Argument127【Triple Week】第2次练习by 八零年代的蛋

八零年代的蛋UID: 2660305

题目：ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
字数：433
用时：00:39:49
日期：2009-7-14 1:40:40

In this argument, the author concludes that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations, because it can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic, and improve overall profits. To support his conclusion, the author points out that employees spent work hours on personal or recreational activities. In addition, he infer that electronic monitoring will improve employees' productivity. At first glance, this argument appears to be somewhat convincing but further reflection reveals that it omits some substantial concerns that should be addressed in the argument. The argument suffers from three logical flaws.

Firstly, the author's recommendation depends on the assumption that no factors other than the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities on the Internet cause the low productivity. However, common sense informs me that this assumption is a poor one. A myriad of other factors, including sleeping at work or chatting in the office might be the cause of the low productivity. To be specifically. Without ruling out these and other possible causes, the author cannot justifiably conclude that only spending personal or recreational activities cause the low productivity.

Secondly, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that implementing electronic monitoring can foster a better work ethic at Climpson. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Just on the opposite, keeping watch over the employees who use Internet or punishing the employees who spend time on personal or recreational activities may have a negative influent in the company. And the negative morale will does no help to improve productivity.

Last but not the least, even if the company can improve productivity and foster a better work ethic by implementing electronic monitoring. The author's conclusion that the company will improve their overall profits is unwarranted. Profit is a factor relating to not only revenue but also cost. It's entirely possible that implementing electronic monitoring from employees' workstations cost a lot of money. And the update of electronic monitoring also a cost should be figured out. The factors above might prevent implement electronic monitoring from being as profitable as the argument predict.

To sum up, this arguer fails to substantiate his recommendation that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations to improve their overall profits. Because the evidence cited does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more information about the cost of implementing electronic monitoring from employees' workstations. With this, it would have more through and logically accept.


思路

1。监控软件监控职员工作时间互联网的使用与提高生产率无关。
2。监控软件监控职员工作时间互联网的使用与培养公司的道德规范无关。
3。即使上述两条假设均成立，也不能确定可以提高公司盈利。

david36355UID: 2603992

题目：ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president. "In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
字数：433 用时：00:39:49 日期：2009-7-14 1:40:40
In this argument, the author concludes that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations, because it can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic, and improve overall profits. To support his conclusion, the author points out that employees spent work hours on personal or recreational activities. In addition, he infer that electronic monitoring will improve employees' productivity. （这里用于复述ARGUMENT内容的字数是不是稍微有点儿多了？）At first glance, this argument appears to be somewhat convincing but further reflection reveals that it omits some substantial concerns that should be addressed in the argument. The argument suffers from three logical flaws.（模板的痕迹比较重，其实这里如果能够简略概括一下这三个FLAW的话感觉可能会好一点儿吧）
Firstly, the author's recommendation depends on the assumption that no factors other than the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities on the Internet cause the low productivity. However, common sense informs me that this assumption is a poor one. A myriad of other factors, including sleeping at work or chatting in the office might be the cause of the low productivity. To be specifically. Without ruling out these and other possible causes, the author cannot justifiably conclude that only spending personal or recreational activities cause the low productivity. Secondly, the author falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that implementing electronic monitoring can foster a better work ethic at Climpson. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Just on the opposite, keeping watch over the employees who use Internet or punishing the employees who spend time on personal or recreational activities may have a negative influent in the company. And the negative morale will does no help to improve productivity.
Last but not the least, even if the company can improve productivity and foster a better work ethic by implementing electronic monitoring. （这个该是逗号吧）The author's conclusion that the company will improve their overall profits is unwarranted. Profit is a factor relating to not only revenue but also cost. It's entirely possible that implementing electronic monitoring from employees' workstations cost a lot of money. And the update of electronic monitoring also a cost should be figured out. The factors above might prevent implement electronic monitoring from being as profitable as the argument predict.（第二段是这样做能提升WORK ETHIC，第三段则是这样做能提升收入，二者其实可以合一，然后空出一段来攻击其他的点。）
To sum up, this arguer fails to substantiate his recommendation that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations to improve their overall profits. Because the evidence cited does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more information about the cost of implementing electronic monitoring from employees' workstations. With this, it would have more through and logically accept.
思路 1。监控软件监控职员工作时间互联网的使用与提高生产率无关。
2。监控软件监控职员工作时间互联网的使用与培养公司的道德规范无关。
3。即使上述两条假设均成立，也不能确定可以提高公司盈利。



整个文章在语言方面其实已经比较成熟了，虽然模板套路化的痕迹比较重（其实就是看着非常像老美范文= =）。但是攻击的三点中有着比较大的重复性，点找得不是很好，也不能说主要的逻辑漏洞都攻击到了。
因为其实觉得我的问题和上面指出的基本一样（只是程度严重得多），同时自己也没有十分清醒的认识，所以我也没有办法提出更好的改进建议，实在抱歉！