aTOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by weflx

weflxUID: 2237166

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)

1. Nature environment is basic resource for human beings' living

2. Economic continuing development needs good environment

3. The capability of nature to human being's harmful activities is un-finite.

Nature environment and economic development, which are both always hot topic in human beings’ history. Which is more significant? In my view, nature environment is more important than economic development in the long term. As following reasons.

First of all, it is obvious key point that I support that nature environment is more important than economic development, since nature environment is basic resource for human beings living. As we known, in people’s life, everything depends on rewarding of nature, such as, water, food, sunshine, mine, petrol and so on. Can you imagine that these resources are far away from mankind? Obviously, if no water, nobody could live, no petrol and mine, our industry do not move on, the car on way is going to stop. If no sunshine, it will result in serious result that everything is stop growing, maybe the world is coming died.

What is more, economic continuing developing is also relied on excellent nature environment. Thereby, all economic activities that last for a long time must based on a good fundamentally circumstance. For example, a paper manufacture, they need fresh water to produce the paper. If they just focus on economic profits and do not care the drain pollution which will be harmful to river. Definitely, not only will they be punished by nature, but there is only little benefit in short term. To contrast, if paper manufacture pay attention to reduce pollution drain or drain them after handled in order to protect environment. They must get a continuing development way due to river is always clear and provide cycling resource to gain great profit in the long run.

Finally, the capability of nature environment to deal with harm from economic development is not finite. It is most possibly that disaster will coming since human being over explored and profit. In human beings’ history, lots of nature disasters result from human beings’ activities, for instance, in the beginning of 2000s, somewhere in pacific island suddenly happen terrible sea storm which is powerful to destroy what it confront in coming. A number of people died in the un-anticipate nature disaster. After research, scientific found reason that results from people over explore sea petroleum which impact the geography structure of bottom of sea.

In sum, as what we discussed above, human beings should protect nature environment which is more important than economic development. Because nature is source for everything on earth , and any economic continuing development is not far away from excellent environment. Furthermore, nature environment is not a un-finite trash can and can bear harmful economic activities for a long time, if so, human being must pay for that and get punish from nature.

文赋UID: 2611067

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)
1. Nature environment is basic resource for human beings' living（这个论点不太合适，大宽泛，没东西可以写，分论点要具体，比如：健康，安全等。）
2. Economic continuing development（continuing development是一个非正式表达方式，正式表达是sustainable development） needs good--health nature environment
3. The capability of nature to human being's harmful activities is un-finite.（。。。这句话我是看懂了，但是我改不了，功力不济，见谅）

Nature environment and economic development, which are both always hot topic in human beings’ history—(human history固定搭配). Which is more significant? In my view, nature environment is more important than economic development in the long term. As following reasons.（有一种错误叫做，并列关系逻辑错误。两个不同类别的名词，是不能放在一起比较的，即nature environment是不能和economic development并列的，环境和发展不是同一类事，绝对不能放在一起。可以把保护自然和发展经济两个动作做比较。这种错误还是很常见的，但是也容易改正。）

First of all—Firstly（Firstly，已经是土的边缘了，不能再用其它更土的了）, it is obvious（obvious是显然，有客观的感觉） key point that I support（后面用主观表达，就是obvious有问题了，删除红字） that nature environment（同理，并列两边要对称） is more important than economic development, since nature environment is basic resource for human beings living. As we known, in people’s life, everything depends on rewarding of nature, such as, water, food, sunshine, mine, petrol and so on. Can you--we imagine that these resources are far away from mankind? Obviously, if no water, nobody could live, no petrol and mine, our industry do not move on, the car on way is going to stop. If no sunshine, it will result in serious result that everything is stop growing, maybe the world is coming died.

What is more, economic continuing developing is also relied on excellent--health nature environment. Thereby, all economic activities that last for a long time must based on a good fundamentally circumstance. For example, a paper manufacture, they need fresh water to produce the paper. If they just focus on economic profits and do not care the drain pollution which will be harmful to river. Definitely, not only will they be punished by nature, but there is only little benefit in short term. To contrast, if paper manufacturer pay more attention to reduce pollution drain or drain them after handled--treated in order to protect environment. They must get a continuing development way due to river is always clear and provide cycling resource to gain great profit in the long run.

Finally, the capability of nature environment to deal with harm from economic development is not finite. It is most possibly that disaster will coming since human being over explored and profit. In human beings’ history, lots of nature disasters result from human beings’ activities, for instance, in the beginning of 2000s—twenty-first century, somewhere in pacific island suddenly happen terrible sea storm which is powerful to destroy what it confront in coming. A number of-->Several people died in the unanticipated nature disaster. After research, scientific found reason删 that is a result of people over explore
sea petroleum which affect the geography structure of bottom of sea.

In sum, as what we discussed above, human beings should protect nature environment which is more important than economic development. Because nature is source for everything on earth , and any economic continuing development is not far away from excellent environment. Furthermore, nature environment is not a un-finite trash can and can bear harmful economic activities for a long time, if so, human being must pay for that and get punish from nature.

weflx 发表于 2009-7-15 12:42

首先，我想你应该是费了很大的功夫去写的这篇文章；
其次，你还是很有潜力的；
最后，务必多看美国人或者发表在美国报纸杂志或其它材料上的文章。

显著问题：
1、用词不当；2、句式生涩；3、论点太泛泛。
现在你创造的句子和表达方式过多，从字里行间找不到感觉，所以无论如何请多看，多读，多想。一开始先模仿，巨模仿，最后仿到一定程度就成自己的了。

weflxUID: 2237166

呵呵，多谢文斌的精辟点评，受益匪浅
学习了

甲子园UID: 2662675

Nature environment and economic development, which(就直接说挺好的，不用从句) are both always hot topic in human beings’ history. Which is more significant(important)? In my view, nature environment is more important than economic development in the long term. As following reasons.

First of all, it is obvious key point(删) that I support that nature environment is more important than economic development, since nature environment is basic resource for human beings living.（it is obvious that +觉得事实不是自己的想法吧      ） As we known（know）, in people’s life, everything depends on rewarding of nature, such as, water, food, sunshine, mine, petrol and so on. Can you imagine that these resources are far away from mankind? Obviously, if(there is ) no water, nobody could live, no petrol and mine, our industry do not move on, the car on way is going to stop. If (there is ) no sunshine, it will result in serious result(results) that everything is stop growing, maybe the world is coming died.

What is more, economic continuing developing is also relied on excellent nature environment. Thereby, all economic activities that last for a long time must based on a good fundamentally circumstance. For example, a paper manufacture, they need fresh water to produce the paper. If they just focus on economic profits and do not care the drain pollution which will be harmful to river(主句呢). Definitely, not only will they be punished by nature, but there is only little benefit in short term. To contrast, if paper manufacture pay attention to reduce pollution drain or drain them after handled in order to protect environment. They must get a continuing development way due to river is always clear（这里很混乱） and provide cycling resource to gain great profit in the long run.

Finally, the capability of nature environment to deal with harm from economic development is not finite(这句太中式了). It is most possibly that disaster will coming since human being over explored and profit. In human beings’ history, lots of nature disasters result from human beings’ activities, for instance, in the beginning of 2000s, somewhere in pacific island suddenly happen terrible sea storm which is powerful to destroy what it confront in coming. A number of people died in the un-anticipate nature disaster. After research, scientific found reason that results from people over explore sea petroleum which impact the geography structure of bottom of sea.
(这段貌似和保护环境关系不大啊)
In sum, as what we discussed above, human beings should protect nature environment which is more important than economic development. Because nature is source for everything on earth , and any economic continuing development is not far away from excellent environment. Furthermore, nature environment is not a un-finite trash can and can bear harmful economic activities for a long time, if so, human being must pay for that and get punish from nature.
很多语言都很中式，读起来有些别扭，而且有的我也不知道怎么改了。我水平有限啊，有的只能是指出来

甲子园UID: 2662675

Nature environment and economic development, which(就直接说挺好的，不用从句) are both always hot topic in human beings’ history. Which is more significant(important)? In my view, nature environment is more important than economic development in the long term. As following reasons.
First of all, it is obvious key point(删) that I support that nature environment is more important than economic development, since nature environment is basic resource for human beings living.（it is obvious that +觉得事实不是自己的想法吧      ） As we known（know）, in people’s life, everything depends on rewarding of nature, such as, water, food, sunshine, mine, petrol and so on. Can you imagine that these resources are far away from mankind? Obviously, if(there is ) no water, nobody could live, no petrol and mine, our industry do not move on, the car on way is going to stop. If (there is ) no sunshine, it will result in serious result(results) that everything is stop growing, maybe the world is coming died.
What is more, economic continuing developing is also relied on excellent nature environment. Thereby, all economic activities that last for a long time must based on a good fundamentally circumstance. For example, a paper manufacture, they need fresh water to produce the paper. If they just focus on economic profits and do not care the drain pollution which will be harmful to river(主句呢). Definitely, not only will they be punished by nature, but there is only little benefit in short term. To contrast, if paper manufacture pay attention to reduce pollution drain or drain them after handled in order to protect environment. They must get a continuing development way due to river is always clear（这里很混乱） and provide cycling resource to gain great profit in the long run.
Finally, the capability of nature environment to deal with harm from economic development is not finite(这句太中式了). It is most possibly that disaster will coming since human being over explored and profit. In human beings’ history, lots of nature disasters result from human beings’ activities, for instance, in the beginning of 2000s, somewhere in pacific island suddenly happen terrible sea storm which is powerful to destroy what it confront in coming. A number of people died in the un-anticipate nature disaster. After research, scientific found reason that results from people over explore sea petroleum which impact the geography structure of bottom of sea.
(这段貌似和保护环境关系不大啊)
In sum, as what we discussed above, human beings should protect nature environment which is more important than economic development. Because nature is source for everything on earth , and any economic continuing development is not far away from excellent environment. Furthermore, nature environment is not a un-finite trash can and can bear harmful economic activities for a long time, if so, human being must pay for that and get punish from nature.
很多语言都很中式，读起来有些别扭，而且有的我也不知道怎么改了。我水平有限啊，有的只能是指出来

weflxUID: 2237166

呵呵，多谢甲子园点评，看来，我得好好收集下素材，润色下我的作文了