ISSUE48 欢迎拍砖 有拍必回 =七月流火=小组第2次小组作业 by 无敌小番茄

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Why do we pay more attention on to “the famous few” when we study most of historical events and trends? I used to think everything happened for a reason. The special individual did not represent himself or herself, lying behind them would be some social forces or class interests. In addition, it is hard to collect and record material about everyone who participated in the events. In other word might it be not necessary. Thus, we focus on the famous few most of time.

It is the famous few along with groups of surrounding people that made the historical significant events and trends possible in the given social condition. However, when comes to study who involved in the events or movements and what they do respectively, it is impossible to tell clearly. If we own the honor of a major victor to the group of people including front soldier, medical staff, commander or even cooks. Shall we have the ability to describe everyone? It is impossible or not necessary to do. By recording the famous one who plays a pivotal role in the battles, it is both convenient for writers and readers.

Another reason why the study or history involves emphasizing special individual is that they really do a great job and change certain condition or better people’s life standard. Take Mao Zedong –the first president of new china-- for example. He was one of the most brilliant militarists in history and an excellent administrator. He participated in over sixty battles and scored major victories with a common farmers’ army. His great achievement is that leading Chinese to upset feudal system and build a new China.

Not only in political realm can heroes play an important role, so did scientists. James Watt, invented steam machine, provoked the first industry revolution. Without Watt, the first industry revolution might be postponed until another Matt has invent a new machine as same as or similar as steam machine. No one can deny the achievement is only for Matt. At the same time, people will say it is the workers that pushed the renovation not Matt. That is true, but if Matt had not use steam in their country, and assumes use it in China. Then the first industry renovation might be happened in China.

On the other hand, it is not mean that distinct groups of people were not important. Spartan, famous for their brave, smart and independent, as a famous group by memerated for the world. Their aspriings are still studied at military academies all over the world.

实在是惭愧 我本来是想改改发上来，结果和重新写了一遍一样。 还是不怎么样，不过比刚开始好了一点点。
请同学们 无论是对语言和思路都给予大大的指点谢谢

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

提纲
1.individuals 比 grouops of people容易记载
2.some special individual 确实在某些事件中 起到无可替代的作用
3.在科学界，也有这样重要的人物
4.另一方面，某些group也被记录下来的

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

自己顶起来

grekokomoUID: 2441677

Why we pay more attention on “the famous few” when we study most of historical events and trends? I used to think everything happened for a reason. The special individual did not represent himself or herself, lying behind them would be some social forces or class interests. In addition, it is hard to collect and record material about everyone who participated in the events. In other word might it be not necessary. Thus, we focus on the famous few most of time.

看完这一段我都不知道你的TS到底是什么？不是提出focus on famous few的原因，而是要说明你的观点是强调应该突出these few people~从你的结尾段看你是支持famous few的，那为什么不在开头就列举出来呢~

It is the famous few along with groups of surrounding people that made the historical significant events and trends possible in the given social condition. However, when comes to study who involved in the events or movements and what they do respectively, it is impossible to tell clearly. If we own the honor of a major victor to the group of people including front soldier, medical staff, commander or even cooks. Shall we have the ability to describe everyone? It is impossible or not necessary to do. By recording the famous one who plays a pivotal role in the battles, it is both convenient for writers and readers.

这段跟你全文的观点相比显得很牵强~建议修改下，让人一看觉得你是在否定few people~

Another reason why the study or history involves emphasizing special individual is that they really do a great job and change certain condition or better people’s life standard. Take Mao Zedong –the first president of new china-- for example. He was one of the most brilliant militarists in history and an excellent administrator. He participated in over sixty battles and scored major victories with a common farmers’ army. His great achievement is that leading Chinese people to upset feudal system and build a new China.

这个例子的语言很到位~

Not only in political realm can heroes play an important role, so did scientists. James Watt, invented steam machine, provoked the first industry revolution. Without Watt, the first industry revolution might be postponed until another Matt has invent a new machine as same as or similar as steam machine.你要表达的意思我能看懂，但这个句式实在是，换成until some years later或者could not bring all the humans into a new era怎么样？ No one can deny the achievement is only for Matt. At the same time, people will say it is the workers that pushed the renovation not Matt. That is true, but if Matt had not use steam in their country, and assumes use it in China. Then the first industry renovation might be happened in China.

这段最后的assumes use it in China不太好，我知道你是要强调Watt的贡献，那何不列举一下他的这个革新给人类带来的好处呢？

On the other hand, it is not mean that distinct groups of people were not important. Spartan, famous for their brave, smart and independent, as a famous group by memerated for the world. Their aspriings are still studied at military academies all over the world.

这段让步可以放在开头，然后引出你的TS~

From what has been discussed above, we can conclude that great individuals are the dominant influence on significant events, and the study of history does not place too much on them（病句，place too much what？）, because they triggered change.

你的例子挺好，语言不错，就是开头段的TS不明显，你没有直接摆出自己的观点，虽然反问句不失为一种很好的开头方式，但是开头段一定要注意给出明显的TS，如上面我批注的，其他都挺好的，加油~！
PS：下次注意一下你的字体，看着太小了实在不舒服~

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

谢谢 grekokomo的意见 我现在再改改看
Why do we pay more attention on to“the famous few” when we study most of historical events and trends?  I used to think everything happened for a reason. In my apinion, although most, definily to day all historical events or trends facilited by a group of people and it can not imagine one or several people finished them only, some special individuals did play an necessory role.

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

Should the study of history pay more attention to the  famous few instead of groups of people? My answer is yes. It is true that the famous few along with groups of surrounding people made the significant historical events or trends possible in certain condition. However, it is the special individuals who influenced on or decisived the direction of social, political and cultural development. Therefore, the role of famous few in history is necessary to stury.(这句是根据Kiki 的意见后加的) :loveliness:

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

恩 这回稍微好些了~~要的就是“即使历史不是几个人造就的，但那几个人在造就过程中起了决定性作用，研究他们是很有必要的”这个意思

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

恩 这回稍微好些了~~要的就是“即使历史不是几个人造就的，但那几个人在造就过程中起了决定性作用，研究他们是很有必要的”这个意思
KiKi~淇水滺滺 发表于 2009-8-23 16:49

谢谢
我又改了下

grekokomoUID: 2441677

不错不错，这个开头很好
不过，最后一句能不能再改写一下，单说is necessary to study好像有点分量不足，呵呵~
说we can not over emphasis the importance of famous few too much 怎么样:)

无敌小番茄UID: 2684290

不错不错，这个开头很好
不过，最后一句能不能再改写一下，单说is necessary to study好像有点分量不足，呵呵~
说we can not over emphasis the importance of famous few too much 怎么样:)
grekokomo 发表于 2009-8-24 12:19

谢谢

xueyiUID: 2647060

在附件中哦！不然发上来颜色就没了，呵呵 10# 无敌小番茄

xueyiUID: 2647060

改的有点慢，所以晚了，不好意思啊！！！

happy牧羊UID: 2662770

最近没抽出空来~发现你的都这么多人帮改了，这篇我就不当马后炮了~新写的文章再发过来吧，我会及时帮你改的~    喵~~ 不好意思了，一定发过来哦~