0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by 【galloper】B07.FarseeR

ystyleUID: 2454212

TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. Thegovernments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
WORDS: 596
TIME: 01:13:19
DATE: 2009/6/4 17:02:51

In current world, people around the world come together and communicate with each other in several certain languages. That directly results what the author asserts, many of the world's lesser-known languages are disappearing as fewer and fewer people use them. Governments should do something right now to maintain these languages spoken and prevent such languages from becoming extinct. I agree with the author's point of view for most while I believe, on the other hand, that is not as simple as the speaker states.

We are all sure that languages are the representative of the culture of a nation. It embraces all the extraordinary features that is unique in the whole world and touches our everyday lives unconsciously. The main functions of languages are the expression of human thought, which accompanies and enriches the nation as long as it exists. Once it left us, the race who speak it collapses or even extincts for good. That's why, for instance, when World War II broke out, the invaders would setup up schools and compel the people they want to conquer to study their language as soon as they occupied a city. For they have no doubt that in order to destroy a nation completely, they need to break down the culture and the native language is absolutely what they want to disappear as soon as possible. Hence, language is the symbol of a country which is indispensable, governments should publish policy to prevent it from being extinct.

Furthermore, ancient languages also do a lot of favors in our life,especially in academic realm. They record so many information that we will never know whether we have got enough. Various examples illustrate what I cite above. With the help of languages, it can help historians realize more of our ancestors' past life. We will know what happened thousands of years ago, we can tell those classical stories generation by generation and more importantly, we can learn the truth from the past and guide our behavior because it, no matter fiasco or glory, tells us right and wrong, good and evil and so forth. Besides that, it also offers an excellent chance for scientist to get involved in the science of the past and emerge what they have found with nowadays technology to creative unbelievable achievements. Thus, languages are such an important existence that we have no reason to let it gone.

However, although languages have been told that have considerable reasons that persuade us to preserve it, does that mean we should take our native language as the foremost and exclude all other languages? Absolutely not.We should figure out that in such a high-tech environment we are now living in,the world become smaller and smaller. People in different places, for example,often hold video meeting via Internet and it will be awkward if people speak their native tongues respectively. The situation arising from this remind us that we need a common language that can be spoken everywhere in order to satisfied our communication requirement with people in different place. That means during the protecting of the lesser-known languages, we cannot discriminate against other languages meanwhile. We should find a balance between them and lead our life to the road which is easier and more comfortable than before.

To sum up, languages, which is the symbol of a culture and a nation,that facing the extinction should be preserved as soon as possible with thehelp of governments. But we cannot overdo the protection with extreme actionsto avoid getting into the opposite direction of we wished.

DavidleezbUID: 2595815

double 杨 啊～  太牛了，写那么多哦   我就憋不出那么多字来啊    值得借鉴    要再写点该怎么balance就好了。。。

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

1# ystyle
FarseeR，之来了~

In current world, people around the world come together and communicate with each other in several certain languages. That directly results what the author asserts, many of the world's lesser-known languages are disappearing as fewer and fewer people use them. Governments should do something right now to maintain these languages spoken and prevent such languages from becoming extinct. I agree with the author's point of view for most while I believe, on the other hand, that is not as simple as the speaker states.（很好，观点立场鲜明，但开头可以再精炼些）

We are all sure that languages are the representative of the culture of a nation. It embraces all the extraordinary features that is unique in the whole world and touches our everyday lives unconsciously. The main functions of languages are the expression of human thought, which accompanies and enriches the nation as long as it exists. Once it left us, the race who speak it collapses or even extincts（extinct不是动词，你可以说becomes extinct） for good. That's why, for instance, when World War II broke out, the invaders would setup up（多打一个up？） schools and compel the people they want to conquer to study their language as soon as they occupied a city.（哇！这例子经典，至少我没见过，嘿嘿）
For they have no doubt that in order to destroy a nation completely, they need to break down the culture and the native language is absolutely what they want to disappear（这里是不是应该用eliminate吧？） as soon as possible. Hence, language is the symbol of a country which is indispensable, governments should publish policy to prevent it from being extinct. （我认为这个结论下得有点过于坚定了，应该婉转些）

Furthermore, ancient languages also do a lot of favors in our life, especially in academic realm. They record so many information（information不可数，因此不能用so many） that we will never know whether we have got enough. （这句话读起来不通，换个说法呢？） Various examples illustrate what I cite above. With the help of languages, it can help historians realize more of our ancestors' past life. We will know what happened thousands of years ago, we can tell those classical stories generation by generation and more importantly, we can learn the truth from the past and guide our behavior because（这里要加of） it, no matter fiasco or glory, tells us right and wrong, good and evil and so forth. （这个说得好！） Besides that（这里可以不要that）, it also offers an excellent chance for scientists to get involved in the science of the past and emerge what they have found with nowadays technology to creative unbelievable achievements. Thus, languages are such an important existence that we have no reason to let it gone.

However, although languages have been told that have considerable reasons that persuade us to preserve it, does that mean we should take our native language as the foremost and exclude all other languages (如果改成as the foremost language and exclude the others)? Absolutely not. We should figure out that in such a high-tech environment we are now living in, the world become smaller and smaller. People in different places, for example, often hold video meeting via Internet and it will be awkward if people speak their native tongues respectively. The situation arising from this remind us that we need a common language that can be spoken everywhere in order to satisfied（换成meet是不是好一点，满足需求） our communication requirement with people in different places. That means during the protecting of the lesser-known languages, we cannot discriminate against other languages meanwhile. We should find a balance between them and lead our life to the road which is easier and more comfortable than before.

To sum up, languages, which is the symbol of a culture and a nation, that （语法，有点小问题，非限制性定语从句&划线部分的单复数）facing the extinction should be preserved as soon as possible with the help of governments. But we cannot overdo the protection with extreme actions to avoid getting into the opposite direction of we wished.

FarseeR的文章写的很不错，好的咱还是要先夸夸：一是字数足，二是论据好，三是用了很多长句，四是驾驭文字的能力强，之很佩服！^_^
但不足之处也要说说，长句是有了，但没充分用上高频难词，如果能写出长难句，那就妥了！还有一些小的语法错误我就不说了，相信以后在写的过程多加小心就一定能改正！最后，在段尾表明自己的观点时，F要婉转些，否则会被误以为上下自相矛盾。
好了，之的水平实在不太高，先点评到这，有不对的地方请多多包涵！咱们相互学习，共同进步！
加油！O(∩_∩)O~

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

1# ystyle
我哭！~改了一次，没传成功，伤心……
FarseeR，我再改一次！！！~~~~(>_<)~~~~

橘子色，代表疑问
红色，代表我的建议
蓝色，代表我的赞同
绿色，是偶的点评:)

In current world, people around the world come together and communicate with each other in several certain languages. That directly results what the author asserts, many of the world's lesser-known languages are disappearing as fewer and fewer people use them. Governments should do something right now to maintain these languages spoken（这里指的只是spoken吗?） and prevent such languages from becoming extinct. I agree with the author's point of view for most while I believe, on the other hand, that is not as simple as the speaker states.（很好，观点和立场鲜明，但开头可以再精炼些）

We are all sure that languages are the representative of the culture of a nation. It embraces all the extraordinary features that is unique in the whole world and touches our everyday lives unconsciously. The main functions of languages are the expression of human thought, which accompanies and enriches the nation as long as it exists（这里的主语应该是语言吧？但这从句主语是语言的主要功能啊…）. Once it left us, the race who speak it collapses or even extincts（extinct不是动词，你可以说becomes extinct） for good. That's why, for instance, when World War II broke out, the invaders would setup up（多打一个up？） schools and compel the people they want to conquer to study their language as soon as they occupied a city.（哇！这例子经典，至少我没见过，嘿嘿）
For they have no doubt that in order to destroy a nation completely, they need to break down the culture and the native language is absolutely what they want to disappear（这里应该用eliminate比较好） as soon as possible. Hence, language is the symbol of a country which is indispensable, governments should publish policy to prevent it from being extinct.

Furthermore, ancient languages also do a lot of favors in our life, especially in academic realm. They record so many information（information是不可数名词，不能用so many 修饰） that we will never know whether we have got enough. （这句话我问过几个G友，都认为不太通，要不换个说法呢？）Various examples illustrate what I cite above. With the help of languages, it can help historians realize more of our ancestors' past life. We will know what happened thousands of years ago, we can tell those classical stories generation by generation, and more importantly, we can learn the truth from the past and guide our behavior because（这里要加of） it, no matter fiasco or glory, tells us right and wrong, good and evil and so forth. (这句话堪称经典！) Besides that （that可以去掉不要）, it also offers an excellent chance for scientists to get involved in the science of the past and emerge what they have found with nowadays technology to creative unbelievable achievements. Thus, languages are such an important existence that we have no reason to let it gone.

However, although languages have been told that have considerable reasons that persuade us to preserve it, does that mean we should take our native language as the foremost and exclude all other languages (如果改成as the foremost language and exclude the others会不会更好？)? Absolutely not. We should figure out that in such a high-tech environment we are now living in, the world become smaller and smaller. People in different places, for example, often hold video meeting via Internet and it will be awkward if people speak their native tongues respectively. The situation arising from this remind us that we need a common language that can be spoken everywhere in order to satisfied（换成meet是不是好一点？） our communication requirement with people in different places. That means during the protecting of the lesser-known languages, we cannot discriminate against other languages meanwhile. We should find a balance between them and lead our life to the road which is easier and more comfortable than before.

To sum up, languages, which is the symbol of a culture and a nation, that （语法，有点小问题，非限制性定语从句&划线部分的单复数）facing the extinction should be preserved as soon as possible with the help of governments. But we cannot overdo the protection with extreme actions to avoid getting into the opposite direction of we wished.

FarseeR的文章写的很不错，好的咱还是要先夸夸：一是字数足，二是论据好，三是用了很多长句，四是驾驭文字的能力强，之很佩服！^_^
但不足之处也要说说，长句是有了，但没充分用上高频难词，如果能写出长难句，那就妥了！还有一些小的语法错误我就不说了，相信以后在写的过程多加小心就一定能改正！最后，在表明自己的观点时，F要婉转些，否则会被误以为上下自相矛盾。可以说“基于这一点，XX可以怎样怎样……”，嘿嘿~
好了，之的水平实在不太高，先点评到这，有不对的地方请多多包涵！咱们相互学习，共同进步！
加油！\(^o^)/~

sally_zhiyiUID: 2636363

呵呵， 真是郁闷得慌！ 原来第一次不是没传成功，而是被审核了，所以我在不知道的情况下再传了一次~

更令人郁闷的是，编辑的时候字的颜色是好好的，等被审核完之后就不一样了！

FarseeR，我对不起你~ 你慢慢看吧啊~ ~~~~(>_<)~~~~

kittyharuUID: 2539664

In current world, people around the world come together（来到一起？这种说法怪怪的） and communicate with each other in several certain languages. That directly results what the author asserts, many of the world's lesser-known languages are disappearing as fewer and fewer people use them. Governments should do something right now to maintain these languages spoken and prevent such languages from becoming extinct. I agree with the author's point of view for most while I believe, on the other hand, that is not as simple as the speaker states.
开头段观点鲜明
We are all sure that languages are the representative of the culture of a nation. It embraces all the extraordinary features that is（既然前面是features那这里应该用are） unique in the whole world and touches our everyday lives unconsciously. The main functions （这里用复数好像不太合适）of languages are the expression of human thought, which accompanies and enriches the nation as long as it exists. Once it left us, the race who speak it collapses or even extincts for good. That's why, for instance, when World War II broke out, the invaders would setup up schools and compel the people they want to conquer to study their language as soon as they occupied a city（这个例子用的很好，有新意）. For they have no doubt that in order to destroy a nation completely, they need to break down the culture and the native language is absolutely what they want to disappear as soon as possible（这句的句子结构没整明白。。。不好意思。。。汗。。。）. Hence, language is the symbol of a country which is indispensable, governments should publish policy to prevent it from being extinct.（我觉得这里being换成becoming比较好，因为being的用法基本没见过，但是becoming的用法比较常见）

Furthermore, ancient languages also do a lot of favors in our life,especially in academic realm. They record so many information that we will never know whether we have got enough. Various examples illustrate what I cite above. With the help of languages, it can help historians realize more of our ancestors' past life.（这一句，逗号后面应该由历史学家作主语） We will know what happened thousands of years ago, we can tell those classical stories generation by generation（by换成to吧？或者用from to 的形式，我上google看了一下找不到用by的形式） and more importantly, we can learn the truth from the past and guide our behavior because it（because it?这个意思是指？你是不是想表达according to it的意思？）, no matter （换成either比较好，我感觉） fiasco or glory, tells us right and wrong, good and evil and so forth. Besides that（这里直接用besides就可以了）, it also offers an excellent chance for scientist to get involved in the science of the past and emerge what they have found with nowadays technology to creative unbelievable achievements. Thus, languages are such an important existence that we have no reason to let it gone（let it gone?这种用法好象不对。。。）.

However, although languages have been told that have considerable reasons that persuade us to preserve it, does that mean we should take our native language as the foremost and exclude all other languages? Absolutely not.We should figure out that in such a high-tech environment we are now living in,the world become smaller and smaller（这一句的句子结构感觉有点奇怪。。。）. People in different places, for example,often hold video meeting via Internet and it will be awkward if people speak their native tongues respectively（这个例子不错）. The situation arising from this remind us that we need a common language that can be spoken everywhere in order to satisfied our communication requirement with people in different place（复数）. That means during the protecting（加个process吧？） of the lesser-known languages, we cannot discriminate against other languages meanwhile. We should find a balance between them and lead our life to the road which is easier and more comfortable than before.

To sum up, languages, which is the symbol of a culture and a nation,that facing the extinction should be preserved as soon as possible with the help of governments. But we cannot overdo the protection with extreme actionsto avoid getting into the opposite direction of we wished.

总评：观点很清晰很鲜明，这一点比我强多了，唉，我经常写了半天不知道在写啥。。。
             结构很有条理。
             例子用的很好很新颖！
             语法方面：用词的重复量比较大，再就是长句还有上升空间。
点评有不足之处请见谅！
加油~！
            

ystyleUID: 2454212

谢谢一样两位给我改作文哈，一起加油~~~