Issue130 =So What=小组第2次作业 by 灿烂千阳灿烂

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

ISSUE130果然难！

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
  
现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。可惜的是，我们还没有学会教孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。

提纲：
1.        开头，把命题进行拆分。
2.        社会化程度的影响和作用。我们对于培养孩子的社会化程度做得可以。
3.        孩子是希望，是明天的栋梁之才，孩子的培养当然与社会命运息息相关。但孩子的社会化并不只是社会命运的唯一指标。
4.        如果说孩子的社会化程度就决定了社会的命运，那么我们没有教会孩子建设更好的社会就等于没有学会提高孩子的社会化程度。但这个命题在第二段已被推翻，那么我们在教孩子如何建设一个更好的社会方面做得如何呢？我认为在一定程度上我们教会了孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

WORDS: 652          DATE: 2009-5-30        START:  19：40        END: 22:40
The role children have been playing in outweighs others from generations to generations, especially in recent eras in which only one child is raised in each family. Parents holds that child is the hope and the future to our family, our nation and our society. But is the socialization of children the only indicating facor to the destiny of thesociety? If it is so determining, according to the speaker, then what he really feels pity is we have not learned how to make children better socialized. If it is not so determing, then have we done such a bad job in learning how to raise children who can help bring about a better society?

Socialization refers to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the individual it provides the skills and habits necessary for acting and participating within their society. To achieve this, a child should first learn to speak, to write, to read, thus he become cultured and mastered in certain skills upon which he could support himself in the society. Reasonably, the better the children are socialized, the more he could contribute to the society. With the fast develop of the entire society, we have tripled or more time and resources to cultivate children. Big burden on their shoulders though, parents can never be pleased about what their children have learned and the time they have devoted into sorts of cultivation. Perceptibly, it is not so surprised for us to see the increasing quantity of children who contract a good habit, or the spiraling number of students who cultivate a critical thinking skills. It is not difficult to find we achieve the goal that children tend to be law-abiding citizens and good collegues, as well as cultured and respectful members of society.
Nonetheless, how children are socialized could not take up the whole space when it comes to the destiny of society. Stephen William Hawking, who receive the reputation as the most outstanding scientist all over the world, can only speak with the help of the sound synthesizer owing to a disease suffered when he was 21 years old. Hawking makes astronomical contribution to the scientific world and the society by means of his will to overcome physical diseases, his strong thirst for science and his dilligence. Another persuading example is The Declaration of Independence, which was the precious prize for American people. Independence and freedom as its core soul have been quoted every now and then. For the independence and freedom, other than any socialization, the united states could come into existence

As for the author’s assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, since we have done a good job on making children well socialized, which have been expatiated in the second passage, let us discuss how we perform in other aspects about raising children who can help bring about a better society.  Nowadays, better resources help children gain much more opportunities to receive advanced education in more places; more sophisticated medical equipment allows for safer diagnosis and treatment; the advent of the information age enables children informed of the latest technology and various advanced technology facilitates their great participation in the social activities. Accordingly, we have provided the best resources and created the most intensive atmosphere for children in order to help them more qualified to bring about a better society.

From what have been discussed above, how children are socialized today fails to determine the destiny of society attributing to the existence of other essential factors. And it is too hasty to draw the conclusion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. Because we could worth a two-thumb up not only in socializing children but also in other perspectives referring to helping children bring about a better society.

sha-shineUID: 2610662

好羡慕你能写这么多字 我写出来后字数严重不够~~:mad:

fengrui129UID: 2639927

社会化 这个词不好定义 不好破题  so·cial·ize   
1 : to make social especially : to fit or train for a social environment
b : to adapt to social needs or uses

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

4# sha-shine
沙沙，我写了3个小时撒！

miki7catUID: 2533330

果然还是在socialization这个词的理解上有分歧，咱们讨论时候再说。
其他没什么，有几个拼写错误。


The role children have been playing in outweighs others from generations to generations, especially in recent eras in which only one child is raised in each family. Parents [holds](hold) that child is the hope and the future to our family, our nation and our society. But is the socialization of children the only indicating [facor](factor?) to the destiny of the society? If it is so determining, according to the speaker, then what he really feels pity is we have not learned how to make children better socialized. If it is not so [determing](determining), then have we done such a bad job in learning how to raise children who can help bring about a better society?

Socialization refers to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the individual it provides the skills and habits necessary for acting and participating within their society. To achieve this, a child should first learn to speak, to write, to read, thus he become cultured and mastered in certain skills upon which he could support himself in the society. Reasonably, the better the children are socialized, the more he could contribute to the society. With the fast develop of the entire society, we have tripled or more time and resources to cultivate children. Big burden on their shoulders though, parents can never be pleased about what their children have learned and the time they have devoted into sorts of cultivation. Perceptibly, it is not so surprised for us to see the increasing quantity of children who contract a good habit, or the spiraling number of students who cultivate a critical thinking [skills](skill). It is not difficult to find we achieve the goal that children tend to be law-abiding citizens and good [collegues](?), as well as cultured and respectful members of society.

Nonetheless, how children are socialized could not take up the whole space when it comes to the destiny of society. Stephen William Hawking, who receive the reputation as the most outstanding scientist all over the world, can only speak with the help of the sound synthesizer owing to a disease suffered when he was 21 years old. Hawking makes astronomical contribution to the scientific world and the society by means of his will to overcome physical diseases, his strong thirst for science and his [dilligence](diligence). Another persuading example is The Declaration of Independence, which was the precious prize for American people. Independence and freedom as its core soul have been quoted every now and then. For the independence and freedom, other than any socialization, the united states could come into existence.

sha-shineUID: 2610662

The role （这里是不是缺少了个连词？我感觉读起来有点别扭。
play an important role in 在...中起重要作用
和
fill the role of
担负...的任务
感觉这里应该加一个of） children have been playing in outweighs(outweigh是动词为什么要加复数s呢？) others from generations to generations（我知道描述“一代一代”的词组有from generation to generation 和generation after generation。不知道from generation to generation 是否正确
和你讨论一下
如果是正确的描述我就又加了个词条
）, especially in recent eras in which only one child is raised in each family（这个现象只发生在中国，去掉比较好。）（而且我理解的这里应该是说孩子占得比重比较大，所以才说孩子决定了社会的命运吧）. Parents holds (Parents hold) that child is the hope and the future to our family, our nation and our society. But is the socialization of children the only indicating facor（？） to the destiny of the society?
If it is so determining, according to the speaker, then what he really feels pity is we have not learned how to make children （这里感觉缺少了点东西，如果加上“to built a”后更能表达你想说的意思）better socialized. （这里我是这么表达“we do not learn to teach children how to built a better society.”）If it is not so determing（determining）, then have we done such a bad job in learning how to raise children who can help bring about(我查到bring about是引起; 致使; 造成; 达成的意思
用在这里似乎不太合适
换成bring on或者别的 ) a better society?

Socialization refers to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the individual it provides the skills and habits necessary for acting and participating within(与前文重复
同义词代换下：surrounded by) their society. To achieve this, a child should first（first去掉） learn to speak, to write, to read, thus he become cultured and mastered in certain skills upon which he could support himself in the society. Reasonably, the better the children are socialized,（，去掉） the more he could contribute to the society. With the fast develop of the entire society, we have tripled or more time and resources to cultivate children. Big burden on their shoulders though, parents can never be pleased (应该不是
被动never easy pleased)about what their children have learned and the time they have devoted into sorts of cultivation. Perceptibly, it is not so surprised for us to see the increasing quantity of children who contract a good habit, or the spiraling number of students who cultivate a critical thinking skills.（thinking skills 是什么啊？） It is not difficult to find we achieve the goal that children tend to be law-abiding citizens and good collegues, as well as cultured and respectful members of society.
Nonetheless, how children are socialized could not take up the whole space when it comes to the destiny of society. Stephen William Hawking, who receive the reputation as the most outstanding scientist all over the world, can only speak with the help of the sound synthesizer owing to a disease suffered when he was 21 years old. Hawking makes astronomical contribution to the scientific world and the society by means of his will to overcome physical diseases, his strong thirst for science and his dilligence（diligence）. Another persuading example is The Declaration of Independence, which was the precious prize for American people. Independence and freedom as its core soul have been quoted every now and then. For the independence and freedom, other than any socialization, the united states could come into existence

As for the author’s assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, since we have done a good job on making children well socialized, which have been expatiated in the second passage, let us discuss how we perform in other aspects about raising children who can help bring about a better society.  Nowadays, better resources help children gain much more opportunities to receive advanced education in more places; more sophisticated medical equipment allows for safer diagnosis and treatment; the advent of the information age enables children informed of the latest technology and various advanced technology facilitates their great participation in the social activities. Accordingly, we have provided the best resources and created the most intensive atmosphere for children in order to help them more qualified to bring about a better society.

From what have been discussed above, how children are socialized today fails to determine the destiny of society attributing to the existence of other essential factors. And it is too hasty to draw the conclusion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. Because we could worth a two-thumb up not only in socializing children but also in other perspectives referring to helping children bring about a better society.


后面的提纲里写的比较详细 读起来容易所以错误挑出来的比较少
老外的思维比较直 如果你能在首段点一下自己的主题 这样会更占优势的
我的英语底子不好 语法更加缺乏（在我的文章里你一定已经看出来了） 所以给你改错了 不要介意哦）

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

8# sha-shine :hug: 谢谢沙沙！

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

7# miki7cat 好，再讨论！