水一战三月小组】第6次作业 by yunfeiyang4ever

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【攻击】1. 购买预售票的人数少了，不一定说明缺乏社会支持；首先作者说不是天气原因，理由不充分，提前买票无法预测天气，可能那几场特别重要，也可能不去觉得亏了；其次，即使不是天气的原因，那么也不说明缺乏社会支持，人们可能考虑天气变化无常而不去提前买票了，可能当场买；
           2. 即使购买预售票的人确实少了，也不能归咎于音乐选择问题；演唱会质量、时间、氛围、管理等等都是它因；即使是音乐选择问题，谁又没说喜欢听现代音乐；即使喜欢听现代音乐，Richerts适合现场演奏？
           3. 即使上述都成立，预售票销量也不一定增加，广告作用，不宣传谁知道？组织者的信誉呢？

【原文】
    In this argument, the writer concludes that converting the music form will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts. To support this conclusion the writer points out that purchased advance tickets has declined due to the lacking of community support instead of the weather. In addition, the writer claims that the organizers of the concert should be sure to include music composed by Richerts. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

    To begin with, the argument assumes that lacking of community support leads to the declined number of advanced tickets. Yet the argument fails to substantiate this assumption. Firstly, the writer provides the evidence that many people attended the concerts even in bad weather could not eliminate the weather factor. Perhaps some famous individuals take part in those concerts. Although the weather is bad, public also go to those important concerts. Or perhaps public, who spend lots of money, would not waste tickets. So they have to join in the concert even in the bad weather. Secondly, even assuming that weather is not the reason of declined advanced tickets, the author overlooks possibilities that public would not purchase the tickets too early because of the unpredictable weather, the writer mentioned. It is entirely possible that people purchase the tickets before the concerts begin. Without ruling out these alternatives, the writer cannot conclude that the advance tickets being decreasingly due to lacking the community support.

    Moreover, even assuming that lacking of community support leads to the advance tickets declined, the author observes a correlation between the choice of music and lacking of community support, and then concludes that the former is the cause of the latter. As we know, people whether go to the concerts will consider many aspects, such as quality, atmosphere, management and other possibilities. Additionally, even assuming that above correlation is reliable, the writer fails to provide evidence that people are interested in modern music. Evening assuming that people are funded in modern music, the writer fails to provide the evidence that people have a great passion for the music composed by Richerts in the concert. Perhaps his music is not adjust to the concerts. Without ruling out all other requisite factors it is unfair to conclude that the choice of music is the reason of lacking community support.

    Finally, even if above assumption is dependable, the author assumes too hastily that advance tickets and attendance at the concerts will increase. For instance, the advertisement plays an active role in the concerts. Imaging that the organizers don't advertise their concerts in the large extent, who will know those concerts? Also, the writer fails to consider that the credit of the organizers. As we know, public would not spend much money on tricksters. In short, without any ruling these and other possible factors, the writer cannot confidently predict that advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts increase.

    To sum up, the writer has done nothing more than state an opinion with some anecdotal information included that proves nothing. To strengthen the argument, the writer would have to provide more clear evidence concerning on the reason of advance tickets declined before jumping to the conclusion. Furthermore, to better the argument, the writer convince me -- perhaps by way of a reliable survey -- that the choice of music causes the lacking of community support.

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In this argument, the writer concludes that converting the music form will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts. To support this conclusion the writer points out that purchased advance tickets has declined due to the lacking of community support instead of the weather. In addition, the writer claims that the organizers of the concert should be sure to include music composed by Richerts. A careful examination of this argument would (will) reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

    To begin with, the argument assumes that lacking of community support leads to the declined number of advanced tickets. Yet the argument fails to substantiate this assumption. Firstly, the writer provides the evidence that many people attended the concerts even in bad weather could not eliminate the weather factor. Perhaps some famous individuals take part in those concerts. Although the weather is bad, public also go（goes） to those important concerts. Or perhaps public, who spend (spends) lots of money, would not waste tickets. So they have to join in the concert even in the bad weather. Secondly, even assuming that weather is not the reason of declined advanced tickets, the author overlooks possibilities that public would not purchase the tickets too early because of the unpredictable weather, the writer mentioned. It is entirely possible that people purchase the tickets before the concerts begin. Without ruling out these alternatives, the writer cannot conclude that the advance tickets being decreasingly due to lacking the community support.

    Moreover, even assuming that lacking of community support leads to the advance tickets declined (the less advance tickets,不要总用decline，重复), the author observes a correlation between the choice of music and lacking of community support, and then concludes that the former is the cause of the latter. As we know, people whether go to the concerts will consider many aspects, such as quality, atmosphere, management and other possibilities. Additionally, even assuming (assume) that above correlation is reliable, the writer fails to provide evidence that people are interested in modern music. Evening(?什么意思) assuming（上一句就用了assume,不要紧接着再用，换别的表达方式，even though people…..） that people are funded in (是想表达喜欢的意思吗？词组是be fond of ,应该是想用这个吧)modern music, the writer fails to provide the evidence that people have a great passion for the music composed by Richerts in the concert. Perhaps his music is not adjust（adjusted） to the concerts. Without ruling out all other requisite factors（不要总用这个，感觉很重复，好像没别的方式可以表达了，换） it is unfair to conclude that the choice of music is the reason of lacking community support.

    Finally, even if above assumption is dependable, the author assumes too hastily that advance tickets and attendance at the concerts will increase. For instance, the advertisement plays an active role in the concerts. （这句话是不是没写完啊，或者你不应该用For instance，你都没有举例原因或事例） Imaging that the organizers don't advertise their concerts in the large extent, who will know those concerts? Also, the writer fails to consider that the credit of the organizers（你既然用that，代表后面应该是一个从句，至少要是一个完整的句子the credit of the organizers，显然不是句子）. As we know, public would not spend much money on tricksters.（广告大范围宣传就是骗子，说不通吧？有问题）In short, without any ruling these and other possible factors, （不要再用without any ruling 。。。。这个表达了，每段结尾都这样，感觉很不好，换别的表达方式会好一些） the writer cannot confidently predict that advance ticket purchases and attendance at the concerts increase.

    To sum up, the writer has done nothing more than state (stated) an opinion with some anecdotal information included （including）that proves nothing. (include 后面要接anecdotal information的内容, the writer has done nothing more than stated an opinion with some anecdotal information but proves nothing.) To strengthen the argument, the writer would have to provide more clear evidence concerning on the reason of advance tickets declined (最好列举出原因，不要空说)before jumping to the conclusion. Furthermore, to better the argument,（这样写不好，to make the argument more convincing） the writer convince(convinces) me( 尽量不要出现人称代词)-- perhaps by way of a reliable survey -- that the choice of music causes the lacking of community support.（结尾应该提出更多实质性的解决方案，而不是空洞的描述，会更好）
逻辑还行，但要注意一些基本的语法错误。还有一篇文章里面不要总是那几种表达，要多用一些其他的句型去灵活的表达你的意思。