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[a习作temp] Argument14 【INTO THE FIRE】BY Brian78 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-5-9 23:09:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 Brian78 于 2009-5-10 10:18 编辑

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 491
TIME: 01:03:34


      
In this argument, the arguer concludes that the Green Thumb Gardening Centre can increase their profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds this coming spring. To substantiate this conclusion, the author
refers to a national survey and the sell of a gardening magazine. But these are not sufficient to draw the conclusion. I will analyse the fallacies in three aspects.

      
Firstly, the national survey conducted last month the author cites shows that many consumers are not satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarkets. So the author assumes that the consumers will choose to grow their owe vegetables. Actually the consumers may still buy vegetables in spite of their dissatisfaction or they will choose to buy vegetables in other places like groceries and outdoor vegetable markets instead of supermarkets since growing vegetables oneself is such
hard work and it will take not only a lot of money but also much time and vigor which the contemporary people lack most . Besides, the national survey can not make out that this certain suburban town also has vegetable quality problems. Thus the result of the survey is greatly unconvincing.

        
Secondly, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has a good distribution locally does not say that the buyers of the magazine are mostly common people and even if they are , who can assure that they buy the magazine because that they are interested in growing vegetables?
It has a big possibility that they buy it because of their interests in growing flowers or other gardening works. And even if they buy it for this reason , nobody can
guarantee that they will put it into action . Maybe they just have interests in growing vegetables and want to know more general knowledge about it or they are doing a search on growing vegetables. Furthermore, the situation may be that the gardening magazine company cut down their circulation several months ago or other magazine stands has stopped selling this magazine , which led to the marked sell increase of the Village News stand. So it is too farfetched to draw the conclusion that more and more people are interested in growing their own vegetables from this evidence.

        
Thirdly, the author says the business can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetables. But he hasn't considered the influence of climate and soil vegetable in this region. It may be suitable for only few kinds of vegetables. And the further consideration includes the
likes and dislikes of local people that may be only interested in few certain kinds of vegetables .So the expanding of variety of vegetables can not all to nothing contributes to profits increase.

         
To sum up, the author should consider more factors as I mentioned above if he wants draw the conclusion that the Thumb Gardening Centre can increase their benefits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds this coming spring. It will be more logically acceptable and convincing with these ingredients.
我反复地回头看来时的路,看不出第二种轨迹。。
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沙发
发表于 2009-5-15 13:18:28 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 pingko 于 2009-5-15 13:19 编辑

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the Green Thumb Gardening Centre can increase their profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds this coming spring. To substantiate this conclusion, the author refers to a national survey and the sell of a gardening magazine. But these are not sufficient to draw the conclusion. I will analyse the fallacies in three aspects.
National survey
sell of a gardening magazine   
推出   这个地区的人们将会自己种蔬菜  推出  公司如果有更多的品种的种子,利润会增加。
所以,个人觉得, 在第一段中,你说
作者提出增加种子的品种能够提升利润, 是由于全国调查和杂志销量。没有能对这个逻辑链做出一个完整的概述。 人们将会选择自己种蔬菜这个环节还是比较关键的。


Firstly, the national survey conducted last month the author cites shows that many consumers are not satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarkets. So the author assumes that the consumers will choose to grow their owe vegetables. Actually the consumers may still buy vegetables in spite of their dissatisfaction or they will choose to buy vegetables in other places like groceries and outdoor vegetable markets instead of supermarkets since growing vegetables oneself is such hard work and it will take not only a lot of money but also much time and vigor which the contemporary people lack most. Besides, the national survey can not make out that this certain suburban town also has vegetable quality problems. Thus the result of the survey is greatly unconvincing.

建议,
感觉这里用让步的顺序比较好, 1 全国性的调查不能代表某个地方的情况
2
即使这里的人也不满意,也不能推出他们要自己种


Secondly, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has a good distribution locally does not say that the buyers of the magazine are mostly common people
这里分成两句吧and even if they are , who can assure that they buy the magazine because that they are interested in growing vegetables? It has a big possibility that they buy it because of their interests in growing flowers or other gardening works. And even if they buy it for this reason, nobody can guarantee that they will put it into action . Maybe they just have interests in growing vegetables and want to know more general knowledge about it or they are doing a search on growing vegetables. Furthermore, the situation may be that the gardening magazine company cut down their circulation several months ago or other magazine stands has stopped selling this magazine, which led to the marked sell increase of the Village News stand. So it is too farfetched to draw the conclusion that more and more people are interested in growing their own vegetables from this evidence.


Thirdly, the author says the business can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetables. But he hasn't considered the influence of climate and soil vegetable in this region. It may be suitable for only few kinds of vegetables.
这个他因不错~~~ And the further consideration includes the likes and dislikes of local people that may be only interested in few certain kinds of vegetables .So the expanding of variety of vegetables can not all to nothing (?感觉应该是anythingcontributes to profits increase.


To sum up, the author should consider more factors as I mentioned above if he wants draw the conclusion that the Thumb Gardening Centre can increase their benefits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds this coming spring. It will be more logically acceptable and convincing with these ingredients.


整篇文章逻辑清晰,
关键的错误也都有找到,
而且他因找得很好。
有问题的地方都在上面标出来了
加油~!

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板凳
发表于 2009-5-15 13:20:12 |只看该作者
为虾米WORD 复制过来的,在这上面加不了色。。。。

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地板
发表于 2009-5-15 22:59:13 |只看该作者
3# pingko
多谢!~
我反复地回头看来时的路,看不出第二种轨迹。。

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RE: Argument14 【INTO THE FIRE】BY Brian78 [修改]

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Argument14 【INTO THE FIRE】BY Brian78
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