Argument 87

Chelsea_CCUID：2627394

由于是第一篇 错误一定不少  谢谢了
TOPIC: ARGUMENT87 - The following appeared in a memo to managers of Christine's, a chain of craft stores.

"Several major newspapers have recently run articles noting an increased interest in pottery. The number of potters in this country has risen by eighteen percent in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. In order to take advantage of these trends, Christine's should immediately begin carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies. Since several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies, all store managers should reallocate shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery. Stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically."


The author put forward several actions to increase the profits of the Christine's by carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies, reallocating shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery and display poster to appeal colleges-age students, based on the newspapers' recently articles about pottery. And the author also cites that several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies the supplies of painting in several of our stores have recently decrease . It seems sound and convincing at first glance, however there are a series of unsubstantiated assumptions on which the memo rendering it wholly unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly, the author fails to provides any evidence that the articles noting increased interest in pottery is reliable. In addition , the author assumes too hastily that the risen number of potters in this country and the fact that pottery on college campuses can reflect increased interest in pottery. The number of potters risen doesn’t mean the number of potter produced risen, let alone in the country.At the same time, without putting out what kind of pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses,and it is unfair for the author to draw any conclusion for these is entirely possible that it is the self-made pottery that popular on college campuses, which ,however, may not be the major buyers whose interest can make a big difference to the potter market. The authors should make surveys to the market to find out what is exactly the trends are, than to decide if it is need to carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies.

The second problem involves the recommendation that the a replace of painting to pottery will be profits,which based on the fact that several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies.The author failed to put out whether the painting supplies are enough even if it is decreased and the pottery supplies is in need though increased, even it is indeed these case,possibility that the painting is much more profits than pottery also make the recommendation unacceptable, let alone it is only happened in several of our stores recently ,which can not reflect the whole trend,for the interest of people is varied from place to place as well as time to time. The author should makes more survey about the market, then put out the different recommendations depend on different solutions.

A third problem involves the display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. As it has been discussed at the second part, we don't know what kinds of pottery do the colleagues like, so we can't say that the posters will appeal the college or not, even it is, doesn’t mean it can attractive the college-age individuals including those are not in college, If so,this actions will waste money for the useless advertisement which can probably decrease our profits

As the three major problems discussed protext, we can see that these actions can't undoubtedly increase our profits even incoming, and even if the incoming is indeed increased, without the information about supply demand, production and advertisement costs. It is impossible to determine whether the company can earn a profit or not. In this event the author’s suggestion would amount to especially poor advice.

In sum, the collimation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. The author d should make more survey about the market like the major buyers consist and the comparison of painting and pottery in a complex aspect and the take count in the cost when consider the profits. Thus may make the memo more soundful.

eadscarmenUID：2341533

TOPIC: ARGUMENT87 - The following appeared in a memo to managers of Christine's, a chain of craft stores.

"Several major newspapers have recently run articles noting an increased interest in pottery. The number of potters in this country has risen by eighteen percent in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. In order to take advantage of these trends, Christine's should immediately begin carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies. Since several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies, all store managers should reallocate shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery. Stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically."


The author put forward several actions to increase the profits of the Christine's by carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies, reallocating shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery and display(displaying) posters to appeal colleges-age students, spreading the newspapers' recently articles about pottery. And the author also cites that several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies the supplies of painting(cut) in several of our stores have recently decrease (cut). It seems sound and convincing at first glance, however there are a series of unsubstantiated assumptions on which the memo rendering it wholly unpersuasive as it stands.(nice sentence)

Firstly, the author fails to provides(provide) any evidence that the articles noting (add: that profits) increased interest in pottery is reliable. In addition, the author assumes too hastily that the risen number of potters in this country and the fact that pottery on college campuses can reflect increased interest in pottery(profits). (add: The fact is) The number of potters risen doesn’t mean the number of potter produced risen, let alone in the country. At the same time, without putting out what kind of pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses, and (cut) it is unfair for the author to draw any conclusion for these is(are) entirely possible that it is the self-made potteries that are popular on college campuses, which, however(cut), may not be the major buyers whose interest can make a big difference to the potter(pottery) market. The authors should make surveys to the market to find out what is exactly the trends are(grammar mistake, find it by yourself), rather than to decide(deciding) if it is need(needed) to carrying(carry) a larger volume of pottery supplies.

The second problem involves the recommendation that the a(the or a?) replace of painting to pottery will be profits(profitable), which based on the fact that several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies. The author failed to put out whether the painting supplies are enough even if it is decreased and the pottery supplies is in need though increased, even it is indeed these cases, possibility that the painting is much more profits(profitable) than pottery also make the recommendation unacceptable, let alone it is only happened in several of our stores recently, which can not reflect the whole trend, for the interest of people is varied from places to places as well as time to time. The author should make more survey about the market, then put out the different recommendations depend on different solutions.

A third problem involves the displaying posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. As it has been discussed at the second part, we don't know what kinds of pottery do the colleagues like, so we can't say that the posters will appeal the college or not, even it is, doesn’t mean it can attractive the college-age individuals including those are not in college.(your opinion seems contradictory)
If so, this actions will waste money for the useless advertisement which can probably decrease our profits

As the three major problems discussed protext(above), we can see that these actions can't, undoubtedly, increase our profits even incoming, and even if the incoming(cut) is indeed increased. without the information about supply demand, production and advertisement costs(I don’t know what you are trying to state). It is impossible to determine whether the company can earn a profit or not. In this event the author’s suggestion would (be) amount to especially poor advice.

In sum, the collimation relies on certain doubtful assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. The author d(cut) should make more survey about the market like (add:what) the major buyers consist and (add: what is ) the comparison of painting and pottery in a complex aspect and the take count in(of) the cost when consider(considering) the profits. Thus (it) may make the memo more soundful(sound).

A: Trying to hard to extend your sentence length, which result in either wrong sentence usage or not understandable sentence.
B: Too many grammatical mistakes that are easy to be detected.
C: About the content: I will comment on it later.
D: Try to write again.
E: Good luck.

Chelsea_CCUID：2627394

我以为那天我没被选  没有看到你改了  恩 我要好好看看！！