Argument9求批

yhwzUID：2628211

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appearedin a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega Universityimplemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teachingeffectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors havebegun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student gradeaverages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparentlybelieve the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduateshave not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby AlphaUniversity. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega Universityshould now terminate student evaluation of professors."
WORDS: ？
TIME: 45min
DATE: 2009-4-13 16:23:19

The conclusion that Omega University shouldnow terminate student evaluation of professors cannot hold water, because it isreasoned from some unsound evidences and premises. Then, I will discuss them asthe follows.

To begin with, one premise of theconclusion is that a new procedure, that encouraged students to evaluate theteaching effectiveness of all their professors, leads to student’s grades are higherthan before. However, the arguer fails to provide any evidence to prove thecausal relationship can be established between them. Perhaps, it is the realcondition that the performance of students are worthy their grades given by theprofessors objectively. Moreover, the evidence that overall students gradeaverages at Omega have risen by thirty percent also cannot indicate the premiseis true, because the data is vague. We cannot draw any conclusion only dependon a relative number.

Secondly, the other premise in the argumentis that the fact, that potential employers apparently believe the grades atOmega are inflated, would explain why Omega graduates have not been assuccessful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University.However, this may be only an assumption which has no evidence to support thisis the case. First, the situation whether the graduates in OU could get jobsmay have nothing to do with the inflated grades given by professor. It ispossible that the crisis of economy results in the condition that it is hardfor students to hunter a job, or that graduates from OU have higher inspirationsand may not satisfy to some ordinary jobs. Second, the assumption thatemployers regard the grades in university more important than abilities is opento doubt. Thus, based on two reasons above, the arguer cannot make thisconclusion according to these evidences.

Furthermore, even if this measure reallybrings in some disadvantages for the graduates due to the grade inflation,however, the arguer fails to consider if this measure is terminated there willbe more new problems come out. For example, it is likely that professors willbe not work hard as before, without this pressure of evaluation from students,so that the level and effectiveness of instruction will decline, which might directlylead to students lack ability for competition in the future. Thus, we shouldneed other proper way to solve this disadvantage, rather than terminate studentevaluation of professors.

Finally, the arguer makes a false analogybetween OU and TU, without providing any information to prove that thebackgrounds of two universities are all the same. Thus, I can boldly assumethat the types of two universities are completely different. OU is a kind whichcultivates students to make more basic science researches, and TU is one whichthe main purpose of establishment is to train practical skills, greatly demandedby society, for students' future careers. Thus, it is certain that the latterwill have a better situation in job hunting.

To sum up, the argument seemswell-presented at first glance, but not well-reasoned. To strengthen it, thearguer should provide more information that whether it is the measure lead tothe job hunting for their graduates.

irvine666UID：2575525

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appearedin a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduateshave not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby AlphaUniversity. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega Universityshould now terminate student evaluation of professors."

The conclusion that Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors cannot hold water, because it is reasoned from some unsound evidences and premises. Then, I will discuss them as the follows.

To begin with, one premise of the conclusion is thata new procedure, that encouraged students to evaluate theteaching effectiveness of all their professors, leads to student’s grades are higherthan before.(这一句属于没用的话，（带下划线的都是完全可以咔嚓掉的，下同）直接the arguer fails blablablabla更好，ETS的老师比你更熟悉题目，没必要重复，他完全知道你要批什么) However, the arguer fails to provide any evidence to prove (that) the causal relationship can be established between them. Perhaps, it is the real condition that the performance of students are worthy their grades given by the professors objectively. Moreover, the evidence that overall students grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent also cannot indicate (that,宾语从句不能省略that，从句方面的语法需要恶补一下) the premise is true, because the data is vague.（都30%了还vague,那什么涨幅是clear?而且从moreover开始，这个分论点没有任何的证据来支持它。仅仅凭你主观的认定，是不够的） We cannot draw any conclusion only depend on a relative number（实际上，这里的proportion已经足以说明成绩的确有显著上涨了，不确定的仅仅是上涨是否和评教有关.所以你应当重点批驳那个causality,把moreover后面的全部砍掉，然后把前面那个只有他因支持的论点再完善一下，多添一些你自己的论述的话上去）.

Secondly, the other premise in the argumentis that the fact, that potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated, would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University(这句话问题很多。1.作为一个起始TS句，一定不要写的长到把自己和别人都绕的出不来那么多话，尤其是不要玩从句套从句这种；2.你的驾驭长句功底不行，明显从that the fact开始到结尾都是一个同谓语从句，解释other premise的，那么这句话的主干就只有一个the other premise,谓语和宾语都没了；3.仍然是单一的重复原文的内容来攒字数，没有任何实质性的思维在里面。作为开头TS句，3个错误当中犯了任何一个都是致命的，更不用说你3个都犯。).However, this may be only an assumption which has no evidence to support thisis the case. First, the situation whether the graduates in OU could get jobs may have nothing to do with the inflated grades given by professor. It is possible that the crisis of economy results in the condition that it is hardf or students to hunter a job, or that graduates from OU have higher inspirations and may not satisfy to some ordinary jobs（这个也有语法错误）. Second, the assumption that employers regard the grades in university more important than abilities is open to doubt（为什么open to doubt?你说作者错了，那他凭什么是错的？总得拿出各种理由来解释清楚吧？不能你认为错，就错，你写Argument，是为了说服ETS判卷人，不是说服你自己。）. Thus, based on two reasons above, the arguer cannot make thisconclusion according to these evidences.（这段话你的反驳点是：O学校学生找工作不容易不是因为成绩的原因。然而Argument当中已经很明显的说明了：雇佣者就是因为觉得成绩不可靠才不雇佣学生的。雇佣者的想法你和作者都管不到的，既然作者提供了appearantly，那么你就完全没有必要去批这个点，这个论点有点强词夺理的味道。）

Furthermore, even if this measure really brings in some disadvantages for the graduates due to the grade inflation,however, the arguer fails to consider if this measure is terminated there（指代不明） will be more new problems come out. For example, it is likely that professors will be not work hard as before, without this pressure of evaluation from students（这个是小概率事件，完全没有说服力。教授的工作态度，不可能被一个小小的评教活动来改变。薪水，器材，职称和待遇才是决定教授的工作态度的决定性因素。）, so that the level and effectiveness of instruction will decline, which might directly lead to students lack ability for competition in the future. Thus, we should need other proper way to solve this disadvantage, rather than terminate student evaluation of professors.（这段话的主要问题就是他因不合理）

Finally, the arguer makes a false analogy between OU and TU, without providing any information to prove that the backgrounds of two universities are all the same. Thus, I can boldly assume（assume?argument里面怎么能用如此主观的词语，既然你承认下面的分析都是assume的，那这些话哪儿来的说服力？） that the types of two universities are completely different. OU is a kind which cultivates students to make more basic science researches, and TU is one whichthe main purpose of establishment is to train practical skills, greatly demanded by society, for students' future careers（你是怎么知道的...尤其是谓语居然用的be动词表客观存在性...）. Thus, it is certain that the latter will have a better situation in job hunting.（这里要给你扫盲一下：argument是一种你必须站在绝对客观的立场来分析作者的文章的逻辑漏洞的驳论文，任何有主观，强烈的讽刺，鄙视，和人生攻击的意思的词语，都绝对不能出现在A里面。此外，A当中要尽量避免用be动词，因为be动词表示客观存在，如果一定要用be，变成might be, 或者前面带if, 从而表示你的绝对客观性.）

To sum up, the argument seemswell-presented at first glance, but not well-reasoned. To strengthen it, thearguer should provide more information that whether it is the measure lead tothe job hunting for their graduates.

irvine666UID：2575525

最后补充一句：你比较喜欢用从句套从句把一句话变得冗长无比，绕来绕去，而驾驭功底却不太够，这个是绝对错误的做法，我比较提倡不管什么情况下，带一层从句足够，不要从句里面再出现从句，真的会让读者很难受，相当难受。尤其是TS句，表达出你的意思就行了，不用去重复作者的原话。

yhwzUID：2628211

谢谢斑竹，恩 我不是有意那样的，很多句子是照着题目打上去的， 才接的那么长 汗。我自己不会写啊
我再去改改
谢谢

csuhn7UID：2866516

学习下 非常感谢！