TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by 枕头和书

枕头和书UID: 2578813

TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by 枕头和书  写的匆忙，只好如此了

题目Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

Some people believe that the he government should focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development. A contrary view would reveals that the economic development is more important for a government. I am inclined to agree with the latter one. It is true that the nature environment essential for our survive, yet there is not entirely conflict between the development and the environment protection.

To begin with, the financial ability of every government is limited that mean the government must decide to support primarily. For instance, in some developing country of Africa face the problems of starvation, epidemic diseases, war and so forth. These immediate issues is should be concerned firstly for their country. And the development of economy can service as the key to solve these problems. With the progress of the productivity, there must be enough food and medicines to cater for the people' need. In such cases, the long term foals of the government, such as nature environment protection, can be hold on for a while.

Moreover, the government financial support is not the only way to preserve nature source. The government can promote the private investment to make their effect to our country, some charity fundments can also give the environmentist some help. On another hand, the finance of education can also elevate the sense of the citizen' focus on the environment protection. And the economic development can bring the government and the society more tax and wealth., these money can also be used to support the building of nature reservation, or some effect to save the endangered animals, and so on.

Finally, there are not obvious conflict between the development and the environment protection. As we discussed above, the additional tax which is come from the economy development give the government more chance to pay attention to the nature situation.

MVTUID: 2588209

TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by 枕头和书  写的匆忙，只好如此了
题目Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

批改说明：
1. 红色: 不太合适的地方；
2. 蓝色: 值得学习的地方；
3. 淡紫: (my comment).

Some people believe that the he government should focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development. A contrary view would reveals that the economic development is more important for a government. I am inclined to agree with the latter one. It is true that the nature environment essential for our survive, yet there is not entirely conflict between the development and the environment protection.(正反陈述，摆出观点: the two are not entirely conflict)

To begin with, the financial ability of every government is limited that mean(means) the government must decide to support primarily. For instance, in some developing country of Africa face the problems of starvation, epidemic diseases, war and so forth. These immediate issues is(should be omitted) should be concerned firstly for their country. And the development of economy can service(serve) as the key to solve these problems. With the progress of the productivity, there must be enough food and medicines to cater for(感觉这个词表达一种贬义的"满足"，作者再确认一下) the people' need. In such cases, the long term foals(goals) of the government, such as nature environment protection, can be hold on for a while.(本端观点: 当面临starvation, epidemic diseases, war etc. 的时候，环境保护应该为经济发展让路)

Moreover,(其实本段观点由转变，我觉得用moreover这个词逻辑上有点不对) the government financial support is not the only way to preserve nature source. The government can promote the private investment to make their effect to our country, some charity fundments can also give the environmentist some help. On another hand, the finance of education can also elevate the sense of the citizen' focus on the environment protection. And the economic development can bring the government and the society more tax and wealth, these money can also be used to support the building of nature reservation, or some effect to save the endangered animals, and so on.(我觉得本端观点有点杂:1. finacial support is not only way(private investment, charity fundments, education); 2. economy can increas tax. 给人感觉是前面批economy，后面又扬。作者的意思好像是有多种途径可以实现环境保护的目标，个人感觉这个意思没说透)

Finally, there are not obvious conflict(s) between the development and the environment protection. As we discussed above, the additional tax which is come from the economy development give(s) the government more chance to pay attention to the nature situation.(结论呼应开头观点，只是觉得B2部分没有说透why there is not conflict between the two.)

COMMENTS:
1. 楼主仓促行文，但不乏实力的体现；
2. 文章思路清晰，作者语言能力很好；
3. 个人觉得B2部分论证不透彻，没有把conflict论述清楚。

枕头和书UID: 2578813

2# MVT
your suggestion will be appreciated.
tks alot

zliuKaiserUID: 2522209

Some people believe that the he government should focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development. A contrary view would reveals that the economic development is more important for a government. I am inclined to agree with the latter one. It is true that the nature environment essential for our survive (surviving), yet there is not entirely conflict between the development and the environment protection.

To begin with, the financial ability of every government is limited that mean the government must decide to support primarily. For instance, in some developing country of Africa face the problems of starvation, epidemic diseases, war and so forth. These immediate issues (is) should be concerned firstly for their country. And the development of economy can service as the key to solve these problems. With the progress of the productivity, there must be enough food and medicines to cater for the people' need (这句我认为说得不够明白). In such cases, the long term foals (goals) of the government, such as nature environment protection, can be hold on for a while.

Moreover, the government financial support is not the only way to preserve nature source. The government can promote the private investment to make their effect to our country; some charity fundments (funds) can also give the environmentist (environmentalist) some help. On another hand, the finance of education can also elevate the sense of the citizen' focus (这个词组是什么意思? The sense of the citizens’ focus) on the environment protection. And (Besides, 我认为下一句是另外一个改善环境的方法,即经济发展的收入,用Besides感觉好一点) the economic development can bring the government and the society more tax and wealth. This money can also be used to support the building of nature reservation, or some effect (effort) to save the endangered animals, and so on.

Finally, there are not obvious conflict between the development and the environment protection. As we discussed above, the additional tax which is (可以去掉) comes from the economy development give the government more chance to pay attention to the nature situation.

总的说来,楼主的文章结构是很清晰的.
有一些小的语法错误, 个人感觉还是挺好的. 第三段的最后一句我感觉写的很好, 原因是使用了不同的动词.