【TRANSFORMER】_ARGUMENT97_0801

bluyskyUID: 2657245

哦也，我也可以上传附件了！！！

shallwetalk1990UID: 2507431

呵呵 谢谢修改 这个模板问题 其实我没用模板 不过也算吧 我把我昨天写的结尾改了改用在了今天这个上面
13# yesrush

shallwetalk1990UID: 2507431

In the memo from the manager of television station KICK, learning from the television station WACK, KICK want to revise its broadcast schedule to include more sports coverage so that they can gain a larger audience share in its area, and thus increase company profits. Comparing WACK with KICK, there may be many other factors affecting the number of audiences doubled in its area, besides additional sports programs on television. （第一段叙述的很简洁 good 不过用了好多原话 能否修改下？）

The nationwide survey expresses that a sizeable majority of men like to see additional sports programs on television. The television station WACK doubled its share of the television audience through increasing its sports broadcasts; （完全原话啊！）however, as we all know that the audiences love watching sports programs who take a great percentage are men. （这里你说men了 我本来期待着下文有women 但完全没有看到 所以你这里说这个就没有任何意义）This is a manifestation of the survey. But maybe in the area of WACK, sports is traditional events, thus the people in its area will pay more attention to the games broadcasted on the television. Maybe there are some great teams in the area of WACK, such as the city of LA, so that they will attract a great many audiences. Furthermore, （你说game是为了证明什么 应该点出这样的调查是全国性的 不是每个地区都一样的 比如 而且为什么sports是传统节目 我们就应该更关心game节目？ 如果我是判卷人 我感觉我会很疑惑 为什么传统节目反而不受喜欢？）

To increase company profits, more sports coverage is not the only way. Sports will attract a lot of audiences, however, some playing games or series of high quality, such as American Idols, Prison Break and so on, can also give the audiences good choices. On other hand, women who love romantic series are also a sizeable majority, so that increasing the romantic series broadcasts may gain a larger audience share as well.
（你虽然提出了女性喜欢XX 但没有说明女性比例多还是少 如果提出来的话 更有说服性 现在这么说的话会让人感觉如果看电视的女的很少 那也就无所谓吧）

Even if a larger audience share of the area is gained, more company profits cannot be promised. For the profits of the television company mainly comes from the advertisement patron from different products, if the area of the KICK has a good prospect of economic, KICK would gain greater profits, adding good economical operation managed by KICK.（感觉你这段和上一段结构很不紧密 上一段说如果女性来看的话 profit会增加 这段说人多了利润也未必多 有点混乱）

The memo only considers the factor affecting the WACK area, ignoring that different areas have different appreciation of programs on television. Besides, audiences at different stage of life love different programs, such as children love cartoons, while men love sports games. Revising the broadcast schedule depending on the appreciation of its area would gain a larger audience share and may thus increase company profits.

注： 我感觉开头和结尾都还好 组织语言也不错 很流畅 没有让人感觉语言在飞

但是逻辑有点混乱 而且整个辨证顺序没有条理 应该形成树状or链状 如果我是考官 真的有点抓不清实质内容 不过不好意思只是我的拙见 谢谢！

3# shevava

灵感女孩UID: 2224424

sherry_cherish 的文章~

In this argument, the arguer concludes thattelevision station KICK should revise its broadcast schedule to include moresports coverage in order to gain a larger audience share in the area and thusraise company profits. To justify his claim, the arguer points out a nationwidesurvey which shows a large segment of men would like to see additional sportsprograms on television, and the fact that the share of the audience doubledafter television station WACK increase (d) itssports broadcasts. Reasonable as it seems at first thought, close scrutiny ofthe argument reveals several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing as itstands.

The threshold problem with this argument is that the arguer assumes that mostmen in the area are fond of sports programs on television by relaying on thenational survey. Yet the arguer provides no evidence that it is necessarily thecase. Perhaps the majority of men in this area prefer outdoor exercises ratherthan watching television at home. Or perhaps they are occupied by work thatthey do not even have time to take a breath, let alone the leisure to watchtelevision (例子举得挺好). In addition, the data shows the interests of male audience, yetignore the taste of female audience. It is entirely possible that the number ofthe latter overwhelm the former in quantity. Without ruling out all thesepossibilities, the arguer cannot reach the conclusion based on the survey thatan increase in sports broadcasts in that area would be welcomed.

Secondly, the arguer commits the “after this, therefore because of this”fallacy （指明错误，很好）, attributing the fact that television station WACK’s share ofaudience doubled to the increased sports broadcasts. The arguer fails toestablish a causal relationship between these two events. No evidence is statedin the argument to support his assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is quitepossible that other program is responsible for the increased share, such as apopular soap drama or a new brilliant talk show. Since the arguer does notrespond to this concern, his assertion is open to doubt.

Finally, even if the doubled share is attributable to the additional sportsprograms in WACK, the arguer’s conclusion KICK should also increase its sportsprogram for the sake of larger audience share and more profits remainsunwarranted. The success of WACK cannot guarantee the profit of KICK. Audiencein KICK’s area and audience in WACK’s area might have absolutely distincttastes. Perhaps the major audience of KICK TV station are （audience是单数，所以这里应该是is,但后面是housewives似乎有点不顺？建议改成consists of）housewives who have nointerest in sports broadcast. If this is the case, the increase of sportsbroadcast may probably lead to a decline in the share.

In sum, this argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, whichseriously undermine the whole analysis. The arguer should ponder all of theabove-cited factors, find out the real reason of the decreased share of WACK,provide a precise local survey among both male and female audience, so as tomake a compelling proposal.
整体感觉文章很顺畅啊，语言上的错误很少，没有明显的瑕疵。并且和我的思路差不多，呵呵
（maybe that’s why I find it easy to read?）

sherry_cherishUID: 2613601

迟到了真是对不住呀。。。改blade 的文

It is unconvincing for the author to make the suggestion based on some conditions not fully relevant. In this argument, the author suggests the KICK, a regional television station, should add more sports programs in their broadcast schedule because a national survey shows that they are popular with men. To strengthen his argument, he also lists the successful experience of WACK, another TV station in the different region. However, there are some logic flaws in his deduction.(开头简单有力)

First and most important（这个用法我不大确定，有点疑惑）, the destination of the TV station, to gain a larger audience share, can not completely match the suggestion of the author. As lacking of some integrate investigation, we cannot make sure whether our audience would like sports content when we put them in all of our programs. (这句话有点不清晰。。。这里put them in all of our programs是指将它与别的节目比较的话，用compare这个词可能容易理解些)If most of our audience turned out to be housewives who only interest in soup operas or music programs, the way he suggests would have an opposite effect on our(不是our吧，笑) broadcast. Or, if the men were just paying attention to some nationwide sports activities in that period of time, such as Olympics or world cup, who can affirm they would still watch sports programs when the game over? Thus, the author should get more information about our audience and find the (real) reason before making a suggestion.( 举例假设时 用 perhaps， or perhaps 可能更好，例子挺新颖的，世界杯呵呵，但我觉得不管是开头还是结尾都没明确指出错误：就是W市的收视率的上升可能另有原因，这句话应该清楚地指出)

Another flaw is the survey, （改成has to do with 可能自然些）which the suggestion based on, is not complete enough. For it does not show the particular number of the men involved, thus it can not help us to judge the trends of the whole nation precisely. As the premise of the author's suggestion, it is skeptical.（还有就是全国的不一定适用于地方）

In addition, copying WACK's experience is an unreasonable activity, the argument does not mention how many people in WACK's area can receive the sports programs and which kind of sports programs is the most popular one. if the number of audience in WACK's region is much less than the one in KICK's , we can not deduce KICK's experience will be successful in KICK'S own area since the habits of a small number of people living in WACK can not represent the habits of most of men in KICK.

In sum, the author should concern more potential reasons of people's behavior to show his deduction is objective, meanwhile he should offer more details about the survey to validate its fairness. Without these evidences, (感觉更自然些)the suggestion of the author is not convincible.