0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by wisle

wisleUID: 2578616

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

破题顺序如下：
Conclusion: decrease emphasis on international news + refrain from displaying such stories
Supports: 1.几期最低发行量的杂志封面选用的是国际新闻
                2.竞争对手减少了国际新闻作为封面的次数
                3.外国新闻部的费用上升





攻击关节处为1，2，3

提纲：
攻击1：(1)不知道几期最高发行量的杂志封面是否是国际新闻(2)销售不好固然和封面有关，但购买仅仅是凭靠封面嘛？
攻击2：(1) 竞争对手减少对我们有什么影响(2)竞争对手减少给自生收益带来什么影响 (3)竞争对手虽也是新闻杂志，但重点是否是国际新闻呢？可能是人家的定位不同而导致封面上较少刊登国际新闻。
攻击3：(1) 外闻部的费用增加，是否给我们带来了大于费用增加的收益呢？(2)虽然外闻部费用增加，可是是否是现在市场上的Price Level改变而引起的名义量(nominal)的改变？

TOPIC: ARGUMENT173 - The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
WORDS: 406
TIME: 00:40:00
DATE: 2009-6-3 下午 11:25:43

（写完提纲后去上课，回来写正文时时没感觉 ）
==============================================

The suggestion that decreasing the emphasis on international news and the frequency of displaying such stories on the covers seems to be well-proved, basing on the several poorest-selling issues covering the international news, competitors decreasing the number of the international news as the covers, and the operating cost of foreign bureaus, the spring of international news, increasing. Where, to prove this suggestion, the arguer should provide more compelling and comprehensive reasons.

At first, the fact that the several poorest-selling’s covers are international news should not be negated. Nevertheless, it can not to prove that the best-selling’s covers are also the international news; as if, the selling number of the issues does not focus on the cover whether on the international news or not. Even the essential reason is the international news, how can individuals buy or not depending on the covers? For example, when different covers are full of your eyes, you will pick up the one which you prefer. But you will read the content, and then make your decision. So, as a factor influencing your consumption decision, the content of a issue also plays a key role.

Additionally, whether the number of covers on international news of the competing news-magazines goes down will influence their profits or not is still a question. And whether their changes bringing the loss or not to us also remains to illustrate. Then the decreasing covers of the competitors on such news maybe are the superficial phenomenon. Although we also publish the news-magazine, their emphasis may be different. Each kind of news-magazine has the different way to achieve itself. For example, China Weekly focuses on the news which happened in China, while the Observation of Goble works on the international events. So the comparing is useless between two different types of news-magazines and can't illustrate the problem clearly.

What's more? The operating cost of foreign bureaus was used to persuade the suggestion. But when it comes to the cost, we will talk about the profits. Perhaps, rises though the cost, the profits may increase in the same percentage degree or over the cost. That means the rising cost brings more profits. Another reason is that the price level may have gone up, so the costs of all the products increased, and the cost of foreign bureaus arises inevitably.

Above all, the arguer should supply more evidences to strong the ration his suggestions have, whereas the deduction is not reasonable.

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

mark一下

akongworldUID: 2607594

The suggestion that decreasing the emphasis on international news and the frequency of displaying such stories on the covers seems to be well-proved, basing on the several poorest-selling issues covering the international news, competitors decreasing the number of the international news as the covers, and the operating cost of foreign bureaus, the spring of international news, increasing. Where, to prove this suggestion, the arguer should provide more compelling and comprehensive reasons.

At first, the fact that the several poorest-selling’s covers are international news should not be negated. Nevertheless, it can not to prove语法错误... that the best-selling’s covers are also the international news; as if, the selling number of the issues does not focus on the cover whether on the international news or not这句话读者很不顺，而且如果卖得最好的也是国际新闻的话作者应该就不会提议把这部分给撤消了吧...我也有看到其他的人有这么写过~~~不知道是不是什么参考书上的~~~可是就是觉着这个理由不够好....呃，个人拙见.... Even the essential reason is the international news,这句话怎么又回到肯定是国际新闻影响了销量的意思上了？ how can individuals buy or not depending on the covers? For example, when different covers are full of your eyes, you will pick up the one which you prefer. But you will read the content, and then make your decision. So, as a factor influencing your consumption decision, the content of a issue also plays a key role.

Additionally, whether the number of covers on international news of the competing news-magazines goes down will influence their profits or not is still a question. And whether their changes bringing the loss or not to us also remains to illustrate这句话写的很混乱，虽然能能读得懂在说什么. Then the decreasing covers of the competitors on such news maybe are the superficial phenomenon. Although we also publish the news-magazine, their emphasis may be different. Each kind of news-magazine has the different way to achieve itself. For example, China Weekly focuses on the news which happened in China, while the Observation of Goble works on the international events. So the comparing is useless between two different types of news-magazines and can't illustrate the problem clearly.

What's more? The operating cost of foreign bureaus was used to persuade the suggestion. But when it comes to the cost, we will talk about the profits. Perhaps, rises though the cost,？？？？ the profits may increase in the same percentage degree or over the cost. That means the rising cost brings more profits. Another reason is that the price level may have gone up, so the costs of all the products increased, and the cost of foreign bureaus arises inevitably.光解释了成本怎么计算，没说明到底要对国际部采取什么措施

Above all, the arguer should supply more evidences to strong the ration his suggestions have, whereas the deduction is not reasonable.看过一篇关于怎么写argu结尾的文章，说结尾不要太短，自己觉得是精炼总结，可是在评委看来就是没有写完，应该再陈述一下解决办法什么的....

改的晚了~~实在不好意思，最近学习真的很紧张，没什么时间上网。神经都快崩溃了
真的是很很很不好意思~~
还有改的地方如果有不对的话请尽管批评~~~呵呵~~互相学习互相进步.....

米丽水UID: 2637300

The suggestion that decreasing the emphasis on international news and the frequency of displaying such stories on the covers seems to be well-proved, basing->based on the several poorest-selling issues covering the international news, competitors decreasing the number of the international news as the covers, and the operating cost of foreign bureaus, the spring of international news increasing（这句话和原文那个对应？）. Therefore, to prove this suggestion, the arguer should provide more compelling and comprehensive reasons.
第一段对题目的总结比较好，很到位，然后提出论点。
At first, the fact that the several poorest-selling’s covers are international news should not be negated. Nevertheless, it can not to （删去）prove that the best-selling’s covers are also the international news; as if, the selling number of the issues does not focus on the cover whether on the international news or not.
(前面一段我没有找到中心句最好开头有一个中心句然后围绕其论述，一上来就找细节不能够打击要害) Even the essential reason is the international news, how can individuals buy or not depending on the covers? For example, when different covers are full of your eyes, you will pick up the one which you prefer. But you will read the content, and then make your decision. So, as a factor influencing your consumption decision, the content of a issue also plays a key role.
你要说的是读新闻也不是看封面的，还要看内容，是基于细节上反驳，建议你从逻辑上反驳。

Additionally, whether the number of covers on international news of the competing news-magazines goes down will influence their profits or not is still a question. 这个有中心句很好。你要说的是报纸价格没定，虽然销量下滑，但利润未必减少。And whether their changes bringing the loss or not to us also remains to be illustrated. Then （另一个攻击点，用besides好点。）the decreasing covers of the competitors on such news maybe are the superficial phenomenon. Although we also publish the news-magazine, their emphasis may be different. Each kind of news-magazine has the different way to achieve itself(什么意思？难道是不同杂志的竞争者没有可比性？因此不能做参照？倒是观点新颖，从竞争者的身份入手很好). For example, China Weekly focuses on the news which happened in China, while the Observation of Goble works on the international events. So the comparing is useless between two different types of news-magazines and can't illustrate the problem clearly.

What's more? The operating cost of foreign bureaus was used to persuade the suggestion. But when it comes to the cost, we will talk about the profits.（这句话这么扯到利润上了，要和题目该不该减少国家事务报道扯上联系啊）Perhaps, rises though the cost, the profits may increase in the same percentage degree or over the cost. That means the rising cost brings more profits. Another reason is that the price level may have gone up, so the costs of all the products increased, and the cost of foreign bureaus arises inevitably.这段在说利润，要和决定挂钩

Above all, the arguer should supply more evidences to strong the ration his suggestions have, whereas the deduction is not reasonable.能不能再总结一下作者应该提供什么样的具体信息，像你的第一段做的那样呢？
行文整体词汇变化丰富，语法错误也很少，这是很赞的一面。结构把握很好。就是在具体每段阐释时要收放有度，不能行云流水，这点如果做好了当个高手很容易。