0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGU242 by Ga-ROW Sleepingboy

Neptune2010UID：2626044

TOPIC: ARGUMENT242 - The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
WORDS: 453
TIME: 00:26:00
DATE: 2009/6/10 23:55:11

In the above letter, the author suggests that other institutions adopt the measure similar to the Groveton's for the purpose of reducing the number of cheating. Although he cites evidence regarding the decreased number of cheating in Groveton after such adoption as well as a recent survey conducted with ostensibly affirmative results to support his assertion, his demonstration suffers from certain logical flaws that make it far from convincing.

In the first place, Groveton’s decreased number of cheating after implementing honor codes is less supportive than it appears, because it lacks those figures between the first year and the fifth year. If they generally did not accord with the supposed decreasing trend, it can be well concluded that the number of cheating in Groveton after adopting honor codes was not decreasing but rather fluctuating, making the author's evidence unsupportive at all.

Even if one accepts Groveton’s decreasing trend of cheating from the author's evidence, it is not an indication that the adoption of honor codes contributed to it. First of all, the author's evaluation contains no comparison between the teacher's ability to spot a cheating and the students’ ability to do so. It is possible that the students are less capable of doing so under the exam condition, that many cheating was actually unspotted. Secondly, if Groveton’s students intended to cheat after the adoption of honor codes, they might cooperate together to turn a blind eye on others for their "mutual benefits". If so, it well explains why the figures were decreasing while the number of cheating could be increasing. Thirdly, there is also no information regarding the difficulty of Groveton’s exams in the successive years after the adoption of honor codes. Students would be less likely to conduct a cheat if the exams are easy, thus, the decreased figures might ascribe to the decreased difficulty, not honor codes. In short, without precluding the above consideration, the author's suggestion is based on an incomprehensive analysis, being much less persuasive.

Lastly, the ostensibly affirmative results from the recent survey conducted by Groveton is again unsupportive, if one consider the common sense that students would not confess on their cheat or intention to cheat, especially if they knew they were surveyed in the first place, because it was not a graceful things to tell about. In this respect, we can not figure out whether information from those surveyed students was reliable or not.

In sum, the author's demonstration is seriously limited by the aforementioned logical flaws, even though, the adoption of honor codes might indeed contributed to better condition of students' cheating. In order to further substantiate it, he needs to conduct a more comprehensive survey by including cheating condition in the whole successive five years, difficulties of exams, and so forth, before he can draw valuable conclusion.

草木也知愁UID：2487572

简单说一下昂~

语法基础还行 拼写也没问题 这么早就用AWP限时也很值得表扬

模板化不是太僵硬 但是还是有的 如果有心想改 那就下大力度去改

很多没有必要的东西 比如开篇大面积复述题目、结尾段给模板式建议 能省就省掉了

既然你已经有了一定的基础 就要开始挑战更高层次的写作水准

尤其是的首段 这样的段落不会引起rater的兴趣 虽说经过了你的加工 但是乍一看还是偏模板化的 容易给rater留下一个不是很爽的第一印象

句子有些run-on。难句是因为要增加文章信息密度才设置的，单纯的拉长没有太多正面意义，反倒增加读者阅读障碍。不是必要的地方，可以断成短句就断一下。

如果想拿高分 论述尽量再develop点 sufficient一些

body段落中模式化的东西还是不少，尽量吸取一些比较新鲜的词汇以及论证

.C.C.UID：2645494

In the above letter(感觉letter above更顺口一点), the author suggests that other institutions adopt the measure similar to the Groveton's for the purpose of reducing the number of cheating. Although he cites evidence regarding the decreased number of cheating in Groveton after such adoption as well as a recent survey conducted with ostensibly affirmative results to support his assertion, his demonstration suffers from certain logical flaws that make it far from convincing.

In the first place, Groveton’s decreased number of cheating after implementing honor codes is less supportive than it appears, because it lacks those (without) figures between the first year and the fifth year. If they(the missing figures) generally did not accord with the supposed decreasing trend, it can be well concluded that the number of cheating in Groveton after adopting honor codes was not decreasing but rather fluctuating, making the author's evidence unsupportive at all.最后一句的推理很有说服力，语言组织也很出彩。


Even if one accepts Groveton’s decreasing trend of cheating from the author's evidence, it is not an indication that the adoption of honor codes contributed to it. First of all, the author's evaluation contains no comparison between the teacher's ability to spot a cheating and the students’ ability to do so. It is possible that the students are less capable of doing so under the exam condition（Under应该与circumstances相连）, that many cheating was actually unspotted（Resulting in many cheating unspotted）. Secondly, if Groveton’s students intended to cheat after the adoption of honor codes, they might cooperate together to turn a blind eye on others for their "mutual benefits". If so, it well explains why the figures were decreasing while the number of cheating could be increasing（是想说虽然数字下降但是实际作弊的人数是上升的吧？换一种方式吧，感觉不是很清晰。）. Thirdly, there is also no information regarding the difficulty of Groveton’s exams in the successive years after the adoption of honor codes. Students would be less likely to conduct a cheat if the exams are easy, thus, the decreased figures might ascribe to the decreased difficulty（Difficulty level）, not honor codes. In short, without precluding the above consideration, the author's suggestion is based on an incomprehensive analysis, being much less persuasive.

Lastly, the ostensibly affirmative results from the recent survey conducted by Groveton is again unsupportive,（句号 ）if one consider the common sense that students would not confess on their cheat or intention to cheat, especially if they knew they were surveyed in the first place, because it was not a graceful things to tell about（这一部分的分析有点混乱，c弱弱补一句，我也不明白，我第一次看也觉得怪，看久了就觉得也有道理……）. In this respect, we can not（cannot） figure out whether information from those surveyed students was reliable or not.

In sum, the author's demonstration is seriously limited by the aforementioned logical flaws, even though, the adoption of honor codes might indeed contributed to better condition of students' cheating. In order to further substantiate it, he needs to conduct a more comprehensive survey by including cheating condition in the whole successive five years, difficulties of exams（难度水平，而不是单纯的难不难。）,（去掉逗号） and so forth, before he can draw valuable conclusion.最后一段总结的很有条理，语句连贯。






这篇文章的分析总的来说思路清晰，语句组织的也很好，逻辑上没有什么问题，但在最后一段的分析上需要重新组织一下。。

傻的来UID：2649253

In the above letter, the author suggests that other institutions adopt the measure similar to the Groveton's for the purpose of reducing the number of cheating. Although he cites evidence regarding the decreased number of cheating in Groveton after such adoption as well as a recent survey conducted with ostensibly affirmative results to support his assertion, his demonstration suffers from certain logical flaws that make it far from convincing.（长句…佩服下，逻辑很好~）

In the first place, Groveton’s decreased number of cheating after implementing honor codes is less supportive than it appears, because it lacks those figures between the first year and the fifth year. If they generally did not accord with the supposed decreasing trend, it can be well concluded that the number of cheating in Groveton after adopting honor codes was not decreasing but rather fluctuating, making the author's evidence unsupportive at all.

Even if one accepts Groveton’s decreasing trend of cheating from the author's evidence, it is not an indication that the adoption of honor codes （have）contributed to it.(我觉这个句型可以换下，不要以it is开头，作者文章里it开头句子用的有点多~) First of all, the author's evaluation contains no comparison between the teacher's ability to spot a cheating and the students’ ability to do so. It is possible that the students are less capable of doing so under the exam condition, （逗号删）that many cheating was actually unspotted. Secondly, if Groveton’s students intended to cheat after the adoption of honor codes, they might cooperate together to turn a blind eye on others for their "mutual benefits". If so, it well explains why the figures were decreasing while the number of cheating could be increasing. Thirdly, there is also no information regarding the difficulty of Groveton’s exams in the successive years after the adoption of honor codes. Students would be less likely to conduct a cheat if the exams are easy, thus, the decreased figures might ascribe to the decreased difficulty, not honor codes. In short, without precluding the above consideration, the author's suggestion is based on an incomprehensive analysis, being much less persuasive.

Lastly, the ostensibly affirmative results from the recent survey conducted by Groveton is again unsupportive, if one consider the common sense that students would not confess on their cheat or intention to cheat, especially if they knew they were surveyed in the first place, because it was not a graceful things to tell about. In this respect, we can not figure out whether information from those surveyed students was reliable or not.第二点攻击地理由很充分，不过反而凸显了1、3点的论证不是太充分，该有的都有了，但是都是1句论证，真是给人“意犹未尽”~

In sum, the author's demonstration is seriously limited by the aforementioned logical flaws, even though, the adoption of honor codes might indeed contributed to better condition of students' cheating. （这个让步让的有点不太舒服，给人感觉有点混乱，建议换种方式表达）In order to further substantiate it, he needs to conduct a more comprehensive survey by including cheating condition in the whole successive five years, difficulties of exams, and so forth, before he can draw （the） valuable conclusion.

饿…居然草木都评过了，写的逻辑很清晰的很强大，语言也比较通顺，唯一我感觉不太好的是三个攻击点论证充分性是不是太过差别大了，1、3都是论证了一句。句式有点单一