TOEFL集结号暑期作文第7次作业 by thatll

thatllUID: 2538832

题目：It is more important to use land for humanneed than to save land for endangered animals.



提纲：We should balancethe usage of the land for human need and for endangered animals.
1, 首先我们作为人类肯定是将人类自身的需求放在第一位考虑。我们保护动植物最终也是从人类自身的发展来考虑的，要是生物与人类的发展无关，那么我们根本不需要去考虑这个问题。例如一个城市的发展过程中我们肯定在不经意间毁灭了某种生物的灭绝，只不过我们自己有可能不知道。一个城市的建设肯定是从一个生机盎然的地方集中兴建的，那么这个地方的一些不知情或者是其重要性还没有认识到的生物肯定失去了栖息地从而灭绝。
2, 如今我们意识到了生物和人类的密切关系，我们的很多工厂用地都要考虑到对生物的影响，比如说我们家前面的一条河流中生活着国宝级的一种生物，我们就禁止在其附近占地搞建设。
3, 总之我们要在两者之间抉择取平衡。例如山峡工程。

As to the usage of the land, some arguesthat it is more important to satisfy the human need; while some holds that usingfor saving the endangered animals is more urgent. From my point of view, weshould balance the two aspects of the usage of land.

As human beings, we should not be blamedfor considering our own needs first. To save endangered animals is also for thesake of survival of human beings. If the animals had nothing to do with thehumankind, it is not necessary to consider such problems. Take the developmentof a city for example. A city always develops from a small village, like Shenzhenwhich one-time was a fishing village in the south of China. During the period of thedevelopment, it is not difficult to imagine that many animals, whetherendangered or not, have died out because of the loss of the habitats, whichhave been used for the construction of factories and so on. I think the landfor the city is just the habitat for ourselves and that’s to say we occupy the animalhabitats for our own living. Therefore, land for fundamental construction ismore important than for saving endangered animals.

Now we are increasingly conscious of the significanceof the natural creatures including endangered animals. And we can also see thegovernments are considering the environmental influence of the artificial constructions.For example, there is a precious endangered animal in the marsh near myhometown and constructions of factories near the marsh are forbidden by thegovernment for protection of the animal. It is said that the endangered animalis unique all over the world and it is very helpful in medicine. So we should considerin priority the endangered animals for such situation.

No wonder that you will ask in whatsituation we should take the endangered animals in consideration first. And infact it is not an easy issue and there is no formula suit for all situations. TheThree Gorges Dam is a proper example. It was originally envisioned in 1919 and completedin 2008 except for a planned ship lift. During the period happened many drasticdebates that whether the construction of the dam would bring various disasters toanimals living in the area even to the humankind. Finally, people who agreed weremore than those disagreed and the construction then began. Although it destroyedthe habitats for the critically endangered Snow Crane, the dam had generated300 TWh of electricity just in April 2009, covering 30% its project cost. And weregard it as a historical engineering, social and economic success. Hence, weshould balance the advantage and disadvantage brought by the land usage throughresearch and debate then make the decision.


In conclusion, for the sake of our ownsurvival on the earth, we should not only develop the fundamental constructionsbut also strengthen the awareness of protection of animals, and then achieve awin-win situation.

枕头和书UID: 2578813

As to the usage of the land, some arguesthat it is more important to satisfy the human need; while some holds （some people ）that usingfor
saving the endangered animals is more urgent.From my point of view, weshould balance the two aspects of the usage of land.（第一段没说清楚要说什么，只给出了观点）

As human beings, we should not be blamedfor considering our own needs first. To save endangered animals is also for thesake of survival of human beings.（it is 句型更好些） If the animals had nothing to do with thehumankind, it is not necessary to consider such problems. Take the developmentof a city for（as an） example. A city always develops from a small village, like Shenzhenwhich one-time was a fishing village in the south of China. During the period of thedevelopment, it is not difficult to imagine that many animals, whetherendangeredor not, have died out because of the loss of the habitats, whichhave been used for the construction of factories and so on. I think the landfor the city is just the habitat for ourselves and that’s to say we occupy the animalhabitats for our own living. Therefore, land for fundamental construction ismore important than for saving endangered animals.
f6 w  B% f: w, v: p' @: J
Now we are increasingly conscious of the significanceof the natural creatures including endangered animals. And we can also see thegovernments are considering the environmental influence of the artificial constructions.For example, there is a precious endangered animal in the marsh near myhometown and constructions of factories near the marsh are forbidden by thegovernment for protection of the animal. It is said that the endangered animalis (be) unique all over the world and it is very helpful in medicine (in the medical field). So we should consider in priority the endangered animals for(in) such situation./ E% E6 s# V$ K1 f8 \: \
) E2 F' {( W! S
No wonder (加个is句式合理，倒装凸显主题) that you will ask in whatsituation we should take the endangered animals in consideration first. And infact it is not an easy issue and there is no formula suit for all situations. TheThree Gorges Dam is a proper example. It was originally envisioned in 1919 and completedin 2008 except for a planned ship lift. During the period happened many drasticdebates that whether the construction of the dam would bring various disasters toanimals living in the area even to the humankind. Finally, people who agreed weremore than those disagreed and the construction then began. Although it destroyedthe habitats for the critically endangered Snow Crane, the dam had generated300 TWh of electricity just in April 2009, covering 30% its project cost. And weregard it as a historical engineering, social and economic success. Hence, weshould balance the advantage and disadvantage brought by the land usage throughresearch and debate then make the decision.（句式过于复杂）$ b$ K) F2 l/ e/ I" t0 D' t& K+ l6 b


- wIn conclusion, for the sake of our ownsurvival on the earth, we should not only develop the fundamental constructionsbut also strengthen the awareness of protection of animals, and then achieve awin-win（什么意思？？） situation.


总体字数很多，但语言过于简单，有些可以有常用短语表达的部分用的是简单句来表达，句式变化不是太多，可以多尝试一下强调，倒装的简单的句式。
里面的斜体字是说楼主没有打空格键。或者是单词使用错误。
限时能写这么多很厉害！！！

MVTUID: 2588209

回复： 1# thatll

题目：It is more important to use land for humanneed than to save land for endangered animals.
1, 首先我们作为人类肯定是将人类自身的需求放在第一位考虑。我们保护动植物最终也是从人类自身的发展来考虑的，要是生物与人类的发展无关，那么我们根本不需要去考虑这个问题。例如一个城市的发展过程中我们肯定在不经意间毁灭了某种生物的灭绝，只不过我们自己有可能不知道。一个城市的建设肯定是从一个生机盎然的地方集中兴建的，那么这个地方的一些不知情或者是其重要性还没有认识到的生物肯定失去了栖息地从而灭绝。
2, 如今我们意识到了生物和人类的密切关系，我们的很多工厂用地都要考虑到对生物的影响，比如说我们家前面的一条河流中生活着国宝级的一种生物，我们就禁止在其附近占地搞建设。
3, 总之我们要在两者之间抉择取平衡。例如山峡工程。
批改说明：
1. 红色: 不太合适的地方；
2. 蓝色: 值得学习的地方；
3. 淡紫: (my comment).

As to the usage of the land, some argues that it is more important to satisfy the human need; while some(others hold) holds that usingfor saving the endangered animals is more urgent. From my point of view, weshould balance the two aspects of the usage of land.(明确观点：balance the two aspects)

As human beings, we should not be blamedfor considering our own needs first. To save endangered animals is also for thesake of survival of human beings. If the animals had nothing to do with thehumankind, it is not necessary to consider such problems. Take the developmentof a city for example. A city always develops from a small village, like Shenzhenwhich one-time was a fishing village in the south of China. During the period of thedevelopment, it is not difficult to imagine that many animals, whetherendangered or not, have died out because of the loss of the habitats, whichhave been used for the construction of factories and so on. I think the landfor the city is just the habitat for ourselves and that’s to say we occupy the animalhabitats for our own living. Therefore, land for fundamental construction ismore important(why that?) than for saving endangered animals.(我觉得本段作者没有把为什么人为建设比保护濒临物种重要说出来。)

Now we are increasingly conscious of the significanceof the natural creatures including endangered animals. And we can also see thegovernments are considering the environmental influence of the artificial constructions.For example, there is a precious endangered animal in the marsh near myhometown and constructions of factories near the marsh are forbidden by thegovernment for protection of the animal. It is said that the endangered animalis unique all over the world and it is very helpful in medicine. So we should considerin priority the endangered animals for such situation.(本段论述保护濒危物种的重要性)

No wonder that you will ask in whatsituation we should take the endangered animals in consideration first(Yehh, good question!). And infact it is not an easy issue and there is no formula suit for all situations. The Three Gorges Dam is a proper example. It was originally envisioned in 1919 and completedin 2008 except for a planned ship lift. During the period happened many drastic debates that whether the construction of the dam would bring various disasters toanimals living in the area even to the humankind. Finally, people who agreed weremore than those disagreed and the construction then began. Although it destroyedthe habitats for the critically endangered Snow Crane, the dam had generated300 TWh of electricity just in April 2009, covering 30% its project cost. And weregard it as a historical engineering, social and economic success. Hence, weshould balance the advantage and disadvantage brought by the land usage throughresearch and debate then make the decision.(通过research and debate来decide.)

In conclusion, for the sake of our ownsurvival on the earth, we should not only develop the fundamental constructionsbut also strengthen the awareness of protection of animals, and then achieve awin-win situation.(结论)
COMMENTS:
作者写了选择了一个折中的观点，B1论述为人类自身利益的合理性，B2论述保护濒危物种的重要性，B3论述如何达到平衡。结构清晰，而且语音运用紧凑、地道。学到很多地方！还是说不足吧。
我感觉B1和B3部分还是有点问题，B1是没有回答出为什么，深圳的例子举了，但是这不代表为人类就更重要？
B3部分也有点小问题，让人不禁要问，到底怎么来做决定，从而达到二者的平衡，这点作者也没有给出很明确的答案，而是用了一个no formula suits for all situation.让人看得不是很过瘾。