argument140 [勇往直前小组]第二次作业 by strontium023

strontium023UID：2316968

140The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

In this report the arguer think that it's nessesary to raise Professor Thomas's annual salary,and promote her to Department Chairperson,or the Professor will have a new choice to another school.The writer states that Professor Thomas was welcomed for her class was the largest one in the Elm City University.Moreover,she brought the reserch money which is over the money their school paid in the past two years.So the writer think as the states prove she compare the position and the salary.But I think there are some fault the writer didn't claim well.

In the first place, the author only explains the Professor's class is the largest one of the university.The largest class may not be the most popular class,maybe the students can't choose other teacher's class,maybe there is only one professor teach the botany class in this university.The figure is only figure,it can't bring us further message.

In addition,the money she brought to the university in research grants could not prove she has the excellent abillity in research.It is possible that a little over $50,000 can't accomplish a reaserch,even resolve a problem is difficult in such little money.So whether she has the ability to bring more money to meet a whole department is depending.

Even though she is the most popular teacher and she bring a lot of money to the university,she may not the suitable teacher for the Department Chairperson.Maybe there is someone who is excel to this work.Someone whose students is more achieved.Or someone whose reserch and paper is better than her.That person may fit the position more,but Professor Thomas may just a plain teacher.Or even if she is the most excellent teacher in the university,she may not fit for the leader.These two ability can't mix together.A teacher who does well in research work may not lead a team well.The author need to provide a deep demestration to prove the professor fit this new job.In another hand,if her annual salary is increased,it may hurt other professor's feeling.If not only one teacher do well in their reserch,the school will consider promote all of them.

Finally,except all the condition above,if the university don't want to promote her and increase her salary,why she will be sure to leave the university and choose another one?The writer also must to provide specific reason to persuade us.

To sum up,the writer should collect more deeply proofs to prove the idea why the university should promote Professor Thomas,or she will leave.





203 The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
1、常识告诉我们，一般小病去小医院，而小病好得快，需逗留医院的时间短。
2、题目中的小医院是非盈利性质的，所以可能服务更好，所以导致投诉的人少。
3、关于医院的质量究竟谁好，得衡量其他方面的条件，如医院的硬件设施，医务人员的素质等。



154The following appeared in the editorial section of a health and fitness magazine.

"In a study of the effects of exercise on longevity, medical researchers tracked 500 middle-aged men over a 20-year period. The subjects represented a variety of occupations in several different parts of the country and responded to an annual survey in which they were asked: How often and how strenuously do you exercise? Of those who responded, the men who reported that they engaged in vigorous outdoor exercise nearly every day lived longer than the men who reported that they exercised mildly only once or twice a week. Given the clear link that this study establishes between longevity and exercise, doctors should not recommend moderate exercise to their patients but should instead encourage vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis."
1、问卷的真实性。
2、个人体质不同，而且二十年中很多项指标都有可能发生变化，比如，是否生过病等。
3、两种情况各占比例是多少？不能以个案来代替全部。
4、医生在建议时还是应该结合每个病人的实际情况进行建议。



168Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.
1、统计数据的样本太集中了，而且太小了，不具备可靠性。
2、服用两倍的Ca和V-C，同时练举重，条件并非单一的，实验结果不能证明直接是某一项条件导致的。
3、hip fractures not equarl to bone fractures.



222The following article appeared in a recent issue of a college newspaper.

"Among all students who graduated from Hooper University over the past five years, more physical science majors than social science majors found permanent jobs within a year of graduation. In a survey of recent Hooper University graduates, most physical science majors said they believed that the prestige of Hooper University's physical science programs helped them significantly in finding a job. In contrast, social science majors who found permanent employment attributed their success to their own personal initiative. Therefore, to ensure that social science majors find permanent jobs, Hooper University should offer additional social science courses and hire several new faculty members who already have national reputations in the social sciences."
1、固定的工作一定比较好吗？也许社会科学毕业的学生更喜欢自由的职业。（对比）
2、物理学的学生也许更好找工作，两个专业是否具有可比性呢？
3、在调查中，仅对社会学已找到工作的学生进行调查，而物理对所有毕业生调查，不具有样本的公平性。
4、雇用新教员能从根本上解决社会学学生就业难问题吗？也许根本原因在于学生本身努力与否或者能力高低，或者在于社会对该类毕业生的供求关系。

高加索UID：2246937

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

In this report the arguer think that it's nessesary to raise Professor Thomas's annual salary（转换的挺好）,and promote her to Department Chairperson,or the Professor will have a new choice to another school.The writer states that Professor Thomas was welcomed for her class was the largest one in the Elm City University.Moreover,she brought the reserch money which is over the money their school paid in the past two years.So the writer think as the states prove she compare the position and the salary.But I think there are some fault the writer didn't claim well.（开头段所有的要点都点到了）

In the first place, the author only explains the Professor's class is the largest one of the university.The largest class may not be the most popular class,maybe the students can't choose other teacher's class,maybe there is only one professor teach the botany class in this university.The figure is only figure,it can't bring us further message.（很简洁清晰）

In addition,the money she brought to the university in research grants could not prove she has the excellent abillity in research.It is possible that a little over $50,000 can't accomplish a reaserch,even resolve a problem is difficult in such little money.So whether she has the ability to bring more money to meet a whole department is depending.（有点小疑问，不一定非得苛求系主任要把全系的钱都要到吧，太残忍了，着重说明不能证明科研能力就好吧，就像这一段刚开始的那个观点再强化一下就好）

Even though she is the most popular teacher and she bring a lot of money to the university,she may not the suitable teacher for the Department Chairperson.Maybe there is someone who is excel to this work.Someone whose students is more achieved.Or someone whose reserch and paper is better than her.That person may fit the position more,but Professor Thomas may just a plain teacher.Or even if she is the most excellent teacher in the university,she may not fit for the leader.These two ability can't mix together.A teacher who does well in research work may not lead a team well.The author need to provide a deep demestration to prove the professor fit this new job.In another hand,if her annual salary is increased,it may hurt other professor's feeling.If not only one teacher do well in their reserch,the school will consider promote all of them.（论证很丰富，角度很多，有的角度也很新颖）

Finally,except all the condition above,if the university don't want to promote her and increase her salary,why she will be sure to leave the university and choose another one?The writer also must to（不用加？） provide specific reason to persuade us.

To sum up,the writer should collect more deeply proofs to prove the idea why the university should promote Professor Thomas,or she will leave.（结尾是不是有点太简洁了，记时写的？呵呵）

总体感觉驳论点找的很准确也很完整，论证语言也还比较专业，个人感觉比上一篇arguement写的要好一些，不知道你是不是也这么想呢？

linshaoUID：2338229

In this report the arguer think that it's necessary to raise Professor Thomas's annual salary, and promote her to Department Chairperson, or the Professor will have a new choice to another school. The writer states that Professor Thomas was welcomed for her class was the largest one in the Elm City University.Moreover, she brought the research money which is over the money her school paid in the past two years. So the writer think as the states prove (感觉要加个that) she compare the position and the salary.（感觉有点歧义，Thomas到底是compare 现在的position and the salary 呢还是raise and promotion以后的） But I think there are some fault the writer didn't claim well.

In the first place, the author only explains the Professor's class is the largest one of the university. The largest class may not be the most popular class, maybe the students can't choose other teacher's class, maybe there is only one professor teach the botany class in this university. The figure is only figure, it can't bring us further message.
（这段说理比较好，简洁明了）
In addition, the money she brought to the university in research grants could not prove she has the excellent ability in research. It is possible that a little over $50,000 can't accomplish a research, even resolve a problem is difficult in such little money. So whether she has the ability to bring more money to meet a whole department is depending.
（这段有点偏了吧，Department Chairperson不一定要has the ability to bring more money to meet a whole department吧）
Even though she is the most popular teacher and she bring a lot of money to the university, she may not the suitable teacher for the Department Chairperson. Maybe there is someone who is excel（excel是动词啊）to this work. Someone whose students is more achieved. Or someone whose research and paper is better than her. That person may fit the position more, but Professor Thomas may just a plain teacher. Or even if she is the most excellent teacher in the university, she may not fit for the leader. These two ability can't mix together. A teacher who does well in research work may not lead a team well. The author need to provide a deep demonstration to prove the professor fit this new job. In another hand, if her annual salary is increased, it may hurt other professor's feeling. If not only one teacher do well in their research, the school will consider promote all of them.
(这段说理不错，只是前面someone用的没有说服力，后面部分很好)
Finally, except all the condition above, if the university don't want to promote her and increase her salary, why she will be sure to leave the university and choose another one? The writer also must to provide specific reason to persuade us.
（这段过于单薄了，我觉得应该加上no evidence可以看出other University welcome Thomas）
To sum up, the writer should collect more deeply proofs to prove the idea why the university should promote Professor Thomas, or she will leave.

结尾过于简单，应该照应全文，简述一下上述分析，这样字数也可以上去了。

提醒一下锶同学，你的拼写错误太多了，注意一下啊！
我其实也不太知道会改，也没写多少作文，有些地方可能过于主观了，请见谅。

[ 本帖最后由 linshao 于 2007-7-22 17:05 编辑 ]

高加索UID：2246937

锶？你的观察能力很强，太佩服了:victory: