Issue7

zyp8756UID: 2594775

According to the author, the video camera plays a more momentous role in our contemporary lives than writing records, because it is accurate and convincing. From my perspective, the video camera is really exact and objective, however, there are still many things that we can not record by looking and listening approaches to use the video camera. Thus, the author overstates the significance of video as a documentary tool.
Purchasing and maintaining video camera cost a lot. And that leads to that the video camera would not be used frequently. As an example, if the light is 100 dollar, the world would not be brighter than today. And it is very difficult to conclude that the light means a lot and contribute to human being. Moreover, the video camera needs energy to provide its running, it is necessary to connect power. But when power is inadequate and has no conditions to supply or charge. The video camera would not be made use of and maybe the user will fall in embarrass.

Though the video camera provides such a precise and forceful record, the written records still plays a earth-shattering role in society. Because the existent world is consist of two parts, inherent world and extrinsic one. At times depicting extrinsic world using the video camera is as much as necessary, but more, people can not understand the world exactly because the video camera would not present a deep sight into the world. Documents carry both cultural significance and metaphoric significance. For instance, Chinese culture can be inherited due to documents as Dao De Jing and Sun Zi Bingfa , and it is tricky to imagine that the video camera can replace it.


Undoubtedly, the video camera catch, record, process, store and translate data accurate and convincing. When vital conference and banquet happens, or evidence need to be demonstrated, the video camera is really important. Keeping harmony between the video camera and written record is the basic for our modern lives.

chenqiyanUID: 2195033

Issue7
TOPIC: "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

According to the author, the video camera plays a more momentous role in our contemporary lives than writing records, because it is accurate and convincing. From my perspective, the video camera is really exact and objective, however, there are still many things that we can not record by looking and listening approaches to use the video camera（这里感觉很怪）. Thus, the author overstates the significance of video as a documentary tool.（从这段可以读出你首先肯定了the video camera is really exact and objective，然而还有很多事是不能通过video camera来记录的，结果你认为原作者overstated 了video camera 作为记录文档的工具）

Purchasing and maintaining video camera cost a lot. And that leads to that the video camera would not be used frequently.（前面两句建议合并） As an example, if the light is （priced at） 100 dollar, the world would not be brighter than today. And it is very difficult to conclude that the light means a lot and contributes to human being. Moreover, the video camera needs energy to provide its running, it is necessary to connect power. But when power is inadequate and has no conditions to supply or charge. The video camera would not be made use of and maybe the user will fall in embarrass.（这段你述说了video camera的缺点，但首段你是先肯定的，因此个人觉得这段是先述说下the video camera is really exact and objective比较好）

Though the video camera provides such a precise and forceful record,（从这句让步式句子也可以看出第一段要写video camera 的好处） the written records still plays a(an) earth-shattering role in society. Because the existent world is consist of two parts, inherent world and extrinsic one. At times depicting extrinsic world using the video camera is as much as necessary, but more, people can not understand the world exactly because the video camera would not present a deep sight into the world. Documents carry both cultural significance and metaphoric significance. For instance, Chinese culture can be inherited due to documents as Dao De Jing(目前通常采用的译名是用汉语音译“DaoDeJing”或“TaoTeChing”。) and Sun Zi Bingfa(建议翻译成the art of war by Sunzi) , and it is tricky to imagine that the video camera can replace it.

Undoubtedly, the video camera catch, record, process, store and translate data accurate and convincing. When vital conference and banquet happens, or evidence need to be demonstrated, the video camera is really important.（你这句话全部是说video camera的好处的，与首段overstated相对应的句子呢？）Keeping harmony between the video camera and written record is the basic for our modern lives.（和前面句建议加个连接词）

建议：1.语法之类的我用红笔已标记好，有改错还望指出；
        2.逻辑建议我用蓝色标记。主要还是逻辑安排方面。

zyp8756UID: 2594775

TOPIC: "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

According to the author, the video camera plays a more momentous role in our contemporary lives than writing records, because it is accurate and convincing. From my perspective, the video camera is really exact and objective, however, there are still many things that we can not record by looking and listening approaches to use the video camera（这里感觉很怪 answer：“by the video barely”）. Thus, the author overstates the significance of video as a documentary tool.（从这段可以读出你首先肯定了the video camera is really exact and objective，然而还有很多事是不能通过video camera来记录的，结果你认为原作者overstated 了video camera 作为记录文档的工具 answer:夸大这个词不准确，但又感觉确实夸大了，因为作者过分强调了video camera好的一面 你觉得什么词更加贴切呢？）

Purchasing and maintaining video camera cost a lot. And that leads to that the video camera would not be used frequently.（前面两句建议合并） As an example, if the light is （priced at） 100 dollar, the world would not be brighter than today. And it is very difficult to conclude that the light means a lot and contributes to human being. Moreover, the video camera needs energy to provide its running, it is necessary to connect power. But when power is inadequate and has no conditions to supply or charge. The video camera would not be made use of and maybe the user will fall in embarrass.（这段你述说了video camera的缺点，但首段你是先肯定的，因此个人觉得这段是先述说下the video camera is really exact and objective比较好 answer：首段我是说好“exect and objictive” 然后不好“however”，而对应2 3段我两个说的都是说VC的不好，4段说它的好处一笔带过，论证不充分，但如果我如你所言先说VC的有点 放在第二段 我有没什么可以夸它的 有什么办法？要不就把手段让步互换位置）

Though the video camera provides such a precise and forceful record,（从这句让步式句子也可以看出第一段要写video camera 的好处） the written records still plays a(an) earth-shattering role in society. Because the existent world is consist of two parts, inherent world and extrinsic one. At times depicting extrinsic world using the video camera is as much as necessary, but more, people can not understand the world exactly because the video camera would not present a deep sight into the world. Documents carry both cultural significance and metaphoric significance. For instance, Chinese culture can be inherited due to documents as Dao De Jing(目前通常采用的译名是用汉语音译“DaoDeJing”或“TaoTeChing”。) and Sun Zi Bingfa(建议翻译成the art of war by Sunzi) , and it is tricky to imagine that the video camera can replace it.

Undoubtedly, the video camera catch, record, process, store and translate data accurate and convincing. When vital conference and banquet happens, or evidence need to be demonstrated, the video camera is really important.（你这句话全部是说video camera的好处的，与首段overstated相对应的句子呢？answer：+Consequentially,the author overlooks the flaws of VC and overstates its advantages）
(+And it is necessary for us to)Keep harmony between the video camera and written record is the basic for our modern lives.（和前面句建议加个连接词）

建议：1.语法之类的我用红笔已标记好，有改错还望指出；
        2.逻辑建议我用蓝色标记。主要还是逻辑安排方面。 2# chenqiyan

sha-shineUID: 2610662

:)

sha-shineUID: 2610662

:)发完这个我就可以发附件了

zyp8756UID: 2594775

According to the author, the video camera plays a momentous role in our contemporary lives than writing records, since it is accurate and convincing. From my perspective, the video camera is really exact and objective, however, there are still a host of things that we can not just record by the video camera that is writing record can play well. Thus, the author overstates the significance of video as a documentary tool.


Without doubt, the video camera provides such a precise, forceful and vivid record, however, the written records still plays an earth-shattering role in society. Because the existent world consists of two parts—inherent world and extrinsic one. At time goes by, there are an increasing number of persons using video camera, but more, people can not understand the world exactly as the video camera would not present a deep sight into the world. Writing documents can carry both cultural significance and metaphoric one. For instance, Chinese culture can be inherited due to documents as Dao De Jing and The Art of War. So it is tricky to imagine that the video camera can replace it. What is more, it is the content of video camera, which can not note such as activity of heart, the feeling and ideas to life, that is limited which can weaken its function, while the writing record can make it easy.

Also, purchasing and maintaining video camera cost a lot that leads the video camera to uselessness. As an example, if the light is expensive as 100 dollar, the world’s night would not be brighter than today. And it is very difficult to conclude that the bulb means a lot and contributes to human being. To some extent, the price can impact the contribution of the bulbs.
From other perspective, the video camera needs energy to provide its running, so it is necessary to connect power in every minute. But when energy is inadequate and lacks conditions to supply or charge. The video camera would not be made use of and may be the user will fall in embarrass especially in a vital conference or a crucial moment.


While video camera contributes to contemporary society that it is able to record accurately the vital affairs exactingly and catch the moment timely such as a wedding, which is a significant and cheerful time especially for couples, is impossible to lack the record of the video camera. Moreover, the approach of vivid video camera record which is a lack of writing record can attract people especially children to study interestingly and absorb knowledge speedy.

To sum up, though function of the video camera is convinced, its status can be consider as the same as the writing record. The author overstated its action undoubtedly。

muxinshuangUID: 2258459

Issue7
TOPIC: "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

According to the author, the video camera plays a momentous role in our contemporary lives than writing records, since it is accurate and convincing. From my perspective, the video camera is really (relatively) exact and objective, however, there are still a host of things that we can not just record by the video camera that is writing record can play well. Thus, the author overstates the significance of video as a documentary tool.


Without doubt, the video camera provides such a precise, forceful （forceful这词用的有点怪, powerful就行了）and vivid record, however, the written records still plays an earth-shattering role in society. Because the existent world consists of two parts—inherent world and extrinsic one. At time goes by, there are an increasing number of persons using video camera, but more, people can not understand the world exactly as the video camera would not present a deep sight into the world. Writing documents can carry both cultural significance and metaphoric one. For instance, Chinese culture can be inherited due to documents as Dao De Jing (最好写成Tao Te Ching不然美国人看不懂，同样的如果你把Mao Tse-tung写成Mao Zedong, 把Chiang Kai-shek写成汉语拼音的蒋介石，美国都看不懂，这种中国名人和名著的拼法在英语世界已经约定俗成了）and The Art of War. So it is tricky to imagine that the video camera can replace it. What is more, it is the content of video camera, which can not note such as activity of heart, the feeling and ideas to life（video也可以制造情绪啊，有一种拍videod的理论叫“情绪蒙太奇”）, that is limited which can weaken its function, while the writing record can make it easy. （这段实质性的反驳就4句）

Also, purchasing and maintaining video camera cost a lot that leads the video camera to uselessness （这句要加上一个限制的语境，坐飞机也cost a lot,但是不意味着useless). As an example, if the light is expensive as 100 dollar, the world’s night would not be brighter than today. And it is very difficult to conclude that the bulb means a lot and contributes to human being. To some extent, the price can impact the contribution of the bulbs.
From other perspective, the video camera needs energy to provide its running, so it is necessary to connect power in every minute. But when energy is inadequate and lacks conditions to supply or charge. The video camera would not be made use of and may be the user will fall in embarrass especially in a vital conference or a crucial moment. （最好对比的说，再强调笔和纸方便携带等等。我觉得你这个在conference不能用video的例子很好，但还是要展开说video的种种缺陷限制了它的广泛使用，相对起来笔纸都更为实用）（以上两段实质性的反驳就5句左右，每个例子都只有一两句话，我觉得能连珠炮那样的举例子反驳会跟让人信服）


While video camera contributes to contemporary society that it is able to record accurately the vital affairs exactingly and catch the moment timely such as a wedding, which is a significant and cheerful time especially for couples, is impossible to lack the record of the video camera. Moreover, the approach of vivid video camera record which is a lack of writing record can attract people especially children to study interestingly and absorb knowledge speedy.

To sum up, though function of the video camera is convinced, its status can be consider as the same as the writing record. The author overstated its action undoubtedly。
我觉得和上篇文章一样展开的都不是很充分，字数上也显得少，我建议你看下ets公布那几篇满分的范文，每段的论述都在200+，大例子小例子加一起不下7，8个，甚至10个以上，我算了下最少的一篇满分也有600多字。我觉得你用道德经的例子不错能说明问题。但是还应该更充分些。我还没开始看issue因为我是V，Q，AW一起考所以我要先v全看完。我提供你几个分析角度：我以前是学电影的，现代电影的基本的结构是由一个又一个的"montage"（蒙太奇，剪辑）组成的，蒙太奇从本质上并不反映现实的时间和空间，而是“制造”(create)新的时间和空间。所以电影里反映里的空间和时间是受拍摄人的意识影响而再造，它不但不是现实的反映，而且可能恰恰扭曲现实（就是我们常说移花接木）。我会说人们对video更准确更真实的想法是一种经验主义（empiricism)的迷信(superstition),例子太多了：电影，甚至很多纪录片的场景都是假的，它能比小说更能引起人的感官刺激的原因就是人们生理上和经验上都有这种“眼见为实”的迷信。