Argument140 美国有米第四次作业

cckantUID: 2247822

TOPIC: ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at ElmCityUniversity.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave ElmCityUniversity for another college."
WORDS: 372          TIME: 0:41:10          DATE: 2006-12-8

Outline:
1. 课程学生人数多不表明课程受欢迎和教学能力。
2. 研究经费多不代表研究能力强
3. 不能没有比较，孤立的看薪水水平和应不应该提升。

In this argument, the speaker asserts that base on Pr. Thomas’s class sizes and research grants in the recent two years, Pr. Thomas deserves a salary increase and promotion to Department Chairperson. However, evidence mentioned in the report insufficiently justifies such wages hike and promotion for several reasons.

Firstly, that Pr. Thomas's classes have the biggest sizes among their counterparts at the university is not a valid evidence for her popularity in teaching and moreover her ability in teaching. Rather than for being a good lecturer, Pr. Thomas can have the larger class sizes than others for many reasons. For example, in the case that Pr. Thomas was reputed as loose examiner that gives high grade in the her subject, Pr. Thomas can easily attract a class in large size without essentially outperforming teaching skills. Or it can be reason that Pr. Thomas has been teaching junior introductory class, which typically has a larger size than intermediate and senior ones.

Secondly, bring the university research grants that exceeding her salary in last two years do not prove her research ability as well. Research grants are discrete and vary a lot depending the researching subject and availability at the particular period. It is not surprising that a professor earned research grants exceeding her salary. Further, large scale in research grant earned is meaningless to her research ability. Research ability are commonly incorporated in the research outcome which in return represented by academic papers. Research grant says little about Pr. Thomas's research ability. In one extreme case, while an economic professor is able to write a exceptional valuable paper without any research grant while a aerospace physic professor can generate essentially nothing with huge grant if experiments fail.

Last but not least, any the salary rise and promotion to Department Chairperson can not be isolated from other faculty member. Without comparisons of salaries of other faculty members and peer in other institution, claims about overpaid or underpaid salary are pointless. Similarly, without comparison with the research ability, teaching ability and leadership ability, the promotion is not prudent.

In sum, invalid and incomplete evidence and information given is the report does not support the salary increase and promotion to Pr. Thomas. Further and correct evaluation is needed.

[ 本帖最后由 cckant 于 2006-12-8 23:04 编辑 ]

cherryshawnUID: 2242691

During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave ElmCityUniversity for another college."
WORDS: 372          TIME: 0:41:10          DATE: 2006-12-8

Outline:
1. 课程学生人数多不表明课程受欢迎和教学能力。
2. 研究经费多不代表研究能力强
3. 不能没有比较，孤立的看薪水水平和应不应该提升。

In this argument, the speaker asserts that base on Pr. Thomas’s class sizes and research grants in the recent two years, Pr. Thomas deserves a salary increase and promotion to Department Chairperson. However, evidence[evidences] mentioned[上下文语法要一致，我也有这个毛病] in the report insufficiently justifies such wages hike[有这种说法吗？wage hike] and promotion for several reasons.

Firstly, that Pr. Thomas's classes have the biggest sizes among their counterparts at the university is not a valid evidence for her popularity in teaching and moreover her ability in teaching.[这个句子用得好好啊，我要学习]ther than for being a good lecturer[ther这句话是什么意思] ,Pr. Thomas can have the larger class sizes than others for many reasons. For example, in the case that Pr. Thomas was reputed as[a] loose examiner that [who]gives high grade[to her students] in the [the 去掉]her subject, Pr. Thomas can easily attract a class in large size without essentially outperforming teaching skills. Or it can be [the]reason that Pr. Thomas has been teaching junior introductory class, which typically has a larger size than intermediate and senior ones.[我觉得你的论据已经比较充分在结尾有一个总结强调ability in teaching她可能没有就更好了]

Secondly, bring[bringing] the university research grants that[that 去掉] exceeding her salary in last two years do[does] not prove her research ability as well. Research grants are discrete and vary a lot depending [on]the researching subject and availability at the particular period.[这句话还可以再斟酌一下，我觉得重点是在强调subject和availiability，因此最好把他们放在句子的前面，两个and比较容易混淆轻重] it is not surprising that a professor earned research grants exceeding her salary.[这个驳斥点应该深入进取，举出信服的例子，才更加有力] Further, large scale in research grant earned is meaningless to her research ability. Research ability are commonly incorporated in the research outcome which in return represented by academic papers. Research grant says little about Pr. Thomas's research ability.[这个论据好好，我怎么没有想到，应该是paper决定成果哈！] In one extreme case, while an economic professor is able to write a exceptional valuable paper without any research grant while a aerospace physic professor can generate essentially[这个词可能不太恰当] nothing with huge grant if experiments fail.

Last but not least,[很口语话最好不要使用] any the [the 去掉]salary rise and promotion to Department Chairperson can not be isolated[not be isolated改成not isolate] from [from 去掉]other faculty members. Without comparisons of salaries of other faculty members and peer in other institution, claims about overpaid or underpaid salary are pointless. Similarly, without comparison with the research ability, teaching ability and leadership ability, the promotion is not prudent.[挺好的驳斥点]

In sum, invalid and incomplete evidence and information given is the report does not support the salary increase and promotion to Pr. Thomas. Further and correct evaluation is needed. 〔结尾的力量弱了一点点〕
1.驳斥点明确
2.论据很有力
3.部分语句可以再修改一下
4.部分驳斥点需要深入

cckantUID: 2247822

谢谢修改得那么详细，同时也道个歉，发现这阿狗实在是太多低级错误了。

ther than for being a good teaching 那句完整的应该是
“Rather than for being a good teacher, Pr. Tomas can have a large class size for many other reason."

查过了，有wage hike的用法，虽然用的最多的还是interest hike 和 minimum-wage hike

cckantUID: 2247822

ISSUE43
“to be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards. ”
how to define an effective leader------leadership
1.       convoking ability, get trust from people
   Hitler
2.       abiliy to get through important problems
Clinton
From other angle of view------persernanity
1.       kind,friendly
2.       high ethical and moral standareds
Zhou Enlai
all aspects consist of an effetive leader

whether a successful public official requires that a leader must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards? In my view, it is a complex issue to decide this argument is correct or wrong. We had better figure out the relationship between an effective official leader and ethical and moral standards.

In the political realm “the (scratched out)”(这个短语不错) excellent leadership is the most important and indispensable requirement. On one hand, good leadership in politics needs a person to have the ability to obtain political power and convoke people with loyalty around him/her.这个句子不错 One of the most notorious fascists, Hideki, the premier of Japan during 1941-1944 is a persuasive example which owned this kind of leadership. He propagandized jingoism and called for people all around the country to join in the invasive war to China under the name of showing fealty to emperor.由于是反面人物，建议来一个转折表达 He took the power of army and realized his dream of invasion to nearly ten countries in Asia. On the other hand, the ability to get through important problems is desired for predominant leadership. Clinton,  ex-president of the U.S., ended his political career with the highest prestige for a president. In his two tours of duty, he improved the peaceful process in Middle East and created the highest economical increase due to his effective economic policy. Even though he was impeached by the parliament, his grade of work from public was still sharp to seventy-three degree. Hence, for a political leader the leadership including power and working performance plays an overwhelming role over the ethical and moral standards. 应当点名Clinton 险遭弹劾是由于伦理问题

However, if a leader have some good personality such as friendliness, kindness, ethic, and morality except excellent leadership, his/her image in public will become more beautiful. These characteristics will help the officials obtain support from the multitude. His/her tour will be prolonged. Besides this advantage, leaders’ good personality including ethical and moral standards will create a comfortable environment for the people working around him. At the same time, they will be willing to assist “the (scratched out)” their leader to get through various problems effectively. The premier Zhou Enlai is the perfect representation with integrated personality. He won the hearts of people in China. His impression even spread oversea (internation的用法不正确). When he was gone, the UN condoled on his death with the method of – by lowering the flag in half height. Thereby, nice personalities add leaders’ admiration and respect from people.  如果把这段放在段二前，先让步再转折的话，感觉会更为紧扣题目一点

In conclusion, how to estimate an effective leader should evaluate whether he/she owns strong leadership competent to the job first. Actually speaking, the public focus more attention on the feat that the leaders achieve during the tenure. In my opinion, it is delight for us that they have those characteristics but they are not the crucial factor with regard to an effective leader.

Comment:
1. 有丰富的例子
2. 词汇丰富
3. 实例与内容联系得不太紧密，如何支持论据表示得不太明晰
4. 表达稍欠准确，有少少chin-english的痕迹，建议有时间的话多读GRE写作以外的外国原文。
5. 全文论点不太明晰，容易给人走题的感觉。展开不足，个人觉得leadership和effective leader在同一层次内，应着重展开，对于公务员，道德水平与领导力之间的关系。

[ 本帖最后由 cckant 于 2006-12-13 21:51 编辑 ]

cherryshawnUID: 2242691

我觉得你批得太好了。呵呵……我就是在犯这些错误，如果把两个正文段跌倒一下应该更加有说服力哈！我还有一些疑问？
个人觉得leadership和effective leader在同一层次内。这句话是什么意思？我的本意是想说：要成为一个effective leader最终要是要有leadership，a,获取信任b,解决问题的能力，而如果一个leader还有很好的personality的话他的工作会做得更好！
请将展开不足这个缺点上帮我指出应该改进的地方，谢谢了！:loveliness: :handshake

cckantUID: 2247822

leadership和effective leader在同一个层次的意思是，有leadership是成为effective leader的必要条件。获取信任，解决问题，好的personality等都是构成leadership的因素。
第二段基本上讲的是leadership，两个例子，日本鬼子那个讲的是坏人做得成功的方面，克林顿的裤链门事件也没有引伸到道德方面的讨论。如果这个是作为让步段的话没问题，可是，没有清楚的语句表明这是作让步的。那么，位于题目句子主句的morality就应该提及到。其实这两个都是很好的互补的例子，都说明了没有highest moral standard也可以成为effective leader，只是前面一个是是有害，后面一个无害。我说没有展开好的意思是，例子很好，但是没有很好的将例子联系到论点去，或者说，没有充分让例子服务于题目论证effective leader和morality的关系。

如果是我按照你思路写的话，或许会这样写:

第一个论点，作为leader，除了需要能获取信任，有解决问题的能力，好的personality等等，也需要有一定的道德标准。然后以鬼子的例子说明，它虽然很能获取下属和大众的信任，也很能干，但因为没有好的道德，以自己的野心驱使一个国家去入侵别人，给本国人和亚洲各国造成灾难，不是一个effective leader，因为一个 effective leader 除了需要领导人民行动，也需要能够领导人民用正确的方法寻找福祉，带领人民往正确的方向努力等等。

第二个论点，作为leader，如果有很高的道德标准，那么他的工作会更加顺利。比方说周总理，国内人民乃至联合国，世界各国的领导人都尊敬他。崇高的道德水平令他在国内多次的政治动乱中始终没有倒下，使得他可以在内政上和外交上克服很多困难顺利开展工作，成为一个effective leader.

第三个论点，可是，要成为Effective leader (ED) 也不一定要有"最高“的道德水平。克林顿没管好自己拉链，take advantage from his position, 违背婚姻承诺，家庭伦理等等，肯定不算能maintain the highest ethical and moral standards. 但是他任内八年，美国经济飞速发展，财政赤字消失，促进中东和平进程，成绩得到广大人民的认可，人民也没有追究他的错误，是一个ED。

其实如果是限时写的话，我也无法有清晰的思路。我思维比较跳跃，逻辑的连续性也是一个很大的问题。或许写多了养成习惯了会好点吧，大家一起努力!
Cheer up！

Kant

cherryshawnUID: 2242691

啊！我终于搞清楚了，呵呵……
今天看了一下范文，你的这种论证方法（因果论证）非常有效：            
第一个层次：why－－为什么出题者会赞成a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards
第二个层次：if……then……如果出题者观点成立的话，那么就会出现哪些错误
:handshake 感谢赐教，fighting！