issue17 【0706G-自由女神作文互改小组】mh1988的第二次作业。

mh1988UID: 2189586

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
WORDS: 599          TIME:         DATE: 2007-1-5
提纲：
1．   法律的公正与否是由人来判定。然而事物综究是两面性的，任何一条法律对一部分人公平必然对另一部分人不公平。所以法律的公平不应该由个人判断，否则法律就失去其目的。
2．   法律应当被遵守，否则法律就失去其尊严而形同虚设。
3．   如果法律中存在明显错误，那么也应该通过立法机关来修改。
     In mordern society,as a symbol of justice,the law plays an important role in every corner,guiding and controlling all the people's behaviors,guaranteeing the stability of the society,so every one should follow it.However,still are there flaws existing that render the law seem not just for some people.When facing such problems,what should we do?In my view,if some rules of the law were only unjust for some part of people and not against the moral criteria of society,then there is no reason to disobey it.But if it violated the whole society's benefits or the basic mores,it is time to fix or cancel it.

     Though the justice or injustice of a law depends on people's judgement,it is impossible for persons to judge it.The peple's judgement mentioned here concerns about the whole society and all the people,and can not be simply considered as a judgement that made by some or majority of the people in the society,but the criteria that all the people in the society admit and follow.Even though there exists such criteria in the law,it is impossible to make every single rule to be just to all the people. Everything has its two sides,including the law,which is just for some persons and must be unjust for others.The different people in the different positions will see the different views.If every one acts depending on his/her own judegement to the law,there is no law in this world.

      The Law,as rules that are made to govern our society and guarrentee our peaceful and regular life, should  be obeyed.It is like a game.A game can proceed smoothly because every one plays in the game following its rules.If every one plays in his/her own way without following rules,the game would not exist.The game is the rules.The law in the society is the same way.If every one judgeed the injustice of the law and followed his/her judgement,disobeying or resisiting the unjust law,there will be no laws and furthermore society will disppear,the whole world exising in the total disorder.Though everyone has responsibility to obey the law,it is unquestionable that there exists something wrong in it.What should we do with them?

      Everything is not perfect.Though the law is our disciplines of the society life,it still needs to be modified.The way to fix the law is some like the way to fix the rules of the game.When some one in the game finds some rules of the game flawed,he/she should argue his/her opinions with other players of the gameIf the modification is acceptted by the others, the new rules works.In our society,it is the responsibility of the legislator to find such flaws and modify them.If it is reasonable,the people  will accept and follow it.However,in the history some laws were unreaonable ,brutal and violating humanity,like the laws that discriminated the blackmen in theUnited States and allowed Nazi to murder the Judeans.These just wear a coat with a sign named "law",not only  the law we should not follow but the one that we should endeavor to resist.

      The law is not just a tool to ensure the stability of the society but also the weapon for us to protect ourselves.Obeying the law is our responsibility of a member of the society.Though some time it seems unjust for some person,it should always be remembered that it benefits all the people.

[ 本帖最后由 mh1988 于 2007-1-6 11:12 编辑 ]

mh1988UID: 2189586

迄今为止第一篇issue成文，希望大家猛拍。

mh1988UID: 2189586

1The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."


1.      “Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. ”该论据无法说明当地人们过着healthy lives.有很多其他可能性导致运动物品的销售热。即便人们对运动很感兴趣，但这并不能代表他们就会买健康食品。
2.       当地健身俱乐部的生意比以往都好并不能代表很多人对运动感兴趣。人们参加健身俱乐部的目的可能不完全是为了健身。生意比以往好也并不代表参加运动的人就很多，也不代表健康生活的人多。
3.       对下一代消费者的期待也是无稽之谈。


2The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."

1.犯了”after this,then because of this”的错误。对建筑外部的整体规划并不一定是该地区房价上涨的决定因素。很多其他方面的条件可能起决定作用。该城镇的地理位置等。
2.即使文章中所述情况属实，作者同样犯了错误类比的错误。两个城镇有太多的不同。在那成功的经验在这里不一定成功。


3The following appeared in a newspaper article about law firms in the city of Megalopolis.

"In Megalopolis, the number of law school graduates who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years, whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Even though large firms usually offer much higher salaries, law school graduates are choosing to work for the smaller firms most likely because they experience greater job satisfaction at smaller firms. In a survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work."

提纲：
1.作者未提供任何证据表明到小公司上班就能得到更大的满足。
2.进入大公司的人员减少，并非学生们不愿到大公司工作，而是大公司对法律专业的学生需求降低导致进入大公司的工作的学生数量减少。
3.对大一学生的调查并不具代表性。
4.即使真的是人们不愿到大公司来工作，作者所提出的改进意见也并非合理的。


4The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."
1.       Adames雇员数量上的优势并不一定代表它会提供比Fitch更好的服务。
2.       Adames收入多同样不能代表它的服务比Fitch的好，文中所列述举并不能说明任何问题。
3.       证明房屋销售所举的例子由于时间上的差异失去了意义。
5The following appeared in the business section of a newspaper.

"Given that the number of people in our country with some form of arthritis is expected to rise from 40 million to 60 million over the next twenty years, pharmaceutical companies that produce drugs for the treatment of arthritis should be very profitable. Many analysts believe that in ten years Becton Pharmaceuticals, which makes Xenon, the best-selling drug treatment for arthritis, will be the most profitable pharmaceutical company. But the patent on Xenon expires in three years, and other companies will then be able to produce a cheaper version of the drug. Thus, it is more likely that in ten years the most profitable pharmaceutical company will be Perkins Pharmaceuticals, maker of a new drug called Xylan, which clinical studies show is preferred over Xenon by seven out of ten patients suffering from the most extreme cases of arthritis."
1.      文章基于一个病人增加的假设，然而没给出任何证据证明这种假设会成立。
2.       尽管前一家公司的药品专利快到期，并不代表该公司没有其他新药问世，而且同样畅销。
3.       作者提供的关于第二家公司的产品疗效更好的例子，样本太小不具备说服力。而且该药的效果是对most extreme cases of arthritis有效，并不代表对所有病例都有很好的疗效。

6The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
1.      the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away虽然证明当地市场可以归作者所有，然而同样证明当地市场应该是很萧条，否则怎会没人进驻？
2.       众多人数参加当地的Monroe's jazz festival并不代表当地人都是Jazz fans，几个歌星同样无法证明。
3.       错误类比。全国范围的调查并不一定对该地区适用。

hemaUID: 2190745

帮你改了，看看吧
     In modern society, as a symbol of justice, the law plays an important role in every corner, guiding and restricts all the people's behaviors, （control改为restrict感觉会好点）guarantees the stability of the society, so every one should follow it. However, still are there flaws existing that render the laws seem not just for some people. When facing such problems, what should we do? In my view, if some rules of the law are only unjust for some part of people and not against the moral criteria of society , then there is no reason to disobey it. But if it violated the whole society's benefits or the basic mores, it is time to fix or cancel it.(control改为restrict感觉会好点,整段总体写的不错，比较全面表达作者的总体观点，只是有些细节上的问题例如词的拼写和语法有待改善)

     Though the justice or injustice of a law depends on people's judgment, it is impossible for people to judge it.（persons用得感觉不好，改为people，虽然会有点重复）The people's judgment mentioned here concerns about the whole society and all the people, it can not be simply considered as a judgment that made by some or majority of the people in the society, but the criteria that all the people in the society admit and follow. Even though there exists such criteria in the law, it is impossible to make every single rule that can be just to all the people.(用that句型个人感觉好点) Everything has its two sides, including the law, which is just for some persons and might be unjust for others.（用might语气，没有must强烈）Different people in the different positions will see the different views. If every one acts depending on his/her own judgment to the law, there is no law in this world.（标红的这句话感觉挺不错，作者的逻辑挺好）

      The Laws, as rules that are made to govern our society and guarantee our peaceful and regular life, should  be obeyed. It is like a game. A game can proceed smoothly because every one playing in the game follows its rules. If every one plays in his/her own way without following rules, the game would not exist. The game is the rules. The law in the society is the same way.(这里有问题，怪怪的，游戏是规则，这种表达不好) If every one judged the injustice of the law and followed his/her judgment, disobeys or resists the unjust law, there will be no laws and furthermore society will disappear, the whole world would exist in the total disorder. Though everyone has responsibility to obey the law, but if it is unquestionable that there exists something wrong in, what should we do with them?(句子意思表达有问题，这段写的是我们不能服从不公平的法律)

      Everything is not perfect. Though the law is our disciplines of the society life, it still needs to be modified. The way to fix the law is some like the way to fix the rules of the game. When some one in the game finds some rules of the game flawed, he/she should argue his/her opinions with other players of the game, If the modification is accepted by the others, the new rules work. In our society ,it is the responsibility of the legislator to find such flaws and modify them. If it is reasonable, the people  will accept and follow it. However, in the history some laws were unreasonable, brutal and violating humanity, like the laws that discriminated the Blackman in the United States and allowed Nazi to murder the Judeans. These just wear a coat with a sign named "law", not only we should not follow it but also we should endeavor to resist it.

      The law is not just a tool to ensure the stability of the society but also the weapon for us to protect ourselves. Obeying the law is our responsibility of a member of the society. Though some time it seems unjust for some person, it should always be remembered that it benefits all the people.(感觉最后结尾段没有把作者的意图点清楚，没有和前文很好地对应)

文章总体感觉挺不错的，作为第一篇issue，我觉得很好，加油！
郁闷，为什么我就想不到这么多呢？还是不会写，不过看了妳的文章我还是很有启发，我也要加油

nujnujoahzUID: 2287893

1．   法律的公正与否是由人来判定。然而事物综究是两面性的，任何一条法律对一部分人公平必然对另一部分人不公平。所以法律的公平不应该由个人判断，否则法律就失去其目的。
2．   法律应当被遵守，否则法律就失去其尊严而形同虚设。
3．   如果法律中存在明显错误，那么也应该通过立法机关来修改。(这点写的很好,确实言之有理)
     In mordern society,as a symbol of justice,the law plays an important role in every corner,guiding and controlling all the people's behaviors,guaranteeing the stability of the society,so every one should follow(用obey好,我感觉) it.However,still are there flaws existing that render the law seem not just for some people.When facing such problems,what should we do?In my view,if some rules of the law were only unjust for some part of people and not against the moral criteria of society,then there is no reason to disobey it.But if it violated the whole society's benefits or the basic mores,it is time to fix or cancel it.

     Though the justice or injustice of a law depends on people's judgement,it is impossible for persons(individuals) to judge it.The peple's judgement mentioned here concerns about the whole society and all the people,and can not be simply considered as a judgement that made by some or majority of the people in the society,but the criteria that all the people in the society admit and follow.Even though there exists such criteria in the law,it is impossible to make every single rule to be just to all the people. Everything has its two sides,including the law,which is just for some persons and must be unjust for others.The different people in the different positions will see( hold)the different views.If every one acts depending on his/her own judegement to the law,there is no law in this world.

      The Law,as rules that are made to govern our society and guarrentee our peaceful and regular life, should  be obeyed.It is like a game.A game can proceed smoothly because every one plays in the game following its rules.If every one plays in his/her own way without following rules,the game would not exist.The game is the rules.The law in the society is the same way.If every one judgeed the injustice of the law and followed his/her judgement,disobeying or resisiting the unjust law,there will be no laws and furthermore society will disppear,the whole world exising in the total disorder.Though everyone has responsibility to obey the law,it is unquestionable that there exists something wrong in it.What should we do with them?

      Everything is not perfect.Though the law is our disciplines of the society life,it still needs to be modified.The way to fix the law is some like the way to fix the rules of the game.When some one in the game finds some rules of the game flawed,he/she should argue his/her opinions with other players of the gameIf the modification is acceptted by the others, the new rules works.In our society,it is the responsibility of the legislator to find such flaws and modify them.If it is reasonable,the people  will accept and follow it.However,in the history some laws were unreaonable ,brutal and violating humanity,like the laws that discriminated the blackmen in theUnited States and allowed Nazi to murder the Judeans.These just(just laws) wear a coat with a sign named "law",这句不错哦not only  the law we should not(去掉) follow but the one that we should endeavor to resist.

      The law is not just a tool to ensure the stability of the society but also the weapon for us to protect ourselves.Obeying the law is our responsibility of a member of the society.Though some time it seems unjust for some person,it should always be remembered that it benefits all the people.

MM,写的不错,很有条理,你应该是完全在AWP上写的
我是参考了很多资料,并且抄了一些在我的文章中,下回应该完全脱离资料.
我感觉这样写,这样的文章很不错.

我们都认识,我就直接说缺点了
1.每段段首我感觉应该有一些明显的副词或者其他词表明一段的开始
这样让人感觉很分明象admittedly,however,firstly,放在前面就很舒服
2.题目是两段话:1)法律可以分成just 和unjust  2)我们应该遵守just,不遵守unjust
所以我们在开头段应该分别回答这两个问题,才好,感觉你开头的地方应该清晰的回答这些问题,同时就表明了自己的观点.然后在正文中分别阐述.
3.提纲中"如果法律中存在明显错误，那么也应该通过立法机关来修改"好象没有体现

[ 本帖最后由 nujnujoahz 于 2007-1-6 22:06 编辑 ]

salfordUID: 2285528

In mordern society,as a symbol of justice,the law plays an important role in every corner,guiding and controlling all the people's behaviors,guaranteeing the stability of the society,so every one should follow it.However,still are there flaws existing that render the law seem not just for some people.When facing such problems,what should we do?In my view,if some rules of the law were only unjust for some part of people and not against the moral criteria (需要提到道德标准吗？法律和道德是两个不同的范畴） of society,then there is no reason to disobey it.But if it violated the whole society's benefits or the basic mores,it is time to fix or cancel it.

     Though the justice or injustice of a law depends on people's judgement,it is impossible for persons to judge it.The peple （people's）'s judgement mentioned here concerns about the whole society and all the people,and can not be simply considered as a judgement that made by some or majority of the people in the society,but the criteria that all the people in the society admit and follow.Even though there exists such criteria in the law,it is impossible to make every single rule to be just to all the people. Everything has its two sides,including the law,which is just for some persons and must be unjust for others.The different people in the different positions will see the different views.If every one acts depending on his/her own judegement to the law,there is no law in this world.

      The Law,as rules that are made to govern our society and guarrentee our peaceful and regular life, should  be obeyed.It is like a game.A game can proceed smoothly because every one plays in the game following its rules.If every one plays in his/her own way without following rules,the game would not exist.The game is the rules.The law in the society is the same way.If every one judgeed the injustice of the law and followed his/her judgement,disobeying or resisiting the unjust law,there will be no laws and furthermore society will disppear,the whole world exising in the total disorder.Though everyone has responsibility to obey the law,it is unquestionable that there exists something wrong in it.What should we do with them?

      Everything is not perfect.Though the law is our disciplines of the society life,it still needs to be modified.The way to fix the law is some like the way to fix the rules of the game.When some one in the game finds some rules of the game flawed,he/she should argue his/her opinions with other players of the gameIf the modification is acceptted by the others, the new rules works.In our society,it is the responsibility of the legislator to find such flaws and modify them.If it is reasonable,the people  will accept and follow it.However,in the history some laws were unreaonable ,brutal and violating humanity,like the laws that discriminated the blackmen in theUnited States and allowed Nazi to murder the Judeans.These just wear a coat with a sign named "law",not only  the law we should not follow but the one that we should endeavor to resist.

      The law is not just a tool to ensure the stability of the society but also the weapon for us to protect ourselves.Obeying the law is our responsibility of a member of the society.Though some time it seems unjust for some person,it should always be remembered that it benefits all the people.

这是你的第一篇，写得很不错哦，句子变化，用词都很恰当哦。

mh1988UID: 2189586

建议楼上的字号写大点，很难看清