Issue16 [快刀杀鸡]7/14 作业by 葡萄熟了

葡萄熟了UID: 2638802

感谢帮我批作文的同仁，第一篇作文当然好不到哪里去了，并且越写越觉得力不从心，批的越淋漓尽致越好哇 哈哈

I disagree with the statement that luxury and conveniences of temporary life prevents people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals. Admittedly, convenience life dose tend to make people feel reckless, however whether it happens depends on people. In my opinion, it is the education and spirit one has to determine his or her characteristic, like strong or inflexible, dependent or independent, rather than the material he or she possesses.

There are many people who suffer from poverty but at the end develop into dregs of society. They are definitely not prevented by the ample material or connivances of life. What really matters are their believes. They give up creating life by themselves. What they think is they can not arrive success which seems remote and not likely available for them. As we know, children grow up in poverty tend to be more sensitive and more likely to lack confidence. All of these have positive effect on the development of character. If the children can not
get out the control of the diffident, it will be significant difficult for them develop into strong or independent.

On the contrary, many notable people are born in the rich families. They never have to worry about the next meal. Without being prevented by the luxury and conveniences of temporary life, they make effort to pursue their dreams and make significant contribution to the society. For example, the great scientist Louis de Broglie who was born in a illustrious noble family in France discovered the wave phase of the electron which was an important step to the physics. Indeed, he possessed the superior of life and social status, however, instead being constrained by the material,
he developed into strong and independent individual and make
tremendous contributions to physical sector and all human being.

And also, despite of the poverty or rich, the human nature determines that most of us will never be satisfied. The King being the most powered and richest people in the country also feels unhappy and discontent with the present situation. Thus, to some extent, although the present life is gracious, many people still strive to make more progress.

中文提纲：1.不同意该观点。奢华与安逸的确会对人的进取心有影响，但真正阻止人成为强大而独立的个体的关键是该人所受的教育与精神。
2. 穷困潦倒之人不受奢华与安逸的阻止，但所有这样的人都成长成了强大与独立的个体了吗？没有。
3.出身优越，从小衣食不愁的人很多都成就了大事业。在人格和事业上都取得了巨大的成功。
4.作为人的本性永不知足恐怕几乎人人如此。试问作为一国之君，他是不是对诸事满意？所以即使现状很好，很多人也不会就此打住而继续拼搏

白衣茜茜UID: 2628469

亲爱的，改得不好不要怪我，一起进步就是
I disagree with the statement that luxury and conveniences of temporary life prevents people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals. Admittedly, convenience life dose tend to make people feel reckless, however whether it happens depends on people. In my opinion, it is the education and spirit one has to determine his or her characteristic, like strong or inflexible, dependent or independent, rather than the material he or she possesses.(出现了一点点偏题，讨论的是convinent和luxury对人格的培养有影响 ，不是带来convience和luxury的物质造成的影响，要不换个词不要用material（他的出现也比较突兀）)

There are many people who suffer from poverty but at the end develop into dregs of society 蛮Chinglish的一个句子(There are never lack of examples that people who grown up in poverty turn out to be dregs of society. )They are definitely not prevented by the ample material or connivances of life（你有没有想说convenience of life）. What really matters are their believes. They give up creating life by themselves. What they think is they can not arrive（archive） success which seems remote and not likely available for them. As we know, children grow up in poverty tend to be more sensitive and more likely to lack confidence. All of these（all of what？？？？？） have positive effect on the development of character. If the children can not get out the control of the diffident, it will be significant difficult for them develop into strong or independent.把观点写在段首比较好，O(∩_∩)O哈哈~感觉和我写的差不多，够得改卷的领悟半天，一起加油吧！
On the contrary, many notable people are born in the rich families（长短句结合固然好，可是这种短句不要用的好）. They never have to worry about the next meal. Without being prevented by the luxury and conveniences of temporary life, they make effort to pursue their dreams and make significant contribution to the society. For example, the great scientist Louis de Broglie who was born in a illustrious noble family in France discovered the wave phase of the electron which was an important step to the physics. Indeed, he possessed the superior of life and social status, however, instead being constrained by the material,he developed into strong and independent individual and make tremendous contributions to physical sector and all human being.(例子很好可是感觉分析不够到位)

And also, despite of the poverty or rich, the human nature determines that most of us will never be satisfied. The King being the most powered and richest people in the country also feels unhappy and discontent with the present situation. Thus, to some extent, although the present life is gracious, many people still strive to make more progress.(最好多点点提，people will never satisfied with the temporary convenience and luxury ,they will surly continue to purchase further convenience and luxury and on the way of purchasing they will gradually develop their independence and strong individual. Convenience and luxury is by no means of a obstacle of character building)
中文提纲：1.不同意该观点。奢华与安逸的确会对人的进取心有影响，但真正阻止人成为强大而独立的个体的关键是该人所受的教育与精神。
2. 穷困潦倒之人不受奢华与安逸的阻止，但所有这样的人都成长成了强大与独立的个体了吗？没有。
3.出身优越，从小衣食不愁的人很多都成就了大事业。在人格和事业上都取得了巨大的成功。
4.作为人的本性永不知足恐怕几乎人人如此。试问作为一国之君，他是不是对诸事满意？所以即使现状很好，很多人也不会就此打住而继续拼搏
亲，你的单词量很大的样子，羡慕哦，我边改还要边查字典
向我们这种初学者，是不是好套用一下经典五段式呢
和我一样，思辨能力不够强，感觉有东西没交代清楚，要靠人意会
我们水平差不多，都先花点时间在积累上比较好，
思路很清晰的，就是有点点跑题

葡萄熟了UID: 2638802

2# 白衣茜茜
1.亲亲的叫的我都不好意思乃，呵呵。没关系。我就说嘛要淋漓尽致的批 一点也不要手软，话说的越狠越好，这样才能受刺激，才能改进嘛
2.提的建议很多很好 尤其最后一段那 受益匪浅
3.我的单词量一点都不大 有的词是现找滴 汗
4.“思辨能力不够强，感觉有东西没交代清楚，要靠人意会我们水平差不多，都先花点时间在积累上比较好”有道理 摸索中 加油！
5.“All of these（all of what？？？？？）  ”all of  the above!!!1对于这种指代词的用法我确实得再好好琢磨琢磨
6.经典五段式？值得借鉴
7.“思路很清晰的，就是有点点跑题” 跑题乎？替我确实理解错了。temporary似乎是modern的意思 这样的话 那个德布罗易 的例子就不适用了
8.最后再次感谢茜茜妹妹的指导:loveliness: