20天托福110分---旅狼的作文修改铺子

zenghui111113UID: 2667994

评价：


137# zenghui111113
第一段文字写的很不错，但是太啰嗦了，你的第一段文字都写这么长时间，就意味着你的正文段落不会太长，也就是说你的正文段落不会讲问题议论的很详细。但是还要申明一点，你的论点找的太好了，很棒“The way I see it, renewable energy will replace fossil fuels eventually but not very soon."赞一个。其次，你的主题段落用了大段的文字来描写例子，这正是你时间紧张的一个最直接体现。例子可以长一些，但是不能每一个主体段落都以例子为主。平衡一下论据。

回答：

谢谢旅狼再次给我这么中肯的建议哈！:D 呵呵， 我也觉得我每次会花很多时间去想例子来论证我每个观点。老实说，我写例子完全是为了凑字数。比如我这篇文章中第三段提到的 化石燃料比较贵的论点， 如果我 不用例子，真的不知道要怎么展开啊……总感觉自己的段落字数不够啊……我一时半会也想不出什么名人名言等来论证我的观点，就只有举例子了啊……呵呵，这种情况怎么办啊?师姐跟我说，只要字数能够写到500， 没有什么语法错误，一般就能够得到很高的分，所以我就在这拼命举例子啊（不知道这种说法是不是正确的哦:lol

这是我的原文哈
Living in the age of machines, it’s hard to imagine what will happen without energy. Not only does energy enable trains run on the railway, airplanes fly in the sky, but also keeps us warm in the winter and drives away the darkness at night. As we know, nowadays, a vast amount of energy is supplied by fossil fuels .Notwithstanding, fossil fuels’ negative effects has became increasing serious so that scientists have to develop renewable energy , like wind, water and sun, to
deal with this problem. A question has been raised: Will cars soon be running on solar power instead of gas? The way I see it, renewable energy will replace fossil fuels eventually but not very soon.

Fossil fuels have brought us so much hazards that they must be out in the future. Firstly, Fossil fuels have caused many disasters. For example, the burning of fossil fuels release a vast amount of carbon dioxide into atmosphere, which aggravates Green House Effects and leads to global warming. No one can stay calm when they see The Day After Tomorrow, the disaster film which depicts a world where global warming triggers an abrupt climate change, creating a super storm that causes unimaginable worldwide weather disasters. In a span of just a few days, Tornados devastate Los Angeles, huge hail ponds Tokyo, blizzards whip New York. We must remember, such disasters will actually happen if we continue to ignore global warming. Besides global warming, Acid rains, deforestation, sea level rise are all the results of the burning of fossil fuels.

Secondly, fossil fuels are far more expensive than the renewable energy. We all know, fossil fuels take millions of years to form and reserves are being depleted faster than new ones being formed. The more they are use, the less they remain. Their limited shortage gives rise to the sharp increase of fossil fuels price. For example, the crude oil price has soared from fifty dollars per barrel in 2005 to one hundred and twenty dollars per barrel in 2008. Therefore it’s for us to
develop renewable energy and lower the price of fossil fuels.

Fossil fuels, due to their drawbacks and negative consequences, will be replaced by renewable energy in a long term , as we have discussed above. Nevertheless, to say that renewable energy will replace fossil fuels very soon seems to be an overstatement.

Clean and eco-friendly though renewable energy is, it still has some disadvantages. For one thing, the use of renewable energy such as wind power and hydropower relies on particular geographic and climatic conditions. For another thing, the application of renewable energy requires tremendous investments. For example, it costs China billion Yuan to build the famous Three Gorges Dam.

In short, it’s a certain thing that renewable energy will replace fossil fuels, but this shift will not happen overnight. As long as the world believes firmly and acts bravely, the shift will be realized.

fancywwUID: 2583671

127# fancyww  很多童鞋在写作文的时候都不注意读题，或者是不会读题，以至于在考试的时候不能够拿到很好的分数。你就属于这其中一个，题目：Because people are too busy doing many things, they can do few thin ...
腾格里旅狼 发表于 2009-8-21 23:02

很有道理啊，审题很关键，特别是一些细节。

flashloverUID: 2413951

帮忙看下我的作文吧，谢谢！
                                Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Usespecific reasons and examples to support your opinion

In our current education system,through our education experts stress to develop students' abilities,such as social skills, communication skills and solving variousproblems faced in their future life, good grade is also a mostimportant indicator of a student's ability. So, for most of students,good grades, I think, are stimulus which force them to learn.

As students, the most important task isstudy. They have a lot of classes to take and large number of teststo pass. But the only criteria chose to judge if a student can pass asubject or be accepted into college is grade. So, no doubt that goodgrade is the most powerful engine to push them to study.

In a competitive society, as more andmore students flux into the job markets, there is no denying the factthat getting a job now is far easier than that in the past. Ten yearsago, a collage student could quickly find a decent and favorite jobafter he or she graduated form school. But now, the situationchanged. Find a job is a hard work. The number of applicants is farmore than it of positions. The employer can choose a best employeefrom many applicants. So, every year, there are always a lot ofgraduates who can not find a job. To guarantee they can find jobs,students make their great effects to improve their power ofcompetition, of which a good grade takes a large part.

However, as we all know, grade is not aperfect way to evaluate a student. Although it works well in most oftime, for genius, it can never give us a fair answer. For example,Einstein, who used to be viewed a freak and got poor in his studies,became a great scientist later. If we only use grade to evaluate astudent, it will be a disaster to our society.

So, we need to improve our evaluationsystem taking many factors that are related to students' abilitiesinto accounts so as to make sure grade can give us a right judgmentto its great extent.

fancywwUID: 2583671

又来了，lz多指教，辛苦了！:)


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for a teacher to help students gain self-confidence than to teach them specific knowledge?

Teachers are one of the main pillars of a sound and progressive society. Teachers pass on not only knowledge but also values to students. This may lead to a discord: which duty of teacher is more important—to help students gain confidence or to teacher them specific knowledge. I believe it is more important and necessary for teachers to help students become confident in themselves for the following reasons.


To begin with, the ultimate object of teaching is to enable student to become a sound person instead of giving them all the knowledge. No matter what the students are going to become and no matter what lives they will lead in the future, self-confidence is the first requisite to any undertakings. Without realization of self-confidence in one's ability, one can hardly achieve any goals, even if he/she has learned abundant specific knowledge from teachers. Besides, imparting specific knowledge to students is not a goal of teaching. Learning knowledge is a lifetime thing. So teachers should teach their students to fish rather than give them fish. And self-confidence benefits students whenever they are fishing. In short, self-confidence is the first step of everything, including learning knowledge.


Secondly, school is the most crucial places where students gain confidence. Some may argue that students can build up self-confidence in various places and from different people’s instructions like parents, so it is not necessarily the teachers’ job. However, such people ignore the importance of school education in a children’s growth. For students going to full-time school, they spend most of their time at school with peers. School is the place where they make progress and get prepared for future life in society. They have the chance to gain self-confidence in many ways, from classroom learning, to physical courses, and even interest clubs. And teachers are the unique and necessary participants in such activities to direct, instruct, and assist students. In brief, teachers’ special role in school education determines their priority to help students establish self-confidence.

Finally, students’ self-confidence largely decides their study. On one hand, self-confidence decides the learning desire of students. A teacher who is attempting to teach knowledge without inspiring the students with confidence to learn is hammering on cold iron. If a teacher preaches all the time without considering the learning ability and desire of students, undoubtedly it is fruitless or even counterproductive. On he other hand, self-confidence can decides the performance of students. For instance, Tom has mastered eighty percent of the knowledge, but his self-confidence brings out his best in examination. And he can perform better than other students who actually learn more but have little self-confidence. In a word, without self-confidence, teachers cannot efficiently and effectively impart knowledge to students.

In conclusion, self-confidence is essential to almost everything in life, and teachers are irreplaceable in helping students gain self-confidence. So I strongly agree with the topic. After all, the mediocre teacher tells; the good teacher explains; and the great teacher inspires.

tomato100UID: 2608246

感谢lz上次的修改，建议很有启发性呢～～

钱是否为衡量成功的唯一标准

In current days, there appears a debatable issue that weather money is the only standard of measuring success. Upon which, people’s idea are totally diversity. Some people argue that only people earned a lot of money is successful, while others, including me, holding the idea that money is not the only way to measure one successful or not.

Admittedly, money is an important standard of measuring success. More money one can earn, more capable he is. In a society with a perfect standard, one with the ability of deal his job perfectly will have more chance of improving position or adding salary. With the competition among different company becoming more and more seriously, every company will try its best to keep those employees with high qualities form changing to other companies with many methods so that we can easily find the fact that those crucial people often can get more money than others.

Unfortunately, there are many more aspects should be taken into consideration when judge one successful or not. Since the salary and the welfare have great difference between different trades, it is the contribution one make to the society that should be set as the standard in stead of the money he earned. Just image, there are two positions one of which is creative and full of challenging while another is quite boring but can earn a lot of money. There is no doubt that the former can lead one to success more easily since doing it can make more improvement in the society.

Another important aspect of judging success is the fulfillment one can form the work. In many cases, we can see many high position employees in big companies who can earn lot of money but with huge pressure. Obviously they are not successful. To those who work just for money, working is the burden instead of the enjoyment for them. Only those whose can get the fulfillment form the job can make the achievement and can be considered as a successful people.（这一段有没有跑题啊）

To sum up, based on those details and facts, we can draw the conclusion that though money is a very important standard of success since it is an easy method of measuring one’s ability, there are many more aspects when judge success. Compared with money, the contribution one make to the society as well as the fulfillment he can get form the job is more important.

semvoceUID: 2661058

麻烦lz帮忙修改，谢谢啦:loveliness:

用时35min

题目：182 Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or
other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or
why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the contemporary society, some people have very close relationships with their pets. They treat their pets just as their family members, however, argues against this kind of close relationship also exist. Opponents believe pets are pets in nature and they should not intervene in people’s life too much. In my opinion, I firmly support the close relationship between human and their pets, since they help and love each other sometimes more than we can imagine.

To begin with, pets are the emotional reliance of some lonely people. In some families, the only child’s accidental passing away leaves their miserable middle-aged parents wallowing themselves in sorrow all day long. At this time, an advent of a pet dog in the family will somehow heal the pain of losing child. The parents treat the pet as a child, look after it, foster it and love it. In return, the pet will welcome its host when they come back home just like children waiting for parents. Therefore, we cannot deny pets can light the lonely people’s dim world up.

In addition, pets will help and save their host’s life in some emergency situation. I once heard of a story saying that a man and his pet dog were trapped in the car after a serious accident. It was in the evening and no passerby noticed this. The host was seriously injured and on the verge of life and death. To save its host, the pet dog spared no effort to bark to draw other’s attention. Fortunately, some people eventually found the fellow and he was saved. As we can see, sometimes pets plays vital role in helping and saving people’s life.

Last but not least, keeping close relationship also help pets to lead a good and happy life. Have you ever notice the tramping dogs and cats in the streets? They forage for scraps and sleep rough. If some guy are kind enough to bring them home and foster them, their condition will completely change. There’s no doubt that the pets have relatively higher living standard and can live happily.

All in all, I maintain that the close relationship between pets and their host are beneficial for both sides. Only by shielding this relationship can we build a better world in harmony with animals.

fancywwUID: 2583671

156# semvoce

旅狼老大知道您很忙很辛苦，还是忍不住要请教。这篇文章是我们作文组一同学的作业，我对文章的观点感到比较没把握，这种平衡写法可以吗？我的感觉是：作者是想写平衡观点，但是2、3点反驳，反驳的立场多于支持的，但是主题句不是特别明确，感觉有点回避问题，自己开了一个观点在论证。建议写成基本不同意，2、3点都是在很明确的反对，而第一点可以放到最后，一个稍微的扩展让步，即适合自己的难课程很有帮助无论分数如何，这样不会算偏或者无立场的。



Do you agree or disagree with the statement: you (student) should take the most difficult class in colleague or at university, even if you cannot get the top grades (or marks )in them.
是否要選擇一些難度大且具有挑戰性的課程，即使最終獲得的分數較低。
(08/01/13)

Nowadays students have the opportunities to freely choose some curriculums, should they take the most difficult class, even if they cannot get the top grades in them? From my point of view, I agree that the most challenging classes are worth learning, but the most proper class is best for students. To extremely choose the most difficult class leads to obey the true aim of study.

To begin with, to study some most sophisticated curriculum will benefit students no matter what mark they are able to ultimately get. Firstly, the most challenging class severs to preach some deep and profound knowledge. In order to understand the difficult knowledge, students are encouraged to replenish their fundamental knowledge and grasp the basic more solidly. Also, the high level knowledge can undoubted broaden one’s eyes and reveal some unknown, which may assist students’ further study and research in the future. Moreover, the most challenging class are often taught by certain prominent professors. Then we can listen to their riveting lecture and admire their individual valuable spirit, which ought to be a rich experience. Due to the reason above, even if we get low mark in the class, the advantages and the benefit which the class brings surely overweigh the low mark.

In addition, although these difficult classes introduce numerous advantages for students, students should not extremely pursue difficult classes but neglecting the basic classes. Some difficult class needs certain requisite knowledge, and without such basic knowledge students are impossible to understand and learn it well. In that case, students should learn other classes firstly and then choose the higher level class. On the contrary, if some students adhere to learn it regardless of any foundation, chances are that they will become puzzled, frustrated and even lose interest in this field. Then, they will surely get a low mark, but also are fruitless in this field of study.

Moreover, those most difficult classes having nothing to do with their interest and specialty can be merely a waste of time. For example, for the students whose major is art history, the classes concerning cosmology and topology part too from their specialty and the methodology of these fields are highly exceed their capacity. To learn these classes not only cannot bring any improvements but also becomes a heavy burden and waste their time. Rather than learning these helpless and difficult classes, they would be better to choose other class which they are interested but not so difficult.

To sum up, students should be encouraged to choose proper class for individual rather than narrow their focus on the most difficult class. I agree that the most difficult classes which is also proper, it definitely will benefit you a lot and you have no need to care about mask.

ppbboUID: 2537437

旅狼老师，这是我自以为写的还凑合的一篇  你帮我看看好吧
多谢啊
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Because people are busy doing many different things, they do very few things well.

As the rapid progress of the modern world, people have to deal with plenty of things to avoid falling behind of the society. In fact, the time for people to manage one problem is much shorter than ever before. So someone believes that as the limited time and vigor is shared by many different kinds of affairs, it seems reasonable that people can hardly complete one of them very well. However, in my opinion, taking this problem into the practical, people can really accomplish a lot of tasks very well with unimaginable power.
To begin with, many people who work on the wheel have done a lot of wonderful jobs. For example, Prime Minister Zhou Enlai, who worked till 3 o’clock in the morning every day, disposing all kinds of incidents and affairs, had done very well and won the admiration from people all over the word. President Lincoln, Board Chairman Bill Gates, Secretary of State Hillarie, all of them are very busy, but their jobs are excellent and no one in the world can forget them. Furthermore, millions of people around the world, including you and me, are very busy sometimes, however, these busy work can not stop every one of us do a job if we are willing and eager to try our best. I left Beijing the day before yesterday as soon as I completed my task there. Just as I arrive at my university, I began to prepare an important conference held yesterday. During the passing two days, I drafted out a lot of reports and documents, set up the meeting hall, saluted experts and leaders from more than ten institutions all over China and attended the meeting for a whole day. I was very tired after the conference consummated. No matter how tired I was, this successful conference can prove that people can do well although they are very busy.
What’s more, people can accomplish the job better if they are busy. In fact, busy workers are always in their good working state. Just like a knife, it is very sharp in case that it is used frequently, but it will rust if it is placed in the cabinet day and night. The complex work will force the workers to arrange the job better and work in an efficient way which will help them finish the task much nicer. After high strength practice, people can get the ability letting them work well and quickly. At this time, workers can do even better if plenty time is available. However, if people are very free ordinarily, they may practice little and lack of experience. That’s why patients tend to see a famous doctor although they are very busy.
All in all, busy doing all kinds of jobs is not an excuse to doing few things well, but an improvement of our abilities which will help us working well. In the modern hurry society, let’s try our best to do some wonderful jobs in our lives.

annie.eUID: 2689271

感谢楼主的分享，看你的回帖学到不少东西

sue866UID: 2518868

老师呀~ 这是我的第一篇文章，怎么写怎么恶心的~  感觉是不是都有些小跑题了呢  麻烦你看下吧 谢啦

Do you agree or disagree that the best way to know a country is visiting the museum?

I could not agree more with this statement. To have a good and comprehensive understanding of a country, such as his history, custom and art, visiting museum is indeed a wise and right choice, especially for those who are traveling to new places. Someone may deem that there are several other ways to know a country, though, learning from the museum is better if you take every account into consideration, such as time and money.

As we all known, there are various kinds of museum in today's modern society. If you go to a history museum, it will show you the past of the country. Last year, I had a chance to visit the national museum of China and learned a lot from it. For instance, I could know any dynasty in Chinese history in exhibition hall of illustrated Chinese history. In addition, there were very excellent guides to introduce many important and great historical events to visitors, such as the battle of red cliff in the three kingdoms period and the war resistance against Japan in modern history. If you go to a art museum, it will show you what art the locals think is significant or various genre of art. In most cases, you can see a myriad of valuable works of art there, as paintings, sculptures or calligraphy. If you go to a folk museum, it will show you different customs in that country, which are special part of a country. You will know what people like to eat, what the public do in each festival or which clothes the populace always wear in various situations. Sometimes, there are folk costumes show available for the visitors.

In addition, you can spend less money and time to obtain the same information about the country than other methods, such as traveling and surfing on Internet. However it is true that traveling around the country contributes us to familiar with part of the country, the expense of tour is always very high and it will cost you a lot of time and energy. As students, it is nearly impossible for me to afford such a great sum of money. Besides, someone might prefer surf information on line. Nevertheless this way is inexpensive, convenient and efficient, you can not experience many things by yourself.

To sum up, a great number of ways you can choose to get an understanding of a country, however all things considered, I reckon visiting the museum. They tell us quite a lot about a country and reflect our creations, our values and our dreams. No matter who you are or what you like, you can understand a country in various aspects through visiting the museum.

guojia1108UID: 2689493

原来楼主那个帖子去哪儿了啊:call:

guojia1108UID: 2689493

我权限不够 谁能给来个连接
也是改作文的那个

蜜桃姐姐UID: 2530235

楼主人那么好 帮我改改吧
我水平真的不怎么好 很多单词都不会拼 句子也很糟糕
求狠批 越狠越好！
谢谢啦
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the twenty years, people will lead a more leisure life.

With the magnificent development of technology rises an issue debating will people lead a more leisure life in the twenty years. Some people holds that the explore progress will lead to human life busier and busier. In contrast, taking the advantage of technology into consideration, I prefer the view that people will lead a more leisure life.

People will live in a more leisure life because the time waste on traffic join will decrease a lot. With the technology of new energy resource, new transport tool will take use in daily life. People no longer need to wait several minutes for bus and push themselves into those buses full of people.
Or stay in their car waiting for hours when they catch the high point of 上下班. Will this life be much more leisure? Image that, without traffic jams and pollute air, the new transportation have huge mount of valum and comfortable eviroment, most important: highly speed. So all you need to do is just seat in the car several minutes and enjoy the time or read the newspaper then you can get the destination. It save our time and let us a wider room, so it’s more leisure.

Secondly, the development of technology will make the life more convenient. By new technology of electric, people can communicate anywhere . We can not only hear their voice but also can see their picture. You no longer need to worried about the cost when you phone a friend far from you, or seat before a computer to chat on line –I mean you can keep in touch anywhere, no matter you are cooking, hiking. Signal problem is no longer a factor influence the quality you communicate. What’s more, you can spend less time in housework. Such as cleaning the floor, or cooking. These responsibilities are replaced by robot, you can have more leisure time to doing something you like.

Admittedly, there might be a couple of advantages of technology, it can’t be ignore that it also bring us work pressure that we can life so leisure when taking into the example of last twenty years. It is true that technology save our time in communicating, transportation and saving out time in doing housework. But people seems not more leisure than before. On the contrary, people’s pressure and time sharing with their family seems much less. They are always too busy to get along with their family especially the extend family. The timely Email and E-card replace their 问候 and people seems more and more willing to stay before a computer with nothing to say. If life was in this situation, what can it be in the next twenty years?

Taking in to account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that technology advance can save our time on some boring repeating works, but if there is more leisure we still can not predict, because we don’t know the measure of leisure of people at that time.

蜜桃姐姐UID: 2530235

虽然写得这么差很丢人
不过既然是学习 不怕丢人哈
第二篇

是老师对人的影响大还是朋友的影响大
观点 老师
1 因为老师更有经验和专业水平 能给你正确的方向和指导 很多名人在成名之后回忆都能记住会给他们的教导 老师的影响更多是正面的积极地
2老师不仅教会学生们学习知识 更能给他们道德教育 而朋友有时候会给人带来不好的影响
3 当然 朋友也有给人带来很大影响的时候 比如说事业的合作者 马克思恩格斯

Firstly, teachers have more experience and higher professional level when giving correct guidance to their students .For most people, their can still remember their en-lighten teacher’s influence when they grown up. Conversely, maybe people remember the friends they play with when they are young, but these friends did not influence them. For example, when marry culi seen her primary school teacher on the stage of Nobel Price, she was so exiting that she run down the stage and move her teacher onto the stage. The teacher influence her so deep that even tens of years have past, she still remember her. Many great people success by the correct guidance of teacher and a lot of great figurate also have a great teacher. Sogaladi’s teacher is … and aristotal’s teacher is … all above shows that teacher have great influence on people.

Secondly, teachers can teach students knowledge which friends cannot .Many great people who do success in their era have a great teacher. Especially in those era need skills. like instrument ,mechanic ,hand make produce and so on.. For example, when learning piano or violin, the teacher’s professional level is very important. When you learn with a great teacher, you can really emerge in the sea of music and have a good hobbit, but if you follow a bad teacher , he may destroy your way of learning music. So teachers have much greater influence on people that friends can’t compared with.

So important as teacher is, friends also influence people in some aspects. For one thing , friends have the same goal can learn from each other and get encouragement from each other. They can learn together and share the resource , they know each other better than teacher and advices from each other are easier to be received. It is conceivable that friends plays an important role in our life that the time we get along with our friends is much longer than teachers. Marx, an outstanding writer, did not finish his great produce <> ,his best friend finished his book and make this book well known all over the world. From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that, friends also influence people a lot.

蜜桃姐姐UID: 2530235

豁出去了 都拿出来晒
谁实在看不过眼就帮忙批下啊
小桃子千谢万谢啦
2008年3月8日（工作）451
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At present, people spend too much time doing things for their enjoyment rather than do the things they should do.

With the development of society, many people complain about they have less and less leisure time to do things for their enjoyment, while others insist that people now spend too much time doing things for their enjoyment rather than do the things they should do. As far as I concern, I agree that people are responsible for their family and they have no time to enjoy the life.

As we are in a big finance crisis, many people face the pressure of losing their job. So they work much hard preventing from being fire. In oriental countries, like Japan and China, man support the most economic demand of the family, they are aim at giving a better life to their wife and children. The high price of partment and education feir make them work as a ox, and they sacrifice their enjoyment but keep working. Under the high pressure from work, their response to family far out weighted to their enjoyment.

Second, as a undergraduate student , it seems that classmates around me have a trend that choose a job which can 实现 their best value but not a job they really interest in. Why? Because they weights the things they should do over their enjoyment. There is a main stream consideration that, happiness can not instead of respons and enjoyment can not replace the career ship. The older generation's guidence have deep grow in their mind that what they should do is study hard and enter a better school, then study hard and find a good job. Rarely people indeed enjoy study but they reinforce themselves to do what they should do, which their parents told them.

So, at present, people are not spent too much time on things for their enjoyment , on the contrary, they give themselves too much pressure on what they should do. Even at the leisure time, they are too tired to do things for their enjoyment, but just sleep or watching TV. The time they spend with their family and friends become less and less. The money they was planning to go for a traveling was always replace to pay for the education feet of their children or department rent.

In conclusion, I insist that people should have more time to do what they really enjoy, and spend more time with their family and traveling to the place they have dream for several years. I know that life is comprised for different kind of experience, some of which are interesting and some of which are boring, we always need to do thing we are not willing but responsible to do. After that, enjoy your life, and make your life have more valuable memory