Dark_Tournament写作小组babff第二十次作业

babffUID: 2539532

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to know
events happening around the world, though sometimes they are unlikely to
affect your daily life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.（04/29/07）




With the rapid development of information technology, we can get the useful information more easily than before. However, it seems that most people can never attach enough importance to their limited information about the events of the world until one day they need to use it to solve some problems. Maybe some people think that it is wasteful to take some time to know the events which has nearly no connection with their daily life. Whereas, in my opinion, as a person on the world, I have to do my best to know the world's events.

First of all, the main reason for my perspective is that I can keep pace with the development of world by browsing the internet to read the latest news. In other words, only if I care about the new events, can I know what is in fashion, what products have been invented to improve my life and what are other people concerning about. For example, if I do not care about the latest news about the world, how can I know that the economic crisis had extended its influence in the world, how can I know the reason why did a lot of people lose their job in this period of six month. And how can I work harder than before in order to be kept on working. And to keep yourself changing with the development of the world is an essential skill to survive.

In addition, some events can provide the inspiration for my work. I am a stock manager and I have to do my best to know the important events. For instance, when I was noticed that the government have made a policy about reviving the steel industry, it means that I have to pay more attention on the steel plate in order to earn more money. So I have to keep my eye on the important event taken around the world.

Moreover, it is the best way to relax myself. For instance, I always spend my free time on surfing internet. Because i can do whatever I want on the internet, and reading interesting event which is my favourite means to relax.

all in all, I want to keep pace with the development of the world, and besides, I also like to work and live better, so knowing the event is necessary for me to have a good life.

legolastuUID: 2453793

With the rapid development of information technology, we can get useful information more easily than before. However, it seems that most people can never attach enough importance to their limited information about the events of the world until one day they need to use it to solve some problems. Maybe some people think that it is wasteful to take some time to know the events which has(have) nearly no connections with their daily life. Whereas, in my opinion, as a person on the world,(没有什么实在的意义,删了吧) I have to do my best to know the world's events.(some problems/time/people some出现的次数太多了，适当进行一些变换吧，第二句话显得有些累赘，可以稍微删减一些)

First of all, the main reason for my perspective is that I can keep pace with the development of world by browsing the internet(无关内容) to read the latest news. In other words, only if I care about the new events, can I know what is in fashion, what products have been invented to improve my life and what are(删掉) other people are concerning about.倒装句用得不错哈！ For example, if I do not care about the latest news about the world, how can I know that the economic crisis which had extended its influence in the world, how can I know the reason why did(删掉) a lot of people lose their job in this period of six month. And how can I work harder than before in order to be kept on working.(句子结构不完整，是应该和前面接上的吧) And to keep yourself changing with the development of the world is an essential skill to survive.（复杂句式要是用得还不熟练，建议还是写没有错误的简单句式比较好）

In addition, some events can provide the inspiration for my work. I am a stock manager and I have to do my best to know the important events.(不理解这两个并列句间有什么关系...) For instance, when I was noticed that the government have(had) made a policy about reviving the steel industry, it means that I have(had) to pay more attention on the steel plate in order to earn more money. So I have to keep my eye on the important event taken around the world.

Moreover, it is the best way to relax myself. For instance, I always spend my free time on surfing internet. Because I can do whatever I want on the internet.(没什么太大的意义，删掉吧)And reading interesting event which(删掉) is my favourite means to relax.

All in all, I want to keep pace with the development of the world. And besides, I also like to work and live better, so knowing the event is necessary for me to have a good life.

1 文中出现的第一人称太多了，过于口语化，建议写的稍微客观一些（不过那个stock manager的例子可以保留）
2 词汇量需要丰富，另外有些词可以用同义词替换，出现次数不宜太多

legolastuUID: 2453793

欢迎回拍哈，上次作业晚发了一天

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-941184-1-1.html

gaofei323UID: 2588256

With the rapid development of information technology, we can get the useful information more easily than before. However, it seems that most people can never attach enough importance to their limited information about the events of the world until one day they need to use it to solve some problems. Maybe some people think that it is wasteful to take some time to know the events which has(have) nearly no connection with their daily life. Whereas, in my opinion, as a person on(in/ of) the world, I have to do my best to know the world's events.(感觉背景交代比自己的观点长 调整一下比例可能比较好)

First of all, the main reason for my perspective is that I can keep pace with the development of world by browsing the internet to read the latest news.（分支观点应该写了解事件可以跟上世界的潮流（了解事件的原因），上网只是方法，放在下文比较好） In other words, only if I care about the new events, can I know what is in fashion, what products have been invented to improve my life and what are other people concerning about. For example, if I do not care about the latest news about the world, how can I know that the economic crisis had extended its influence in(to/to each corner of ) the world, how can I know the reason why did(不需要助动词) a lot of people lose their job in this period of six month. And how can I work harder than before in order to be kept on working（感觉表达不是很合适 换下avoid unemployment）. And（in brief） to keep yourself changing with the development of the world is an essential skill to survive.

In addition, some events can provide the inspiration for my work. I am a stock manager and I have to do my best to know the important events (since they played an dominant role in determining the stock price). For instance, when I was noticed that the government have（has） made a policy about reviving the steel industry （such as decreasing the tax and expand the demand of domestic market）, it means that I have to(should合适一点) pay more attention on the steel plate in order to earn more money. So I have to keep my eye on the important events taken place around the world.

Moreover, it(观点句说详细点好，learning global events) is the best way to relax myself. For instance, I always spend my free time on surfing internet. Because I can do whatever I want on the internet, and reading interesting event which is my favorite means to relax.（例子应该再详细点）

All in all, I want to keep pace with the development of the world, and besides, I also like to work and live better, so knowing the event is necessary for me to have a good life.（应该总结以上3个观点，这里只有2个）

小建议：文章结构不够均衡，2、3观点段明显比第一个短而且不够详细。
观点表达应该比较鲜明，第一个观点句感觉就不太好
句式应更加丰富，减少人物开头的句子数量
总的来说文章还可以~ 加油！本人水平有限~自己的斟酌斟酌 呵呵 Good luck~