ISSUE119.30.7【die in flames长线突破组作业】task by 米饭袜子

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

is via? 是什么？ｖｉａ是介词吧～　reach　ｆｕｌｌ是什么？
tracywlz 发表于 2009-4-11 23:17

via不是通过么，ｒｅａｃｈ　ｆｕｌｌ就是个省略表达

tracywlzUID: 2522388

我长见识~谢谢。你要增加说理啊

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

17# tracywlz

嗯啊，谢谢提点＾＾

cjluUID: 2448066

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."


Such means as video cameras and written records by which huamn’s contemporary life can be completely memorized for passing down from generation to generation are at the same importance level. Both as forms of documentation, I can’t be in favour of taking eihter of them more impartant.（开头挺不错的，一上来就可以很明确的看出你的论点。而且把他们对等起来也是一个不错的选择^^）

Before I’m going on, we should define our terms of human’s contemporary life. From my point of view, huamn’s life can be classified into two main parts, say, physical and mental, and videos and writings（虽然我明白这是啥意思，可是这个两个and串着用……总是觉得有点奇怪^^个人感觉） each have their own advantages when coming to the two aspects.

On one hand, it is the vedio camera that provides not only an accurate and convincing but also a timely record of human’s contemparary physical life, for we can be more intuitively informed with a variety of situations through vedios rather than written records, When a terrible natural disaster, for instance, happened all at once, with serious damages left behind, the most efficent and actual way of presenting all the scenes is via a vedio camera. Maybe you have read something about earthquakes, tornado, volcanic eruptions and the like in articles or books before, but how can you really imagine the shocking pictures of the rolling land（喜欢^^）, the roaring storm and the horrific magma spewing out if you haven’t saw it by your own eyes? At this time, videos take the point with its abilities of restoring the real vision through both seeing and hearing, while written records seem to be in the shade（感觉不错）.

However, on the other hand, the video camera would fail when it comes to the mental life of human beings, and naturally, writing records take the place. Such activities may include delicate feelings in our hearts, advanced and creative opinions in our minds, even the considerations in all subjects as well.All above can’t be seen in entity unless turn them into charaters, namely written records,according to which we can just touch the writers’ inner emotions as well as excellent thoughts without constaints of time and space. Furthermore, future generations can produce more based on it, take the films nowadays, many of them are adapted from famous novels or history books.（挺不错的一段^^可是米饭有没有想过，照片的拍摄者也是选择角度进行拍摄的，即他是怎么看这个世界的，他就选择了怎么样的角度。或者说，他希望看他照片的人怎么去观察这个世界，他就选择了怎样的角度。其实在我们没有意识到的时候，那个摄影者就在我们的潜意识里设定好了我们应该观察世界的角度^^我觉得其实也是一种mental的东西^^所以还是不能简单的从physical和mental的角度进行界定，毕竟经过人类加工的东西，都不可避免的带上了人类思想的烙印。啊~我是这样想的啦^^有什么疑问米饭我们再探讨噢~）

In fact,videos and written records must be combined to reach full sometimes. For example, when we watch a historical documentary which stem from real image data at that time, perhaps we just aren’t able to understand what has happende well if there’s not any explanation and commentary. The most typical one is war documentary, in which we merely see endless explosion of bomb or gunfight, Only by voice-over can we understand the details of the war including the time, the place, the cause and so on. Such aside, to some extend, is another form of written records, expressed in voice.（嗯，例子不错^^）

According to what I have stated above, the video camera and written records should be taken as both important forms of documentation in different fields I suppose, and in some cases they have to unite in order to record huaman(human?)’s footprints perfectly.
嗯嗯，整体挺不错的^^除了我觉得单从physical和mental分不太科学外，别的都挺好^^还有那个，我们再讨论哦米饭亲~^^

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

.（挺不错的一段^^可是米饭有没有想过，照片的拍摄者也是选择角度进行拍摄的，即他是怎么看这个世界的，他就选择了怎么样的角度。或者说，他希望看他照片的人怎么去观察这个世界，他就选择了怎样的角度。其实在我们没有意识到的时候，那个摄影者就在我们的潜意识里设定好了我们应该观察世界的角度^^我觉得其实也是一种mental的东西^^所以还是不能简单的从physical和mental的角度进行界定，毕竟经过人类加工的东西，都不可避免的带上了人类思想的烙印。啊~我是这样想的啦^^有什么疑问米饭我们再探讨噢~）

嗯，是这样的，JJ说的米错，VIDEO有时展现出来的东西确实也是经过制作者的MENTAL加工的，这个当时我还真米想到，先赞一个，但我这里的意思是那些头脑里的思想是不能通过VIDEO实现的，嗯，是这个意思。不过让JJ有疑问还是说明我米把问题写清楚，还是我自身的问题，改啊改，米饭会加油滴~（非常稀饭JJ那个笑脸~^^)

cjluUID: 2448066

嗯，我知道米饭的意思。我的意思其实是考虑一下written record是思想直接的体现，video是间接的体现，其实都是思想的体现……呃 大概就是这意思。呵呵。不一定对~参考参考^^（还有 米饭喜欢这个笑脸就好，以后经常给米饭看哈~啦啦啦^^） 20# 米饭袜子

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

红色：建议修改的地方
蓝色：不错的
紫色：个人建议
30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

Technological advancement makes a great contribution to development of human beings and far more in the future（这个and有些显得累赘，如果断开说会更有表现力）, but there’s a problem here: what should be the primary goal of technological advancement? I don’t suppose it should be to increase people’s efficiency.（这里好像没有全面的呼应题目，leisure time ，会让raters产生错觉，貌似下面也没有更多的提到，再考虑考虑）

As the issue states above, it thinks that if we treat increasing people’s efficiency as the primary goal,everyone could have more leisure time. This evidence can’t be convincing as I have two views to point out. Firstly, increased efficiency still can’t guarantee “more leisure time”, for human desires can never be to an end,that is, when they have more time as a result of efficiency, chances that they wouldn’t like to make it leisure time are great. For instance, more productions are wanted, higher positions are persued, thus may leading less leisure time on the contrary for those so-called higher goals and competitive pressures. Secondly, efficiency can’t benenfit “everyone” obviously, as entrepreneurs find it possible to get the same out put with far less workers, so the remaining ones have to take the workload at the same level or even more compared with before.

Not only the reasons given by the issue are unable to prove its opinion, but I can prove that we shouldn’t consider increasing people’s efficiency as the primary goal of technological advancement from other aspects

What about the fundamental purpose of technological advancement（这个句子貌似。。结构）? Traced back to the primitive society, take huaman’s starting using instrument to hunt for a example, at the very beginning, they just use stones and wood(?) throwing at the preys until they find that stones could be polished to a very sharp and also wood could be cut into sticks. Such process as a kind of techonological advancement prevent our ancesters from hungery, in other words, the fundamental purpose of such action is to satify people’s needs, including food, safety, recreation, and the like. Of course, effiency is among them, however, when it becomes the primary one,it seems impossible to satify people’s needs fully so that it will deviate from the original intention.（这段例子develop的不错，就是最后段落总结的时候觉得所要表达的意思不是那么充分）

Furthermore, as we make achivements in technological advancement, we should also pay attention to the fact that all we have done are expected to reach harmony with nature and(建议可以积累一点其它的逻辑连词来替换and) human society aiming at giving full paly to the role of technological advancement. Neverthless, when the primary goal is set as improving efficiency, I can hardly see harmony in many cases. For example, efficiency improvement in cars’ techonological advancement means speed. But how can we ensure people’s safety by making such efficient advancment? Another, as the essential position taken by efficiency, all or the most we should be concerned with when ameliorate the fishing boats or tools is in the shortest possible time to catch the most fish, if this is the case, I’m afraid that human would no longer see the fish years later.（这个例子貌似有点。。。建议再考虑考虑）

In conclusion, the primary goal of technological advancement shouldn’t be to increase people’s efficiency when considering the negative impact of efficiency as well as what is the progress really for

文章总的来说是不错的，很流畅，证明基础不错，看起来很舒服。

以下是几点建议：
1、在例子选择和develop方面还要多加修炼
2、逻辑连词还要多加丰富，这样可以使句子更丰富，更平衡
3、最后我要说的是这篇文章超有北美的味道，这里我谈一下对北美的看法：词法、句法，以及develop的逻辑性都是可以借鉴的，唯一的缺陷就是一位的扣住题目写，对，这样是不错，但是，自己的理解呢，自己的观点呢，只顾着找理由驳斥题目，能不能找些理由去支持自己提出来的观点呢。不过，觉得存在总是有理由的，还是老米写的，所以，哈哈，纯属个人看法。如果有异议，咱们可以再交流。

来晚了，希望能给你的retrospect有点帮助。
加油！米饭！:)

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

在小头头的大作这里mark一下，好好学学，嘿嘿