同主题ARGUMENT242 =August Rush=小组第1次作业 by Mason.PD

Mason.PDUID：2592013

写了好长时间 还借鉴了irvine666(Irvine)的范文 在此拜谢！

242.The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

为解决最近上报的大学生作弊现象显著增加的问题，大学和学院应该采取和Groveton学院类似的诚信制度，该制度要求学生同意在学业中不作弊，并且当他们怀疑别人作弊的时候通知老师。Groveton的诚信制度代替了原有的学生被老师严密监视的老体制，在老体制中平均每年有30起作弊被上报。该制度被证明成的多：在它实施的第一年，学生上报了21起作弊；五年后，这一数值下降到了14起。而且，在最近一次由Groveton诚信委员会组织的调查中，大部分学生说有了诚信制度他们更加不太可能作弊。

论点：These institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's
论据：1作弊有在5年里下降的趋势
2调查表明学生承认诚信监考使作弊的可能性降低
破题1作弊人数不一定是真正的下降，只是被抓到的减少了。还有就是 可能5年的总趋势是增加 然而作者恰好拿了次数最少的一年
2调查学生的代表性值得商榷
3诚信监考是否使用别的学校？也许别的学校的考试题目难 作弊的可能也就大了许多
拍砖吧！！

Mason.PDUID：2592013

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
WORDS: 439          TIME: 01:26:51          DATE: 2009/6/13 17:55:18

In this argument, the author suggests that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has been proved effective to decline number of cases of cheating. The survey of Groveton honor council, and the assumption that the great success of GC could be wide spread by the same regulation, still, to prove these hypothesizes needs more work of reasoning.
To begin with, it is doubtful that the number of cheating cases actually declines. The statistics conducted about the Groveton's sincerity codes, sounds reliable and objective, which still can not bolster the author's conclusion. We have adequate reasons to assume that the cheating case report can not reflect the real phenomenon of cheating. Teachers may not have the heart to offer their own student names that are caught in the exam; Students may hide each other up for their all to get higher scores. Also, in five years using honor codes, it is possible that there is a increasing trend of cheating, but the author has just picked the lowest year below average in coincidence. At this point, the survey of decreasing trend only illustrates a tip of iceberg.
In addition, even assume that the cheating cases indeed decline, we still have question about the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council. The survey is too vague to be informative. Is the sample large enough to express the council's statement? How about the procedures of random sampling? The survey fails to provide us any details about the students background. These investigated students may be all smart and hard-working, which enable them never cheat. And there is also no evidence to prove the authenticity of survey.
Furthermore, if the survey is representative enough to reflect the students' thoughts, the argument still leaves us a false analogy. Whether the honor codes will be an effective approach to inhibit and eliminate cases of cheating in other colleges is a big problem. The different universities' backgrounds should be taken into consideration. For example, the exam of other universities are much harder than the one of GC, students would be overwhelmingly likely to cheat. Actually, when the supervisors simultaneously turn out to be the cheaters, they would certainly lose their function. Neglecting these possible essential negative impacts, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of the regulation.
In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author's conclusion is groundless. To strengthen his point, the author should offer more detail about the survey's background that the cheating number is definitely decreasing, more information about the participators of the survey, and widely effect after other colleges and universities adopt the honor codes based on their own facts.

chill_lyUID：2640200

In this argument, the author suggests that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has been proved effective to decline number of cases of cheating. The survey of Groveton honor council, and the assumption that the great success of GC could be wide spread by the same regulation, still, to prove these hypothesizes needs more work of reasoning. (这句话写的不太好,并列主体结构不同而且很不明晰,建议精简或改成短句)
To begin with, it is doubtful that the number of cheating cases actually declines. The statistics conducted about the Groveton's sincerity codes, sounds reliable and objective, which still cannot bolster the author's conclusion. (你的重点是从句的内容,应该把sounds reliable and objective写成从句,不然有点不分主次了,另外sound用的不太好,seem都好些,自己体会下) We have adequate reasons to assume that the cheating case report can not reflect the real phenomenon of cheating. Teachers may not have the heart to (可以这么说么) offer their own student names that are caught in the exam; Students may hide each other up for their all (同样不太理解这种写法) to get higher scores. Also, in five years using honor codes, it is possible that there is an increasing trend of cheating, but the author has just picked the lowest year below average in coincidence. At this point, the survey of decreasing trend only illustrates a tip of iceberg.(说明了冰山一角?想法不错,但很别扭)


In addition, even assuming that the cheating cases indeed decline, we still have question about the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council. The survey is too vague to be informative. Is the sample large enough to express the council's statement? How about the procedures of random sampling? The survey fails to provide us any details about the students’ background. These investigated students may be all smart and hard-working, which enable them never to cheat. And there is also no evidence to prove the authenticity of survey. (最好具体说下)


Furthermore, if the survey is representative enough to reflect the students' thoughts, the argument still leaves us a false analogy. Whether the honor codes will be an effective approach to inhibit and eliminate cases of cheating in other colleges is a big problem. The different universities' backgrounds should be taken into consideration. For example, the exam of other universities are much harder than the one of GC, students would be overwhelmingly (这个词太强大了,估计老师们要哭了,作弊都势不可挡了,用more就行了) likely to cheat. Actually, when the supervisors simultaneously turn out to be the cheaters, they would certainly lose their function. Neglecting these possible essential negative impacts, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of the regulation.


In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author's conclusion is groundless. To strengthen his point, the author should offer more detail about the survey's background that the cheating number is definitely decreasing, more information about the participators of the survey, and widely effect after other colleges and universities adopt the honor codes based on their own facts. (这条就不用了,本来就是建议,你都实施了还建议什么)

用词和语言不够精确严密,论证展开还不够充分
想的很好但受到了约束
多写多看范文
加油

Mason.PDUID：2592013

谢谢楼上同学的建议 我会再试着改改的

wisleUID：2578616

In this argument, the author suggests that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has been proved effective to decline number of cases of cheating. The survey of Groveton honor council, and the assumption that the great success of GC could be wide spread by the same regulation（不懂什么意思）, still, to prove these hypothesizes needs more work of reasoning.（这句我认为Irvine666写的很好，我也借鉴了，呵呵。）
To begin with, it is doubtful that whether（加）
the number of cheating cases actually declines. The statistics conducted about（用词有误conducted about什么意思？改成used to sustain）the Groveton's sincerity codes, sounds reliable and objective, which still can not bolster the author's conclusion. We have adequate reasons to assume that the cheating case report can not reflect the real phenomenon of cheating. Teachers may not have the heart（改成intend） to offer their own student names that are caught in the exam; Students may hide each other up for their all to get higher scores. Also, in five years using honor codes, it is possible that there is an increasing trend of cheating, but the author has just picked the lowest year below average in coincidence. At this point, the survey of decreasing trend only illustrates a tip of iceberg.（比喻不错）
In addition, even assume that the cheating cases indeed decline, we still have question about the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council. The survey is too vague to be informative. Is the sample large enough to express the council's statement? How about the procedures of random sampling? The survey fails to provide us any details about the students’ background. These investigated students may be all smart and hard-working, which enable them never cheat. And there is also no evidence to prove the authenticity of survey.
Furthermore, if the survey is representative enough to reflect the students' thoughts, the argument still leaves us a false analogy. Whether the honor codes will be an effective approach to inhibit and eliminate cases of cheating in other colleges is a big problem. The different universities' backgrounds should be taken into consideration（固定搭配taken into account）. For example, the exam of other universities are much harder than the one of GC, students would be overwhelmingly likely to cheat. Actually, when the supervisors simultaneously turn out to be the cheaters, they would certainly lose their function. Neglecting these possible essential negative impacts, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of the regulation.
In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author's conclusion is groundless. （欣赏）To strengthen his point, the author should offer more detail about the survey's background that the cheating number is definitely decreasing, more information about the participators of the survey, and widely effect after other colleges and universities adopt the honor codes based on their own facts.

cqyanboUID：2515250

In this argument, the author suggests that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has been proved effective to decline number of cases of cheating. The survey of Groveton honor council, and the assumption that the great success of GC（如果要用缩写，是不是前面就应该有说明？） could be wide spread by the same regulation, still, to prove these hypothesizes needs more work of reasoning.

To begin with, it is doubtful that the number of cheating cases actually declines. The statistics conducted about the Groveton's sincerity codes, sounds reliable and objective, which still can not bolster the author's conclusion. We have adequate reasons to assume that the cheating case report can not reflect the real phenomenon of cheating. （既然理由充足，为什么还是假设？另外，这句话的语气是否过于强硬了？）Teachers may not have the heart to offer their own student names that are caught in the exam; Students may hide each other up for their all to get higher scores. Also, in five years using honor codes, it is possible that there is an increasing trend of cheating, but the author has just picked the lowest year below average in coincidence. At this point, the survey of decreasing trend only illustrates a tip of iceberg.
个人觉得以这一点作为文章详细分析部分的起始段，力度稍微有点弱。里面的理由感觉有点牵强。

In addition, even assume that the cheating cases indeed decline, we still have question about the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council. The survey is too vague to be informative. Is the sample large enough to express the council's statement? How about the procedures of random sampling? (连续使用问句是否合适？)The survey fails to provide us any details about the students’ background. These investigated students may be all smart and hard-working, which enable them never cheat. And there is also no evidence to prove the authenticity of survey.
这一段都是在讲调查的权威性值得怀疑，那么最后一句话应该是对整段的一个总结。

Furthermore, if the survey is representative enough to reflect the students' thoughts, the argument still leaves us a false analogy. Whether the honor codes will be an effective approach to inhibit and eliminate cases of cheating in other colleges is a big problem. The different universities' backgrounds should be taken into consideration. For example, the exam of other universities are much harder than the one of GC, students would be overwhelmingly（这个词….语气太强了） likely to cheat. Actually, when the supervisors simultaneously turn out to be the cheaters, they would certainly lose their function. Neglecting these possible essential negative impacts, the author fails to prove the effectiveness of the regulation.
这一段的论点很好，但是后面给出的理由是否有点牵强。这一段和第二段直接怀疑老师的人品，是不是不太合适？

In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author's conclusion is groundless. To strengthen his point, the author should offer more detail about the survey's background that the cheating number is definitely decreasing, more information about the participators of the survey, and widely effect after other colleges and universities adopt the honor codes based on their own facts.

后注：
1.
句子很流畅，用词也很丰富。（学习了。。。）
2.
段落之间承上启下的句子也用得很自然。
论点展开还不够，所使用的驳斥的理由也可以变得更有说服力。