TOEFL集结号暑期作文第7次作业by MVT

MVTUID: 2588209

TOPIC: It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
SYLLABUS:
1. 不同意；
2. 承认为人类需求而利用土地资源有些必要；
3. 对濒稀物种不利（这儿我就开始胡扯了）；
4. 对生态系统不利；
5. 结论：（应该说这篇文章偏题了，今天写作不是很兴奋，吐了一地。我是一个十足的环保主义者，但是文章写得不好，总觉得没痛快地说话，B1反而把题目当成论据了，晕，回头再修改本文吧）。

As the need for economic development, a broad range of land has been harnessed for human living activity. Then the decreasing land where lived certain animals or any other species result in destroying biological system. Especially when come to endangered animals, the use of land for human need is questioned and criticized. I strongly agree with this opinion that endangered animals and their living environment should be protected.

Admittedly, the development of economy needs expand area for human's social activity. For example, more schools and universities should be built because the increasing needs of human culture and equal education; more hospital should be built since a big amount of people fail to obtain basic treatment, especially in South Africa; a hill may be required to raze for the high press road or railway; a river may be cut for the energy generation, like Aswan Dam. Therefore, for the convenience and imperative needs of human being, many lands are being facilitated, and sometimes over-explored.

The over exploration of natural land firstly has bad effects on unique animals. These years' sharp development of industries and technologies, we have being experienced the danger of hundreds of endangered species. Even some of them has already been or approach extinction. Take the exploration of near sea among Atlantic Ocean as an example. Numerous of harbors have been built for the sake of sea transportation. As the international transportation becoming prosperous, the nearby ocean has inevitably been poisoned and disturbed. Eventually, according to the recent survey and research, several specious species, such as sharks, dolphins and so on, become less and less, even extinct.

Furthermore, the overdue use of natural lands would break the balance of ecosystem. The over grazing leads to the shrinkage of grassland; the development of furniture industry cause the loss of Rain Forest in Africa; the over-industrializing and untold manufactures swallow thousands acres of natural lands and emit millions ton of carbon dioxide. A severe consequence has been brought to our biological system. The ecosystem is gradually being damaged because these over explorations had broken the biological chains by lands misusing.

To conclude it, even though it is necessary to explore some lands for human need to some extents, the harsh and severe impacts on unique system and biological system prove severely. A periodical economic boom only benefits a small part of human being, yet in the long run, the protection of ecosystem will be meaningful and helpful to massive kinds of species.

thatllUID: 2538832

As the need for economic development, a broad range of land has been harnessed for human living activity. Then the decreasing land where lived certain animals or any other species result in destroying biological system. Especially when come to（应该是when it comes to吧） endangered animals, the use of land for human need is questioned and criticized. I strongly agree with this opinion that endangered animals and their living environment should be protected.

Admittedly, the development of economy needs expand（expanded吧） area for human's social activity. For example, more schools and universities should be built because（because of吧） the increasing needs of human culture and equal education; more hospital should be built since a big amount of people fail to obtain basic treatment, especially in South Africa; a hill may be required to raze（be razed吧） for the high press road or railway; a river may be cut for the energy generation, like Aswan Dam. Therefore, for the convenience and imperative needs of human being, many lands are being facilitated（是不是太中式了啊）, and sometimes over-explored.
注：这一段是全文的一个让步，说人类利用土地的必要性，最后也提出了over-explored的概念为下文铺垫。

The over exploration of natural land firstly has bad effects on unique animals.（前面少了一个with吧）These years' sharp development of industries and technologies, we have being experienced（这什么时态啊，呵呵，应该是have been experiencing吧） the danger of hundreds of endangered species. Even some of them has already been or approach（approached吧） extinction. Take the exploration of near sea among Atlantic Ocean as an example. Numerous of harbors have been built for the sake of sea transportation. As the international transportation becoming prosperous, the nearby ocean has inevitably been poisoned and disturbed. Eventually, according to the recent survey and research, several specious species, such as sharks, dolphins and so on, become less and less, even extinct.
注；这一点就是将过渡开发导致的种族灭绝问题。

Furthermore, the overdue use of natural lands would break the balance of ecosystem. The over grazing leads to the shrinkage of grassland; the development of furniture industry cause the loss of Rain Forest in Africa; the over-industrializing and untold manufactures swallow thousands acres of natural lands and emit millions ton of carbon dioxide. A severe consequence has been brought to our biological system. The ecosystem is gradually being damaged because these over explorations had broken the biological chains by lands misusing.
注：这一段还是上面那个话题，就是过度开发导致生态破坏。

To conclude it, even though it is necessary to explore some lands for human need to some extents, the harsh and severe impacts on unique system and biological system prove severely（根据prove的用法，severe就好了吧）. A periodical economic boom only benefits a small part of human being, yet in the long run, the protection of ecosystem will be meaningful and helpful to massive kinds of species.

总的来说，感觉作者确实和匆忙的完成了此文，句子比较中式，感觉每一段太多的排比，让人有点腻，还有就是论证不够有说服力。期待着作者的自我修改后的佳作。

Amber0926UID: 2555355

As the need for economic development, a broad range of land has been harnessed for human living activity. Then the decreasing land where lived certain animals or any other species result in destroying biological system. Especially when come to endangered animals, the use of land for human need is questioned and criticized. I strongly agree with this opinion that endangered animals and their living environment should be protected.（这题的论述我感觉大多数人都会从环保出发，但是issue是要我们discuss land usage，所以即使你想说环保，主旨还是要从land use出发。语法上没出现什么错误）

Admittedly, the development of economy needs expand area for human's social activities. For example, more schools and universities should be built because （加of）the increasing needs of human culture and equal education; more hospital should be built since a big amount of people fail to obtain basic treatment, especially in South Africa; a hill may be required to raze for the high press road or railway; a river may be cut for the energy generation, like Aswan Dam.（后两句与前两句并不并列，可以改为顺城关系，in that way，a hill....a river...） Therefore, for the convenience and imperative needs of human being, many lands are being facilitated, and sometimes over-explored.

The over exploration of natural land firstly has bad effects on unique animals. These years' sharp development of industries and technologies（少介词，这句做状语成分啊）, we have being experienced the danger of hundreds of endangered species. Even some of them has already been or approach extinction. Take the exploration of near sea among Atlantic Ocean as an example. Numerous of 去掉harbors have been built for the sake of （重复，the sake of就是for的意思啊）sea transportation. As the international transportation becoming prosperous, the nearby ocean has inevitably been poisoned and disturbed. Eventually, according to the recent survey and research, several specious species, such as sharks, dolphins and so on, become less and less, even （改some have extincted ）extinct

Furthermore, the overdue use of natural lands would break the balance of ecosystem. The over grazing leads to the shrinkage of grassland; the development of furniture industry cause the loss of Rain Forest in Africa; the over-industrializing and untold manufactures swallow好词 thousands acres of natural lands and emit millions ton of carbon dioxide. A severe consequence has been brought to our biological system. The ecosystem is gradually being damaged because these over explorations had broken the biological chains by lands misusing.

To conclude it, even though it is necessary to explore some lands for human need to some extents, the harsh and severe impacts on unique system and biological system prove severely. A periodical economic boom only benefits a small part of human being, yet in the long run, the protection of ecosystem will be meaningful and helpful to massive kinds of species.

总体感觉楼主的语言功底应该还不错的，这篇貌似不在水平啊，句子有点中式，论证也不充分没什么说服力。很多词用的还是比较漂亮的，句式注意多变化。

MVTUID: 2588209

Many tks to above two storeys, THATLL and AMBER0926, thank you!
I revise my composition according to you two's hint and advice. Would you two able to re-correct my composition again, thank u very much!

TOPIC: It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.(second version)
SYLLABUS:
1. 不同意；
2. 承认为人类需求而利用土地资源有些必要；
3. 濒稀物种对科学发展有很高的价值；
4. 对生态系统不利；
5. 结论：不能只图当前利益，而应从长远考虑，否则人类只能自食其果。

As the increasing need of human being, more and more earth lands has been harnessed and explored for the ongoing economic and industries development. Whereas this voracious demands for land from human undoubtedly cause series problems on ecosystem, especially the shrinkage of habitat of endangered animals. Whatever benefits will come out during the exploration of natural land, I strongly agree that the scarce land for endangered species should be more protected and concerned rather than be destroyed for the needs of human.

Admittedly, in order to meet the demands of human's activity, the expansion of land usage is of great importance to social and economic development. For example, a place in the outskirt will be used for building more schools and universities because of the increasing needs of education among citizens. More hospital should be built since a big amount of people fail to obtain basic treatment, especially in South Africa. We need high press road and harbors to deliver cargoes or tourists. In all these cases of imperative needs, people usually never hesitate to raze a hill, eradiate a piece of grassland, deforest woodland, and break original seashore. As a result, the fundamental needs of human being are finally fulfilled, and the lands are also over-explored to some extent.

The over exploration and destroy on the natural land firstly has bad effects on scientific progress. Obviously, we are in the midst of a mass extinction events of unique animals for the swell industries development these years. Some of this extinction might have related with pollution, yet more importantly, the demolishment of animals' habitats greatly threatens these endangered species. With the decreasing numbers of endangered species, we have lost more than just animals themselves. These special and unique species play a huge role in scientific researches. Take the tuatara for example, which live in certain islands of New Zealand. Tuatara is the only extant member of a family of reptiles, and they provide the very specious genetic uniqueness for scientists. The existence of them is probably regarded as a bridge between the reptiles and the mankind.

Furthermore, the overdue use of natural lands would break the balance of ecosystem. Only for the demands of human, the over grazing leads to the shrinkage of grassland; the development of furniture industry cause the loss of Rain Forest in Africa; the over-industrializing and untold manufactures swallow thousands acres of natural lands and emit millions ton of carbon dioxide. A severe consequence will show rapidly. The diverse biodiversity would be damaged at first, because the habitats of many species are thoroughly undermined. Then, more and more species will live at a verge of extinction. When the biological chain had been broken completely, these chain reactions would certainly spread to human kinds. Eventually, human kind or microbe probably is the only surviving animal in the earth damage of ecosystemic equilibrium.

To conclude it, even though it is necessary and agreeable to explore certain lands for human need to facilitate social development in some cases, the harsh and severe impacts on unique system and biological system should be more concerned. A periodical economic boom only benefits a small part of human being, yet in the long run, the protection of habitats of endangered animals will be more meaningful and helpful to massive kinds of species. Otherwise, human kind will become a victim of their own behavior eventually.
(560 words, NOT finished in 30 minutes)

Amber0926UID: 2555355

As the increasing need of human being, more and more earth lands has been harnessed and explored for the ongoing economic and industries development. Whereas this voracious demands for land from human undoubtedly cause series problems on ecosystem, especially the shrinkage of habitat of endangered animals. Whatever benefits will come out during the exploration of natural land, I strongly agree that the scarce land for endangered species should be more protected and concerned rather than be destroyed for the needs of human.

Admittedly, in order to meet the demands of human's activity, the expansion of land usage is of great importance to social and economic development. For example, a place in the outskirt will be used for building more schools and universities because of the increasing needs of education among citizens. More hospitals should be built since a big amount of people fail to obtain basic treatment, especially in South Africa. We need high press road and harbors to deliver cargoes or tourists. In all these cases of imperative needs, people usually never hesitate to raze a hill, eradiate（发射，辐射？在这部合适吧） a piece of grassland, deforest woodland, and break original seashore. As a result, the fundamental needs of human being are finally fulfilled, and the lands are also over-explored to some extent

The over exploration and destroy on the natural land firstly has bad effects on scientific progress. Obviously, we are in the midst of a mass extinction events of unique animals for the swell industries development these years. Some of this extinction might have related with pollution, yet more importantly, the demolishment of animals' habitats greatly threatens these endangered species. With the decreasing numbers of endangered species, we have lost more than just animals themselves. These special and unique species play a huge role in scientific researches. Take the tuatara for example, which live in certain islands of New Zealand. Tuatara is the only extant member of a family of reptiles, and they provide the very specious genetic uniqueness for scientists. The existence of them is probably regarded as a bridge between the reptiles and the mankind.

Furthermore, the overdue use of natural lands would break the balance of ecosystem. Only for the demands of human, the over grazing leads to the shrinkage of grassland; the development of furniture industry cause the loss of Rain Forest in Africa; the over-industrializing and untold manufactures swallow thousands acres of natural lands and emit millions ton of carbon dioxide. A severe consequence will show rapidly. The diverse （去掉与biodiversity重复）biodiversity would be damaged at first, because the habitats of many species are thoroughly undermined. Then, more and more species will live at a verge of extinction. When the biological chain had been broken completely, these chain reactions would certainly spread to human kinds. Eventually, human kind or microbe probably is the only surviving animal in the earth damage of ecosystemic equilibrium.

To conclude it, even though it is necessary and agreeable to explore certain lands for human need to facilitate social development in some cases, the harsh and severe impacts on unique system and biological system should be more concerned. A periodical economic boom only benefits a small part of human being, yet in the long run, the protection of habitats of endangered animals will be more meaningful and helpful to massive kinds of species. Otherwise, human kind will become a victim of their own behavior eventually.

楼主重写了一遍感觉真的好很多啊，大致看了下没什么太大问题。字数写得也太多啦，好牛！