Issue154 【CSMY作文互改小组】第一次作业, 欢迎来拍

lonixUID: 2202232

154"Bothparents and communities must be involved in the local schools.Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professionaleducators."
家长和社会都应该参与到当地的教育中来。教育太重要了，不能把教育单独交给一群专业的老师

• 教育的目的是培养孩子以后适应社会的能力，这不仅需要学校教育提供必备的专业技能，同时也需要家庭教育提供的为人处世经验，更需要社会提供的道德素质、价值观念的培养。要三方面合作，而不仅仅是专业老师的事情。
• 首先，孩子的培养要注重学校教育以此来提供孩子将来步入社会所必备的专业技能；
• 其次，孩子的培养更需要家庭教育来教会他们如何做人出世，辨别是非；
• 再次，孩子的培养需要社会自己来约束和规范，以便他们能形成良好的道德素质和价值观念。
• 孩子的教育需要学校、家庭和社会的共同完成，忽视任一方面都会导致不可预知的问题。比如说过重的学校教育以及古板的教育体制可能会导致学生创造能力匮乏，思想呆滞，尽信书本的东西而不具有怀疑精神。轻视和完全忽视家庭教育会导致孩子心态的扭曲，不懂人情世故。担心孩子沾染社会不良风气，让孩子远离社会现状会让孩子不能形成正确的人生观和世界观，不具备该有的道德素质。

words: 578                   date: 2006-12-31
Iagree with the speaker's assertion that education should be involvingboth parents' and communities' effect rather than leaving it solelyto a group of professional educators. Furthermore, I concede that theprimary purpose of education at any level should arrive at developingthe basic skills for one to accommodate to society, for one toaccumulate experience of associating with people, and for one tocultivate ethics and philosophy.


To begin with, it is of significance for every children, even from theirborn, to have a fairly good education provided by schools. This education can supply hosts of fundamental skills that would helpchildren to become fraught with capability of well accommodating themselves to society. Even not for this capability, at least they should acquaint themselves with the trend of society's development and know what they should do. Furthermore, the function of existing school education lies not only on providing children with abundant knowledge to assist them to realize their individual reality but alsoon delivering them with prepared methods used to solve the socialproblems. School education, as it is thought, can also transform children from vastly different backgrounds into competent, upwardly mobile adults. Although those goals seem almost impossible to attain,the school actually has shaped the society a lot. So I concede that by providing good school education, both children and society can dearly stand to benefit.


When admitting the importance of school education, family education, which acts as a very vital portion in children's early education, should not been neglected. As is well known that parents as the abecedarians should have direct influence on their children. Therefore, it is responsible for parents to have good manners and behaviors before children. Before children cultivate their own opinions, they always do what their parents expect and imitate what their parents do. If the parents themselves don't know how to contact with people, and be unaware of their actions before children, their children will suffer a lot from it that they cannot handle well the interpersonal relationship in whatsoever work. Such lost ability of interacting with others would result in depression, dysfunction, and even psychological illness. As those problems are accumulating and exacerbating to a certain extent, they will undermine the society's development. Therefore parents should pay more attention to their children's family education.


The ultimate aim of education is to cultivating children and at lastbring them to society, so at the time we indulge ourselves in school education and family education, there is pressing necessity that weshould make our best to improve social regulation to guarantee fairly good society education. The growth of a children would be unhealthy if the children are isolated from the society. They take gratitudes of communities activities to satisfy their own expectation that theywill be more suitable and competent to the society. However, the society bounded with numerous crafty and cheat will unavoidably affect a children's growth, but good respects will suppress the bad ones and help children establish correctethics and philosophy, which will in turn make great contribution to the society.


To sum up, in order to help children grow healthily, we should pay our attention  to school education, family education, and even society education. Only On integrating this three aspects together, the children can acquire basic social skills and healthy ethics, the prerequisite conditions of which can accommodate them better to the society. The society would therefore benefit a lot from them.

[ 本帖最后由 lonix 于 2006-12-31 21:29 编辑 ]

leonardowangUID: 2285975

Iagree with the speaker'sassertion that education should be involving (-ed被动) both parents' andcommunities' effect rather than leaving it(把leaving it 换成left) solelyto a group ofprofessional educators. Furthermore, I concede(concede有让步的意思，用在这里是否妥当？) that theprimary purposeof education at any level should arrive at developingthe basic skillsfor one to accommodate to society, for one toaccumulate experience ofassociating with people, and for one tocultivate ethics and philosophy.


To begin with, it is ofsignificance for every children, even from theirborn(birth), to have a fairlygood education provided by schools.(学校不是一出生就上的) This education can supply hosts offundamental skills that would helpchildren to become fraught withcapability of well accommodating themselves to society. Even not forthis capability, at least they should acquaint themselves with thetrend of society's development and know what they should do.Furthermore, the function of existing school education lies not only onproviding children with abundant knowledge to assist them to realizetheir individual reality but alsoon delivering them with preparedmethods used to solve the socialproblems. School education, as it isthought, can also transform children from vastly different backgroundsinto competent, upwardly mobile adults. Although those goals seemalmost impossible to attain,the school actually has shaped the societya lot. So I concede that by providing good school education, bothchildren and society can dearly stand to benefit.
这一段让我感觉比较抽象, 句子都很长,但意思有一定重复.如果有用较具体的例子或者解释,则更易理解

When admitting theimportance of school education, family education, which acts as a veryvital portion in children's early education, should not been neglected.As is well known that parents as the abecedarians should have directinfluence on their children. Therefore, it is responsible for parentsto have good manners and behaviors before children. Before childrencultivate their own opinions, they always do what their parents expectand imitate what their parents do. If the parents themselves don't knowhow to contact with people, and be（are) unaware of their actions beforechildren, their children will suffer a lot from it that they cannothandle well the interpersonal relationship in whatsoever work.（有点夸张了吧，交际能力不一定只从父母处学来） Suchlost ability of interacting with others would result in depression,dysfunction, and even psychological illness. As those problems areaccumulating and exacerbating to a certain extent, they will underminethe society's development. Therefore parents should pay more attentionto their children's family education.


The ultimate aim ofeducation is to cultivating children and at lastbring them to society（这只是必然的结果，不能算目标）,so at the time we indulge ourselves in school education and familyeducation, there is pressing necessity that weshould make our best toimprove social regulation to guarantee fairly good society education.The growth of a children would be unhealthy if the children areisolated from the society. They take gratitudes of （这个用法没有查到，不太确定）communitiesactivities to satisfy their own expectation that theywill be moresuitable and competent to the society. However, the society boundedwith numerous crafty and cheat will unavoidably affect a children'sgrowth, but good respects will suppress the bad ones and help childrenestablish correctethics and philosophy, which will in turn make greatcontribution to the society.


To sum up, in order to helpchildren grow healthily, we should pay our attention  to schooleducation, family education, and even society education. Only Onintegrating this three aspects together, the children can acquire basicsocial skills and healthy ethics, the prerequisite conditions of whichcan accommodate them better to the society. The society would thereforebenefit a lot from them.

作者在文中运用了丰富的词汇和句式,内容充实,虽然也是写3方面缺一不可,但是切入点比较新颖——涉及教育与社会的关系，看到了自己的差距阿
这篇文章的观点给我的整体感觉是教育目的有点迁就社会的意思，如果稍稍体现下教育的独立精神，感觉更全面

lonixUID: 2202232

谢谢leonardowang 的修改，确实我的着眼点就是太注重教育的目的就是服务社会这一点了，这一点可能会导致我偏而不全，主要是我自己对教育的看法还不够深入，也就导致了这方面的原因吧。

DIDOROSEUID: 2183292

Iagree with the speaker's assertion that education should be involving（involve）both parents' and communities' effect rather than leaving it(left) solelyto a group of professional educators. Furthermore, I concede that (it is not proper for concede)theprimary purpose of education at any level should arrive at developingthe basic skills for one to accommodate to society, for one toaccumulate experience of associating with people, and for one tocultivate ethics and philosophy. To begin with, it is of significance for every children, even from theirborn, (ever since them born.”born”is not a noun)to have a fairly good education provided by schools. This education can supply hosts of fundamental skills that would helpchildren to become fraught with (sounds improper for people, when it used in person maybe the meaning should be anxious)capability of well accommodating themselves to society. Even not for this capability, at least they should acquaint themselves with the trend of society's development and know what they should do. Furthermore,(may change with in addition for some variation) the function of existing school education lies not only on providing children with abundant knowledge to assist them to realize their individual reality but also on delivering them with prepared methods used to solve the socialproblems. School education, as it is thought, can also transform children from vastly different backgrounds into competent, upwardly mobile adults. Although those goals seem almost impossible to attain,the school actually has shaped the society a lot. So I concede that by providing good school education, both children and society can dearly stand to benefit.(this paragraph state the benefit of school, somehow off the point, because the argument is not the necessarity of the school)When(While) admitting the importance of school education, family education, which acts as a very vital portion in children's early education, should not been neglected. As is well known that parents as the abecedarians(I don’t understand what this means) should have direct influence on their children. Therefore, it is responsible for(the noun after for is the one that should pay responsibility toward, so may be u should change into “it is a responsibility for parents to ~~”) parents to have good manners and behaviors before children. Before children cultivate their own opinions, they always do what their parents expect and imitate what their parents do. If the parents themselves don't know how to contact with people,(this is not what u really mean, how to communicate with people efficiently) and be unaware of their actions before children, their children will suffer a lot from it that they cannot handle well the interpersonal relationship in whatsoever work. Such lost ability of interacting with others would result in depression, dysfunction, and even psychological illness. As those problems are accumulating and exacerbating to a certain extent, they will undermine the society's development. Therefore parents should pay more attention to their children's family education.(the rest of this paragraph overstate the consequence)The ultimate aim of education is to cultivating children and at lastbring them to society, (prepare them for society)so at the time we indulge ourselves in(that’s a negative phrase, devote to is better) school education and family education, there is pressing necessity that weshould make our best to improve social regulation to guarantee fairly good society education. The growth of a children would be unhealthy if the children are isolated from the society. They take gratitudes of communities activities to satisfy their own expectation that theywill be more suitable and competent to the society. However, the society bounded with numerous crafty and cheat will unavoidably affect a children's growth, but good respects will suppress the bad ones and help children establish correctethics and philosophy, which will in turn make great contribution to the society. (总觉得你的说法很过，but good respects will suppress the bad ones这一句，可能扯远了)我觉得你审题有问题，题目是说要不要INVOLVE IN SCHOOL EDUCATION，比如学校课程和社会实践结合，家长与老师交流等等，但是你始终在分开说To sum up, in order to help children grow healthily, we should pay our attention  to school education, family education, and even society education. Only On integrating this three aspects together, the children can acquire basic social skills and healthy ethics, the prerequisite conditions of which can accommodate them better to the society. The society would therefore benefit a lot from them.

我觉得写的不错，比我好多了，做为第一篇就能逼这么多字出来不容易啊
我就挑点骨头了
希望互相加油咯^_^

lonixUID: 2202232

通过大家的修改，我发现我自己对论点的分析不透彻。
以后一定多多思考！