issue99 （大杀四方）第二次作业，求拍

king888UID: 2285811

Issue99 In any realm of life—whether academic, social, business, or political—the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superseded by simpler, more immediate options.
Time;90 minutes       word;597

1; 理想主义和现实主义同样重要，他们有时候互相矛盾，但如果处理得好，会相互补充的
2；理想主义的重要，没有理想主义，世界将变得枯燥，没有生气，如Van Gogh and George Washington.
3; 现实主义的重要，光有理想会导致最终的失败，Owen 的例子
4，综述理想主义和现实主义的重要性，Franklin
5; 结尾。

The discussion of the highly controversial issue among that only taking a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view can lead to the way to succeed. Just what is the dangerous about the tendency? The devotion to feelings enables to disperse quickly with judgments. It would be tempting to support the speaker’s claim that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival in the abstract, but further reflection tells me that it ignores many practical aspects and the potential harm they can inflict on the road to the success outweighs its benefit. Both practical and idealistic points of view are critical to not only individuals’ success in their personal life, but also the society’s well-being and develop and an all-sided consideration is needed when making the precedent.

On one hand, the idealistic point of view gives us the opportunity to imagine which let we think the sun everyday rising up is different. Without idealistic imagine, we would rigid in the practical world and would fine ourselves bogged down in the Sargasso Sea of practical behaviors. Van Gogh is mentioned to be the classic example in the point, he created impressionism on painting, which is the representative of the idealistic point of view, and he had pursued his faiths and ideas until he could not pick up a pencil. without Van Gogh’s great idealistic imagine, were we not to enjoy the greatness of the art. Another example is George Washington, who played a key role in the Revolutionary War between America and British, yet it is the same general who said the ideal that all the world denizens should abhor the war whenever they may find it. Thus, the idealistic point of view is critical for the society as a whole to develop and individuals as personal life to success.

On the other hand, the practical point of view is also important to enable our society survival. Only ideal and there isn’t practical actions would lead to collapse of the dream and failure in the end. Robert Owen, the idealist believed that in the perfect world, all people are born equally, no wars and hungry exist, thus no information needs to be hided, just as the Utopia. He once tried his best to realize his Utopia idealist, but shortly after he habited in the Indiana with some people who shared the some faith, they failed and consumed all of their money. This deed cogently expressed that practical actions are critical to guarantee the society survival.

So, there are countless ways of attaining success, but any road to reaching one’s maximum potential must be built on the bedrock of the brave idealistic of point of view which makes sure the faith and ideas you try you best to pursuit and the practical point of view which guarantees survival of the idea. F. D. Franklin, the president of the US, he ran for the president with the idealistic promise of a New Deal for the American people. But with His practical administration marked by relief programs, measures to increase the employments and assist industrial and agricultural recovery from the Big Depression. At last, he succeeded and he led the country out of the Great Depression with in the help of idealistic and practical point of view.

All in all, we, as individuals and members of the society, have to realize the significant potential contribution that both idealist and practical points of view which can compliment each other if handle properly are critical to reaching the success, though they may undermine one another. As the backup force of society, we need to look for a balance between the idealistic and the practical points of view.

[ 本帖最后由 king888 于 2007-1-7 12:26 编辑 ]

0o0o_zsmUID: 2213544

先占位，明天就来改，现在去睡觉了

princaUID: 2263271

issue99 （大杀四方）第二次作业，求拍
Issue99 In any realm of life—whether academic, social, business, or political—the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superseded by simpler, more immediate options.
Time;90 minutes       word;597
1; 理想主义和现实主义同样重要，他们有时候互相矛盾，但如果处理得好，会相互补充的
2；理想主义的重要，没有理想主义，世界将变得枯燥，没有生气，如Van Gogh and George Washington.
3; 现实主义的重要，光有理想会导致最终的失败，Owen 的例子
4，综述理想主义和现实主义的重要性，Franklin
5; 结尾。
The discussion of the highly controversial issue among that only taking a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view can lead to the way to succeed. Just what is the dangerous about the tendency? The devotion to feelings enables [前面的主语是feelings吧? 那就是enable]to disperse quickly with judgments[判断是抽象名词, 不可数地吧. Judgment].[这句话的中文意思是啥?是想表达: feeling会被判读力很快的驱散?] It would be tempting to support the speaker’s claim that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival in the abstract, but further reflection tells me that it ignores many practical aspects and the potential harm they [they代表harm的话, 是否用对了代词?] can inflict on the road to the success outweighs its benefit. Both practical and idealistic points of view are critical to not only individuals’ success in their personal life, but also the society’s well-being and develop [两个and这么紧凑. 三个分段是否表示同一个意思那? 我怎么感觉最后一段是另一个意思了? 是否可以这样: but also the society’s well-being, development. As an all-sided consideration is also needed when…]and an all-sided consideration is needed when making the precedent.[开头表明了你的意思, 写的也很深奥.]
On one hand, the idealistic point of view gives us the opportunity to imagine which let we think the sun everyday rising up is different[很简单的想法引出理想主义的主旨. 不错!]. Without idealistic imagine, we would rigid in the practical world and would fine ourselves bogged down in the Sargasso Sea of practical behaviors[比喻用的很动人. 让我都有些看不懂了.嘿嘿]. Van Gogh is mentioned to be the classic example in the point, he created impressionism on painting, which is the representative of the idealistic point of view, and he had pursued his faiths and ideas until he could not pick up a pencil. without [大写Without]Van Gogh’s great idealistic imagine, were we not to enjoy the greatness of the art[这句用过去时?还是用现在时好些?强调对现在的影响力?]. Another example is George Washington, who played a key role in the Revolutionary War between America and British, yet it is the same general who said the ideal that all the world denizens should abhor the war whenever they may find it. Thus, the idealistic point of view is critical for the society as a whole to develop and individuals as personal life to success. [例子恰当, 结尾句扣题]
On the other hand, the practical point of view is also important to enable our society survival. Only ideal and there isn’t practical actions [actions和之前的be动词要一致]would lead to collapse of the dream and failure in the end. Robert Owen, the idealist believed that in the perfect world, all people are born equally, no wars and hungry exist, thus no information needs to be hided, just as the Utopia. He once tried his best to realize his Utopia idealist, but shortly after he habited in the Indiana with some people who shared the some faith, they failed and consumed all of their money[这个事件不晓得, 给我讲讲吧. 至少如果我不知道这个事件, 看你这么写, 没觉得和你的本段思想有什么联系.]. This deed cogently expressed that practical actions are critical to guarantee the society survival. [此段的结尾句也采取了和第一段类似的方式, 显然是50%50%的做法.扣题!]
So, there are countless ways of attaining success, but any road to reaching one’s maximum potential must be built on the bedrock of the brave idealistic of point of view which makes sure the faith and ideas you try you best [your best] to pursuit and the practical point of view which guarantees survival of the idea[这个长句显然用的恰到好处.我要学习]. [是否加个连词会更好, 比如For instance, or sth else] F. D. Franklin, the president of the US, he ran for the president with the idealistic promise of a New Deal for the American people. But with His practical administration marked by relief programs, measures to increase the employments and [去掉and, 换逗号]assist industrial and agricultural recovery from the Big Depression. At last, he succeeded and he [重复he]led the country out of the Great Depression with in the help of idealistic and practical point of view.
All in all, we, as individuals and members of the society, have to realize the significant potential contribution that both idealist and practical points of view which can compliment each other if handle properly are critical to reaching the success, though they may undermine one another. As the backup force of society, we need to look for a balance between the idealistic and the practical points of view. [结尾两句也很到位, 说明了作者的观点. 相辅相成, 但却又要平衡好.]
[总结:
1. 好文, 比我认识题目要深. 而且用词很vary.
2. 从结构来讲, 50%50%的效果达到了, 衔接的也很简单平滑. 不过看过一篇范文, 也是five five构思, 但结构是这样的: 先说1好, 然后说1不好很短, 自然过渡到2好, 然后2的缺点, 自然引出结尾, 要1,2 兼顾且平衡.
3. 闪光长句用的很好, 我要多运用. 能否交流一下关于长句的应用. 我学会了in the point的用法.嘿嘿.
4. 都是一点儿微见. ^_^]

0o0o_zsmUID: 2213544

The discussion of the highly controversial issue among that only taking a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view can lead to the way to succeed（很不错的paraphase，值得我学习）. Just what is the dangerous about the tendency? The devotion to feelings enables to disperse quickly with judgments（感情用事不好？不理解放在这里是什么意思）. It would be tempting to(这个小让步的句型不错，背过) support the speaker’s claim that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival in the abstract, but further reflection tells me that it ignores many practical aspects and the potential harm they can inflict on the road to the success outweighs its benefit. Both practical and idealistic points of view are critical to not only individuals’ success in their personal life, but also the society’s well-being and develop（development）and(感觉此处用and逻辑上不是很合理) an all-sided consideration is needed when making the precedent.

On one hand, the idealistic point of view gives us the opportunity to imagine which let we think the sun everyday rising up is different. Without idealistic imagine（imagination,是不是与idealistic有重复之嫌）, we would rigid in the practical world and would fine（find）ourselves bogged down in the Sargasso Sea of practical behaviors. Van Gogh is mentioned to be the classic example in the point（这句话作过渡不错）, he created impressionism on painting, which is the representative of the idealistic point of view, and he had pursued his faiths and ideas until he could not pick up a pencil. Without Van Gogh’s great idealistic imagine, were we not to enjoy the greatness of the art（语法错了吧were sb to do是if句型的省略倒装式）. Another example is George Washington, who played a key role in the Revolutionary War between America and British, yet it is the same general who said the ideal that all the world denizens should abhor the war whenever they may find it. Thus, the idealistic point of view is critical for the society as a whole to develop and individuals as personal life to success.On the other hand, the practical point of view is also important to enable our society survival.

Only ideal（idea） and there isn’t practical actions would lead to collapse of the dream and failure in the end（语法？两个谓语）. Robert Owen, the idealist believed that in the perfect world, all people are born equally, no wars and hungry exist, thus no information needs to be hided, just as the Utopia. He once tried his best to realize his Utopia idealist, but shortly after he habited in the Indiana with some people who shared the some faith, they failed and consumed all of their money. This deed cogently expressed（还是用suggest，point out, indicate之类的好吧） that practical actions are critical to guarantee the society survival.

So（与上段有因果关系吗）, there are countless ways of attaining success, but any road to reaching one’s maximum potential must be built on the bedrock of the brave idealistic of（省of） point of view which makes sure the faith and ideas you try you best to pursuit（pursue）and the practical point of view which guarantees survival of the idea. F. D. Franklin（应该是Franklin. D. Roosevelt吧）, the president of the US, he ran for the president with the idealistic promise of a New Deal for the American people. But with His practical administration marked by relief programs, measures to increase the employments and assist industrial and agricultural recovery from the Big Depression. At last, he succeeded and he led the country out of the Great Depression with in（省in） the help of （你看这里加上the combination of这一含义的词是不是更好些） idealistic and practical point of view.（这段的例子用得挺贴切的，而且描述得也很好）

All in all, we, as individuals and members of the society, have to realize the significant potential contribution that both idealist and practical points of view which can compliment each other if handle properly are critical to reaching the success, though they may undermine one another. As the backup force of society, we need to look for a balance between the idealistic and the practical points of view.
（对于结尾我的看法是：你表达了两层意思--两者可以互补以及我们应该从中找出平衡点，我觉得表达的都是第三个TS的意思，没能表达一二段的意思）

总体感觉你的文章语法错误挺多的，希望你能注意。不过从例证上来说你的文章还是很出色的，因为例子挺丰富的而且范围也挺广的，而我每次写作总苦于想不出合适的例子55555555~~~~~~~~
其他嘛鉴于水平问题只是帮你改出了些小错误，提了点小意见，如觉得合适可以借鉴，对于结构及观点之类的我现在还没能力指出，因为这篇文章我真的不知道怎么去写好，大家可以讨论下的

[ 本帖最后由 0o0o_zsm 于 2007-1-17 00:00 编辑 ]