征战10T小组8.20——作文

kuaruUID: 2657291

Topic：
What change would you make your hometown more appealing to people of your age?
Use specific reasons and examples to  support your opinion.

(题目来自185第52题). [6 r" w- T+ r8 t
. p6 n6 \; ?; y; K
周5（8月21日）晚22:30前上交1 W) b3 P! k6 E
周6（8月22日）晚23:30前完成互改 s
互改分配（待定）,在周6前安排好！！！

kuaruUID: 2657291

明天要出去玩，今天赶紧写完作业先，我承认。。这个题目很恶心。
My hometown is a lovely and quiet district in Tianjin, though far away from downtown, it bears a number of sub-compuses and those college students bring my hometown a lot of vitality. However, in order to attract more young people of my age, I want to wave my magic wand and make two changes.

The first big change I want to make in my hometown is to renovate the local libary. As we all know, a library is a treasure of valuable books for people to use and gain from it. Unfortunately, our library is so disappointing that not only does its physical appearance look dingy and run-down, it also has a poor collection of reference books, up-to-date newspapers or periodicals. Once a friend who studies in one of the branch compuses told me that she was so frustrated that our local libraliy's range of materials is so narrow that she had to go to her main compus to find the book she needed. In addition, it is high time to improve the searching system. While the written cards system has its advantages, an oline cataloge will save a patron much more time. It is proved to be an effective way for utilization and sharing information. Therefor, it is crucial to provide those younger bookworms with a large, convenient, fully equiped and user-friendly library.

The other change is about the entertainment facilities. On weekends, there are very little things for young adults to do due to the lacking of recreational venues in my hometown. On the one hand, our movie theater is so small that sometimes it cannot afford to buy the latest hit movies. With a modern movie theater, we can simply walk to see the movie with our family or friends, without needing to make a long drive to the downtown. On the other hand, a big shopping center is in great need here, for the shopping departments in our community are so dispersed. The convenience it brings will sure attract more youngster. Normally, there will be several businesses, such as mailing center, a dry cleaner, a dentist office, as well as a variety of retailers such as a drugstore, a supermarket, small restaurants. One could be able to get all the daily necessities without going around the whole district.

In closing, young people require a well-informed, comfortable, as well as convenient lifestyle, and I believe with a few small changes, my hometown could become a very appealing place to peole of my age.

月下花魂UID: 2603612

互改安排：截至日期23中午12:00

第一组：kuaru，月下花魂，熊爱棒棒糖
第二组：colett，lisa_c，kira
第三组：阿狸，diamondcat，DarthSidious
每组人员改同组其他两人的，没有交的请尽快补上
另外，大家有空的话也可以帮whatmyself看看作文



写的比较仓促，呃，话说不喜欢这个题目，不大好写;P

My hometown is a medium-sized, beautiful and quiet city which is very suitable to live. But I still think there are several aspects of my city should be changed and that would increase the city appeal to people of my age, twenties.

In the first place, there should be more fitness centers for younglings. Because most of the people at my age are graduated from college and begin to work now, the burdensome works and intense pace of lives make us very tired and uptight. So fitness center is the good choice for youth to relax and alleviate stress. But now the fitness centers in our city are not suited for youth, the physical fitness items are old and boring. What’s more, the equipments are shopworn and the price is not affordable. One of my confreres told me that a period of time she wanted to go to fitness, and she enquired all the fitness centers of the city, but at last she found no fitness center fit us. So we want the more appropriate fitness center for us, we hope that the physical fitness item is trendy and effective, the price is lower, the condition is dainty and the traffic is convenient.

In the second place, there should be more mature shopping centre in our city. Because people at my age would not always stay at home, and weekends we often go out to play with our friends, such as, shopping, singing, going to the pub and so on. But the shopping centre in here is not developed. The shopping street is not large, and there are fewer entertainment venues, so it is hard to find a seat in these venues on weekend. Once, my best friend comes to visit me on weekend, and we decide to go shopping. But, just after three hours later, we have already finished all the shops in the centre. Then we want to sing at a karaoke bar and we find all the karaoke bars are full. At last we have to go back to home with a deep disappointment. So I think it is necessary to enlarge our shopping centre.

To sum up, after the two changes I talked above, our city will become more comfortable to live and more attractive to youth at my age.

lliisaJudyUID: 2679260

来咯~~前两天有事，都没交作业~~
后面勤快点补上！

whatmyselfUID: 2496790

我刚来，郑重的交第一次作业！以后也会参加其他的，一定。祝大家都好运！
拜托高人给小弟改改，多谢多谢！
Admittedly, hometown, as the place where we were born and grew up, take an important place in our heart and leave us so much beautiful and interesting recalls. When staying together with guys of our age, talking about the hometown of each other is always one of the most popular topics and we all describe our own hometown as such a wonderful place like heaven that can appeal all guys around to look foreword to go to our own hometown some day. In order to make my hometown more appealing to people, some changes should be implement as follows.
First and foremost, the environmental quantities should be the most important one should be improved. Any place where pollution and environment damage is serious can never give anyone any desires to visit. Why people who live in metropolis pour into kinds of scenic areas, far away from the city full of vehicle exhaust and industrial soot, such as zhangjiajie, Jiuzhaigou and so on to enjoy themselves by being immersed in the tempting landscape is the best illustration.
Secondly, highlighting some geographic characteristics peculiar to us. The appealing point that one place has should be different from any other one, otherwise, people may choose others instead of this one. Take the paper cut as an instance, which has long history that can be traced back to the late Qing Dynasty . The craftwork is so delicate and amount of foreigners say it’s a amazing arts. We can bring this folk art to a great height develop by hold some festivals and exhibitions about paper-cut art, and we can also invite some people to cut paper-cut themselves and teach them hand by hand. I believe all the operations can give the travelers very deep impressions.
What’s more, we should try to improve the all quantities of the service, not so called “hard power” such as accommodations, facilities of traffic and transportation ,also the “soft power” that we should keep smile on our face to every outcomer and do them a favor whenever they need. We treat the every one by heart and try our best to make them feel as comfortable as home.
To sum up, wonderful environment, particular and interesting art-treasure also with satisfy services must have the charming to appeal people, especially ones of my age who are interested in traveling. I strongly believe that!

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

What change would you make your hometown more appealing to people of your age?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
  In order to appealing to those young people, I would like to construct my hometown with two points. Following these changes, I believe that large amount of people would come to my hometown for fun.
  To begin with, a large amusement park would be launched in order to attract the youth attention. As we all know that, Disney is the worldwide park that attracts millions of youth to play there. If plenty of financial assets were introduced to the city, an amusement park just as Disney would be built up. In this case, no matter where you live, the brand of the amusement park would appeal to people far away. Thousands of people lived surrounded the city would come here frequently. Taking a city I know as an example, previously the number of tourist is low and the business of the hotel seems chilly. However, after building up a large amusement park, numbers of tourists around the country concentrate there and the sales of the hotels climb up quickly.
  In addition, if several universities and colleges were moved to my hometown, more and more senior high school students would apply for the universities in the city. To some extent, the friends of them also would like to come to visit there. Taking advantages of the source of the universities, our city would be full of the atmosphere of youth. Unfortunately, there is only one university existed. The government should invest more money on the education. Basically, not only the people of my age would be attracted to the city, but also the degree of the education would be improved.
  To sum up, from the topic I have discussed above, I argue that there are two ways to appeal more people of my age. Through building up the amusement park and investing colleges, the chances would be much more than ever.

colettUID: 2463706

820作文by colett， 不稀饭这个题目，我都不知道自己写的什么，所以凑活着看看吧。。。。。
      My hometown is Jinan, which is the capital city of Shandong province in China. Thanks to the position of Shandong province, where is the hometown of Confucius, Jinan city is also one of the most ancient Chinese traditional cities. And the atmosphere of this city is far from being called modern, although it does be in the east of China, where should be the most fashion area of this country. So most young people who is at the similar age to me can never put up this city. If I would make my hometown more appealing to people of my age, I should do something in the following fields.
      To the beginning, we should take some measures in the field of entertainment, especially to build up more modern and fashion shop, which will meet the need of young people, and to lead an increasing number of famous brands all over the world, just like LV and Armani, which are becoming more and more significant to the people of my age. As long as we finish doing that, the city will become far more appealing to young individuals, just because the quality of their life will keep the same pace with the modern world rather like the present conditions that we should meet our needs only to go shopping in the other modern cities, just like Shanghai. Our parents are bound to hate this kind of waste and expensive life, however, this tendency can never be changed as the development of economic and society of the world.
       What’s more, the government of this city should also do something in the method of their management. It is a fact that all the fees, including cost of water, electricity and the other necessary materials in my city are much more than the other cities, which will reduce the attraction of this city for the people of my age. And the reason for this phenomenon is the responsibility of the government. The government of Jinan, even of Shandong province is the most conservative all over China. So as long as we change this kind of management, the appealing of this may be enhanced.
Last but not the least, all the members of this city should change and refresh the concept of them. Not only the government, but also all the citizens of Jinan are conservative. For example, the TV program in the station of Jinan never has a original idea, rather than the TV station in Hunan province. In fact, the workers of station in Jinan are as clever as the workers in Hunan, however, they are afraid of the possible outcome of their behavior, just because the local citizens and leaders of government are tendency to put up with the original things. But it is the original things that can appeal the people of my age in the greatest degree.
     In sum, taking all the above into consideration, we may safely make a conclusion that there are many things to do to change my hometown to appeal the people at my age, especially in the field of entertainment, management of government and the concept of citizens. As long as we improve these fields, Jinan will become more popular among the people of my age.

lisa_CUID: 2678347

LISA_C

这个题目。。。。。。实在没法写了...


My hometown is a beautiful little city in Zhejiang. Though her beauty cannot equal with Hangzhou, I think my hometown itself is appealing to people of my age. If I had a chance making a change for my city, I would like to do as far as I can to raise her visibility, then more people will know my hometown and fall in love with her.


To begin with, I’ll introduce my nice hometown to you to convince you that she is really enough appealing to people of my age now. Many people of my age are fond of movies, and almost everyone is drawn by his favorite movie stars. Then my home town is a good place. There is a big film base named Hengdian Studios here, which is considered as the Asia's largest video post-production base. Absolutely, there are many interesting places to hang around, such as Riverside Scene at Qingming Festival, The imitative
Imperial Palace and many other theme parks. Hengdian Studios is a great place where so many famous movies and television play have been made, such as Chinese Paladin 3(仙剑奇侠传)，Curse of the Golden Flower（满城尽带黄金甲）. Famous stars such as Jackie Chan , Jay, Bingbing Li
have ever appear red
there. If you are lucky enough, you’ll meet some film crews or your favourate stars.


Then, let us analysis the present situation and get the conclusion that what she lack is visibility. As I have said, it is really appealing.
However, it seems that my hometown is not so famous as she should be. Whenever I mention my hometown to my classmates, I have to say she is next to Yiwu. It is really an awkward thing. Then, what I can do now is to introduce my hometown to more people of my age, and let them know there’s such a great place. Then, I’m confident in my hometown and I believe everyone will love it.

kiralovelyUID: 2363419

Modern civilization derives from modern urbanization.Although there exists various construction problems in public city life,actually,those which are tightly connected to the normal civilian life should be focused more frequently.Since my hometown Shanghai is the largest and modernest metropolis in China, the most urgent questions,from my point of view,are the incomplete public transportation system and the unreasonable government policies toward young entrepreneurs.

First and foremost,since I am a 20-year-old university student,the efficient trip between my home and campus stands as my top concentration.And this problem perplexes many other students as well.Thus,if I have the power to make some changes to my hometown,to construct more metro lines would be my first priority.As is introduced before,Shanghai is a metropolis with a population which number is approximately 20 million,so the traffic efficiency becomes a tremendous challenge to the ecnomic development as well as the comfort level of the citizen of the city.Enormous experience illustrates that subway is the most effective convoy infrastructure in metropolises.For example,New York city possesses  the largest and most complex subway system which is started to construct in 19th century all across the world.Nowadays,NY city definitely highly depends on such a system to ensure that the city operation keeps in a regular situation.Such conditions are quite normal in other large cities including London,Paris,Tokyo,etc which demonstrates that the subway system is a practical solution to the problematic city transportation. Whatsmore,if this conspiracy can be installed ,since Chinese auto consumption is still in a rudimentary situation,those young workers who work in downtown while live in city suburb and lack the ability to purchase a private vehicle could be benifited as well.

Furthermore,despite the city transportation is an absolutely significant problem to solve,the local economy development has established a tight relationship to the regulation and policy enviornment of enterprisers,especially small entrepreneurs.Because these factors directly effect the attitudes of investors toward the city which helps a lot to the manufacturing of local industry market and labor market.Unfortunately,Shanghai's government policy toward private companies is not free and openly enough.Mentioning the experience of developed countries and regions,U.S,HongKong,Japan all demonstrate the advantages of flexible policies of economy.Especially Japan,this nation created a miracle of GDP increasing in 1960s' to 1980s'.So,if I am willing to change my hometown in some aspects,I would like to impel the legislation to loose the restriction of these  small private companies.Therefore,our labor market will be expanded,and many university graduates could start their own career more easily which would attracts more people at my age.

To conclude,the incomplete public transportation system and the unreasonable government policies toward young entrepreneurs is the most 2 urgent questions of my hometown Shanghai,so I am looking forward to have the power to change this kind of situation to appeal more young people.

阿狸UID: 2587762

As you see, people of my age are a group of enthusiastic and creative individuals. They are never satisfied with monotonous and rigid life in which they even can directly see what they themselves will be like in the coming years and imagine the wrinkles on their faces when they are old enough to retire. For the sake of constructing a more appealing city to young people so as to inspire their inner passion for working and living, I sincerely stand for some changes being made to our hometown. And the local government had better take different groups of people’s needs into account in order to make out the most considerable city plan for everyone.

Standing for Animation, comics and games, ACG has always been enjoying a large quantity of young adherents. So I consider it a great idea to open bars offering free comic books and cartoon DVDs for young people to discuss hot topics and share each other’s feelings about these cartoons. It will be even more exciting if the bars provide WiFi service, then the pocket game players can gather here to play multiplayer mode here and exchange game elements such as boss cards and adventure maps. Related departments can even hold monthly ACG ceremony in public places in which latest cartoons are cast. With all of these modern functions, the bars will certainly attract young people to the city, since they are glowing with the particular spirits of the young.

Meanwhile, the student group is also making up a large portion of the young people. For students’ convenience, more bus lines should be constructed near the university campus, and the traffic regulation system should be enhanced at the same time. Building a certain kind of academic or cultural atmosphere in the city can also give students the feelings that they are respected and that they are responsible for the future of the city. The unique culture atmosphere may also appeal to some foreign students who are interested in Chinese tradition. Another thing that will do good to students who are about to graduate from universities is to improve the mechanism of career consulting by which students can access useful instruction of their career road.

As to young people who are already at work, they are more concerned with the condition of their working environment. According to my view, in order to forge the working place into a more appealing one, in turn maximizing people’s productivity and efficiency, companies are encouraged to adopt some of the measures such as introducing more effective operating system, offering extra awards for workers’ creative ideas, and even providing workers with free high quality training courses.

Once actions are taken, I am quite confident that my hometown will become much more enthralling for people of my age.

写吐的了！！
为什么我GRE已经考过了却还要享受AW的待遇啊啊啊啊啊啊啊。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

diamondcatUID: 2659135

The recent economic downturn is taking a heavy toll on the job market. Especially for college students--people of my age, it is awfully difficult to get satisfying jobs. Graduates are painfully experiencing the taste of repeated rejections and disappointments. Senior college students are undergoing the fear that their graduation day is probably the beginning of their unemployment life. Therefore, if my hometown changes into a place that can help these young people successfully make the transition from straight A students to excellent employees, it will be far more attractive to people of my age.  

The first thing I want to change is the local universities' out-of-date curriculum and inadequate career counselors. On one hand, the decision of what courses must provide should base on the demand of employers and market. Since a government study shows that the greatest job growth is expected in health care, education, and environment-related work, universities should offer more courses designed to arm students with essential skills to become professionals in these industries. On the other hand, since the shortage of career counselors keeps students on the waiting list for weeks or even months, more these advisors should be recruited to guide students to make sound career decisions. By asking students to take aptitude tests, career counselors can help students discover their strengths and weaknesses, so the students can easily find areas which they are gifted and interested in. In addition, students will also benefit from the
counselors' advices regarding how to deal with the possible problems related to job seeking and future job, such as the difficulty of writing an impressive resume, the tedium of paper work, the deadline stress and the office drama.  

Apart from the universities, I also hope companies and government shoulder more responsibility of assisting college students to find their ideal jobs. Companies should provide sufficient chances of internship to students. This opportunity of gaining experiences and applying what they have learned to practice will make them more competitive and confident during their interviews. Yet, in my hometown, I have seen many talented college students' access to internship is denied simply because their parents have no friends in a particular company, or because these parents are unable to pay thousands of dollars to services that help their children to land internships. Thus more importantly, I wish to advocate the companies to create an impartial, fair and open environment for college students to compete for these valuable yet limited golden opportunities.  As for the government, it should hold more job fairs in order to provide more chances for employers and young job hunters to meet. Moreover, tax incentives are also necessary to encourage college students to set up their own business.  

To sum up, in seeking to change my hometown into a city which is appealing to people of my age, I hope local universities, companies and government create a better condition for young people to being their career easily.

DarthSidiousUID: 2608366

My home town starves for the improvement of education in order to make it to be more appealing to the people of my age. Because education is the most important thing we need and the school here really let us to worry about.

Students should study hard to get a better future of course, but things in my hometown seem too bit to the young. For a high percentage of enter a higher education, the schools there burden the students too much. From primary school, the students are put into self-study in school at night. At high school, the students cannot come home until 11’O clock. And the summer and winter break there is only half long as usual, there is even none summer and winter break during the last two years of high school. In addition, the works which the schools arrange to us is twice as the schools in other places do. In fact, to escape from such burden, I go to another city to go on my high school.

Though the students are forced to use nearly all times to theirs courses, the form of education is really platitude. The schools only focus on the course related to the entrance examination, and ignore other subjects which are also important to the future development of their students. That is to say, in the course such as math, physic and chemistry, all people are trained again and again and again and finally can done especially well in the tests; but if they are asked about music, painting, philosophy, they are very likely to answer nothing. They are trained as an exam machine, but not as a whole people. When some of my classmates go into the college, they complain that they have really a worn-out mind compare to the students from other cities.

To say the truth, the students here can indeed enter better college or university, but whether they would consider more about their students’ own opinion? How much will their students appreciate them? And whether their students are willing to put their children again in this town? I think the school there should really find another way.

熊爱棒棒糖UID: 2598861

   

kura文章修改， 格式实在不好意思，被我弄成这样，我不知道怎么改格式了

My hometown is a lovely and quiet district in Tianjin, though far away from downtown, it bears a number of sub-compuses and those college students bring my hometown a lot of vitality. However, in order to attract more young people of my age, I want to wave my magic wand and make two changes开头不错.2
  The first big change I want to make in my hometown is to renovate the local library（liberary）. As we all know, a library is a treasure of valuable books for people to use and gain from it. Unfortunately, our library is so disappointing that not only does its physical appearance look dingy and run-down, it also(为什么这里是it also, 我觉得是not only does its physical appearance look dingy and run-down, but also has a poor…因为unfortunately已经是表示惋惜了) has a poor collection of reference books, up-to-date newspapers or periodicals. Once a friend who studies in one of the branch compuses told me that she was so frustrated that our local libraliy's range of materials is so narrow that she had to go to her main compus to find the book she needed.(这个句子太长了，建议修改为，once a friend who studies in one of the branch computers told me that she was so frustrated when she found the range of materials of the liberary is too narrow. Thus she had to go to her main computer to find out the books she needed.) In addition, it is high time to improve the searching system. While the written cards system has its advantages, an oline(online catalogue) cataloge will save a patron much more time. It is proved to be an effective way for utilization and sharing information. Therefor, it is crucial to provide those younger bookworms with a large,  convenient( largely, conveniently), fully equiped and user-friendly library.

  （Secondly other change is about the entertainment facilities. On weekends, there are very little things for young adults to do due to the lacking of recreational venues in my hometown. On the one hand, our movie theater is so small that sometimes it cannot afford to buy the latest hit movies. With a modern movie theater, we can simply walk to see the movie with our family or friends, without needing to make a long drive to the downtown. On the other hand, a big shopping center is in great need here, for the shopping departments in our community are so dispersed. The convenience it brings will sure attract more youngster. Normally, there will be several businesses, such as mailing center, a dry cleaner, a dentist office, as well as a variety of retailers such as（为什么每个都是a） a drugstore, a supermarket, small restaurants. One could be able to get all the daily necessities without going around the whole district.

  In closing, young people require a well-informed, comfortable, as well as convenient lifestyle, and I believe with a few small changes, my hometown could become a very appealing place to people of my age.

kiralovelyUID: 2363419

to colett：

My hometown is Jinan, which is the capital city of Shandong province in China. Thanks to the position of Shandong province, where is the hometown of Confucius, Jinan city is also one of the most ancient Chinese traditional cities. And the atmosphere of this city is far from being called modern, although it does be in the east of China, where should be the most fashion area of this country. So most young people who is at the similar age to me can never put up this city. If I would make my hometown more appealing to people of my age, I should do something in the following fields.; l% n$ q3 t- K: p6 V
      To the beginning（to  begin with比较好）, we should take some measures in the field of entertainment, especially to build up more modern and fashion shop, which will meet the need of young people, and to lead an increasing number of famous brands all over the world, just like LV and Armani, which are becoming more and more significant（仅仅几个名牌说significant过当了） to the people of my age. As long as we finish doing that, the city will become far more appealing to young individuals, just because the quality of their life will keep the same pace with the modern world rather like the present conditions that we should meet our needs only to go shopping in the other modern cities, just like Shanghai. Our parents are bound to hate this kind of waste and expensive life, however, this tendency can never be changed as the development of economic and society of the world.# U0
（这一段说服力很不足，people at your age一般是学生，学生未必都对fashion感兴趣，甚至感兴趣的程度远远不如白领。你应该选择一些的公共服务的领域。）
       What’s more, the government of this city should also do something in the method of their management. It is a fact that all the fees, including cost of water, electricity and the other necessary materials in my city are much more than the other cities, which will reduce the attraction of this city for the people of my age.（显然也是不合适的结论，年轻人对公用事业费敏感吗？或许。那么那些低收入人群既不是更敏感？上海的公用事业费高吗？肯定比济南高。为什么年轻人仍然趋之若鹜？） And the reason for this phenomenon is the responsibility of the government. （不尽然，而且你也没有给出进一步支撑你结论的论述。）The government of Jinan, even of Shandong province is the most conservative all over China. So as long as we change this kind of management, the appealing of this may be enhanced." l% I8 x$ H4 b8 x7 w5 i4 e, F1 ~
（说服力依然匮乏，缺少实际的例证和比对，我很难信服你的观点）

Last but not the least, all the members of this city should change and refresh the concept of them.（是你应该对城市做出的改变，而不是别人） Not only the government, but also all the citizens of Jinan are conservative. For example, the TV program in the station of Jinan never has a original idea, rather than the TV station in Hunan province. In fact, the workers of station in Jinan are as clever as the workers in Hunan, however, they are afraid of the possible outcome of their behavior, just because the local citizens and leaders of government are tendency to put up with the original things. But it is the original things that can appeal the people of my age in the greatest degree.$ Y6 {4 `  u, `5 @$ `
（不要议论带有政治倾向的观点）

     In sum, taking all the above into consideration, we may safely make a conclusion that there are many things to do to change my hometown to appeal the people at my age, especially in the field of entertainment, management of government and the concept of citizens. As long as we improve these fields, Jinan will become more popular among the people of my age.


抱歉我很少注意语法和拼写，我着重看的是文章的结构和论述，其实问题我都已经指出了，希望写作文的时候多有国际视野，举例多举西方的，主流的，符合美国价值观的例子，而不要把你家乡的你身边的那些个犄角旮旯的不合时宜的老美很可能看不懂的东西翻出来。继续努力！

kiralovelyUID: 2363419

首先批评你了，这篇文章一看就没有认真写，怎么能说文章没法写了呢？难道这不是185的真题么？考场碰到你也没法写么？况且现在的练习不就是给与你充分时间构思么。

My hometown is a beautiful little city in Zhejiang. Though her beauty cannot equal with（with不要，equal及物动词） Hangzhou, I think my hometown itself is appealing （直接attracts或者appeal，多用实意动词，尽量避免be动词）to people of my age. If I had a chance making a change for my city, I would like to do as far as I can to raise her visibility, then more people will know my hometown and fall in love with her.* s! k) P0 K2 g. k6 k( B5 l

l2 [2 t+ h& h7 {' z
To begin with, I’ll introduce my nice hometown to you to convince you that she is really enough appealing to people of my age now. Many people of my age are fond of movies, and almost everyone is drawn by his favorite movie stars. Then my home town is a good place. There is a big film base named Hengdian Studios here, which is considered as the Asia's largest video post-production base. Absolutely, there are many interesting places to hang around, such as Riverside Scene at Qingming Festival, The imitative
dImperial Palace and many other theme parks. Hengdian Studios is a great place where so many famous movies and television play have been made, such as Chinese Paladin 3(仙剑奇侠传)，Curse of the Golden Flower（满城尽带黄金甲）（又来了，这种例子真是让人哭笑不得，详见楼上我对collet的总结点评）. Famous stars such as Jackie Chan , Jay, Bingbing Li + Z% B$ z: D/ s' |2 k  L
have ever appear red  k. n$ ~4 t% N6 }- Z: n, S
there. If you are lucky enough, you’ll meet some film crews or your favourate stars. 6 f$ ^! V9 C1 K, l/ i5 W6 a/ l6 M$ q2 Q
（这一段我看到的是你在讲你的家乡怎么怎么好，怎么怎么漂亮，没有看到你如何论述你为你家乡带来怎样改变。）
, let us analysis the present situation and get the conclusion that what she lack is visibility. As I have said, it is really appealing. " p" p7 S: |. p7 c2 P
However, it seems that my hometown is not so famous as she should be. Whenever I mention my hometown to my classmates, I have to say she is next to Yiwu. It is really an awkward thing. Then, what I can do now is to introduce my hometown to more people of my age, and let them know there’s such a great place. Then, I’m confident in my hometown and I believe everyone will love it.# t" l' I7 p; h' y; \
没有认真写，我希望你能够重新构思这篇文章。