argue242 [快刀杀鸡]7/16 作业by wjin3

wjin3UID: 2617582

ARGUEMENT
242
The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

要求写提纲，提纲中需包括：攻击点、文章构造主体（体现逻辑思维过程，不包括举例）。

中文提纲：
攻击点：
1，
G学生报告的作弊减少不足以证明honor code确实有效：


a学生报告的作弊不能代表即使全部存在的作弊。也许作弊的多报告的少。
学生间互相监督未必可靠。
严格监督能够有效抓到作弊者，不容易有漏网之鱼。数据来源不同，不具备可比性。

b.G不实行HC作弊也未必会增加，没对比
c.作弊减少也许有别的原因
2，
所谓的调查，也不足以证明学生在HC制度下不易作弊。

  调查的对象是学生，不论匿名与否，作弊的学生都很可能不承认自己会作弊。
      因此，调查结果是不可靠的。
作出结论的两个证据都不可靠，因此结论也不可靠。
3，
作出承诺的学生也许会违背
4，
决策可行性。有学生也许利用互监督找麻烦

English outlines:
1,复述，seem reasonable。
2,not well-reasoned for lack of reliable evidence, the comparison is rediculous
3result of the survey is not reliable
4,the risk they must take if they do as the conclusion
5,need further survey to determine if the honor code should be put into practice




Body:
The idea that all the college and universities should adopt honor codes, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect others have cheated seems reasonable since it proved to be successful in Groveton by the figure and the survey mentioned in the argument.

However, the evidences are not reliable enough to sustain the point that the honor code is really effective in Groveton.

Firstly, although less cases of cheating was reported after the honor code had been in place, the comparison is made between the cases of cheating reported by teachers who monitored the students closely and the students themselves. Most teachers tend to supervise the students strictly, which made very few cheaters escape from being punished and reported, while students can not monitor themselves severely. It is possible that most students were concentrating on their own tests without realizing those who were cheating. Perhaps the student A who found student B cheating is just a very close friend of B, and he or she might choose to hide the fact that B had cheated. All these will lead to the cases of cheating reported by students much less than the cheating really happened. It is ridiculous to draw a conclusion depending on a comparison between these two figures reported by different kind of people. There was not any evidence which could prove that the cases of cheating would increase without the honor code’s taking in place in Groveton. Since Groveton is the only school taking the honor code and the figures of cheating during the five years are not given in the argument, there may be other possible alternatives to the decreasing cases of cheating. Such as fewer students were studying in Groveton than five years ago so that the less cheatings happened just because the total number of students decreased. Maybe the students learn better or the test became easier five years later and therefore fewer students needed to cheat to pass the exam.

Then the survey is not a reliable proof to the effectiveness of the honor code. Whether the survey is an anonymous one or not is not mentioned in the argument. I believe that most students could not tell truth when being surveyed if they had cheated or intended to cheat, in a non-anonymous survey, which made the result of the survey unbelievable at all.

Last but not least, there might be more cheatings’ taking place if the honor code is carried out. More students may take the risk to cheat if there is not closely monitoring by teachers.

With no evidence enough to support that the honor code is effective, the institutions have no reason to take the risk of more cheating happening to abolish the old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and to apply the honor code like Groveton. The institutions need more sufficient and reliable surveys and other evidence to make the decision.

葡萄熟了UID: 2638802

1# wjin3
The idea that all the college and universities should adopt honor codes, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect others have cheated seems reasonable since it proved to be successful in Groveton by the figure and the survey mentioned in the argument.

However, the evidences are not reliable enough to sustain the point that the honor code is really effective in Groveton(我觉得这一句合并到第一段比较好，要不显得不匀称，脖子细，肚子大。一般情况下这一句就在第一段)

Firstly, although less cases of cheating was reported after the honor code had been in place, the comparison is made between the cases of cheating reported by teachers who monitored the students closely and the students themselves. (这句话里分句与主句是although的关系吗？汉语可以这样说因为汉语本身就逻辑混乱，但英语中这样就是病句了)Most teachers tend to supervise the students strictly, which made (makes)very few cheaters escape from being punished and reported, while students can not monitor themselves severely. It is possible that most students were concentrating on their own tests without realizing（realize是意识到，实现目标的意思。没有觉察或观察注意的意思 建议用paying attention to others' behavior） those who were cheating. Perhaps the student A who found student B cheating is just a very close friend of B, and he or she might choose to hide the fact that B had cheated.（这句话已经在说另一种情况了，应该在句子前边加上启下的连接词） All these will lead to the cases of cheating reported by students much less than the cheating(比较级前后比较对象不对应，语法错误。) really happened. It is ridiculous to draw a conclusion depending on a comparison between these two figures reported by different kind of people. There was not any evidence which could prove that the cases of cheating would increase without the honor code’s taking in place in Groveton. Since Groveton is the only school taking the honor code and the figures of cheating during the five years are not given in the argument, there may be other possible alternatives to the decreasing cases of cheating. Such as fewer students were studying in Groveton than five years ago so that the less cheatings happened just because the total number of students decreased.（没有主谓 可以写成：Such alternatives may include the fact that ..... or that） Maybe the students learn better or the test becomes easier five years later and therefore fewer students need to cheat to pass the exam.(这段的时态很混乱，一会过去一会现在。我觉得没必要这样，都写现在也不算错。否则分来分去总有分不清的时候)

Then（能这样用吗，即使能用也得在then后边加个逗号吧。有例句这样写吗？你是不是想要表达In addition 的意思） the survey is not a reliable proof to（of） the effectiveness of the honor code. Whether the survey is an anonymous one or not is not mentioned in the argument. I believe that most students could not tell truth when being surveyed if they had cheated or intended to cheat, in a non-anonymous survey, which made the result of the survey unbelievable at all.（survey的可靠性不能怀疑吧）

Last but not the least, there might be more cheatings’ taking place if the honor code is carried out. More students may take the risk to cheat if there is not closely monitoring by teachers. （这段也太少了吧 ？）

With no evidence enough to support that the honor code is effective, the institutions have no reason to take the risk of more cheating(应该是risk of doing sth or risk to do sth 没有risk of sth 可以改成risk rising the cases of cheating) happening to abolish the old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and to apply the honor code like Groveton. The institutions need more sufficient and reliable surveys and other evidence to make the decision.


1.段与段之间逻辑不清楚，
2.段落内句子间逻辑连接的 也不太好，缺少逻辑连接词
3.段落长短不太匀称
4.论述强度不够，估计大家的毛病都出在这了，没关系，我们会进步的呵呵。
5.还有论述的时候语气不够强硬，文中有好几处possible，还有perhaps 虽然我们要保证要逻辑严密，但在论证的气势上要绝对的压倒ETS  呵呵
5.有的句子太长，造句能力可见一斑 但是我觉得有些时候换成短一点的效果会更好，如果长句里没有高级出彩的插入语或者连接词的换，会显得句子冗长（这只是我的愚见呵呵 ）

葡萄熟了UID: 2638802

不知道改的是否正确，若有不对的地方一定要指出来啊 呵呵