求拍ARGU，还有5天就考了。。。

peterboyUID: 2638100

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 630
TIME: OT
DATE: 2009/8/22 9:48:23 Peter

In this argument, the arguer attempts to convince us that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into their later life. To support this view, he or she cites the example that a research of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress were more likely to be conceived in early autumn, when melatonin would increase for the decrease of daylight. Besides, a follow-up study conducted showed that more than half of distressed infants at early time were identified themselves as shy. This conclusion is based on quite a lot of logical fallacies thus unconvincing as it stands.


First, the research is unreliable as only 25 infants were involved which is not representative. As we all know, there are millions of babies given birth every year, while 25 of them is really, really a small number that we can almost neglect it. Besides, we do not have any information about the locations of these infants as well as their race, nationality, family conditions, etc... It is high possible that these infants are all in the same states or even the same cities which lacks credibility. Without given more detailed information about them, we can never hastily accept the latter conclusion.


Besides, the arguer does not consider and rule out other possible factors which may have effects on the signs of mild distress of infants but rather groundlessly assumes that melatonin bears some relationship with the symptom. It is highly possible that those who are more sensitive to unfamiliar
stimuli were always kept at home being around with parents and relatives all the time but seldom with strangers while the rest infants are more exposed to the outside which foster the habit of being not shy. Just based on the fact that these more stressed infants were born in autumn when their mothers' melatonin increased is not credible to form the cause and effect between them.


Furthermore, the arguer fails to take into account the environmental factors to infants during the time they grew up to teenagers. The distressed infants were not bound to be shy as the environment can change a lot. Maybe these teenagers in shyness are the result of their living habits like staying at home all the time and being selfish or proud. No guarantee that these infants were all raised in the same environment that the experience is shared. Even given the environment have no effect on their characters of shyness although it is quite impossible, we still cannot believe it as the self-identified shyness is not the real shyness. Some teenagers consider themselves shy while others not and what others think of them are the only criterion to judge whether they are shy or not. Without ruling out these factors, we cannot conduct that the distressed infants are more likely to be shy teenagers.


Given all the conditions are reliable, we cannot expect that there would be the same today as the research was carried thirteen years ago. The world is changing all the time and especially recently. What ten years was true might be out of date in recent society not to mention the research carried thirteen years ago. Maybe the melatonin decreases or stays to a normal level along with the decrease of sunlight due to the changing of climate or the greatly different life style. Thus the conclusion is not beneficial to today's society.


To put it in a nutshell, the argument is unreliable and needs other evidences to prove its credibility. The arguer should cite another research which is carried recently and the infants involved are representative. Furthermore, the causal relationship between melatonin and distress as well as the distress in infants and shyness when grow up should be presented more clearly. Last, ruling out other possibilities which may affect the shyness when growing up is also essential and necessary.



额 30min没有完成，后来又写了大概10min左右。。。 自己已经改了语法错误  求大家拍拍 谢谢！

peterboyUID: 2638100

顶 求好人拍拍 要是这篇不方便换一篇也行 只要拍一篇让我知道一下自己普遍的毛病就可以了 谢谢！！！


附上另一篇30MIN未完成之作：:L

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 646          TIME: OT          DATE: 2009/8/23 9:17:38 Peter

In this memorandum, the president of Mira Vista College attempts to convince the college's board of trustees that they must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills. To substantiate it, the president cites the example of nearby Green Mountain College, which has more colleges about business and job counselors, which got more offers last year while his college got less and half of them were not employed in their major field of study. This argument is full of logical fallacies.

  First, the argument is based on a false analogy between Green Mountain and Mira Vista College which may have great difference. It is highly possible that Mira Vista College is a school more focused on pure theory teaching like mathematics, physics, chemistry or philosophy while Green Mountain College is a business majored school which shows these two are incomparable at all. Given they are comparable, the business courses and jobs counselors might not been the major reason why the nearby college got more offers last year. The teaching qualities, the levels of students and the market need, all of these play a significant role in offer opportunity. Without ruling out these or other factors that may affect the numbers of offers, we cannot hastily make the conclusion that it is the business courses and job counselors that makes the difference in offers.

  Besides, the statistics like 90 percent, 70 percent, half makes no sense hence make the conclusion unreliable. As we are not informed the sum of each college which makes the rate seems meaningless. It is possible that Mira Vista College has a number of students of 20,000 while the nearby 2,000 which means they are not in the same level and the former got much more offers than the latter. Furthermore, we are also not told what jobs they were offered. Maybe the former college students refuse a large sum of offers which has low salary or bad working conditions while the latter accept most of the offers given as they are not so high-demanded. Without such information, the statistics can tell nothing at all.

  Further more, last year's analogy can never mean anything correctly. Only one year's experience is difficult for us to trust let alone take it. It is highly possible that last year's phenomenon is because the business market lacks workers. But since more business workers hired, this field is no longer short of employees so the coming year's employment will become much more difficult than ever before. If it is the case, it will be an unforgiving mistake to add business courses. Besides, maybe Mira Vista College employment rate is much higher than the nearby college's almost all the time and one year's falling behind does mean anything.

  Given all that stated above reliable although it is quite unrealistic, in order to help Mira Vista's graduates find employment; taking Green Mountain College's experience is not the only choice and might not the best as well. Offering more internship for students to increase students' working experience, improving the quality of classes and hiring more famous professors for students are all good choices that may have a great effect in adding offers. Without comparing with other choices like these, the conclusion is not indeed complete.

  To put it in a nutshell, the memorandum is not so convincing as it stands. To better convince us, the president should provide more evidences to prove that Green Mountain College is indeed comparable to Mira Vista College and no other factors make the differences in the rate of employment. What's more, more concrete statistics should be given to show that there is really a gap of employment between these two colleges. Finally, other approaches should be considered and compared to see whether copy Green Mountain College's experience is the superior one.


谢谢大家了！！！

peterboyUID: 2638100

ding

tcjl007UID: 2667115

具体的不分析了
就说整体感觉吧 你也看到了你argu限时失败 一般写到500就可以了 模板化的句子堆再多也没用的
开头结尾可以写的简略些 还有你每一个错误感觉基本上没什么联系，想到哪攻击到哪那种 用ETS对范文的评语来说 就是没有组织。

wqqingtianUID: 2594382

具体的不分析了
就说整体感觉吧 你也看到了你argu限时失败 一般写到500就可以了 模板化的句子堆再多也没用的
开头结尾可以写的简略些 还有你每一个错误感觉基本上没什么联系，想到哪攻击到哪那种 用ETS对范文的评语 ...
tcjl007 发表于 2009-8-23 23:23

嗯 我也有同感
其实不用写那么多 我觉得语言能够表达清楚就行，模板就是起这个作用的
关键能把文章组织好，其实除了几个比较恶心的题目，多数题目逻辑错误之间都是有联系的
可以通过联系组织文章

peterboyUID: 2638100

谢谢LS 两位指导 我今天又写了一篇 再帮我看看好吗