TOEFL集结号 暑假集中突破 第六次作文作业 by 文赋

文赋UID: 2611067

第六次作业
Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment –things they like to do—rather than the things they should do 周三 22：00之前交
这个题目的题干太逗了吧？竟然问是不是花的“时间”太多了，论点要落脚在到底是时间多还是时间少的问题上，而不是问我们到底是应该enjoyment呢，or do we should do. 但是如果真是按时间去论述，那估计这文章没法写了。
一种可行的思路是：不同意statement，认为没有花太多时间在enjoyment上，或者花的时间太少了，然后鼓吹enjoyment的好处，得出结论：继续enjoy。或者，同意statement，认为花在enjoyment上的时间太多了，应该去做should do 的thing，然后鼓吹这个thing的必要性。这个thing是个啥thing还不知道。。。万一这个thing就是enjoyment呢？对于这个题目，保留怀疑意见。总之，ETS对托福的态度也太不负责了。

提纲：不同意statement，认为大多数人娱乐时间不足，然后展开论述娱乐好处，最后推回时间不足，要继续娱乐。（至少比鼓吹那个should do的子虚乌有的thing顺畅多了）
1. 工作生活单调无聊，需要娱乐来调剂一下；
2. 通过娱乐，比如看电影，可以学习到一些有用的知识；
3. 对于有些人，比如上瘾网友，娱乐时间过多了，而对于一般人还是不够。

Recently, some mass media argue that excessive time has been allocated to enjoyment, and working or studing time is shrinking rapidly. This seems does make sense, however, for most of us, excluding some Internet-addicts, the leisure time is still limited, and myriad working or studying tasks create many mental stress to us. Thus, I plan to discuss that we should have more time on personal enjoyment, correcting those misconception.

Firstly, in this competitive world, most of us suffer all kinds of stress from every aspect of daily life. Only by enjoying some funny entertainments or engaging in physcial actions, we could get a slim chance to escape from monotonous and inanimate daily routine life. Although, it seems that working or studying time are decrease, after having some rest, like watch a short comedic cartoon, we are likely to work or study more efficient and effective than those workaholic. Therefore, it is suggest to those people who claim we have spend too much time on enjoyment, if we can fulfill all task before deadline or gain a high score in acadmic, we certainly should enjoy more leisure time, and preparing for next challenge.

A common misconception is that the only result of personal enjoyment, like reading fiction or watching movie, is waste our precious and limited life. However, those claimers just neglect one fact that we could learn tremendous knowledge about history, economy, science and technology, by watching some serious moive or reading some though-provoking fiction. For instance, we could find out than the earth's life support system is close to fall down, by watching one movie the Inconvenience Truth or reading one book the Silent Spring. Thus, it is obvious that only doctrinal person will assert we could gain nothing when we have rest and enjoy some happy time. Actually, we cannot deny the educational effects of some excellent entertainment.

For most of us, enjoyment time is insufficient, however, if excessive time spended on play computer game, or become addicts of Internet, we unable to avoid some undesirable and painful consequences. For one thing, addiction of Internet and computer game will undermine our physical health, heighten the risk of diseases, such as obesity and hypertension. Waste still, according to recent research, if one spends more than four hours per day to play computer game, he or she will have some uncontrolled illusion about reality. Therefore, if we once have enough enjoyment time, we should participate in some health actions.

In conclusion, the enjoyment time is not enough for most modern people. It is easy to see that we could gain plenty of benefits from entertainment, and we can diminish the side negative effects of excessive enjoyment. It is recommended to  most of us that we should allocate more time to have rest, thus we could work and study more efficient and effecitive, not to mention the knowledge we acquired form interest but also serious movie or fiction.

总结，这篇文章其实是跑题的，题干：“问时间多还是不多？”。可是本文却几乎没有论证我们到底是花的时间太多还是太少。
从一方面来说，是我准备不足，能力有限。我应该准备一些材料写这种抽象的时间啦，哲学啦，艺术啦的问题。
但是从另一方面说，这个题目和以前的也不大一样。以前比如说“选择”出游方式，我们可以从是否经济，是否方便，是否自由等具体角度来说，但是对于本题“证实娱乐时间多还是少”确实没有太多切入点。
无论如何，虽然吐槽一大堆，但我承认我功力不济。

taoyukun-daidaiUID: 2657922

以后每次都来看你的分析，好有见解啊！！！佩服佩服！！！ 1# 文赋

MVTUID: 2588209

这个题目的题干太逗了吧？竟然问是不是花的“时间”太多了，论点要落脚在到底是时间多还是时间少的问题上，而不是问我们到底是应该enjoyment呢，or do we should do. 但是如果真是按时间去论述，那估计这文章没法写了。
一种可行的思路是：不同意statement，认为没有花太多时间在enjoyment上，或者花的时间太少了，然后鼓吹enjoyment的好处，得出结论：继续enjoy。或者，同意statement，认为花在enjoyment上的时间太多了，应该去做should do 的thing，然后鼓吹这个thing的必要性。这个thing是个啥thing还不知道。。。万一这个thing就是enjoyment呢？对于这个题目，保留怀疑意见。总之，ETS对托福的态度也太不负责了。

总结，这篇文章其实是跑题的，题干：“问时间多还是不多？”。可是本文却几乎没有论证我们到底是花的时间太多还是太少。
从一方面来说，是我准备不足，能力有限。我应该准备一些材料写这种抽象的时间啦，哲学啦，艺术啦的问题。
但是从另一方面说，这个题目和以前的也不大一样。以前比如说“选择”出游方式，我们可以从是否经济，是否方便，是否自由等具体角度来说，但是对于本题“证实娱乐时间多还是少”确实没有太多切入点。
无论如何，虽然吐槽一大堆，但我承认我功力不济。
文赋 发表于 2009-7-28 11:41

首先非常感谢文赋同学的精彩分析，很高兴能在你这儿找到同感，学到了很多，谢啦！
我本以为自己的脑子出问题了，想得太多。现在来看，是这个topic有问题。也可能是咱们的能力不够，达不到这个水平。但是我更认为是咱们对该题的背景知识了解不充足，正如你分析的，可以从好几个地方行文，但是都容易偏题。题目的重心其实就是“时间多还是少？娱乐还是尽责？”艾，根据我的能力无法回答。按照平常逻辑思维，我的回答应该是:" Fuck off, son of bitch, ETS! What hell your point is???" I'm so confused, then我干脆找了一个发自自己内心的观点，子虚乌有的论述“like to do and should to do 并不冲突，所以不同意”，没有论据，纯中式狡辩，嘿嘿。有时间帮我好好看看，谢谢！

关于文章：
提纲：不同意statement，认为大多数人娱乐时间不足，然后展开论述娱乐好处，最后推回时间不足，要继续娱乐。（至少比鼓吹那个should do的子虚乌有的thing顺畅多了）;
1. 工作生活单调无聊，需要娱乐来调剂一下；
2. 通过娱乐，比如看电影，可以学习到一些有用的知识；
3. 对于有些人，比如上瘾网友，娱乐时间过多了，而对于一般人还是不够。"
批改说明：
1. 红色: 不太合适的地方；
2. 蓝色: 值得学习的地方；
3. 淡紫: (my comment).

Recently, some mass media argue that excessive time has been allocated to enjoyment, and working or studing time is shrinking rapidly. This seems does make sense, however, for most of us, excluding some Internet-addicts, the leisure time is still limited, and myriad working or studying tasks create many mental stress to us. Thus, I plan to discuss that we should have more time on personal enjoyment, correcting those misconception. (首段观点明确: 不同意 because of many mental stress and limited leisure time)

Firstly, in this competitive world, most of us suffer all kinds of stress from every aspect of daily life. Only by enjoying some funny entertainments or engaging in physcial actions, we could get a slim chance to escape from monotonous and inanimate daily routine life. Although, it seems that working or studying time are decrease(ing), after having some rest, like watch a short comedic cartoon, we are likely to work or study more efficient and effective than those workaholic. Therefore, it is suggest to those people who claim we have spend too much time on enjoyment, if we can fulfill all task before deadline or gain a high score in acadmic, we certainly should enjoy more leisure time, and preparing for next challenge. (论证1：more efficient and effective than worka holic)

A common misconception is that the only result of personal enjoyment, like reading fiction or watching movie, is waste our precious and limited life. However, those claimers just neglect one fact that we could learn tremendous knowledge about history, economy, science and technology, by watching some serious moive or reading some though-provoking fiction. For instance, we could find out than the earth's life support system is close to fall down, by watching one movie the Inconvenience Truth or reading one book the Silent Spring. Thus, it is obvious that only doctrinal person will assert we could gain nothing when we have rest and enjoy some happy time. Actually, we cannot deny the educational effects of some excellent entertainment.(论证2：some excellent entermainment possess educational effects for people.)

For most of us, enjoyment time is insufficient, however, if excessive time spended on play computer game, or become addicts of Internet, we unable to avoid some undesirable and painful consequences. For one thing, addiction of Internet and computer game will undermine our physical health, heighten the risk of diseases, such as obesity and hypertension. Waste still, according to recent research, if one spends more than four hours per day to play computer game, he or she will have some uncontrolled illusion about reality. Therefore, if we once have enough enjoyment time, we should participate in some health actions. (论证3：这一段有点看不懂，感觉没有把你的提纲里的意思说清楚，不知道到底“够”还是“够”)

In conclusion, the enjoyment time is not enough for most modern people. It is easy to see that we could gain plenty of benefits from entertainment, and we can diminish the side negative effects of excessive enjoyment(是不是excessive work？感觉有点读不通). It is recommended to  most of us that we should allocate more time to have rest, thus we could work and study more efficient and effecitive, not to mention the knowledge we acquired form interest but also serious movie or fiction.(结论：我们应该have rest and entertainment)
COMMENTS:
艾，咋评论呢，愁死了！
跟我相比，作者的文章保险多了，通过说娱乐的好处（B1&B2）和娱乐时间不足B3来得出结论：不同意题目，因为大家的娱乐时间不够。还是找到了一个切入点，分论点说理还是比较充分的，我想了很久，觉得这是一个好的写法，不能算偏题。

……但是………………………………………………………………
嘿嘿，我又多想了一下你的论证，感觉确实有点小问题，愁死了

你的观点是：不同意，因为娱乐有好处、而且有些人的娱乐时间不够。那么从这里出发你的问题有：
1. 题目没有暗示说娱乐没有好处；
2. 你关于“娱乐时间不足”的论证不充分，没有看出人们是如何缺乏娱乐的；
3. 你没有提及题目中的"what people should do"这个空中楼阁，也许这个是个不言自明的道理。
探讨，别介意，呵呵

文赋UID: 2611067

不介意，太客气了。
这篇文章虽然不是最恶心的，但是也不太好论证。我能忽悠成这样，比较满意。但是估计考试时万一碰到这种，到时一紧张，就完蛋了。

枕头和书UID: 2578813

Recently, some mass media argue that excessive time has been allocated to enjoyment, and working or studing time is shrinking rapidly. This seems does make sense, however, for most of us, excluding some Internet-addicts, the leisure time is still limited, and myriad working or studying tasks create many mental stress to us. Thus, I plan to discuss that we should have more time on personal enjoyment, correcting those misconception.（最后一句有点生硬，过度不明显）
s$ W3 J+ n& @& g
Firstly, in this competitive world, most of us suffer all kinds of stress from every aspect of daily life. Only by enjoying some funny entertainments or engaging in physcial actions, we could get a slim chance to escape from monotonous and inanimate daily routine life. Although, it seems that working or studying time are decrease（本词建议现在时）, after having some rest, like watch a short comedic cartoon, we are likely to work or study more efficient and effective than those workaholic（写得好）. Therefore, it is suggest to those people who claim we have spend too much time on enjoyment, if we can fulfill all task before deadline or gain a high score in acadmic, we certainly should enjoy more leisure time, and preparing for next challenge. （建议加一个be 在prepare前）  m( C: ^" Y6 ^. h: C5 ~% c

A common misconception is that the only result of personal enjoyment, like reading fiction or watching movie, is waste our precious and limited life. However, those claimers just neglect one fact that we could learn tremendous knowledge about history, economy, science and technology, by watching some serious moive or reading some though-provoking fiction. For instance, we could find out than the earth's life support system is close to fall down, by watching one movie the Inconvenience Truth or reading one book the Silent Spring. Thus, it is obvious that only doctrinal person will assert we could gain nothing when we have rest and enjoy some happy time. Actually, （转折语气）we cannot deny the educational effects of some excellent entertainment.& }) D* X* W8 ~& q! L7 J! O3 J
( V6 {& m5 ^) z+ I7 E
For most of us, enjoyment time is insufficient, however, if excessive time spended on play computer game, or become addicts of Internet, we unable to avoid some undesirable and painful consequences. For one thing, addiction of Internet and computer game will undermine our physical health, heighten the risk of diseases, such as obesity and hypertension. Waste still, according to recent research, if one spends more than four hours per day to play computer game, he or she will have some uncontrolled illusion about reality. Therefore, if we once have enough enjoyment time, we should participate in some health actions.



In conclusion, the enjoyment time is not enough for most modern people. It is easy to see that we could gain plenty of benefits from entertainment, and we can diminish the side negative effects of excessive enjoyment. It is recommended to  most of us that we should allocate more time to have rest, thus we could work and study more efficient and effecitive, not to mention the knowledge we acquired form interest but also serious movie or fiction. # Y




写的好，没敢多改，更多的是学习你的写法。) ]7

DriftKingUID: 2664045

这个题目猛的感觉很简单，但写起来发现非常容易跑题，而且无处下手，再次惊叹作者严谨的治学态度，和严密的逻辑思维能力

Recently, some mass media argue that excessive time has been allocated to enjoyment, and working or studing time is shrinking rapidly. This seems does make sense, however, for most of us, excluding some Internet-addicts, the leisure time is still limited, and myriad working or studying tasks create many mental stress to us. Thus, I plan to discuss that we should have more time on personal enjoyment, correcting those misconception.娱乐时间对大多数人来说还是少的，应该更多，而不是像题目一样的混蛋逻辑。然而对于Internet-addicts，我个人觉得他们的娱乐时间不会少

6 n4 u7 D. `* K4 E
Firstly, in this competitive world, most of us suffer all kinds of stress from every aspect of daily life. Only by enjoying some funny entertainments or engaging in physcial actions, we could get a slim chance to escape from monotonous and inanimate daily routine life. Although, it seems that working or studying time are decrease, after having some rest, like watch a short comedic cartoon, we are likely to work or study more efficient and effective than those workaholic. Therefore, it is suggest to those people who claim we have spend too much time on enjoyment, if we can fulfill all task before deadline or gain a high score in acadmic, we certainly should enjoy more leisure time, and preparing for next challenge. 竞争的社会，压力太大。娱乐也是为工作，在保证工作的情况下，娱乐无可厚非


A common misconception is that the only result of personal enjoyment, like reading fiction or watching movie, is waste our precious and limited life. However, those claimers just neglect one fact that we could learn tremendous knowledge about history, economy, science and technology, by watching some serious moive or reading some though-provoking fiction. For instance, we could find out than the earth's life support system is close to fall down, by watching one movie the Inconvenience Truth or reading one book the Silent Spring. Thus, it is obvious that only doctrinal person will assert we could gain nothing when we have rest and enjoy some happy time. Actually, we cannot deny the educational effects of some excellent entertainment.4 {2 a. s5 N' S% Q: k, W' X
0 v+ t! y# w8 k5 T! F1 q
For most of us, enjoyment time is insufficient, however, if excessive time spended on play computer game, or become addicts of Internet, we unable to avoid some undesirable and painful consequences. For one thing, addiction of Internet and computer game will undermine our physical health, heighten the risk of diseases, such as obesity and hypertension. Waste still, according to recent research, if one spends more than four hours per day to play computer game, he or she will have some uncontrolled illusion about reality. Therefore, if we once have enough enjoyment time, we should participate in some health actions.娱乐中也能学习， 然而沉溺于某些娱乐中就会有问题。此段作者来了个分类。但网瘾这方面跟首段没有照应，手段说网瘾者的娱乐时间也不够。。。

In conclusion, the enjoyment time is not enough for most modern people. It is easy to see that we could gain plenty of benefits from entertainment, and we can diminish the side（片面的意思？感觉不太必要） negative effects of excessive enjoyment. It is recommended to  most of us that we should allocate more time to have rest, thus we could work and study more efficient and effecitive（effective？）, not to mention the knowledge we acquired form interest but also serious movie or fiction.

我是来学习的，看了这篇文章，不得不感慨同学的认真态度和行云流水般遣词造句的能力，对题目的分析相当深刻。
非常想知道作者是如何积累这些词汇，短语和句型的，太丰富，太出神入化（看过你给MVT同学建议的阅读材料了），还是希望能更多了知道你的方法，因为这方面是我的大弱项之一，

也欢迎楼主有空了改改我的吧