0910AW 同主题写作第七期 Argument167 By WDI小组 Lucarl

lucarlUID: 2616426

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 368+100

TIME: 00:30:00+30


DATE: 2009-6-27 18:39:24

In this argument, the experimenter supervised the sleeping conditions of 30 people who suffer from insomnia for 3 weeks. During these weeks, the patients slept on lavender-scented pillows each night and experienced a medication supply for the first week, not for the second, and for the final week information not presented. Under this situation, this experiment, though it's well-meaningfully designed to find a cure for insomnia, failed to demonstrate that the scent in lavender flowers is effective for insomnia.

First, a clear definition of insomnia should be provided before experimenting. If it is defied as difficulty in falling asleep, no matter how soundly the patients slept, how long they slept, or how tired they felt after wakened, that's all irrelevant to whether they are suffering from insomnia. Without a clear definition, the experiment lacked at least a target to hit.

Moreover, there are some factors should not be neglected before justify the experiment. I'll explain them in turns in three paragraphs. To start with, in this experiment, for the first week patients had their usual medication which significantly affected their sleeping conditions. Maybe in the third week, during which the patients slept more soundly and longer than previous weeks, they were just making up the lost of the second week when their medication supply was discontinued. A proper experiment should always keep other factors, which possibly affect the conclusion, remain constant.

Also, a control group has to be arranged in a proper experiment. In this case, another group of insomnia patients should be monitored during their sleep. And this is not enough to be a control group. Both groups have to experience the same environment, which is expected to remain as constant as possible as well, during the 3 weeks except the lavender-scented pillows condition. So and so only, the effect of lavender-scented pillows could be studied successfully.

Last but not least, in medical experiment, the implication of the patients experimented to themselves is hard to be controlled. For example, if these 30 patients were aware of the possible effectiveness of the lavender-scented pillows, they would certainly hope that their sleeping problems could be ended. With this mental implication, in a short period of time, the sleeping condition might better a little, but it's not contributed by the scent in lavender flowers.

In addition, a 3-week experiment is too short for chronic health problem such as insomnia. Maybe the insomnia would reoccur after several weeks, even in a worse condition. To assure that the insomnia is cured, a longer period of time should be taken to monitor the patients sleep, or at least weekly visits to the patients to keep in touch with their sleeping situations after the experiment.

To conclude, the experimenter failed to demonstrate the effectiveness of scent in lavender flowers for insomnia, because of insomnia undefined, a improper experiment, which is also too short for chronic health problem.

附上提纲：
失眠是难以入睡。

实验的可靠性受到质疑：
1、 必须排除其他因素的影响。而此实验中却又服用安眠药。
2、 合理的实验，必须设置对照组。
3、 医学实验是有暗示性的，如果病人知道自己的pillows有可能对失眠有帮助，他们会希望这是真的，而从心里上暗示自己将得到治疗，而在短期内睡眠情况得到改善，这样的话不能说明真的就是lavender scent的作用。

实验时间太短，失眠是一个长期慢性病，3周之后是否复发，我们不知道。

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

=皿= Lucarl，这篇我下午也写出来了，明早我来给你改改看。。。现在实在是太困了。。。刚泡完热水澡人更晕。。。这两天人已经快变熊猫了。。。

闪人。。睡觉是王道。。明天好好改。。。P.S粗略瞄了眼你的中文提纲。。好像问题很大啊。。。先闪了

家家☆yoonjaeUID: 2646910

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. *A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology. WORDS: 368+100 TIME: 00:30:00+30 DATE: 2009-6-27 18:39:24 In this argument, the experimenter supervised the sleeping conditions of 30 people who suffer from insomnia for 3 weeks. During these weeks, the patients slept on lavender-scented pillows each night and experienced a medication supply for the first week, not for the second, and for the final week information not presented. Under this situation, this experiment, though it's well-meaningfully designed to find a cure for insomnia, failed to demonstrate that the scent in lavender flowers is effective for insomnia.（开头太累赘，几乎把整个实验过程都介绍进去了，我想这个不会给rater眼前一亮的感觉，因为没有突出逻辑。我觉得你应该把重心放在作者通过这个实验推导出“This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia”这个上面，否则一上来就会给rater你是来评价这个experiment的感觉，请务必把啥对实验严谨性实验可靠性实验可行性BLABLABLA这些你对科学的研究探索精神收起来，我们看的是逻辑，逻辑，逻辑！） First, a clear definition of insomnia should be provided before experimenting.（同理与上，你应该关心的是author是那个arguer而不是experiment，Lucarl，家家想咬你了 =皿=。。。去仔细看看草草辛辛苦苦做出来的这个A的同主题，你不是在那儿回帖的么？提供了好多可以展开的思路嘛嘿嘿） If it is defied as difficulty in falling asleep, no matter how soundly the patients slept, how long they slept, or how tired they felt after wakened, that's all irrelevant to whether they are suffering from insomnia. Without a clear definition, the experiment lacked at least a target to hit. Moreover, there are some factors should not be neglected before justify the experiment. I'll explain them in turns in three paragraphs. To start with, in this experiment, for the first week patients had their usual medication which significantly affected their sleeping conditions. Maybe in the third week, during which the patients slept more soundly and longer than previous weeks, they were just making up the lost of the second week when their medication supply was discontinued. A proper experiment should always keep other factors, which possibly affect the conclusion, remain constant. Also, a control group has to be arranged in a proper experiment. In this case, another group of insomnia patients should be monitored during their sleep. And this is not enough to be a control group. Both groups have to experience the same environment, which is expected to remain as constant as possible as well, during the 3 weeks except the lavender-scented pillows condition. So and so only, the effect of lavender-scented pillows could be studied successfully. Last but not least, in medical experiment, the implication of the patients experimented to themselves is hard to be controlled. For example, if these 30 patients were aware of the possible effectiveness of the lavender-scented pillows, they would certainly hope that their sleeping problems could be ended. With this mental implication, in a short period of time, the sleeping condition might better a little, but it's not contributed by the scent in lavender flowers. In addition, a 3-week experiment is too short for chronic health problem such as insomnia. Maybe the insomnia would reoccur after several weeks, even in a worse condition. To assure that the insomnia is cured, a longer period of time should be taken to monitor the patients sleep, or at least weekly visits to the patients to keep in touch with their sleeping situations after the experiment. To conclude, the experimenter failed to demonstrate the effectiveness of scent in lavender flowers for insomnia, because of insomnia undefined, a improper experiment, which is also too short for chronic health problem.

每一段的TS都是围绕experiment展开的，亲爱的Lucarl，好好思考一下应该怎么重写一下啊，>.<，我是不是太无良了。。。但是家家保证有认真好好看这篇，攻击方向不对，于是乎攻击力度和准确性就达不到本来该有的效果，你从头到结束几乎没有点到作者的逻辑，而这恰恰是一篇A的灵魂。。。么头，加油

P.S 倒数第三段你用了Last but not least，倒数第二段再用In addition是不对的。。。
P.S又P.S 其实Lucarl找的点都可以变身一下。。哇咔咔。。归咎到作者就对啦。。嘿嘿。。。加油加油~

bloodbobUID: 2627007

In this argument, the experimenter supervised the sleeping conditions of 30 people who suffer from insomnia for 3 weeks. During these weeks, the patients slept on lavender-scented pillows each night and experienced a medication supply (medication is available) for the first week, not for the second, and for the final week information not presented.(run-on sentence不如分开写) Under this situation, this experiment, though it's well-meaningfully（meticulously） designed to find a cure for insomnia, failed to demonstrate that the scent in lavender flowers is effective for insomnia.

First, a clear definition of insomnia should be provided before experimenting. If it is defied(defined) as difficulty in falling asleep, no matter how soundly the patients slept, how long they slept, or how tired they felt after wakened, that's all irrelevant to whether they are suffering from insomnia. (Factors like how soundly the patients slept, how long they slept, or how tired they felt after wakened, are all irrelevant to the judgment of insomnia.) Without a clear definition, the experiment lacked at least a target to hit.（精辟）

Moreover, there are some factors should not be neglected before justify the experiment. I'll explain them in turns in three paragraphs. To start with, in this experiment, for the first week patients had their usual medication which significantly affected their sleeping conditions. Maybe in the third week, during which the patients slept more soundly and longer than previous weeks, they were just making up the lost of the second week when their medication supply was discontinued. A proper experiment should always keep other factors, which possibly affect the conclusion, remain constant.

Also, a control group has to be arranged in a proper experiment. In this case, another group of insomnia patients should be monitored during their sleep. And this is not enough to be a control group. Both groups have to experience the same environment, which is expected to remain as constant as possible as well, during the 3 weeks except the lavender-scented pillows condition. So and so only, the effect of lavender-scented pillows could be studied successfully.

Last but not least, in medical experiment, the implication of the patients experimented to themselves is hard to be controlled. For example, if these 30 patients were aware of the possible effectiveness of the lavender-scented pillows, they would certainly hope that their sleeping problems could be ended. With this mental implication（psychological hint）, in a short period of time, the sleeping condition might better a little, but it's not contributed by the scent in lavender flowers.

In addition, a 3-week experiment is too short for chronic health problem such as insomnia. Maybe the insomnia would reoccur (Maybe they will experience a relapse) after several weeks, even in a worse condition. To assure that the insomnia is cured, a longer period of time should be taken to monitor the patients sleep, or at least weekly visits to the patients to keep in touch with their sleeping situations after the experiment.

To conclude, the experimenter failed to demonstrate the effectiveness of scent in lavender flowers for insomnia, because of insomnia undefined, a improper experiment, which is also too short for chronic health problem. (ambiguous target set, improper design of experiment that carried out for too short a period to provide the warranted evidence.)

原因罗列安排上请考虑以类分，先主后次。（建议分为三部分，1.target of the experiment(原文第二段)2.design of the target（原文四六段）3.the other factors ought to be considered.（原文第三五段）

lucarlUID: 2616426

The arguer only arranged an experiment to show that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. Since the experiment is the only thing he or she had to support he conclusion, whether the experiment is grounded needs to be inspected carefully before introduce lavender-scented pillows into millions of households.

First, a clear definition of insomnia should be provided before experimenting. If it is defined as difficulty in falling asleep, no matter how soundly the patients slept, how long they slept, or how tired they felt after wakened, that's all irrelevant to whether they are suffering from insomnia. Without a clear definition, the experiment lacked at least a target to hit.

Moreover, when two (or more) possibly effective factors involve in an experiment, we should always prevent them from simultaneously acting on the patients, and it’s likely that the experimenter failed to eliminate the medication’s effectiveness successfully. In this case, for the first week patients had their usual medication which significantly affected their sleeping conditions. For the second week, it seems that the absence of medication is to eliminate the affection of medication in the first week, which perhaps continues to affect the patients several days more after discontinuing them. If so, is it enough for one week? If it’s not enough, the third week’s better sleeping condition may be the result of the medication in the first week. In addition, when people’s disease conditions reach a high level, it tends to ease for a short period of time. For example, when high blood pressure sufferers get their newest high, the blood pressure is likely to decline for several days. Therefore, maybe in the third week, during which the patients slept more soundly and longer than previous weeks, they were just making up the lost of the second week when their medication supply was discontinued. All in all, a proper experiment should always keep other effective-on-patients factors from working along with the factor you want to prove effective before their affections fade away.


Also, a control group has to be arranged in a proper experiment. In this case, another group of insomnia patients should be monitored during their sleep. And this is not enough to be a control group. Both groups have to experience the same environment, which is expected to remain as constant as possible, during the 3 weeks except the lavender-scented pillows condition. So and so only, the effectiveness of lavender-scented pillows could be proved successfully. In this experiment, the experimenter compared the sleeping condition of one group of people during the 3 weeks under alterable situation. It’s not safe to scientifically state that lavender scent is effective.

Another alternative questioning the effectiveness of lavender scent is that, in medical experiment, the implication of the patients experimented to themselves is hard to be controlled. For example, if these 30 patients were aware of the possible effectiveness of the lavender-scented pillows, they would certainly hope that their sleeping problems could be ended. With this mental implication, in a short period of time, the sleeping condition might better a little, but it's not contributed by the scent in lavender flowers. Therefore, keeping the patients unaware of the to-be-proved factor is critical in experiments like this, and apparently there is no difficulty in doing this.

Even if the experiment is grounded as the experimenter expected it to be, a 3-week experiment is too short for chronic health problem such as insomnia. Maybe they will experience a relapse after several weeks, even in a worse condition. To assure that the insomnia is cured, a longer period of time should be taken to monitor the patients sleep, or at least weekly visits to the patients to keep in touch with their sleeping conditions after the experiment.

To summarize, the experimenter failed to prove the experiment proper and therefore prove the effectiveness of the lavender scent for insomnia. Also, continue to supervise the sleeping conditions of the patients is indispensable in order to assure there are no relapses.

附提纲：

定义：失眠是难以入睡。

实验的可靠性受到质疑：
1、当有两种或以上的有可能有效果的药物时，必须严格排除到保证一段时间内只有一种药物作用于病人。
2、合理的实验，必须设置对照组。
3、病人暗示自己，在短时间内病情缓解。

让步：实验时间太短，失眠是一个长期慢性病，3周之后是否复发，我们不知道。