issue83 [米国有米］bailamo27第十次作业

bailamo27UID: 2191717

issue83. "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
(政府应该保留国家领土中公共拥有的荒凉地区，即使这些地区往往人迹罕至。)

Syllabus:
1.人类与环境是一个整体。人类是地球的一部分。人类的发展不能以牺牲生态环境为代价。对于环境生态的破坏有2种可能，一是自然灾害，如火山爆发，泥石流，地震等；二是人为的破坏，比自然灾害更可怕，因为生态系统有自我修复能力，自然灾害后，生态能经过一段时间得以修复，这是自然规律，但认为的破坏就会破坏这种自我修复能力，从而导致毁灭性的灾难。
2. 对于荒凉的地区，其自然修复能力其实是相当强的。早在人类出现以前，地球上的动植物就在反复的自然灾难中不断适应而生存下来。从理论上讲，如果人类不蓄意去破坏的话，就没有必要花大量人力物力和财力去保护它。但，整个地球的生态系统是一个整体，如果其他人口密集区的环境受到影响，那么全球的生态都会发生相应变化，如工业废气造成的温室效应，就会影响到南极的冰川等。所以，对于这些荒凉的人烟罕至的地区仍然有必要保护。
3.同时，不一定的人多的地方的环境才会遭到破坏，即使是几个人也可能对环境造成很大破坏。如，长期的大量砍伐，对动物的长期猎捕等行为，如果政府不保护这些地区，没人看管的话，这些不法份子会持续的搞破坏，最终导致濒临物种的彻底灭绝，其他物种面临灭绝边缘，大量植物被破坏，从而给人来带来灾难。所以，政府应该投入一定的资金和人力去保护这些地区的植被和动物等。
4.当然，一个国家的资金和人力是有限的。要保护好这些地区，需要人们自身加强保护意识，杜绝不法行为，政府也应尽力支持科学家及志愿者们的保护行动。同时，各国联合起来，可以在资金和人力上互相扶持，从而共同努力保护好我们仅有的这一个地球。
Full text: (time: 12:07—13:06, 455words)
We, human and environment are a whole system. Human is one part of this earth. The development of our society is unbelievable fast but which cannot destroy the ecological environment as price. There are two main potential possibilities that can destroy the ecological system. One is disasters of the nature, such as, volcanic eruption, mud-rock flow, earthquake and so on which we cannot anticipate precisely and to some extent that we cannot avoid; another is destroy of human being, which more worse and terrible than the former. Since people will cause damage to the self-repairing capability of the ecological system, consequently, tremendous calamities will be caused.

To some bare and remote areas, such as, the Sahara Desert, have strong self-repairing capability. Far before the emerge of human beings, kinds of animals and plants have survived catering to various harsh changes of environment.  In terms of theory (theortically), if people don’t destroy the environment intentionally, we don’t have to spend much time, money and labors to protect these areas, which can survive depending on their own repairing ability. However, in fact, it is not the case. The earth, as a totally complete ecological system, every parts can effect each other, it is obviously that environment of areas assembled with people can affect other places that even accessible to only a few people, consequently, influence the global environment. The very example is the green-house effect, which is caused by exhaust gas expelled by factories in one area, then this can even lead the Antarctic glacier to melt greater than ever before. So it is fatally important for people to protect areas even far away from metropolis.

Meanwhile, even areas which is accessible to just a few people can be destructed dramatically. For instance, long-term chop-down and endless hunt by some scoundrels. Supposing no any governmental laws or rules to keep these illegal actions away, the result will come out as extinct of animals and ruin of plants, following by unimaginable disasters. Till then, governments have to spend far more labors, financial aids and more time to make the ecological system to recovery. What’s worse is till then, now matter how exhausted efforts we make, the environment will not probably turn to its natural statues.

However, it is quite realistic, that financial supports, labors and time are limited for every country. Try to protect our family lands, the most emergency is to enhance people’s awareness of environmental protection, and related laws and reforms have to be carried out to ban illegal actions. Secondly, government should encourage scientists and volunteers to participate in the protecting programs. Additionally, countries should be united, and help each other financially and technically, in order to safeguard the only earth that we own together.

[ 本帖最后由 bailamo27 于 2007-1-21 13:54 编辑 ]

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

我先占个座位,今天上午给老板忙完就给你改,最近老板很麻烦,事又多,不好意思哦...

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

应JJ要求，我先改下
         

Syllabus:
1.人类与环境是一个整体。人类是地球 的一部分。人类的发展不能以牺牲生态环境为代价。对于环境生态的破坏有2种可能，一是自然灾害，如火山爆发，泥石流，地震等；二是人为的破坏，比自然灾害 更可怕，因为生态系统有自我修复能力，自然灾害后，生态能经过一段时间得以修复，这是自然规律，但人为的破坏就会破坏这种自我修复能力，从而导致毁灭性的灾难。
2. 对于荒凉的地区，其自然修复能力其实是相当强的。[这里不要一概而论，不同的生态系统的抵抗和恢复能力都不一样啊]早在人类出现以 前，地球上的动植物就在反复的自然灾难中不断适应而生存下来。从理论上讲，如果人类不蓄意去破坏的话，就没有必要花大量人力物力和财力去保护它。但，整个地球的生态系统是一个整体，如果其他人口密集区的环境受到影响，那么全球的生态都会发生相应变化，如工业废气造成的温室效应，就会影响到南极的冰川等。所 以，对于这些荒凉的人烟罕至的地区仍然有必要保护。
3.同时，不一定的人多的地方的环境才会遭到破坏，即使是几个人也可能 对环境造成很大破坏。如，长期的大量砍伐，对动物的长期猎捕等行为，如果政府不保护这些地区，没人看管的话，这些不法份子会持续的搞破坏，最终导致濒临物种的彻底灭绝，其他物种面临灭绝边缘，大量植物被破坏，从而给人来带来灾难。所以，政府应该投入一定的资金和人力去保护这些地区的植被和动物等。
4.当然，一个国家的资金和人力是有限的。要保护好这些地区，需要人们自身加强保护意识，杜绝不法行为，政府也应尽力支持科学家及志愿者们的保护行动。同时，各国联合起来，可以在资金和人力上互相扶持，从而共同努力保护好我们仅有的这一个地球。

            
  

第一眼看提纲好多啊-----请注意不要写那么多提纲然后翻译这样不好，提纲只是一个概览真正的东西要自己扩展开来，这样训练了写作时思维开阔的能力，考场上你总不能把中文背下来然后再翻译吧Full text: (time: 12:07—13:06,455words)

                              

We,human and environment are a whole system. Human is one part of this earth. Thedevelopment of our society is unbelievable fast[注意这里要加个逗号] but which cannot destroy the ecological environment asprice.[不用从句直接表达会更清晰] There aretwo main potential possibilities that can destroy the ecological system. One isdisasters of the nature, such as, volcanic eruption, mud-rock flow, earthquakeand so on which we cannot anticipate precisely and tosome extent [这个属于插入语前后都要加逗号] that[去掉] we cannotavoid; another is destroy of human being[人类的毁灭?应该是人类带来的毁灭吧], which more worse and terrible[worse不能用more修饰，把more放到terrible前面] than theformer. Since people will [已经造成了吧，换个完成时态]cause damageto the self-repairing capability of the ecological system, consequently,tremendous calamities will be caused.

[第一段最后来个总结，给出自己的观点比较好；汗捏---第一段错了好多啊，而且都是句子结构的错误，别忘了ETS6分要求只允许2—4个错误啊]
                  
To some bare and remote areas, such as, the SaharaDesert[这个例子举的不好], [前面是To开头的句式，所以这里得有主语，+个they]have strongself-repairing capability. Far before the emerge of human beings, kinds ofanimals and plants have [在人出现前，应该用had吧]survived catering to various harsh changes ofenvironment.  In terms of theory (theortically), if people don’t destroy the environment intentionally, wedon’t have to spend much time, money and labors to protect these areas, whichcan survive depending on their own repairing ability. [其实人类已经破坏了，这里就应该用虚拟语气啊] However, infact, it is not the case. The earth, as a totally complete ecological system,every parts can effect [affect]each other,[这里的逗号应该改为句号，用逗号的话句子显得混沌] it is obviously[obvious]that environment of areas assembled with people can affect other places thateven accessible to only a few people, consequently, influence the globalenvironment. The very example is the green-house effect, which is caused byexhaust gas expelled by factories in one area[怎会只有一个呢？不准确], then thiscan even lead the Antarctic glacier to melt greater than ever before. So it isfatally important for people to protect areas even far away from metropolis.

[开头便是以例子开头，缺少主题句，说理也不是很充分，例子也不是很好，这样使得最后的总结有些草率，不能使人信服]
               
Meanwhile, even areas which is accessible to just a few people can bedestructed dramatically. For instance, long-term chop-down and endless hunt bysome scoundrels. Supposing no any governmental laws or rules to keep these illegal actions away[说实话这个搭配不太合适，用forbidand punish ], the result will come out as extinct of animals and ruinof plants, following by unimaginable disasters. Till then, governments [+will] have to spend farmore labors, financial aids and more timeto make the ecological system to recovery.[这句话中一个more就可以修饰后面3个了] What’s worseis till then, now matter how exhausted efforts we make, the environment willnot probably turn to its natural statues.

[个人认为本段还可以发展，比如电影可可西里，后天，还有六年前曾经与布什角逐白宫大位的美国前副总统戈尔自编自导自演的新环保电影———《来之不易的真相》，一个是濒危动物，一个是讲气候，刚好适合发展本段，其实米国人很注重例子的，何况是总统的权威~~呵呵]
         
However, it is quite realistic,[不用逗号吧] thatfinancial supports, labors and time are limited for every country. Try toprotect our family lands, the most emergency is to enhance people’s awarenessof environmental protection,[用；分号] and relatedlaws and reforms have to be carried out to ban illegal actions. Secondly[前面没有firstly这里用next吧], governmentshould encourage scientists and volunteers to participate in the protectingprograms. Additionally, countries should be united, and help each otherfinancially and technically, in order to safeguard the only earth that we owntogether. [最后一段总结的不错]

                  

我好久没改你的文章了，怎么一改这么多错误啊，难道以前给你改的人都是敷衍？有敷衍了事者----请举报。个人觉得可以分为生态系统写，你字数太少了---以为中间发展的不够，其实中间的论证部分是最重要的，ETS要的是对题目深入透彻分析的文章，我觉得你中间的论证过于概括，其实分为生态系统可以进行深入透彻的分析写的很多，同时把内容重新分析一遍，如果你愿意再写一次，我还是会改的

[ 本帖最后由 ntmlgsz 于 2007-1-23 10:41 编辑 ]

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

Syllabus:
1.人类与环境是一个整体。人类是地球的一部分。人类的发展不能以牺牲生态环境为代价。对于环境生态的破坏有2种可能，一是自然灾害，如火山爆发，泥石流，地震等；二是人为的破坏，比自然灾害更可怕，因为生态系统有自我修复能力，自然灾害后，生态能经过一段时间得以修复，这是自然规律，但认为的破坏就会破坏这种自我修复能力，从而导致毁灭性的灾难。
2. 对于荒凉的地区，其自然修复能力其实是相当强的。早在人类出现以前，地球上的动植物就在反复的自然灾难中不断适应而生存下来。从理论上讲，如果人类不蓄意去破坏的话，就没有必要花大量人力物力和财力去保护它。但，整个地球的生态系统是一个整体，如果其他人口密集区的环境受到影响，那么全球的生态都会发生相应变化，如工业废气造成的温室效应，就会影响到南极的冰川等。所以，对于这些荒凉的人烟罕至的地区仍然有必要保护。
3.同时，不一定的人多的地方的环境才会遭到破坏，即使是几个人也可能对环境造成很大破坏。如，长期的大量砍伐，对动物的长期猎捕等行为，如果政府不保护这些地区，没人看管的话，这些不法份子会持续的搞破坏，最终导致濒临物种的彻底灭绝，其他物种面临灭绝边缘，大量植物被破坏，从而给人来带来灾难。所以，政府应该投入一定的资金和人力去保护这些地区的植被和动物等。
4.当然，一个国家的资金和人力是有限的。要保护好这些地区，需要人们自身加强保护意识，杜绝不法行为，政府也应尽力支持科学家及志愿者们的保护行动。同时，各国联合起来，可以在资金和人力上互相扶持，从而共同努力保护好我们仅有的这一个地球。 （提纲写的不错）
Full text: (time: 12:07—13:06, 455words)
We, human and environment are a whole system. Human is one part of this earth. The development of our society is unbelievable fast but which cannot destroy the ecological environment as price.(这句有问题，太饶了，写成个简单句会更好，如the development of our society is unbelievable fast but which uses destroy ecological enviroment as a price.你写的我看见有些晕啊。呵呵） There are two main（major吧） potential possibilities that can destroy the ecological system. One is disasters of the nature, such as, volcanic eruption, mud-rock flow, earthquake and so on which we cannot anticipate precisely and to some extent that we cannot avoid; another is destroy of（by） human being（加s不加的话前后感觉不通）, which more worse and terrible（这个好象应该颠倒一下吧） than the former. Since people will cause damage to the self-repairing capability of the ecological system, consequently, tremendous calamities will be caused. （说两句，开头的话要简洁，明了，考官看的也舒服，你也很放心，写这么多，感觉上，一是错误多，而且如果你第一段开不好头的话，会很影响考官对你的看法，这是我的一点体会，仅供你参考。）

（连接词还是必要的，这里加个连接词会感觉上好些）To some bare and remote areas, such as, the Sahara Desert, have strong self-repairing capability.（这里好象不通啊，建议修改to好象不能做主语的）Far before the emerge of human beings, kinds of animals and plants have survived catering to various harsh changes of environment.  In terms of theory (theortically), if people don’t destroy the environment intentionally, we don’t have to spend much time, money and（呵呵，笔误吧，否定句中能用and么？） labors to protect these areas, which can survive depending on their own repairing ability. However, in fact, it is not the case. The earth, as a totally complete ecological system, every parts can effect each other, it is obviously that environment of areas assembled with people can affect other places that even accessible to only a few people, consequently, influence the global environment. The very example is the green-house effect, which is caused by exhaust gas expelled by factories in one（some） area（areas）, then this can even lead the Antarctic glacier to melt greater than ever before. So it is fatally important for people to protect areas even far away from metropolis. （说两句狠点的话，你这一段可以说太失败了，中心句不好，例子不充分，感觉跑题了，呵呵。而且没有很强有力的说明为什么这样，为什么有必要，建议修改下吧，你写的话我还会给你改的，到时发pm给我。）

Meanwhile, even areas which is（which is多余） accessible to just a few people can be destructed dramatically. For instance, long-term chop-down and endless hunt（hunting） by some scoundrels. Supposing no any（晕啊，两个否定？用个no就可以了吧，也很简单） governmental laws or rules to keep these illegal actions away, the result will come out as extinct of animals and ruin of plants, following by unimaginable disasters. Till then, governments have to spend far more labors, financial aids and more time to make the ecological system to recovery. What’s worse is till then, now matter how exhausted efforts we make, the environment will not probably turn to its natural statues. （不深入，没深度，感觉没写完，有点敷衍的感觉哦。）

However, it is quite realistic, that financial supports, labors and time are limited for every country. Try to protect our family lands, the most emergency is to enhance people’s awareness of environmental protection, and related laws and reforms have to be carried out to ban illegal actions. Secondly, government should encourage scientists and volunteers to participate in the protecting programs. Additionally, countries should be united, and help each other financially and technically, in order to safeguard the only earth that we own together. （总结的是很好，可是总结的东西我在你文章中没有看到，呵呵。提点建议，重写吧，而且开头结尾不要太过复杂，重要的是你的逻辑和分析在你的body段里要很好的体现，开头结尾要很明了，让考官看了不头疼是比较好的，以上是我的一些看法，仅供你参考，有时间大家多讨论讨论。本篇blackswitch写的是不错的，建议去看看）