习作argument 207

lilisongsongUID: 2640091

TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."
WORDS: 483
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-7-5 10:01:26

The argument is well- presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By making a comparison between Pat Salvo, the present president of Fancy Toy Company, and Rosa Winnings, the present president of Starlight Jewelry, the argument to appoint the latter one to get a profits increase seems reasonable. However, it contains several facets that are questionable and each of them will be discussed in turn as below.

The first facet in this argument is the author's assumption that Pat Salvo was responsible for the decreased profits of Fancy Toy Company. However, this might not the case, and other alternative reasons could explain this situation. Perhaps it is other factors rather than the president caused the result. such factors might include a falling demand of toys in the whole society, or more competitors existing in this year. If so, the author should not contribute the bad profits to Pat Salvo. In addition, nine-month is relatively a short time for a new president to do well in a company. It is quite possible that PAt Salvo has a long-term plan to achieve great profits but would lose in a short time at the beginning.

The second flaw is that the arguer failed to establish a causal relationship between the achievement of Starlight Jewelry and its present president Rosa Wingning. Without better evidence, we cannot attribute all the achievements to her. Possibly who give the most merits are some leaders in certain department, or the whole group of employees of the company. What's more, the market is a significant factor of the company's profits. One possible case is that the demand of jewelry got larger this year because it is the most fashionable these days. Or the company is a potential one, which always
get an increased profits for several years, and thus it is normal for the achievement of the company this year, and concerns little with Rosa Winnings.

Fanaly, it is doubtful that the fact drawn from a jewelry company is applicable to a toy company. Without evidence to support it, the stated similarity is insufficient to warrant the conclusion that the Fancy would achieve the result of Star's. WE should see the difference between the two kind of companies. They have different customers, different producing proceedings, and the likes. These differences might seriously weaken the conclusion based on the analogy between the two companies. besides, the arguer provides no evidence that Rosa has experience of operating a toy company. It is possible that she could manage a jewelry company well but toy company badly. Also, the author never supply me any her plan how to manage the toy company to get the profits to increase considerably. Since the arguer fails to consider these alternative reasons, he can not convince me anymore.

Overall, the reasoning behind the argument is not logical as it stand. Before any conclusion, the author should excluding all the alternatives and causes


还是没有写完，每段的最后一句话没有写， 结尾段也没有写完。怎样才能提高速度呢？我觉的时间充足的话肯定能写的更好，但是。。。。。。。
谢谢修改，能不能帮忙告诉我一下怎样提高写作速度？我已经写了不下十片了。 可是一点长进也没有，愁死我了

mxk89UID: 2518099

写作文很重要在于专心 能静下心来

yhy0009UID: 2606092

我和你的状况差不多，总是写不完。我想能不能把某些部分简写，文章完整性更重要。

laurel83UID: 2641004

第一次改ARGUMENT，不知道是不是有道理；
TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."
WORDS: 483
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-7-5 10:01:26

The argument is well- presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By making a comparison between Pat Salvo, the present president of Fancy Toy Company, and Rosa Winnings, the present president of Starlight Jewelry, the argument to appoint the latter one to get a profit increase seems reasonable. However, it contains several facets that are questionable and each of them will be discussed in turn as below.

The first facet in this argument is the author's assumption that Pat Salvo was responsible for the decreased profits of Fancy Toy Company. However, this might not be the case, and other alternative reasons could explain this situation. Perhaps it is other factors rather than the president caused the result. （这句话是多余的，可以删掉，节约时间写更重要的东西）Such factors might include a falling demand of toys in the whole society, or more competitors existing in this year. If so, the author should not contribute the bad profits to Pat Salvo. In addition, nine-month is relatively a short time for a new president （没有指出过她是新的总裁）to do well in a company. It is quite possible that Pat Salvo has a long-term plan to achieve great profits but would lose in a short time at the beginning.

The second flaw is that the arguer failed to establish a causal relationship between the achievement of Starlight Jewelry and its present president Rosa Wingning. Without better evidence, we cannot attribute all the achievements to her. Possibly who give the most merits are some leaders in certain department, or the whole group of employees of the company. What's more, the market is a significant factor of the company's profits. One possible case is that the demand of jewelry got larger this year because it is the most fashionable these days. Or the company is a potential one, which always gets an increased profit for several years, and thus it is normal for the achievement of the company this year, and concerns little with Rosa Winnings.（这里他因具得不合理，什么叫做potential one， 为什么这样的potential 与ROSA没有关系，作者没有直接的指出其中的逻辑联系，其实前面的举例已经够了，所以不写也行）

Finally, it is doubtful that the fact drawn from a jewelry company is applicable to a toy company. （TS是不是更好是：没有证据显示ROSA可以为FANCE TOY COMPANY带来盈利；分论点1：他成功领导一个珠宝公司不代表可以领导好一个玩具公司；分论点2：支付他的巨额工资以为着公司成本上升，这样写逻辑更紧密）Without evidence to support it, the stated similarity （什么SIMILARITY文中哪里提到？） is insufficient to warrant the conclusion that the Fancy would achieve the result of Star's. WE should see the difference between the two kinds of companies. They have different customers, different producing proceedings, and the likes. These differences might seriously weaken the conclusion based on the analogy between the two companies. besides, the arguer provides no evidence that Rosa has experience of operating a toy company. It is possible that she could manage a jewelry company well but toy company badly. Also, the author never supply me any her plan how to manage the toy company to get the profits to increase considerably. Since the arguer fails to consider these alternative reasons, he cannot convince me anymore.

Overall, the reasoning behind the argument is not logical as it stand. Before any conclusion, the author should excluding all the alternatives and causes