=七月流火=小组第2次小组作业 issue48 by kiki

KiKi~淇水滺滺UID: 2679824

When we are in the school, history books often point out the central figures in history to help us to remember specific events. Teachers and parents always treat them as models to educate children. I admit that the famous few are often symbolic in their times and they do play important roles in the events or trends that affect the history significantly, however, I agree with the author of the statement that there is too much emphasis on individuals and the groups of people who are also important are forgotten.

In the American history, there are many big events happened to change the life of American people; one of the most famous events is the Civil War. President Abraham Lincoln is often memorialized as the central figure in the Civil War and the emancipation of American slaves. Emphasizing Lincoln as a central figure in this large movement fails to acknowledge the actions of thousands of other individuals, including the slaves themselves. They were integral in the Civil War. Without the soldiers, Lincoln cannot win this war and without the slaves who dream of the freedom and support Lincoln, he cannot manage this so smoothly. In addition, placing emphasis on a single individual may cause students to ignore the importance of the history itself. They may remember Lincoln and his name, but fail to understand the gravity of the slave situation that occurred at that time.

When talking about significant events, political changes are the first things appear in people's mind most likely. While actually, there are affairs in other fields that affect the process of human life. For example, the art fields, the science, and so on. In these fields, the groups of forgotten ones are also very important. Some people may be surprised as the outcome in these fields are signed just by one or two people and it seems that it is these people who make a difference in these fields, however, there are many unknown heroes or heroines behind the curtain. Newton is a well-known scientist in history, but he is an idiot in living. When he began to do experiments, he would forget everything surrounded, even eat meals. During his lifetime, his servants looked after him and remind him to eat something. Without them, Newton might not survive! In the scientific studies, there are also many people give him a hand. Even Newton himself said: “If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” The former people’s great works give him knowledge and make him to go further.

Furthermore, when studying history, we should pay more attention not only to the groups, but also the era of these events. It’s meaningless just focus on people. In many cases, it’s the environment, not the people, select the famous ones. Like Winston Churchill, history shows he is not good at leading a country to develop and making economic boom in peace time, but he is the one who can bring peace in wartime. And he shows in time in World War II, he was stirred by the challenge of war and found his fulfillment in leading the democracies to victory.

To sum up, history places too much emphasis on famous individuals and often ignores other important factors like groups and environment. I strong suggest we should consider more when researching history next time.

zx15328UID: 2678014

When we are in the school, history books often point out the central figures in history to help us to remember specific events. Teachers and parents always treat them as models to educate children. （这句放在第一段引出TS感觉有点罗嗦，建议开门见山的好）I admit that the famous few are often symbolic in their times and they do play important roles in the events or trends that affect the history significantly, however, I agree with the author of the statement（the author’s statement） that there is too much emphasis on individuals and the groups of people who are also important are forgotten.
(主题句，观点明确，语言再精炼些)

In the American history, there are many big events happened to change the life of American people; one of the most famous events is（for example吧，events重复） the Civil War. President Abraham Lincoln is often memorialized as the central figure in the Civil War and the emancipation of American slaves. Emphasizing Lincoln as a central figure in this large movement fails to acknowledge the actions of thousands of other individuals
（这里的个人指的是其他人，但是和前面的句子对应起来，容易搞混对象） including the slaves themselves. They were integral in the Civil War. Without the soldiers, Lincoln cannot win this war and without the slaves（2个 without 过于罗嗦了） who dream of the freedom and support Lincoln, he cannot manage this so smoothly. In addition, placing emphasis on a single individual may cause students to ignore the importance of the history itself. They may remember Lincoln and his name, but fail to understand the gravity of the slave situation that occurred at that time.
（这段例子列举的不错，分析的也比较到位，就是有些句子读起来有点罗嗦）
When talking about significant events, political changes are the first things appear in people's mind most likely. While actually, there are affairs in other fields that affect the process of human life. For example, the art fields, the science, and so on. In these fields, the groups of forgotten ones are also very important. Some people（这个指代的是多数人吗？） may be surprised as the outcome in these fields are signed just by one or two people and it seems that it is these people who make a difference in these fields, however, there are many unknown heroes or heroines behind the curtain. Newton is a well-known scientist in history, but he is an idiot in living. When he began to do experiments, he would forget everything surrounded, even eat meals. During his lifetime, his servants looked after him and remind him to eat something. Without them, Newton might not survive! In the scientific studies, there are also many people give him a hand. Even Newton himself said: “If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” The former people’s great works give him knowledge and make him to go further.
（我觉得这段的观点不大好，因为不论是heroes behind the curtain还是giants，严格讲还是属于那些杰出的少数人，与你的主题观点不对应）
Furthermore, when studying history, we should pay more attention not only to the groups, but also the era of these events. It’s meaningless just focus on people. In many cases, it’s the environment, not the people, select the famous ones. Like Winston Churchill, （多犀利新颖的观点啊，深入分析一下就更好啦）history shows he is not good at leading a country to develop and making economic boom in peace time, but he is the one who can bring peace in wartime. And he shows in time in World War II, he was stirred by the challenge of war and found his fulfillment in leading the democracies to victory.

To sum up, history places too much emphasis on famous individuals and often ignores other important factors like groups and environment. I strong suggest we should consider more when researching history next time.

文章的总体结构把握的不错，思路也很清晰，开头段落观点明确
但是第3段的论证过程和分论点建议再斟酌一下，第4段的观点很好（相信很多人都没想到）应该深入分析
另外，语言还应该再润色一下，语法问题很少，但是就是有点重复和罗嗦~~~加油！！

maggiegu1019UID: 2683879

1# KiKi~淇水滺滺
第四段观点我借走了哦~~~:kiss: 万一考试碰上，嘿嘿