0910G【Try Best】第二小组 argument238 by 许浩杰

许浩杰UID: 2644623

argument238："At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."

In this argument, the arguer recommends that in order improve its job-placement record Mira Vista College should offer more business and computer courses and should hire more job counselors. To support the recommendation the author cited that at Green Mountain College 90 percent of last year’s graduates had job offers, but that only 70 percent of Mira Vista seniors who
informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. At first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somehow appealing, while a close examination will reveal how groundless it is. We do not have to look very far to see the invalidity of this argument. This argument suffers from at least 4 logical flaws.

First, the author commits a fallacy in assuming that at Green Mountain college 90% of last year’s graduates having job offers will automatically result in that Mira Vista’s job-placement rates is comparative poor. The author does not provide sufficient evidence to support that claim. The statistics cited, while suggestive in trends, is insufficient to warrant its truth because there is no reason to believe that Mira Vista’s job-placement rates is comparative poor will occur automatically. The author ignores the possibility that time parameters defining the two schools’ job-placement rates differ. Mira Vista’s record was determined only three months after graduation. It is entirely possible that Green Mountain’s record was based on a longer period of time, therefore distorting the comparative success of schools in helping their recent graduates find jobs.

Moreover, the evidence that at Mira Vista collage only about 35 percent of graduates seek the job related to their major field of study does not adequately show that Green Mountain is better than Mira Vista. The statistics that 90 percent of graduates of Green Mountain collage have perspective jobs can not support that they all find the jobs related to their major field of study.
Perhaps only 10 percent of graduates at Green Mountain are employed in the major field of study. So, the author will fail to get the conclusion that Mira vista should emulate Green Mountain just because maybe Mira Vista’s graduates are more outstanding than Green Mountain’s.

Even if that at Green Mountain College 90 percent of last year’s graduates had job offers, but that only 70 percent of Mira Vista seniors had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study was responsible for Mira Vista’s poor job-placement than Green Mountain’s, the editorial’s claim that Mira Vista should emulate Green Mountain is groundless. Mira Vista might focus on scientific research while Green Mountain emphasis on engineering. Admittedly, the students graduating from Mira Vista will have a difficulty on finding jobs than those from Green Mountain. Yet, it is difficult to tell which one is better, one Einstein or hundreds of engineers.

Even assuming that two schools are on same major field of study, the speaker unfairly assumes that Green Mountain’s comparatively strong job-placement record is due to the fact that it provides more business courses and job counselors than Mira Vista, rather than some other causes. But this need not be the case. Perhaps Green Mountain students are exceptionally bright or resourceful to begin with. Or perhaps the quality of instruction and job counseling at Green Mountain is exceptional high. Moreover, perhaps Green Mountain provides more business courses and job counselors than Mira Vista simply because Green Mountain is a larger school with more students; if so, then the comparative numbers are not likely to have any bearing on job-placement success. In short, without ruling out other possible explanations for the difference between job-placement rates, the author cannot reasonably conclude that additional business courses and job counselors would enhance Mira Vista’s job-placement record.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must show that additional business courses and job counselors would in fact improve Mira Vista’s job-placement rate, and that the comparison between the job-placement rates at the two schools is fair. Finally, the authors provides no evidence whatsoever to support his recommendation for providing more computer courses; to justify this claim the author must provide supporting evidence.

seraphy1986UID: 2629743

In this argument, the arguer recommends that in order（加上to） improve its job-placement record Mira Vista College should offer more business and computer courses and should hire more job counselors. To support the recommendation the author cited that at Green Mountain College 90 percent of last year’s graduates had job offers, but that only 70 percent of Mira Vista seniors who
informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. At first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somehow appealing, while a close examination will reveal how groundless it is. We do not have to look very far to see the invalidity of this argument. This argument suffers from at least 4 logical flaws.

First, the author commits a fallacy in assuming that at Green Mountain college 90% of last year’s graduates having job offers will automatically result in that Mira Vista’s job-placement rates is comparative poor. The author does not provide sufficient evidence to support that claim. The statistics cited, while suggestive in trends, is insufficient to warrant its truth because there is no reason to believe that Mira Vista’s job-placement rates is comparative poor will occur automatically.（automatically用了两次,可以考虑换个） The author ignores the possibility that time parameters defining the two schools’ job-placement rates differ. Mira Vista’s record was determined only three months after graduation. （determine用在这里不好，the author only records the three months after graduation rate of MV’job-placement，这样改如何）It is entirely possible that Green Mountain’s record was based on a longer period of time, therefore distorting the comparative success of schools in helping their recent graduates find jobs.

Moreover, the evidence that at Mira Vista collage only about 35 percent of graduates seek the job related to their major field of study does not adequately show that Green Mountain is better than Mira Vista. The statistics that 90 percent of graduates of Green Mountain collage have perspective jobs can not support that they all find the jobs related to their major field of study.
Perhaps only 10 percent of graduates at Green Mountain are employed in the major field of study. So, the author will fail(改成fails) to get the conclusion that Mira vista should emulate Green Mountain just because maybe Mira Vista’s graduates are more outstanding than Green Mountain’s.（文章中没有这个结论—MV应该赶上GMC吧，而只是说应该多开经济学课程）
Even if that at Green Mountain College 90 percent of last year’s graduates had job offers, but （改成while或and）that only 70 percent of Mira Vista seniors had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study was （改成were）responsible for Mira Vista’s poor job-placement than Green Mountain’s, the editorial’s claim that Mira Vista should emulate Green Mountain is groundless. （这个句子很长注意其中的衔接词的使用）Mira Vista might focus on scientific research while Green Mountain （加个may可能比较好）emphasis on engineering. Admittedly, the students graduating from Mira Vista will have a（去掉a） difficulty on（改为in） finding jobs than those from Green Mountain. Yet, it is difficult to tell which one is better, one Einstein or hundreds of engineers.

Even assuming that two schools are on same major field of study, the speaker unfairly assumes that Green Mountain’s comparatively strong job-placement record is due to the fact that it provides more business courses and job counselors than Mira Vista, rather than some other causes. But this need not be the case.（这句话什么作用？不太明白它的意思） Perhaps Green Mountain students are exceptionally bright or resourceful to begin with. Or perhaps the quality of instruction and job counseling at Green Mountain is exceptional high. Moreover, perhaps Green Mountain provides more business courses and job counselors than Mira Vista simply（改成merely可能更好些） because Green Mountain is a larger school with more students; if so, then the comparative numbers are not likely to have any bearing on job-placement success. In short, without ruling out other possible explanations for the difference between job-placement rates, the author cannot reasonably conclude that additional business courses and job counselors would enhance Mira Vista’s job-placement record.(这个句子是个很好的总结)
In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the author must show that additional business courses and job counselors would in fact improve Mira Vista’s job-placement rate, and that the comparison between the job-placement rates at the two schools is fair. Finally, the authors provides no evidence whatsoever to support his recommendation for providing more computer courses; to justify this claim the author must provide supporting evidence（evidences）.

总的来说结构很清晰，有些句子很精彩，开头和结尾都不错，中间攻击错误还需要更有力。另外有些小的语法错误。第一次写能够这样，很不错了。

许浩杰UID: 2644623

2# seraphy1986

谢谢你的鼓励，让我信心大增。加油，FIGHTING!!!