ISSUE119.30.7【die in flames长线突破组作业】task by 天天添添

天天添添UID: 2599433

issue7:这是写得最快的一篇，只用了半天时间。当然，例子还是相当少，语言还是相当糟糕
In ancient days, the only form of documentation is written records, which carved in stones, or written in papers. But as the technology progresses, there are many other ways to record. We can record our massage on tapes,hard discs, flash discs and etc. The format of the record varies. But the most important formats are record written by character and video camera. Both formats have its advantages.

First, how to get the record. Getting video record is relatively difficult. You must take a video camera with you and when the event was happening, you are at the scene. When you are record what was happening with the camera, you must have the good perspective so that the accurate process can be recorded. The persons who are unwilling to let you to get the record will stop you. If any of the above question happens, you cannot get the video. To solve the problem, we can use the CCTV system, but this will arise the problem of privacy. Getting a written record is much more simple. If you are at present when the event happened, you just recollect what happened and write it down. If you are not present, you just ask several persons and write down what they said.

Second, the content of record the the read of content. Video record is accurate, convincing and hard to forge, while written record does not have these advantages. But written has its advantage as well, especially the record is a scientific document. Some scientific documents, especially papers which contain many formulas and the proving process of the formulas, the written record is better. We can read video record in a relaxed manner, because we are the passive recipients. When we read written record, if we want the best reading effect, we must concentrate on the materials. This could be a tiring work,especially for those are not good at reading. But for skillful readers, reading is more effective than watching video. Usually, video record will be watched in steady speed. When we are watching TV, steady speed is the only choice. If we watching tape video and use the function of fast forward, many important details will probably skipped. But if we are reading a news paper or a novel, the reading speed is easy to control. The import details can be read intensively and that is unimportant will be skipped. Skillful readers can read very fast without missing any important information.

Third, the preservation of documentation. We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs, flash discs, etc. We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs,flash discs, etc, and， on printed books. If we using the digital formats and preserve both video and written records on disks, the size of written record is much smaller than video and much easier to preserve. This advantage is obvious when we are using the internet.Downloading a book will cost us much less time than a video when both contain the same much information. If we do not have the device which can be used to read the digital record, the printed books will be the only choice.

In sum, both formats of documentation are have advantage anddisadvantage, we can’t say one is more important than the othor one. Both of themare irreplaceable.

天天添添UID: 2599433

issue 30
Technology is the knowledge about scienceor industrial methods. For thousands of years, people have been using technologyto survive the perilous nature, increase the productivity and improve the lives.As the technology advances, the efficiency of people increases. As theefficiency increases, people should have more time to enjoy themselves.However, the fact is people who live in rural area are more leisure than thatlive in city, and people in modern days is more busy than people in ancientdays. This seems strange. But if we look into it,
we will find that it is reasonable.

One  of the most important impetus totechnological advancement is competition.With new technologies, we can do thesame thing faster, better and with lower cost,and probably we can do the thingsthat can’t be done without them. If a corporation develops a new technology, theproducts of the corporation will be more competitive and more money can beearned. Every corporation is developing new technology for higher profit and thecorporations without new technology will be hard to survive. The developmentwill never be terminated, because the pursuit of wealth will never end. Anextreme example of competition is war.or the threatening of war. The troopsequipped with advanced weapons tend to win. New technologies have to bedeveloped to win the war. In fact, many great creations are first developed formilitary purposes. Rockets, jet aircraft and use of nuclear power are theexamples of this. If competition exists, the development of technologies willnever end.

Many technological advancement willincrease the efficiency. If the efficiency has increased, will people have moretime? Probably not. Because most technologies are created for winning acompetition. To win a competition, the boss will reduce the cost as much aspossible. If a person’s work can be replaced by machine and the cost is lower,the boss will hire less person to do the same job, rather than hire the samenumber of people and let them have more leisure time. In power plant whereautomation system are widely used, we can hardly see anypeople that is operating the machines. Though operation of machine is simplified,the maintaining and developing the automation system are much more complicated.Very few people will do the operation and more people will do the jobdevelopment and maintenance. Only the people that have expertise and mastersome technology will be hired. So people have to learn more knowledge thanbefore. The knowledge will be more and more difficult to learn. Even if thepeople have more leisure time after new technologies are adapted, they willhave to use the time to study. Not only the engineers and the developers, butalso teachers, doctors, lawyers, even bosses and leaders of a country will haveto study. Because the development of technology will affect every aspect of asociety.

As the advancement of technology, crisisemerged. Some of the crisis are so perilous that they threaten the survival ofhuman race. Green house effect, for example, is one of these crisis. Somescientists predict that even if we close all the power plants and stop theemission of carbon dioxide today, the average temperature of the earth willincrease 4°C in 50 years. More than 75% of the land will becovered with water and 90% of the creature will become extinct. Instead ofmaking people leisurely, these byproducts of advancement of technology make usanxious. There are many other crisis like this, for example, energy crisis,abuse of antibiotics, etc. Maybe there are some crisis that are still unknown. Wewill not give up the way we lead. We can’t imagine life without electricity. Probablysomeday, we will have to spend all our leisure time to develop new technologyto overcome these crisis, the byproduct of technology.

We used to hope the development oftechnology will make us leisure. But the truth is this is a mission impossible.Technology increases the efficiency of people, but at the same time, it bringsmany problems that keep people busy. Solving This problem, other ways must befound.

天天添添UID: 2599433

Mostdeveloped countries use 1.5% to 3% of the total GDP as their research funding. Thelimited money must be spent on the most important research area. Therefore, thepriorities are set. The projects which are given the priority will get moresupport. That means the projects will cost the government, the corporation andthe researchers more money, time, and energy to do the research. When thepriorities are set, which is the most important question? Somebody said: themost important one is how many people’s lives will be improved if the resultsare successful. In some aspect, it is true. But the truth is probably not thatsimple. Governments, corporations and researchers may have the differentchoices.

Government is one of the most important sources of researchfunding, especially for the universities. When government think some projectsare important, it will spend more money on those. But what kind of researchproject will make government think
it is important?If it will improve the lives of people, it is important. It is government duty spendtaxpayers’ money to improve their lives. But government considerations is morethan that. There are some research area that is probably more important thanimprove lives. For example, national security. It will not improve people’slives directly. But each year, all the countries spend lots of money to developthe new weapons. Some fundamental researches, although all the human race willbenefit from achievement, have low priority, especially in developing countries.Maybe because it is 200 years later that people will benefit from theachievement, and maybe because the scientists can not guarantee that they willsuccess. So, governments’ considerations are more than how many people’s liveswill be improved.

Corporation is the other source ofresearch funding. Corporations usually have their own research and developmentdepartments. When research priorities are set, how many people will benefitfrom the achievement is an important thing to consider. Because the people whobenefit will be the clients of the corporation. The more people benefit from it,the potential marketis bigger. For example, Microsoft regards everyone who uses computer as its potential client. But “how rich” of the client may bethe same important question. The rich ones are willing to pay more for thebetter product. The total money that a corporation earns depends on the numberof the clients and the profit of every client. Microsoft had published severaledition for Windows XP. The enterprise edition is much more expensive and thereare much less clients than the personal edition. But when at the researchperiod, the priority of enterprise edition is probably higher. They are morecomplicated and the personal edition can be regarded as a abridged enterpriseedition.But the profit from the selling of enterprise edition will compensatethe money spend on the research. There are others aspects that a corporationconsiders, some
are even more important thanhow many will benefit.

Researchers have their own priority setting criteria as well. Sometimes their criteria are the same as governments and corporations. These ideasare tend to get fund from governments and corporations. But some timesscientists have their own considerations. Although some projects will get lesssupport from governments and corporations, they have high priority whenresearchers considering it. Probably because scientists do research to satisfytheir curiosity. Even though their achievement will improve everyone’s lifesome day, or will make large sums of money, they do research withoutconsidering these. They do research just for doing research. Just like Perelman，the mathematician whoproved Poincaré conjecture. He even didn’t publish his paper in a journal.

Anyway, no matter who are considering the question of settingresearch priority, they will think many aspect. Sometimes how many people’slives will be improved is the most important, and sometimes there are otherquestions which is more important important than that one. Different peoplehave different points of view and they will give us different answers.

ddcmj519UID: 176326

2# 天天添添

issue 30 Technology is the knowledge about scienceor industrial methods. For thousands of years, people have been using technologyto survive in the perilous nature, to increase the productivity and to improve the lives这挺抽象的，跟前两个比起来。建议删了.As the technology advances, the efficiency of people 不太对俄，做事的效率增加了吧。。increases. As the efficiency increases, 立即重复一次。。不好，尽量避免行文中的词句重复 people may have more time to enjoy themselves.However, the fact is people who live in rural area are more leisure than those who live in city, and people in modern days is busier than people in ancientdays. This seems strange. But if we look into it,we will find that it is reasonable. One  of the most important impetus to technological advancement is competition.With new technologies, we can do thesame thing faster, better and with lower cost,and probably we can do the thingsthat can’t be done without them. If a corporation develops a new technology, theproducts of the corporation will be more competitive and more money can beearned. Every corporation is developing new technology for higher profit and thecorporations without new technology will be hard to survive. 前面的意思很好哇~The developmentwill never be terminated, because the pursuit of wealth will never end. Anextreme example of competition is war.or the threatening of war. The troopsequipped with advanced weapons tend to win. New technologies have to bedeveloped to win the war. In fact, many great creations are first developed formilitary purposes. Rockets, jet aircraft and use of nuclear power are theexamples of this.  我就不懂你这句是要表达什么意思了，和中心的efficiency似乎没什么联系？ If competition exists, the development of technologies will never end. Many technological advancement willincrease the efficiency. If the efficiency has increased, will people have moretime? Probably not. Because most technologies are created for winning acompetition. To win a competition, the boss will reduce the cost as much aspossible. If a person’s work can be replaced by machine and the cost is lower,the boss will hire less person to do the same job, rather than hire the samenumber of people and let them have more leisure time. In power plant whereautomation system are widely used, we can hardly see anypeople that is operating the machines. Though operation of machine is simplified,the maintaining and developing the automation system are much more complicated.Very few people will do the operation and more people will do the jobdevelopment and maintenance. Only the people that have expertise and mastersome technology will be hired. So people have to learn more knowledge thanbefore. The knowledge will be more and more difficult to learn. Even if thepeople have more leisure time after new technologies are adapted, they willhave to use the time to study这里最好补充个原因. Not only the engineers and the developers, butalso teachers, doctors, lawyers, even bosses and leaders of a country will haveto study. Because the development of technology will affect every aspect of asociety. 大赞，由浅入深的讨论competition，从公司间到这段的公司内部，内容上也很衔接~美中不足语言的运用能力稍差啦，还有最后一句太过宽泛，细致点会更好~ As the advancement of technology, crisisemerged. Some of the crisis are so perilous重复用词诶 that they threaten the survival ofhuman race. Green house effect, for example, is one of these crisis. Somescientists predict that even if we close all the power plants and stop theemission of carbon dioxide today, the average temperature of the earth willincrease 4°C in 50 years. More than 75% of the land will becovered with water and 90% of the creature will become extinct. Instead ofmaking people leisurely, these byproducts of advancement of technology make usanxious. There are many other crisis like this, for example, energy crisis,abuse of antibiotics, etc. Maybe there are some crisis that are still unknown. Wewill not give up the way we lead. We can’t imagine life without electricity. Probablysomeday, we will have to spend all our leisure time to develop new technologyto overcome these crisis, the byproduct of technology. 这个应该是你们小组讨论的东西？我猜的，只是觉得和前面的内容衔接性没有了。其实我的理解应该还是可以顺着competition的意思说这个environment的。改改可能会好些？ We used to hope the development oftechnology will make us leisure. But the truth is this is a mission impossible 笑~.Technology increases the efficiency of people, but at the same time, it bringsmany problems that keep people busy. Solving This problem, other ways must befound. 这个总结没能总结出前两段的东西。我觉得前两段内容好于最后分段，当然因为连续性的问题。内容上的讨论已经比较深入了，就是行文上~呵呵，多积累~~~加油~~~

ddcmj519UID: 176326

1# 天天添添

issue7:这是写得最快的一篇，只用了半天时间。当然，例子还是相当少，语言还是相当糟糕
In ancient days, the only form of documentation is written records, which were carved into stones, or written in papers. But as the technology progresses, there are many other ways to record. We can record our massage on tapes,hard discs, flash discs and etc. The format of the record varies. But the most important formats are record written by character and video camera. Both 指代不清formats have its advantages.

First, how to get the record.这种不能当主题句 Getting video record is relatively difficult. You must take a video camera with you and when the event was happening, you are at the scene. When you are record what was happening with the camera, you must have the good perspective so that the accurate process can be recorded. The persons who are unwilling to let you to get the record will stop you. If any of the above question happens, you cannot get the video. To solve the problem, we can use the CCTV system, but this will arise the problem of privacy. 不解cctv是何用意Getting a written record is much more simple. If you are at present when the event happened, you just recollect what happened and write it down. If you are not present, you just ask several persons and write down what they said.首先我不是特别确定这个人称是不是能用you，其次，重点放在simple和复杂上不好，但是后面的陈述分析的不错，建议把蓝色两个主题句换换~
Second, the content of record the the read of content. 莫名。。Video record is accurate, convincing and hard to forge, while written record does not have these advantages. But written has its advantage as well, 我觉得这种话比较废，要是不是两个东西都有好处难以取舍干嘛要我们写这篇东西涅~？especially the record is a scientific document. Some scientific documents, especially papers which contain many formulas and the proving process of the formulas, the written record is better. We can read video record in a relaxed manner, because we are the passive recipients. When we read written record, if we want the best reading effect, we must concentrate on the materials. This could be a tiring work,especially for those are not good at reading. But for skillful readers, reading is more effective than watching video. Usually, video record will be watched in steady speed. When we are watching TV, steady speed is the only choice. If we watching tape video and use the function of fast forward, many important details will probably skipped. But if we are reading a news paper or a novel, the reading speed is easy to control. The import details can be read intensively and that is unimportant will be skipped. Skillful readers can read very fast without missing any important information.前面那个科学文件应该适当展开，从社会历史意义上，这样一来文章就有深度了，而后面这个reading speed的讨论。删了吧。。里面涉及details的内容整理下，刨刨深度的东西。其他删了，因为这里面完全不能看出取舍的倾向，只是客观的陈述了一下当《速度过v的时候》的问题。不具代表意义也。

Third, the preservation of documentation. 这不是句子 - -  We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs, flash discs, etc. We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs,flash discs, etc, and， on printed books. 我又莫名了。。If we using the digital formats and preserve both video and written records on disks, the size of written record is much smaller than video and much easier to preserve. This advantage is obvious when we are using the internet.Downloading a book will cost us much less time than a video when both contain the same much information. If we do not have the device which can be used to read the digital record, the printed books will be the only choice. 前半截就是在说v的好处。。感觉很奇怪。。而且，同样的，这段的内容还是拘泥与表面形式。这俩东西都是很表面的东西，所以得挖掘出点深层次的东西才能说服人嘞。光这样属性对比，说真的，rater看也看腻味了，而且，这些谁不知道呢？ 文以载道，就是要说大家所不知的东西。加油~

In sum, both formats of documentation are have advantage anddisadvantage, we can’t say one is more important than the othor one. Both of themare irreplaceable.我晕。我看前面一直以为要说w好。。

天天兄的语言，额，很朴素。。多看eco，多积累吧~
那个分论点的开头那样写，恕我直言。。（有点toefl水平额。。）回头去网上找个关联词的总结，似乎草木那里有，找他要下~
思想还需要深挖。
语言还需要磨练。。。

平的不好，见谅见谅~

cjluUID: 2448066

    感觉没写完呢~~结尾过于突兀了 观点得出的也不是很好 算是后面说的那个比较严重的问题吧 不过 先说点别的 呵呵 文章写得不错 就是重复的表达有些过多表达很单一啊 看的会很枯燥的^^ 感觉你的词汇还是有点少（其实还有很多我不认识^^） 而且句式也有点不太丰富，不过这些都不重要 因为我也一样^^
最大的问题吧觉得是逻辑很乱 首段应该不是要定主题吧 说的太简单了 只是一笔带过 可以有明显的主题句出现 否则好象没有主线 其次3个分论点第一个技术的竞争 感觉还好 论述的有点简单了 感觉不太贴题 第二个还是 主要是人的竞争 倒是满贴近的 不过应该算是一个很平凡的观点 不予评论了 第三个是危机 也和第一个一样论述太少 感觉和主题不清不楚的关系 尤其1.3的例子举的有点过 有点主次颠倒了 特别是3 纯粹的堆例子 感觉不好
总之文章还是很好的 所以 有什么不对的尽管说好了一起加油呢~~ ^^
    见附件^^

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

cmj改的挺好的，我就看后提几点个人建议：
1、首句是有必要用长句的，虽然能看出你是想从几个方面来写的，很简单的概述了所要写的方面，然后展开，我觉得这可能就失去了TS的作用了，个人认为杨鹏难句里的句型可以用于此，清楚地表达本段的主题。
2、例子这方面cmj已经逐个具体指出了，我觉得就是恰当和深度的问题，个人也在这点上面奋斗。
3、还有就是语言上的积累，我觉得背是一种虽然比较累但见效快的方法，如果坚持下去，我想会有意想不到的效果，个人也在尝试。、
加油！！天天大叔！

winning1030UID: 2538401

In ancient days, the only form of documentation is written records, which carved in stones, or written in papers. But as the technology progresses, there are many other ways to record. We can record our massage on tapes,hard discs, flash discs and etc. The format of the record varies. But the most important formats are record written by character and video camera. Both formats have its advantages.（除了最后一句有用，前面的是废话。无谓的铺陈可以省去）

First, how to get the record. Getting video record is relatively difficult. You must take a video camera with you and when the event was happening, you are at the scene. When you are record （recording）what was happening with the camera, you must have the good perspective so that the accurate process can be recorded. The persons who are unwilling to let you to get the record will stop you. If any of the above question happens, you cannot get the video. To solve the problem, we can use the CCTV system, but this will arise the problem of privacy. （？）Getting a written record is much more simple. If you are at present when the event happened, you just recollect what happened and write it down. If you are not present, you just ask several persons and write down what they said.

Second, the content of record the the read of content.(?) Video record is accurate, convincing and hard to forge, while written record does not have these advantages. But written has its advantage as well, especially the record is a scientific document. Some scientific documents, especially papers which contain many formulas and the proving process of the formulas, the written record is better. We can read video record in a relaxed manner, because we are the passive recipients. When we read written record, if we want the best reading effect, we must concentrate on the materials. This could be a tiring work,especially for those are not good at reading. But for skillful readers, reading is more effective than watching video. Usually, video record will be watched in steady speed. When we are watching TV, steady speed is the only choice. If we watching tape video and use the function of fast forward, many important details will probably skipped. But if we are reading a news paper or a novel, the reading speed is easy to control. The import details can be read intensively and that is unimportant will be skipped. Skillful readers can read very fast without missing any important information.

Third, the preservation of documentation. We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs, flash discs, etc. We can preserve video on tapes, hard discs,flash discs, etc, and， on printed books. If we using the digital formats and preserve both video and written records on disks, the size of written record is much smaller than video and much easier to preserve. This advantage is obvious when we are using the internet.Downloading a book will cost us much less time than a video when both contain the same much information. If we do not have the device which can be used to read the digital record, the printed books will be the only choice.

In sum, both formats of documentation are have advantage anddisadvantage, we can’t say one is more important than the othor one. Both of themare irreplaceable.

觉得分析得十分面面俱到，比较已经做得很全面了。很多都是我没有想到的，很好的观点。但是，觉得都是比较表面的东西，觉得可以深挖一点，各个方面对人的影响是什么。我不清楚是只深挖几点就好，还是全面泛泛的对比w和v，偶是新手。
其实大叔的语言还是很流畅的，就是句式需要变换下。