求各位大虾帮小弟改下作文！多提出宝贵意见！！小弟感激不尽！

popwinUID: 2655600

(由于我是刚刚开始准备作文，现在还处于痛苦的挣扎时期，作文基本上都不知道该怎么写，所以用了一个小时写了这篇ISSUE，希望各位大侠能给我纸袋你一下！让我知道现在我是一个什么状态！！！感激不尽！！临表涕淋！~~~~)
          （TOPIC: ISSUE29 - "Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy."
WORDS: 460          TIME: 01:00:33          DATE: 2009-6-21 23:00:07）
          Influenced by the contention that the public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives, the author irreversibly extends the assertion to extreme, ridiculously considering that they should or even have the duty to share their own lives with others. Partly as I concede that the public figures have the charisma to positively influence the civil if they would like to share the good aspect of life, I  think  private is necessary to everyone .
         Granted , a famous person  will    exceedingly motive lots of people who are appealed and moved by his preeminent capacity, integrity and humor nature. A remarkable writer once said in his essay" a good guider in your life is to you what a crucial beach is to the boat that miss its way in the endless sea." We may deeply be moved or fundamentally  be changed by a sentence that Washington once said about the work young people should absolutely devote to. We may also be influenced by mother Tersea  who ,in a large degree, contributed to helping the poor people in Indian so that got the Nobel Peace prize and  stoutly also devote ourselves to helping others. Such is the power that the public figures bring.
        Beyond  the concession, however, I logically find the speaker's contention indefensible from other ways discussed below.
       On the one hand, not all the famous person benevolently want and have the inevitably obligation to share their own life in that they are also normal in some aspects and desire to live a peace live .If we force them to show their life ,even at least  some small parts, not only is it not the democratic, but we may drastically destroy their life. If your friends always stay with you whatever you do or whenever you are, what is your feeling? If you find that you are be peeked by someone, but you can not take some effective measures to defend, what is your feeling? The same situation will be encountered by us if we become a public figure someday.
     On the other, absurdly thinking that our interests are good , the author claims that the  we are interest in the public figures private life. However, does it true? What if the interest only come from that we  have so much spare time that we almost have nothing to do? What if the perpostive interest just rise from the appetite that  crazily  grasp other people's secret? What if the boring interest are spured by our curiosity about the unknowing? All these interests are meaningless and are unnecessary at the expense of the public figures' private life.
     In sum ,although advisably showing the privacy of the famous person can have some good effects to help people , we can not sacrifice their own life to only satisfy the ridiculous interests .

swekimnUID: 2649781

看完你的评论，我用0.01秒就决定回踩了，孩子，不可否认的是我的提纲超烂。
词汇很华丽，语法错误有点
     恩，加油吧~~