=七月流火=小组第2次小组作业 argu4 by sasakikojiro

SasakiKojiroUID: 2678315

argu-4...

By making a comparion of Fitch Realty, a real estate firm with less agents and therefore home sales, with Adams Realty, a real estate firm of more real estate agents and revenue was twice as high as that of Fitch, the speaker also cites the fact that ten years ago, Fitch Realty took it four months to sell his house,on the contrary, Adams took it only one month. The speaker contends that Adams Realty is clearly superior and if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams seems logical.

However, the speaker are failling to consider other possible alternatives to make Adams’s superior, showing that 40 real estate agents in Adams than 25 agents in Fitch evidents no ensurance that Adams is clearly superior. Herhaps, it is possible that Fitch’s 25 real estate agents exibit much interest in their jobs rather than these 40 real estate agents who are apathefic in Adams. Or the 40 real estate agents are more younger, inexperience than Fitch ‘s 25 real estate agents. Herhaps, although in the same city, speaker have failed to consider the geographical and phsical terrain of the two different firms. It is possible that Adams is closet to the central of the city than Fitch which make it superior. Perhaps, in the speaker’s cite, it is possible that he sells the house in a depression period when ten years ago in Fitch, but a contrast to Adams last year.

Moreover, the speaker claim that homes listed with Adams sell faster is based on the optismistic prediction, yet, he ignores a series of changes that might happen just in the upcoming years. On the one hand, Adams would has a less home sales than Fitch not only because their agents manifest little interest in their job but the economic crisis recent years; on the other, the central of the city is replete with new houses that most people have no ways but to live near the town or other area where belongs to fitch, therefore, with the dramatically and drastically inceasing of the profit, Fitch would become superior to Adams after several monthes.

To reiterate, the argument of the speaker is not convincing as it stands, and it is imprudent for the speaker to claim that all the possible alternatives and causes for the comparion between Fitch and Adams.

knx1029UID: 2609556

By making a comparion of Fitch Realty, a real estate firm with less agents and therefore home sales, with Adams Realty, a real estate firm of more real estate agents and whose revenue was twice as high as that of Fitch, the speaker also cites the fact that ten years ago, Fitch Realty took it four months to sell his house,on the contrary, Adams took it only one month.（这句话读不通，既然前面是by引导，后面的从句应该是完成目的的，比如说draw conclusion一类的。） The speaker contends that Adams Realty is clearly superior and if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams seems logical.

However, the speaker are failling(改成fails比较好) to consider other possible alternatives（explanations for the facts which seem） to make Adams’s superior, (since)showing that 40 real estate agents in Adams than 25 agents in Fitch evidents gives
no ensurance that Adams is clearly superior. （superior用词有点重复，而且这句话说得不是很清楚，我按自己的理解加了一些部分）Herhaps（应该是Perhaps）, it is possible that （有点多余）Fitch’s 25 real estate agents exibit much interest in their jobs rather than these 40 real estate agents who are apathefic in Adams. Or the 40 real estate agents are more younger, inexperience than Fitch ‘s 25 real estate agents. Herhaps, although in the same city, the speaker have (去掉)failed to consider the geographical and phsical terrain of the two different firms. It is possible that Adams is closet to the central of the city than Fitch which make it superior. Perhaps, in the speaker’s cite, it is possible that he sells the house in a depression period when ten years ago in Fitch, but a contrast to Adams last year.
（个人认为it is possible用得太多了...）

Moreover, the speaker claims that homes listed with Adams sell faster is based on the optismistic prediction, yet, he ignores a series of changes that might happen just in the upcoming years. On the one hand, Adams would has a less home sales than Fitch not only because their agents manifest little interest in their job but the economic crisis recent years; on the other
hand, the central(center) of the city is replete with new houses that most people have no ways but to live near the town or other area where belongs to fitch, therefore, with the dramatically and drastically inceasing of the profit, Fitch would become superior to Adams after several monthes(months).

To reiterate, the argument of the speaker is not convincing as it stands, and it is imprudent for the speaker to claim that all the possible alternatives and causes for the comparion between Fitch and Adams.





我觉得写argu的时候，每一段就表达一个问题比较好。像这篇argument可以攻击的地方很多，那么把第二段中的那些可能性就可以分开写到几段中去。另外第三段提出来的攻击点，不是很有说服力。

lghscuUID: 2552043

1# SasakiKojiro
TOPIC: ARGUMENT4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."


第一点需要指出：在开始练习阶段，可以不限时，尽可能发挥，让字数上去(500+)，即锻炼自己逻辑分析能力。并且每次要用比较固定的模板（要用自己的创新元素在里面，不要被E-rater雷掉了）(以上观点基于9S这篇文章只有396，不排除9S的其它文章字数已达标，本篇只是occassional，或许有紧急事件使得他/她不能继续增加字数)


第一段：摆论点，述论据，始攻击
第二段：承认Adams比Fitch好（第一句反映的确实是这个意思），Fitch员工满意度高，
第三段：销售速度快的原因: 时间变化带来变化, 员工对工作的满意度，经济变化，还有一个原因没有读懂
第四段：总结

句子收获：By making a comparison of A … and B… the argument for … seems logical
The speaker contends that …
Be replete with
To reiterate, the argument of the speaker is not convincing as it stands, and it is imprudent for the speaker to claim that

第一段存在问题：
1 论点论据copy得比较严重，10L强烈建议9S要restate，请看”
复述题目不是照抄，要完美改写，一般主动被动改写，名词的替换，词组代替动词等等方式，实在没有的变化就变and前后两个词的顺序（GRE作文电子书），否则ETS考官一看，80%是Argument里面的句子，tester缺乏思考
2 论点论据restate一定要精炼， 简单而全面，留更多的时间写正文段

By making a comparion of Fitch Realty, a real estate firm with less agents and therefore home sales(不能全按照范文模子来造，范文在处少了”more” automobile accidents, 因此，改为”therefore XXX home sales”，我没有想到XXX用什么形容词), with Adams Realty, a real estate firm(考虑到ETS范文中的用法，建议将此处”firm”改为”company/corporation”，因为被你模的地方是”town与region”) of more real estate agents and (of which) revenue was twice as high as that of Fitch(也可以将revenue…Fitch改为，revenue twice higher than that of the former), (By making ….与后半句是什么关系，后半句在继续narration/restation中，将后半句改为与前半句统一的格式，”By considering the author’s own experience that …”)the speaker also cites the fact that ten years ago, Fitch Realty took it four months to sell his house,on the contrary, Adams took it only one month. The speaker contends that Adams Realty is clearly superior and if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams seems logical.

第二段：承认Adams比Fitch好（第一句反映的确实是这个意思），Fitch员工满意度高，Adams确实比Fitch好(地理位置优越)，作者在Fitch卖房时是economy depression
存在问题：TS错误，论证比较混乱

However, the speaker are(is) failling to consider other possible alternatives to make Adams’s superior(superiority,如果不确定词的形式，还是不要冒险吧，可以这样”make Adams be superior”，还有Adams’所有格), showing that (showing that，主语是谁，other possible alternatives? 可改成”such explanation as that”) real estate agents in Adams than 25 agents in Fitch evidents(注意词性provides) no ensurance that Adams is clearly superior. Herhaps(Perhaps), it is possible(与前面的”Perhaps”语义重复) that Fitch’s 25 real estate agents exibit much (more )interest in their jobs rather (不要rather)than these 40 real estate agents who are apathefic(apathetic？) in Adams. Or the 40 real estate agents are more younger, inexperience （inexperienced，这两个原因很好，很新颖）than Fitch ‘s 25 real estate agents. Herhaps（！）, although in the same city, speaker have(has，用模板时，一定要考虑清楚，不能拿来就上，稍加改动是必要的) failed to consider the geographical and phsical terrain of the two different firms.(这里套用得很完美) It is possible that Adams is closet(closer) to the central(center) of the city than Fitch which make(makes) it(the former) superior. Perhaps, in the speaker’s cite(citation), it is possible that he sells the house in a depression period when ten years ago in Fitch, but a contrast to Adams last year(有点obscurity).


第三段：销售速度快的原因: 时间变化带来变化, 员工对工作的满意度，经济变化，还有一个原因没有读懂
存在问题: 论证比较混乱
Moreover, the speaker(speaker’s) claim that homes listed with Adams sell(would be sold) faster is based on the optismistic prediction(optimistic prediction从何说起，直接说unwarranted evidence), yet, he ignores a series of changes that might happen just in the upcoming years. On the one hand, Adams would has(have) a less （高还是低，请参照原Argumetn）home sales than Fitch not only because their agents manifest little interest in their job but the economic crisis recent years; on the other, the central of the city is replete with new houses that most people have no ways but to live near the town or other area where belongs to fitch, therefore, with the dramatically and drastically inceasing of the profit, Fitch would become superior to Adams after several monthes.


第四段：总结
存在问题：模板理解欠深，导致结尾有点偏
To reiterate, the argument of the speaker is not convincing as it stands, and it is imprudent for the speaker to claim that(that后面应该接作者的conclusion，然后再提出需要考虑其它因素) all the possible alternatives and causes for the comparion between Fitch and Adams.

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最后声明：以上仅考参考，说得不对的地方请9S一定指出来噢

gou2010UID: 2688356

Adams would has a less home sales than Fitch not only because their agents manifest little interest in their job but the economic crisis recent years; on the other, the central of the city is replete with new houses that most people have no ways but to live near the town or other area where belongs to fitch

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