6,7月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 chelsea_choi的 第18次作业

Chelsea_ChoiUID: 2437362

One argument states that higher education should be open to everyone, regardless of background. The opposing argument says that only the elite students should be allowed to proceed. Discuss these ideas. Do you agree or disagree? Explain why.


Over the last twenty years the amount of changes we are subjected to in our daily life have been increased dramatically. So many problems are worth considering carefully. Recently the issue has been brought into focus that should higher education be open to everyone. I do not deny that the whole people have an equal rights in education, however, for a diploma, I feel sorry that a rule should be established in every department of life.

Education, when it is explained as teaching people learn things or people learn by their own, is open for everyone. Under this definition about education, no one will doubt that not only the elite but also the illiterate can enjoy the opportunity. For example, people could join lectures in university, meteorology, about literature, physics, and so on, if only you have time but who you are. In that case, you can learn things interest you without being interrupted by others. Equally important example is that nowadays the majority of museums are free of charging, the worldwide internet fulfills our daily life and bring information from all walks of life. How could a person just stand there and say he\she does not have the right of higher education.

However, of course, when higher education is known as a higher diploma, like bachelor degree, master degree, and so on, that is another situation. We people lived in a legal society, thus things in the society all have their rules. And just because of all the rules life acts in an appropriate orbit. When will you feel unfair? Picture this: your boy have a NO.1 SAT mark in your state, but girl next door have her rank number in a poor position, meanwhile, the other conditions between the two are more or less similar. But finally, Harvard chooses the girl of your neighbor. Fair or not? Of course not. So we need a rule, so does the virtuous circle of the society. From that aspect, only elite deserve the diploma.

No one in the world could despoil your right of education, unfortunately, rule is rule. Just thanks to the rules in the world, we learn how to strive to do something, how to competed with others, for a diploma, for something, for anything. That is what makes the world better.



Word Count: 367

goback211UID: 2419259

Over the last twenty years the amount of changes we are subjected to in our daily life have been increased dramatically. So many problems are worth considering carefully. Recently the issue has been brought into focus that should higher education be open to everyone(感觉改成这样好点：whether higher education should be open to everyone). I do not deny that the whole people have an equal rights in education, however, for a diploma（不知要表达什么，为了文聘么？应该是考虑到吧，in regard to diploma）, I feel sorry that a rule should be established in every department of life. (个人觉得第一段最好点一下题，更清楚的比only elite的观点写出来)

Education, when it is explained as teaching people learn things (要加to吧) or people learn by their own, is open for everyone. Under this definition about (of好点) education, no one will doubt that not only the elite but also the illiterate can enjoy the opportunity. For example, people could join lectures in university, meteorology, （是不是应该在about后面？）about literature, physics, and so on, if only you have time but who you are（不好意思，这个我不大懂）. In that case, you can learn things interest （interested）you without being interrupted by others. Equally important example is that nowadays the majority of museums are free of charging,(中间没有连接词，逗号不行吧？) the worldwide internet fulfills our daily life and bring information from all walks of life. How could a person just stand there and say he\she does not have the right of higher education.

However, of course, when higher education is known as a higher diploma, like bachelor degree, master degree, and so on, that is another situation. We people lived in a legal society, thus things in the society all have their rules. And just because of all the rules life acts in an appropriate orbit. When will you feel unfair? Picture this: your boy have （gets或obtains,避免与后面的has重复）a NO.1 SAT mark in your state, but the (应该加the吧)girl next door have （has）her rank number in a poor position, meanwhile, the other conditions between the two are more or less similar.（改到Of course not之后比较好,否则觉得把一个列子隔开了） But finally, Harvard chooses the girl of your neighbor. Fair or not? Of course not. So we need a rule, （自己加一句：which can help us eliminate the unfairness）So does the virtuous circle of the society. From that aspect, only elite deserve the diploma.

No one in the world could despoil your right of education, unfortunately, rule is rule.(No one in the world could despoil your right of education. However, unfortunately, rule is rule.Unfortunately不能用来连接两个从句吧，还有，觉得rule is rule不太好，是不是rule is here更好点呢) Just thanks to the rules in the world, we learn how to strive to do something,(and) how to competed with others, for a diploma, for something,（and） for anything. That is what makes the world better.

我是新手，语言功底也不太好，呵呵，只是看了一下比较浅显的错误，也不知道对不对，请Lz见谅。
总的来说，LZ的有些句子写的还很不错，但是感觉Lz在分句和复合句上总出现问题，有的词语是不能用来连接两个分句的，但是LZ用来将两个句子合为一个，希望以后能注意

Chelsea_ChoiUID: 2437362

:handshake
3Q~~~~~o(∩_∩)o...汲取意见~~~

judyheUID: 2613440

Over the last twenty years the amount of changes (that) we are subjected to in our daily life have been increased dramatically. So many problems are worth considering carefully. Recently the issue has been brought into focus (这句模版痕迹太明显了) that should higher education be （需要用倒装么？）open to everyone. I do not deny that the whole people have an equal rights in education, however, for a diploma, I feel sorry that a rule should be established in every department of life (??? I do not quite understand this phrase).

Education, when it is explained as teaching people learn things (being taught to learn) or (and) as people learn (learning) by their own, is open for everyone. Under this definition about education, no one will doubt that not only the elite (, the average, even) but also the illiterate can enjoy the opportunity (for higher education). For example, people could join lectures in university, (about) meteorology, about literature, physics, and so on, if only you have time but who you are (if only he has desire and determination to learn regardless of what kind person he is). In that case, you can learn things interest you without being interrupted by others. Equally important example is that （Moreover，）
nowadays the majority of museums are free of charging, the worldwide internet fulfills our daily life and bring information from all walks of life. （，）
How could a person just stand there and say he\（/）she does not have the right of higher education.

However, of course, when higher education is known (explained) as (a means to get) a higher diploma, like bachelor degree, master degree, and so on, that is another situation. We people lived in a legal society, thus things in the society all have their rules. And just because of all the rules life acts in an appropriate orbit. When will you feel unfair? Picture this: your boy have a NO.1 SAT mark in your state, but girl next door have her rank number in a poor position, meanwhile, the other conditions between the two are more or less similar. But finally, Harvard chooses the girl of your neighbor. Fair or not? Of course not. So we need a rule, so does the virtuous circle of the society. From that aspect, only elite deserve the diploma. (这个理由我看懂了，意思是不是世界的公平是需要一定原则的，而这个原则就是优胜劣汰？但是你的句子有些抽象，绕的弯比较多，而且给出的例子有些不符合你这个意思)

No one in the world could despoil your right of education, unfortunately, rule is rule. Just thanks to the rules in the world, we learn how to strive to do something, how to competed with others, for a diploma, for something, for anything. That is what makes the world better.

到最后才看懂了你的立场和摆出的理由，我觉得这篇文章有几点不足：没有阐述正反两方的观点；句式不够复杂化（但是你用的词句挺好，语法也很少错，可以看出来平常基本功还是很好的）；模版痕迹有些明显；最重要的是对教育进行了自己的诠释，但是有些冒险，很容易偏题；
蓝色标出的是要删除或需要进行修改的，括号里是增添或修改内容。修改意见仅供MM参考：）

Chelsea_ChoiUID: 2437362

3Q~~~~:handshake