【kaleidoscope】小组第一次作业 ARGUMENT3 by wdassfm

wdassfmUID: 2542447

没有按时交上作业，这篇写的有些仓促，给改的同学先承认错误了…… -_-!

From the argument present to us above, we can see clearly the ether's willing to balance the number of graduates accept as employees in Megalopolis(M)'s large and small firms. However, the arguer's conclusion based on the subjective assumption of graduates’' satisfaction and the seemly supportive survey of first-year students at a law school demand more scrupulous consideration, which otherwise may reduce the quality of large firms.

Fist of all, I strongly doubt the assumption that more graduates' preference for small firms resulted from their pursuit for job satisfaction rather than high salaries. However, What is job satisfaction? How can a job possibly satisfy our sense of self-value if we can hardly sustain our lives at a common level with too low a salary? Here the arguer just takes it for granted that the sense of satisfaction has nothing to do with money without giving any explanation, thus leaving the readers wondering a lot.

Even if the assumption is reasonable, the survey of a leading law school's freshmen apparently lacks strength. To research the reason why the more graduates choose small firms, the survey, however, was conducted among the first-year students regardless of internal and outside environmental changing. During the college years, a student becomes mature with a broader scope of both academy and society. It is entirely possible all the experience could lead to a changed value sense, maybe the tendency of pragmatism, which can affect the credibility of the survey. Besides, the only research on the leading law school suffers weakness in both number and randomicity.

Finally, the partial assertion that M's big firms should make the concession on more benefits and working hours, if accepted, can have many passive effects. Not only the quality of workers in these big firms will be decreased, but also the virtual notion of many graduates may be eroded gradually in such cozy working environment, which would in turn harm the profits of their firms.

Suffering from so many cursoriness, both the reasoning and its eventually conclusion fail to make a over-all consideration, which certainly can not serve to reach the ether's aim of balancing.

atticuswangUID: 2663189

语言真好，很自然没有模板的痕迹。

cloverlanpusUID: 2606441

From the argument present to us above, we can see clearly the ether's willing to balance the number of graduates accept as employees in Megalopolis(M)'s large and small firms. However, the arguer's conclusion based on the subjective assumption of graduates’' satisfaction and the seemly supportive survey of first-year students at a law school demand more scrupulous consideration, which otherwise may reduce the quality of large firms. Fist of all, I strongly doubt the assumption that more graduates' preference for small firms resulted from their pursuit for job satisfaction rather than high salaries. However, What is job satisfaction? How can a job possibly satisfy our sense of self-value if we can hardly sustain our lives at a common level with too low a salary? (很有力，但毕竟不是演讲，还是正式的书面语为好）Here the arguer just takes it for granted that the sense of satisfaction has nothing to do with money without giving any explanation, thus leaving the readers wondering a lot.（还可以再深入些） Even if the assumption is reasonable, the survey of a leading law school's freshmen apparently lacks strength. To research the reason why the more graduates choose small firms, the survey, however, was conducted among the first-year students regardless of internal and outside environmental changing. During the college years, a student becomes mature with a broader scope of both academy and society. It is entirely possible all the experience could lead to a changed value sense, maybe the tendency of pragmatism, which can affect the credibility of the survey. （好！）Besides, the only research on the leading law school suffers weakness in both number and randomicity.（后面仓促了） Finally, the partial assertion that M's big firms should make the concession on more benefits and working hours, if accepted, can have many passive effects. Not only the quality of workers in these big firms will be decreased, but also the virtual notion of many graduates may be eroded gradually in such cozy working environment, which would in turn harm the profits of their firms. Suffering from so many cursoriness, both the reasoning and its eventually conclusion fail to make a over-all consideration, which certainly can not serve to reach the ether's aim of balancing.（提出一些增强论证的手段） 明显仓促了。撇开这个，我觉得在段末或文末加一些纠正谬误增强论证的意见是必要的，可以体现个人的想法。在一些范文中也是这样组织的。 最后关于模版这东西，我不好评判，不过把自己组织结构确定下来并练熟是有好处的。毕竟ETS只看到一篇文章，并不会知道其实我写的所有的文章都是一个套路的。我觉得这样效率高一点。

wdassfmUID: 2542447

3# cloverlanpus

队长的意见很真诚，的确是写的太懒散了~~一定会好好努力的~